Chapter 12
“You’re doing it again,” Bea said as Rosalind checked her dress in the mirror, making sure her hair was in order.
“What?” Rosalind turned to her. “What am I doing again?”
“You’re hiding your face. I thought you were going to start keeping it out of the way.” Bea tilted her head to one side. “The earl doesn’t mind, so why are you covering up?”
Rosalind then noticed that she’d carefully adjusted her hair to hide the worst of the scars. She hadn’t been thinking; it was just a normal reaction. Sighing, she began to unpin her hair.
“I suppose I’m thinking about courtesy,” she said. “I don’t want to get a foot wrong.”
Bea laughed, crossing the room and picking up a hairbrush from the dresser on the way.
“I don’t think you need to worry about that. Lord Ravensmuir has seen your face plenty of times over the last few days, and he’s never flinched at you.”
“I know…”
“In fact, I don’t think he even notices the scar.” Bea gave her a sly look. “If you catch my meaning?”
Rosalind frowned. She didn’t like the implication. She was aware that Cormac kept looking at her, and it made her hot and flushed, she pushed it away. She wasn’t sure why she felt like that.
Whatever it was, it felt wrong and right at the same time.
She scowled as the final pin was taken out, and Bea began to brush her hair.
“You’re just imagining things, Bea. Lord Ravensmuir is just being a kind neighbor, that’s all.”
“Really?”
“Yes, that’s all it is. So you shouldn’t imagine it for something else.”
Rosalind didn’t add that she didn’t want to get her hopes up in the thought that Cormac might see her as much. That felt like a betrayal to behave that way, especially when it wasn’t long ago that William had died. Rosalind felt guilty that she was finding another gentleman attractive.
She needed to remain objective, keep Cormac at arm’s length. But the more times he visited, the more the feeling grew. Rosalind couldn’t bring herself to say no and to stop. Besides, he was going to notice her scars sooner rather than later, and they would get in the way.
It was best just to leave it alone and focus on her son.
It didn’t take long to get to Ravensmuir, the sun shining above and the sky a bright blue, no clouds in the sky. From what everyone had told Rosalind, it wasn’t often to get such lovely weather for a long period of time. It was mostly gray and overcast, and snow would make everything impassable.
Things were different right now, and Rosalind liked it.
There was something calming about it, especially when she could hear the birds above their heads in the trees, and she saw some deer in the distance, grazing happily in the undergrowth.
There were a couple of foxes scampering across the ground between bushes, and a few squirrels clambering up and down trees.
Theo looked out with her, his eyes wide and sparkling as he took everything in.
“It’s so pretty,” he breathed.
Rosalind smiled and kissed his head. “It certainly is.”
They reached Ravensmuir, and Hamish was walking across the courtyard toward them, looking like he’d just finished having a wash, his jaw clear of any beard. Bea made a strange noise that had Rosalind looking over at her in confusion.
“What’s the matter with you?”
“Oh, nothing!” Bea’s face went bright red. “My apologies, that wasn’t supposed to come out.”
Rosalind laughed as she was helped out first, Theo jumping out behind him, and then Bea joined them. Hamish held onto her hand a moment longer before releasing it and turning to bow at Rosalind and Theo.
“Lady Ellingham. Lord Ravensmuir is in the stables. He’s got something to show you.”
“What is it?” Theo brightened. “Is it another horse?”
But Hamish simply winked at him and turned away. Bea immediately fell into step beside him, and they began to talk. Rosalind smiled as she and Theo followed on behind. It was almost like the two of them had forgotten they were with company.
Cormac was coming out of one of the stalls as they entered the stables. He’d gone down to his shirt sleeves and was shrugging into his jacket. He looked sweaty and exhausted, but Rosalind couldn’t help but admire him as he put his jacket on, the way his body moved and shifted under his shirt.
What was wrong with her? She must have slept badly during the night if she was starting to see Cormac as something other than a helpful neighbor. Maybe she needed to go back to her bedchamber once they returned.
Or maybe it was due to the isolation that Cormac was becoming more attractive. Maybe that was it.
