29. Jake
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
jake
NINE YEARS AGO
Instrumental piano music trickled out of the church’s double doors as guests filed into the building.
Instead of slipping into the line of people, I stood in front of the stairs.
My spine stiffened, and my fingers curled into my palms, what remained of my fingernails digging into the sensitive flesh.
A big easel with a sign reading Welcome to the wedding of Adam and Caitlin stood on the sidewalk next to me beside a pot of obnoxiously bright flowers. I knew if Caitlin had a choice, she’d have white roses, not whatever these bright orange and yellow things were.
A few older folks nodded at me, uttering some hellos as they passed. Others stared at me like I’d grown two heads for just standing outside like an idiot.
My feet were rooted to the ground, though, tethered there like a dog on a leash.
“Are you here for the wedding?” one older woman asked, tilting her head like she was confused.
I was sure I looked a bit out of place with my dark-wash jeans and button-up shirt, but in my defense, I wasn’t exactly sure what “creative semi-formal” dress code meant.
Unfortunately for me, I showed up underdressed, if the men walking around in suits and the women in fancy dresses were any indication.
“Mm-hmm.” I nodded.
The woman looked me up and down, sizing me up. Then she made some sort of huffing noise and walked off.
Tough crowd.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out, unsure of who I was hoping it was.
Colter
You here, buddy?
Mrs. Morrison mentioned there was a guy outside who looked like he might be lost.
I’m guessing she was talking about you.
Yeah, I’m outside.
Colter
You should probably come in.
Adam’s family is known to make a scene.
I sighed, tucking my phone away. I wasn’t ready to go in.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready. But I’d been invited, and it would have been worse of me to leave. Especially when I knew it was Caitlin who made sure I was on the guest list. Adam probably would have rather been hit by a train than do that.
The idea of leaving and letting Caitlin down was like stabbing a thousand needles into my skin and tearing through flesh and bone.
With one final exhale, I gathered enough courage to walk up the steps and enter the church.
The foyer was crowded with people, all of them chatting about the upcoming festivities.
“Beautiful venue, isn’t it?” a man, whom I didn’t recognize, murmured to me as he took in the stained glass windows and church architecture.
“It is. Very much so,” I replied.
“Who are you here for?”
Swallowing down my pride and clearing my throat, I said, “The bride.”
“Ah.” He nodded, reaching out to pat me on the shoulder. “Well, better get in there so I can find the Mrs.”
In my head, I knew I should probably follow him instead of loitering here the same way I was outside. However, something tugged at my heart, telling me to stay put for just a few more minutes.
So, I did.
Just as I was about to enter the sanctuary, I caught a glimpse of her in the hallway, and even though I knew I should have left it alone and took my seat, I followed her, slipping away from the crowds.
She appeared to be pacing, moving back and forth from one end of the corridor to the other.
Her hair was pulled back into an intricate updo, and she had on her dress, although I was sure Adam had a hand in picking it because to me, it didn’t seem like her style.
The skirt was all wrong, and there was so much lace, she almost looked like one of those doilies my grandma used to have on her kitchen table.
Despite this, though, she looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her.
I stepped out into the light just as she turned around in my direction.
Her hand flew to her chest, and she sucked in a breath.
“Jake!” she hissed. “What are you doing back here?”
I stammered a bit, trying to find the words to say. “I saw you pacing. I-I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
Her brows pinched together, but she shook her head like she was clearing her thoughts. “Everything’s fine. You should go take your seat, they’re going to get started soon.”
“Right.” I rolled my lips between my teeth.
“I’ve gotta—” She gestured over her shoulder to whatever room she had come out of. “I’ll see you later, okay?” Spinning around on her heels, she began to walk back, her shoes clicking against the tile.
“Cait!” I called out, fighting the urge to run after her, sweep her off her feet, and carry her out of this church.
She froze, slowly turning to look at me over her shoulder.
Her body language told me she was calm, happy with the decision, but her eyes—the ones that reminded me of autumn and well-aged whiskey—gave her away.
Her eyes pleaded. Whether it was for me to leave or for me to say something, I wasn’t sure.
A montage of memories flooded my mind when a tear rolled down her cheek.
Smiles that felt like they’d been reserved for me after making her laugh, getting cookies at her favorite shop after getting kicked out of the bars, and teaching her new moves during events that the swing dancing club put on at the university.
I remembered every single phone call, every single text she sent me after Adam made her cry. Pulling her into my arms and holding her when she showed up at Colter and my apartment after they’d found out their parents filed for divorce.
Don’t marry him, I wanted to scream. Be with me instead.
“Congratulations. I’m happy for you.” The lie felt like sandpaper on my tongue, but it still wormed its way through my gritted teeth. “You look…beautiful.”
She looked down toward the ground then back up. Her lips curved into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Thanks, Jake,” she whispered. Then she disappeared, swept away by her bridesmaids, only to walk down the aisle toward the wrong man a mere fifteen minutes later.