Summer #3
I wish I could tell her he’s a means to an end. That falling for him isn’t a luxury I can afford. I swallow my words, I blink away that urge, and put up a faint smile.
“Are we seriously talking boys now?” Raven continues.
“More like weighing in our fucked-up-ness.”
“I never told you but I-I . . . Milo . . .”
The ring circles her finger more times than I could count.
“You were in love with Milo,” I voice out what I should’ve acknowledged years ago.
Raven suffered my brother’s indifference for so long.
But he wasn’t indifferent. His eye lingered on her more times than one could possibly imagine.
Maybe my father had the “don’t poop where you eat” conversation with my brother.
I couldn’t figure out anything else that could’ve prevented Milo from pursuing her.
Or was I too close to see the bigger picture?
I stood and watched as she endured, and failed her miserably with my inaction.
“He had feelings for you, but to this day I have no idea why he never acted on them.” I squeeze her hand, hoping for an absolution. “Forgive me for never knowing how to help you with that.”
Raven turns her face away from me, not uttering a single word. The way her body trembles gives away that she’s trying to choke down the tears. It takes a while, and I don’t rush her, nor do I say another word.
“Please come out of whatever you’re doing in one piece.”
She chooses to deflect again. The concern on her face is etched so deeply into the eleven between her brows that she might need Botox early because of me.
“I will. But I’ll have to keep a low profile. For a while, we’ll have to see each other like this.”
“Do you need money?”
“No. I have a translating gig which pays well.” It doesn’t pay that well, but if I tell her I need money for a runaway fund, I’ll worry her further.
“Okay. But if there’s the slightest sign of danger, you’ll let me in on the details.”
“Promise.” One I will break.
Silence engulfs us, and tonight, it speaks volumes.
Her head resting on my shoulder and my arm draped over her, is our way of being there for each other, acknowledging how much we’ve both lost. The man we loved with all our hearts.
This is the type of consolation only she could ever give me.
The one where we both know everything we want to say—all those stories Milo gave us as precious memories—yet we keep them running in our minds in silence, because neither of us is strong enough to voice them. Not today.
“In all those months, was my birthday the only time you came to me? That was you, wasn’t it.”
That’s how she decides to break the silence after more than an hour. There was no way I could miss her birthday without leaving her a gift.
Caressing her hair, I take a deep breath, ready to admit what I think I shouldn’t.
“I’ve been sneaking into your place at night and following you around more times than you could imagine.”
The way she pulls away and the amount of white her eyes flash are hints I should probably keep under wraps the fact I almost killed Link when he broke into her place, before I realized he wasn’t there with a . . . nefarious intent.
I don’t want to let go of her when it’s time to part. Raven’s a reminder of home, of the good times that are no more.
“You know I’m not the murderous kind, but I’ll kill anyone and everyone for you. I love you, Maeve!” Those are the last words she says before gathering the strength to turn and leave.
I head for my place at a deliberately slow pace, dreading that the only family I have left went in another direction, while I’m going to an empty dorm room that holds nothing for me.
A familiar face pops in the distance. Will.
He must’ve taken a hell of a beating from Atlas, because he looks all shades of wrong, bruises marring his features.
The moment his gaze pins on me, he turns and heads in the opposite direction, away from me.
Witnessing what my actions account for, though not entirely undeserved, makes me question how much collateral I’m willing to allow before I no longer feel like a decent person.
But then the memory of my dance with Atlas pushes those qualms aside. Once more, he’s invading my mind—uninvited, unwanted, unasked for—yet there to stay all the way to my dorm.
I reach for the keycard in my bag, letting another memory surface—one of him, standing shirtless in front of my room, bracing himself on the doorframe, holding back, even though I did tease him.
The smile those memories evoke vanishes when a hand clamps over my mouth, slamming me against the wall so violently that the pain exploding in my head turns blinding.
My eyes close shut, and everything’s spinning even though I’m not moving an inch. The ringing in my ears is so loud that it silences my racing pulse.
This is not Atlas.
It’s not his touch. Not his scent. And most of all—he’d never hurt me like this.
My head thumps like drums are being played inside, nails driven in with each hit and hammered right into my cranium.
I force my eyes to peel open, attempting to combat the blurriness and pinpoint the object of my distress.
Let’s see whose regrets will come with a dental bill.