1. Chapter One #2
He tried to clear his mind and focus on what he’d been asked.
“No. No signs yet.”
Briene nodded approvingly, although Rafi didn’t know if he was strong enough to sense what Rafi had done. Strength and skill with aer varied. Instructors tended to have some talents there, but Briene was not even technically a swersoldi, so he might be as sense-blind to it as most people.
“Twenty is a bit late for your first aedis.”
Twenty was a bit late, even for a nex, who went through the fires of sexual longing in their aedis like miná did but usually when nearer to eighteen than to sixteen.
Aedis happened a few times a year, unless the miná was pregnant or ill or too old, and lessened in severity as they aged, or settled down into married life, or took regular lovers—or so Rafi understood.
The similar occurrence for miné, perforis, began to happen to them around the same time, although only once a year, and the timing of that changed if the miné settled down with a steady partner or two.
Most people believed that was the best time to conceive, when miné and miné had their days of longing together.
The tales about conception might have been fantasy or might not; it hardly mattered to Rafi as a nex.
That was what nex meant, for a minex, the proper name, was neither and both.
Nex might look more like a miné or more like a miná, but what they experienced was termed an aedis by healers, though they could not reproduce.
A normal, natural part of life, unless one had the ability to interact directly with aer but had not learned to fully control that ability yet.
Then the wild feelings of what would have been called a heat in an animal were more likely to create problems. Too much aer, causing damage.
Too little aer, if the miná or the nex pushed it all away.
Rafi should have made friends with an older student in the academy or someone his age who had the necessary skill to control not only their own aer but Rafi’s as well.
Some of those with money hired bedworkers for their initial heats, or willing mages if they needed someone to control their aer.
It was whispered that some did this even beyond those first heats because they enjoyed losing control in bed.
Rafi, a fourth child of an unimportant family, had no such funds.
He also had no friends who could perform the task, something he had avoided thinking about.
But nature taking the choice away from him, while embarrassing, would have allowed him to escape a moment like this in which he had to admit he had no one.
“Well,” Instructor Briene carried on, oblivious to Rafi’s thoughts, “that means your aedis might hit any day now, as I’m sure you must be aware.”
“One of the isolation rooms will do, I thought.” Rafi was pleased his voice didn’t break.
A windowless tower room, meant to contain any damage from an uncontrolled aer-manipulator in the throes of a heat or a rut, was not the worst prospect, although it would be a miserable experience and he couldn’t help but feel some shame for having no other options.
“My friends here are not in full control yet either,” he explained, “or are in the sort of pairing where they are not inclined to share.” He took no offence at that, as he had assured both Katoh and Laure.
He was even glad they wanted each other that much. They deserved that sort of happiness.
“There’s really no one?” Briene persisted, giving Rafi a quick once over.
Rafi would have assumed he was thinking of the stories around nex.
Nex could not reproduce and therefore could not inherit titles, and for some, that meant the freedom to live and fuck without consequence.
But Briene must not have been thinking about that because he added, “No sweetheart from home we could summon? I hate to think of you suffering needlessly during what ought to be a fun time.”
It was only until Rafi mastered control.
Perhaps another year if he worked hard and stopped allowing stray thoughts to ruin his concentration.
Aedis every few months, with the first one undoubtedly being the worst since he wouldn’t know what to expect.
But they would probably grow easier over time, and maybe he’d find someone willing to help.
“I don’t mind being alone,” Rafi lied, shivering as he became more aware of the chill in the air. “It’s not anything personal.” He wondered if anyone else ever had to reassure their teacher like this. “There simply isn’t any student here who is available and also has skill enough to help me.”
“And yet you didn’t visit Emma to discuss plans.” For a moment, Briene’s attention was sharp on Rafi, or perhaps on Rafi’s aer.
There was nothing to discuss, as Rafi had just said as delicately as he’d been able. A rush of spirit from the garden flooded into his veins, encouraging his brief spike of irritation. He forced it from him with real effort because he had a year left at the academy and didn’t wish to cause trouble.