He turned and smiled warmly at them, his gaze lingering on Rosalind before turning to Theo as the boy ran over.
“Good morning, young man.”
“What have you got to show me?” Theo asked without greeting back. “Do you have another horse for me to see?”
“No, not that. But I thought you’d like to see something adorable.” He led the boy toward the stall. “The stable manager has a cat, and she’s just had kittens.”
“Kittens?” Theo squealed.
“During the night. We’ve been keeping an eye on them. They’re still very tiny, and they haven’t got their eyes open, but you can have a look if you want.”
Theo looked up with delight at Rosalind, and she couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness. Theo did love kittens and puppies. He always wanted to play with them, and the giggles that came out of him were adorable.
“Can I, Mama?” Theo asked. “Please?”
“You don’t need to ask, Theo. Just make sure you’re careful.”
“I will!”
Cormac nodded at Hamish with a smile. “Why don’t you show him? And Miss Lowe can look as well, if she likes?”
Bea bit her lip and nodded. “I’d like to. Kittens are adorable.”
“Then would you like to follow me?” Hamish beckoned her to follow. “You, too, Theo. Just make sure you’re quiet and gentle.”
The three of them entered the stall, and Rosalind heard her son gasp in awe. Cormac watched her thoughtfully.
“Would you like to see them as well?” he asked.
“I can do that later. I don’t want to overwhelm the poor things.” Rosalind looked around. “I’m sure they’ll be fine for a few minutes. I might just look at your horses.”
“Thinking of asking for another one?” He chuckled as she blushed. “It’s fine, I’m pleased you want to look. My horses are my pride and joy.”
“What about Ravensmuir? Do you have anything else that brings you pride and joy?”
“A few things, but I love my horses. I make sure they’re looked after more than anything. I think they’re better taken care of even more than myself.”
Rosalind smiled. “I don’t quite believe that.”
“Sometimes, neither do I.”
They began to walk around the stables, Cormac pointing at each of his horses and giving a little story about them.
Rosalind let this sink in, enjoying the moment with him.
She found herself listening to his Scottish brogue, feeling it wash over her like a blanket that wrapped around her. It was warm and rich, and she liked it.
She could hear Theo laughing, and that made her settle enough. It was nice to hear him enjoying himself. Hamish was likely keeping him entertained. And Bea would be enjoying the time with Hamish, if the way she behaved around him was anything to go by.
“It’s good that he’s laughing and having fun,” Cormac remarked after another squeal from the stall. “I hope he’s not upsetting the kittens, though.”
“I’m sure they’re fine.” Rosalind laughed as Theo ran out of the stall with Bea chasing him.
“At least he’s in good spirits. I did worry that I wouldn’t get him to smile again.
He adored his father, and he was broken when he was told about his death.
And there were moments when he asked if William was…
was coming back. It seemed to get mixed up in his head that when his father was gone, it just meant he would be away for a while. ”
Cormac gave her a sympathetic look. “He’s only seven. It’s understandable. Children can be perceptive, but sometimes if you talk to them vaguely about a subject, they’re not going to properly understand.”
“I did explain, but I think it was the part of his mind that refused to believe William was dead.” Rosalind swallowed. “I felt my heart break each time he said that.”
“I can imagine. I don’t know if I’d be able to break news like that to a child.”
“Let’s hope you never have to.”
They walked around the stables in silence, following Hamish and Bea as they chased a laughing Theo around the side of the house and into the huge gardens at the back. It was more lavish than Corrieden, and there was something enchanted about it, like they were stepping into a magical land.
Rosalind stopped and stared at her surroundings, wondering how she’d missed it the last time she had visited. Maybe she hadn’t been properly paying attention.
“What are you thinking?” Cormac asked, both of them watching as Theo was chased around the base of a huge oak tree.
“I’m not sure. Things are just… I get that way when I think about William and what happened to him.” Rosalind shuddered. “To have him die next to me, to be that close and yet I couldn’t give him any comfort or try to save his life… that does haunt me.”
