Chapter 19
Rosalind wanted to speak to Cormac, to go back to how things were, but she couldn’t. Not without feeling the distaste in her mouth and how foolish she felt.
She wished she hadn’t entertained Lady Carlisle.
She’d come by to visit Julian earlier in the week, and while they waited, Lady Carlisle had gone into a spiel about her and Cormac.
Rosalind had tried to ignore it, but she couldn’t help herself, especially when the other woman spoke so fondly about him.
“You know, Cormac and I have known each other for years,” Lady Carlisle had said, turning away from the window to give Rosalind a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “We truly care about each other, and even if we argue, we’re not going to be at odds for long. Our quarrels have been forgotten now.”
“Have they?” Rosalind squeaked, and inwardly hated that she sounded so weak. She shifted awkwardly on her chair. “That’s good news. Nobody should be angry at others of something that can be worked out.”
“I know.” Lady Carlisle beamed at her. “And we’ve gone back to our old arrangement. I didn’t think it would be possible, but Cormac said he never stopped loving me. He still does.”
Rosalind didn’t respond, but it felt like someone had taken a knife to her heart. Cormac planned to marry Lady Carlisle.
She recalled the look on his face when the woman had entered the room during that evening when the ball was happening; he hadn’t been pleased to see her at all. Had it all been an act? Had she been deceived?
“I see,” she murmured finally, aware that Lady Carlisle was looking at her expectantly, waiting for a response. “I can tell that you’re excited about it. Does this mean you plan to marry him?”
“Yes. As soon as I’m out of mourning, we’ll be married.” Lady Carlisle clasped her hands to her chest in a contented sigh. “I’m so happy that he is willing to wait. It’s been so long since we were together, and it’s like this is where I deserve to be.”
“I see.”
There wasn’t much Rosalind could say to that. Cormac still held a candle for Lady Carlisle, and he was keen to get back into her good graces. It had worked, from the looks of it.
So all the times she and Cormac had been together, looking as if something was happening between them… He kept looking at her, his expression suggesting something more. Had it all been a lie? Or had she been thinking too much into it?
It made her nauseous, knowing that she’d been taken in. She’d mistaken his kindness for something more, and now Rosalind felt foolish.
The words from that conversation with Lady Carlisle were still in her head as she watched Theo play with his new kitten, Bea talking to Hamish as if they’d forgotten everyone else.
Cormac was now standing near her, looking awkward.
Was he about to tell her that he was in love with Lady Carlisle and planned to marry her soon?
She didn’t want to hear it.
“I feel like things are brighter when I’m here,” Cormac said quietly. “There’s something that always draws me back, even when I’m told to stay away.”
That caught her by surprise. What was he talking about? She frowned at him.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I just couldn’t keep away. I find there’s more joy here than anywhere else.” He smiled at her. “Don’t you think that things are better here? That it’s brighter than before.”
Rosalind didn’t know what to say. She was confused. What was going on? It felt like he was drawing her into a false sense of security. Before she could say anything in response, she heard Julian calling her name.
He was walking toward her with the visitor who had arrived earlier, slightly behind him with his head bowed a little. Rosalind hadn’t been introduced to him yet, but there was something about him that set her on edge. Why would he be here now? Julian hadn’t said anything about a visitor.
“What’s going on here?” Julian raised his eyebrows at Theo as he played with Dinnsear. “Why has Theo got a kitten?”
“Lord Ravensmuir brought him one. Theo’s been desperate for one since he first saw them.” Rosalind smiled as she watched her son delicately stroke the cat, who was now happily sitting in his lap. “He loves it.”
“Are you sure he can look after it? He’s only a child, Rosalind.”
“The servants can help, as can I. It’s not going to be neglected.”
Julian grunted, clearly not looking happy about it. Then he turned to his companion, who was still not looking directly at Rosalind.
“This is an acquaintance of mine, Sir Crispin Vane. He came here to talk about some business with me. This is my sister-in-law, Lady Rosalind Ellingham.”
Rosalind gave Sir Crispin a curtsy, but he barely looked over before turning away. It was as if he was embarrassed to look at her.