“I’m not the first with no options.” He left his more bitter thoughts unexpressed.
“There are options.” Briene was cross, apparently with Rafi’s situation rather than Rafi himself, although Rafi stayed quiet anyway to be sure.
“A student with your strength can be hindered by something like this. Aer left to run wild can be harder to get back under control. You might end up here another year.”
A cost Rafi’s family would not want to pay.
Rafi straightened and shoved his curls back behind his ears. “I’ll meditate more. Take on more studies and lessons.”
“This is ridiculous. Are your classmates without senses? You’re comely enough and I thought they respected you.”
Rafi flushed beneath his thin shirt and yet wasn’t warmed by the heat.
It was said that the higher nobles liked to have attractive swersoldi around them, so the matter of looks was something the students often discussed when imagining future placements.
Rafi was not the charming, beautiful ideal of a swersoldi but he had the brown-gold coloring of most people from his region, and though his freckles spoke of a childhood in which he’d be left to roam outside unsupervised, and his curls did not fall decoratively against his neck when tied with a ribbon, he was, as Briene said, comely enough.
He’d make a decent ornament in a noble’s or even a royal’s home while he protected them.
That was not the issue. Instructor Briene must not be able to sense what Rafi could.
“It’s more that they cannot control my aer,” he informed Briene softly, not wishing to offend.
But Briene only stared at him, apparently unoffended. “If it’s that strong, then the issue is even more important. No signs at all? Not sweating more, seemingly at random, or more—pardon me—lascivious thoughts than usual? Have you started noticing smells beyond what anyone might notice?”
About to shake his head, Rafi hesitated.
“Only once,” he admitted because he rather had to with Briene watching like a hawk. “And that was… that was nothing like an aedis.” Or so he guessed. He had no way to know except the descriptions of the experience from others.
Briene’s expression was as doubtful of that as it should have been. “So yes, there was a sign. You’re going to have to choose someone.”
Rafi’s heart seized. The pity from Briene was bad enough. The indignity of begging for help would have made anyone flinch.
Shane and resentment rose hot in him before Rafi pushed them away. Thus was the way of later children in any large family, forever forced to make lackluster choices, to make do. It was only his misfortune to be at the academy when there were no available miné to help him.
Under any circumstances, when aedis approached, the choice of partner was always up to the nex or the miná who needed one.
Or the miné, in their once-a-year perforis, but that caused far less fuss and worry than aedis did, perhaps because a rutting miné could be satisfied with a hole in a barrel, or so the expression went.
Or perhaps it was that rut was merely a once-a-year problem and not an every-few-months problem.
If a miné was asked to help with an aedis, they could of course refuse, but Rafi hadn’t seen many do so.
The pleasure was evidently worth several days’ inconvenience.
“Truly, no one interests you who would do?” Briene was disbelieving, and maybe was right to, since Rafi was lying.
“It doesn’t need to be a sweetheart or even someone you like.
You aren’t looking to marry and certainly aren’t thinking romantic ideas about aertotius.
It’s a matter of physical needs and control, and if there is someone who has caught your eye or whose scent appeals to you, we could—I could—talk to them for you if you wish. ”
“I wasn’t hoping for any of that.” Rafi shivered again. “I know what’s possible.”
“I’d help you myself but my wife is ferocious about these matters, as I am sure the school gossips have told you.” Briene was stiff, embarrassed about that or unhappy at the idea of bedding Rafi, or perhaps any nex.
Rafi had heard some gossip about Briene and his wife, but it had been about them trying for children and not anything else.
He kept that from his face as best as he could, along with any thoughts about Brienne in bed with him.
That would be humiliating too. Bedded and soothed out of pity, but that was how this was going to go for Rafi no matter what, unless he was relegated to an isolation room.
Briene drew himself up. “I know most of the older students leave for other assignments or would rather spend their free time carousing in the capital and fighting with students from lesser schools, but are all the final-year students truly…?” He clucked his tongue.
“I can speak with the healers if you will not, but I suspect their advice will be the same as mine.”