Cormac turned his gaze to her, and Rosalind glanced away. Something about his eyes were too intense for her, and she couldn’t look at him. Especially after talking about something as delicate as someone’s death.
“You couldn’t have done anything,” Cormac said gently. “Even if you hadn’t been hurt yourself…”
“I would’ve forgotten about my own injuries to make sure he was alive.
I wouldn’t care if it meant he lived.” She meant it as well.
Her fingers brushed against her scars. “It’s difficult to control my emotions when I think about it.
I can recall everything happening, apart from the moment we crashed and I lost consciousness.
But everything else… it’s in clear color, and it’s frightening. ”
She could still see William in her mind’s eye. He was in a heap in the mess of the ruined carriage, blood on his face and head, and his body was in an unnatural position. Rosalind had shaken him weakly, trying to get him to respond, but it had been no use.
She could feel the tears building again, and she forced them away. She wasn’t going to cry, not in front of Cormac.
“Losing someone is never easy,” Cormac said quietly.
He’d also turned away, hunching himself in his jacket.
“I was in Edinburgh when I received word that my father was dying, that he wanted to see me. But I didn’t get there in time.
I was delayed by the snow, which was so bad nobody could get through it.
By the time I was able to get past the snowdrifts and reach here, Father…
well, he was gone, and his funeral was already being arranged. ”
Rosalind felt her heart go out to him. She couldn’t begin to imagine how Cormac felt, rushing back to his ill parent, only to be there too late.
“I couldn’t do more than simply bury him,” Cormac continued, his voice croaking. “It’s just… I wish I’d not been in Edinburgh. I’d gone for my own selfish reasons. If I’d stayed…”
“You didn’t know it was going to happen,” Rosalind said gently. “You couldn’t have known it was going to be that way when you were gone.”
“I know, but…”
“It doesn’t matter if you were there or on the other side of the country. Just because you came too late doesn’t mean the grief should be any less.” Rosalind laid a hand on his arm. “Love is not measured by how soon it takes to get to a bedside.”
“Do you think that?”
“I do. If you love someone, they’re going to know regardless. And if they know about the love, then that’s them forgiving you for not being there immediately. Love is… well, it makes things easier and harder at the same time.”
He stared at her, his eyes drifting over her face.
Rosalind felt a little self-conscious with him looking at her, and she lowered her face, putting her hand up to cover her scars.
She didn’t know why she suddenly felt ashamed after spending plenty of time with him.
He’d barely noticed her scars before, no flinching at all.
And yet she still felt embarrassed for revealing it.
“Rosalind?”
Rosalind didn’t look up. She felt like she couldn’t. Then his fingers brushed against her chin, which made her jump. He gently pushed up.
“Look at me, Rosalind.”
She knew that she shouldn’t. But it was difficult to deny him as he urged her to look up, to look at his face.
He was standing closer than she thought, the heat from his body permeating from him.
He gave her a slight smile, and seemed to be taking in everything in front of him.
Rosalind looked into his eyes and found that she wanted to fall into them, to let him hold her and believe that he was not embarrassed by what he saw. That he saw beyond the scars.
His breath was tickling her mouth, and Rosalind realized he might be close to kissing her. She let out a slight gasp, and that seemed to break the spell. Clearing his throat, Cormac jumped back and put space between them.
“Forgive me,” he mumbled, absently brushing himself down. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was…”
“I know,” Rosalind murmured. “It was…”
She didn’t know what he’d been about to say, and she wasn’t even sure what she was saying in response. Cormac was breathing heavily, looking a lot more flustered than she felt. Then he abruptly turned away.
“We might want to go and rescue Theo from Hamish,” he said quickly. “He’ll be exhausted being chased all morning.”
Rosalind watched him walk away, stunned by what had just passed between them.
It didn’t make any sense. She’d come up to Scotland to be unseen and hide away from everyone.
She had made a promise not to do anything stupid and keep to herself.
And yet here she was spending time with an enigmatic neighbor who was more making her feel guilty for even contemplating that he was handsome.
She needed to remember why she was here. And that should be enough to keep her grounded.