That sparked annoyance in Rosalind’s chest. It wasn’t polite, and he was choosing to avoid her gaze. Was he ashamed of the scars she displayed? She’d only just gotten used to not hiding her face; she wasn’t about to change again.
“Ravensmuir.” Julian sounded coldly bemused as he looked at Cormac, who was regarding him with a stony expression. “I thought you would’ve left by now. You delivered the kitten, yes?”
“I wanted to be sure that Theo liked his gift,” Cormac said stiffly.
“Well, Lord Ellingham likes his gift, clearly. We’ve taken up far too much of your time, don’t you think?”
Cormac frowned, tilting his head to one side. Julian was dismissing him, and Rosalind found she didn’t want Cormac to leave. She felt better knowing he was there, even with his heart somewhere else. She didn’t want Cormac to go.
Especially if Sir Crispin was there. She didn’t like the look of him. He was fat and greasy, and didn’t look like he took care of himself properly. She was sure there was a smell coming from him, like he’d used too much scent to cover up something. It made her eyes sting.
“We’ve not taken up anything, Julian,” she said. “Lord Ravensmuir has been very kind, and he’s looked after us for a long time.”
Julian grunted. “Maybe he should prioritize himself. He’s got Lady Carlisle to think about now she’s back. I’m sure they’ve got much to talk about.”
Something passed across Cormac’s face, his eyes narrowing and his mouth thinning.
“I don’t think you should be telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, my lord,” he said tightly. “I know where my priorities lie, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“Are you sure about that? I’m certain Lady Carlisle would be delighted to see you today. Aren’t you meant to be calling on her today? Or is she calling on you?”
Cormac said nothing, still glowering at Julian. Rosalind could see he was trying to hold something back, but it was a struggle. She wanted to know what he was thinking, but not in front of Julian and the stranger. That was something private between them.
“I think maybe you shouldn’t keep her waiting,” Julian said smoothly, his lips curving in a slight smirk.
“And what about you, my lord?” Hamish appeared at Cormac’s side. “I thought you were quite sweet on Lady Carlisle. I’ve heard you two were… close.”
Julian shrugged. “She’s a beautiful woman, and I can appreciate that.
But it’s clear that it’s not me that has her heart.
And I don’t think I could ever compare with that.
” He looked at Sir Crispin. “I don’t think we should delay you any longer, my lord.
My sister-in-law and I have things to be discussed imminently. ”
Rosalind frowned. “What are you talking about, Julian? I’m not aware of…”
“It’s something we’re going to talk about inside.” He laid a hand on her arm. “Come along. I’m sure Lord Ravensmuir can see himself out.”
“But…”
Rosalind looked at Cormac, hoping that he would say something, but he simply nodded silently and turned away, a dark look on his face. That was when her heart sank. This was how he felt about it. He’d been released from his duty of looking after her.
It was only just until he passed her to someone else.
But if that was the case, why did he look so angry?
As she watched Cormac and Hamish mount their horses, Hamish giving his master and friend a worried look, Bea sidled up to Rosalind’s side.
“I’ll stay out here with Theo,” she said quietly.
“Actually, Miss Lowe, I would like you to take Theo in for his lessons,” Julian said sharply, giving her a scathing look. “He should be doing them right now.”
Bea blinked. “But…”
“No arguments, unless you would like to find employment elsewhere?” He raised his eyebrows. “I won’t have the servants talking back to me.”
Bea flinched and reeled back like she’d been slapped. Rosalind was bewildered. Julian had been cold to the governess before, but he’d never said anything like that before. She stared at him.
“Why are you talking to her like that? You don’t need to be so rude.”
Julian fixed a hard stare on her. “You’ve let her relax too much, Rosalind. What’s more important? Making sure that your son has a good education, or playing outside?”
“Both are important! And Bea knows what she’s doing!”
He shook his head. “You don’t know that. This is why he should go to a proper school, one where he’ll be whipped into shape. He’ll get a better education.”
Rosalind couldn’t believe they were having this conversation again. She’d made her feelings clear about it before, and she wasn’t about to be ignored. She folded her arms.
“Do you listen to anything I say? I said I don’t want that for him. And you’re not going to force my hand, Julian.”
