Chapter 19
Jett
Idrive the post-hole digger harder into the soil than I need to, especially with how soft the ground is from the storm earlier this week. It’s not a fancy gas-operated machine. No, it's one of those old-school metal ones.
How has it only been a few days since I was trapped inside Wren’s house with her? It feels like a lifetime ago. Hell, it feels like a storm every time Wren and I are near each other. Like Heaven and Hell colliding, casting the world in a black cloud.
I dig harder, muscles straining as I slam the digger into the earth.
Hauling another load of dirt to the side, I drop it into the pile forming.
Sweat beads on my forehead as the cotton t-shirt clings to my skin.
Thank God, I had an extra pair of jeans and work boots in the truck. I had to borrow socks from my grandpa.
The sound of my back door slamming haunts me. I feel like a dick for leaving the way I did, but I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stay in the house any longer with her.
Seeing her in my kitchen, wearing my shirt, brought a wave of pain to the surface.
She was pregnant. With our child. A daughter.
I clench my teeth so tight I’m afraid I’m going to break one. My jaw aches from the pressure.
How did our lives and our timeline get so screwed up?
I jam the metal into the ground again as my muscles scream. My palms burn raw as the calluses split. I’ll have new blisters in the morning, but the pain is welcomed. With the dirt dumped, I lean the tool against a fence post and turn toward the ATV I drove.
I need a cigarette.
“You know there are better ways to torture yourself, right?”
I shield my eyes with my hand and see Levi walking across the grassy pasture.
“What’d that dirt do to you?”
I grumble, walking over to the ATV and reaching into the cup holder for a pack of cigarettes. I tap the pack against my palm before flicking one out.
“Shit’ll kill you.”
Lighting the cigarette, I puff out a plume of smoke. “Something’s going to. Might as well enjoy it.”
Levi shakes his head as he leans against the ATV frame.
“What are you doing here?”
He shrugs. “I was in the area.”
“Bullshit. Nothing brings you to this area.”
He chuckles. “Dad said he had a feed delivery. Thought I’d bring it out myself.”
I turn my head and stare at him. “Really?”
“Nah, I heard a rumor. Figured I’d kill two birds with one stone.”
“Jesus Christ,” I grumble. I didn’t miss the gossip train while I was away.
The constant vibration in my pocket pulls my attention. I take a drag of my cig and dig out my phone.
Messages stack one after the other.
I scan over each problem from my foreman. Busted gates, sick calves, no-show farmhands. The list of shit never slows.
I finish my smoke, snubbing it out on the bottom of my boot and tossing the butt in my cup holder, before storming back to the fence.
“What’s the rumor now?”
Reaching for the post-hole digger, I go back to digging new holes.
“Heard you carried a princess out of the bar last night, but I know that can’t possibly be true.”
I grip the handle and slam the metal into the ground, harder than I mean to. Pain shoots up my arm as the wood jars against my hands.
“What were you thinking?”
I glare at him. “I was thinking she was wasted at a bar, and I needed to—”
“Rescue her?”
I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my forearm. “Something like that.”
“Your hero complex is showing, Riggsby.”
I laugh, sharp and humorless. “Well, it bit me in the ass last night.”
Levi slides a can from his pocket and pulls out a pouch, slipping it behind his lip.
“Shit’ll kill you,” I mock.
He chuckles. “Haven’t you heard? The new theory is that nicotine is actually good for you.”
I roll my eyes. “You ever feel like you’re trapped out at sea, and no matter how hard you paddle, you’re left in the same spot?”
“I’m a single dad; I feel like I’m drowning every day.”
Levi doesn’t give himself enough credit.
He never let becoming a teen dad—hell, a single one at that—stand in his way.
He stepped up to the plate when his daughter needed him.
Even through high school, he was a dad first—skipping games and nights out to be home with his daughter or picking up extra shifts at his parents’ feed store.
After he graduated from high school, he took classes to become a firefighter.
He’s worked his way up in the ranks, but through it all, he always shows up for Audrey.
Not to mention, he’s created his own family for himself and his daughter.
He might feel like he’s drowning, but from the outside looking in, he’s the type of parent I aspire to be.
And maybe, one day, I’ll get the chance.
“I was pissed when Wren came back to town. How dare she after all this time, right? But then, we were forced to be around each other, and I thought, shit, maybe this is our second chance.” I pull my cap from my head, running my fingers through my wild, damp locks. “She was pregnant.”
Levi’s eyes bug out. “Pregnant?”
“With our kid.”
“Jesus. You two can’t catch a fucking break.”
“No shit.” I dig a mint from my pocket, needing something to do. “Her birth date was yesterday. While she was grieving the loss of our child, where was I?”
Levi drags a hand over his face, shock and pain written all over it.
I shake my head. Everything I touch turns into pain. I never had a chance to love our daughter before the world was ripping her from me, but I would’ve loved her. I would have fought like hell to get back to Wren. But it doesn’t matter now.
“I would’ve stepped up.”
“Of course you would have. You’re a great guy, Jett.”
The distant sound of an engine roaring draws my attention. In the distance, I watch as a red four-wheeler speeds through the field. Cupping my hand over my eyes, I squint, trying to make out who’s heading this way.
“Heath and…” I trail off.
“Baker?” Levi questions.
Heath’s smile nearly takes over his face as he skids the four-wheeler to a stop next to my ATV. Baker flies into his back before he’s playfully punching him as he jumps off.
“You’re the worst driver,” Baker grumbles, wiping the dust off his shirt.
I nod toward them. “Talk later,” I tell Levi, letting him know I’m dropping this topic.
“Question…” Heath strides over, jumping right into his story.
“Here we go,” Levi grumbles.
“So do you think the department will get any complaints for a wardrobe malfunction?”
Levi stands straighter. “What’d you fucking do?”
“Got a call in town about a cat in a tree…”
I snicker, and Heath rolls his eyes. “I know, how cliche. As I was climbing over a fence—”
“Why were you climbing a fence?” Levi interrupts.
Heath tosses his arms to the side. “Would you let me finish?”
Levi flicks his wrist, gesturing for him to continue.
“As I was climbing over a fence, the pocket of my station pants hooked on the metal and ripped them clean down the ass.”
Baker shakes his head. “Tell them the best part.”
Heath’s face scrunches. “A group of women were walking down the sidewalk.”
“Please tell me you were wearing boxers.” Levi’s jaw tics, and Heath shrugs a shoulder. “Jesus. This better not turn into a nightmare.”
Baker fights his smile, a chuckle slipping free. “It’s already on The Bay Buzz with the caption, ‘Hot Seat.’”
A burst of laughter pops free as Levi grumbles something unintelligible before lecturing Heath on proper uniform. Baker walks toward me, humor slipping from his face.
“You good?”
I shrug. “Same shit, different day.”
“Wren?”
I snort a humorless laugh. “Isn’t it always?”
Baker doesn’t add any more, joining in on Levi and Heath’s conversation. I’m listening, but I can’t bring myself to contribute, not when my mind keeps drifting back to last night and what could have been.