He blinked, taking half a step back. Did he not think she was going to argue with him about this in front of a stranger? Rosalind didn’t care, not after the way Julian had spoken to Cormac.
He might have seen him looking out for her as a duty, but that didn’t mean he had to be treated badly.
Sir Crispin cleared his throat.
“I think we should go inside,” he said to Julian. “We’ve got things to discuss.”
“Right. Of course.” Julian dusted himself down as Sir Crispin headed toward the house. “Then we’ll move into the house. Miss Lowe, take Theo to do his lessons right now. And get rid of that cat.”
“No!” Theo wailed. “I want Dinnsear with me!”
“Do as you’re told!”
Theo flinched, holding his kitten to his chest. Tears filled his eyes. Bea urged him to his feet and took his hand.
“Come on, Master Theo,” she whispered. “Let’s go inside. We can sort something out.”
Giving Julian a hard look, she gave the man a wide berth and led Theo toward the house. Rosalind shook her head.
“You shouldn’t speak to Theo like that. What’s wrong with you?”
“Maybe I should make things clear. I’m the one who makes the decisions for this family, especially with Theo still being a child.”
“I’m his mother, and I’ll be making his decisions for him.”
But her brother-in-law simply shook his head. “William wanted me to look after you, and I’m going to do it.”
“That’s not…”
“Anyway, come and get acquainted with Sir Crispin. He’s come all the way to see you.” Julian steered her toward the house. “I think you’ll be quite charmed by him.”
“To see me?” Rosalind stopped and pulled her arm away. “Charmed by him? What are you talking about?”
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Rosalind, you’re a widow. A woman who needs a husband. And I thought…”
“You thought a man like Sir Crispin would be ideal for me?” Rosalind asked with a clipped tone. “You didn’t want to take my feelings into account?”
“I’m doing what’s best for you.”
“Then let me decide for myself. I don’t appreciate you picking out a husband for me.”
Julian pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I think you need someone to be a guiding hand. You need someone to be a protector and father figure to Theo, don’t you? Someone who can look after both of you until he comes of age. Otherwise, you’re on your own…”
“What about you?” Rosalind pointed out. “You keep talking about needing to be Theo’s guardian…”
“I’m flattered you think of me as marriage material, but it wouldn’t work between us…”
Rosalind felt her face getting hot. “That’s not what I meant…”
“Anyway, Sir Crispin is a good man. He might not look like much, but he’s settled, and he can be protective. He’ll look after you.”
Rosalind wasn’t sure she believed that. Especially when she saw the way he glanced at her and then quickly away, almost like he was ashamed of what he was looking at. He didn’t even look at her scars.
She had no idea what his reaction would be like once he looked at her properly, but she could give it a guess.
“You shouldn’t sort things out like that for me,” she said sternly, dusting herself down.
“I’ll make conversation with Sir Crispin, but I’m not agreeing to anything.
And don’t even think about threatening Bea with dismissal, or talking to Theo like you did.
I won’t have that type of attitude toward my friend and my son. ”
Julian blinked at her, clearly bewildered that she was talking back to him. He recovered quickly and narrowed his eyes for a brief moment before he schooled his expression into something cool.
“Just remember that you need a protector, and a new marriage would be good for that. It’ll have you settled, and Theo will be more secure. It’s the wisest thing you can do for your son.”
“You can’t be certain of that.”
“But I can. You’ve been in mourning for too long, Rosalind, if you’re not understanding that your position is precarious. Anyway, shall we join Sir Crispin? I’m sure he’ll want to get to know you more.”
And with that, Julian turned and walked away, leaving Rosalind staring after him. She was still reeling from the news from Lady Carlisle, and then Julian was throwing this into the mix after, essentially, dismissing Cormac.
Rosalind felt like her head was in a whirl and she couldn’t grab onto anything properly. She had no idea what was going on anymore. When it was just her and Theo, and Cormac was looking out for her, things had been incredibly simple. Rosalind had preferred it more than anything else.
The day when she went around the market with Cormac and Hamish, being shown that there was joy in the smallest of things, felt like a long time ago.