Chapter 19
Struan stretched out the knots in his back, stiff from a night spent in the armchair.
Rae had passed out on his bed not long after chowing down her toast and still snored softly now.
It had gotten stiflingly hot during the night, so as much as he wanted to admire her sleeping form, he’d noticed her clothes had been thrown onto the floor at some point and didn’t dare linger.
He’d heard her grinding her teeth, noticed she slept curled in on herself, and wondered whether it was born from the anxiety he’d already witnessed in her.
All he wanted to do was soothe it, tell her she was safe here regardless of how complicated things had gotten between them.
Instead, he was tying the laces of his boots, the buttery morning glow seeping through his windows.
Saturdays were busiest for tours, but the soaring temperature meant it wouldn’t be safe to hike his usual inclines, so he’d have to get creative.
Maybe focus on the loch and rivers before taking the tourists through Belbarrow to spotlight the array of small businesses and woodlands it offered.
A gruff groan drew him out of his internal planning.
‘Too hot,’ Rae complained, throwing an arm over her face and wriggling over the squeaking springs of his mattress.
He liked seeing her in his bed, wrapped in his teal blue sheets like she belonged there.
Her hair was a tangled bird’s nest on his pillows.
‘Good morning to you, too,’ he quipped, unable to hide his smirk.
She groaned again, louder this time. ‘Why’s it so hot?’
‘Global warming, climate change, summer—’
‘Please be quiet,’ she begged.
‘Might we be a wee bit hungover this morning?’ He went to the kitchen to pour her a glass of water, then set it down on the nightstand along with a packet of Paracetamol.
She stopped hiding to fix him a stony glare. ‘What time is it?’
‘Time to get a watch. Or even better, a phone that’s actually charged. Lucky for you, I plugged it in last night.’
‘You’re insufferable.’
‘You love it.’ He perched on the edge of the mattress beside her, forcing the water into her hands when she didn’t take it willingly. ‘Are you feeling all right, hangover aside?’
‘Don’t know. I can taste peanuts. And I think your mattress tried to eat me in the night.’ She rose to a seat, massaging the back of her neck before plopping the painkillers into her mouth one at a time. ‘Be honest,’ she said with the tablet balanced on her tongue. ‘How awful do I look?’
He suppressed a laugh as he surveyed her.
The creases in his pillow were imprinted on her cheek, her hair stuck out like she’d been standing on the peak of Ben Nevis in gale-force winds, and she still had yet to cover up her half-naked chest – yet, all Struan felt was that same pull he always did, the one that told him he was latched in her orbit for good.
If anything, seeing her so dishevelled, vulnerable, only made him long for more mornings like this.
‘So, so awful,’ he lied. ‘Thank goodness you’ve not tried to kiss me again.’
Her eyes widened before disappearing behind her hands. ‘Oh, God. I did do that.’
‘You also insulted my interior design and ate all my peanut butter.’ After devouring the toast, she’d spooned the spread straight from the jar.
She licked her lips. ‘Okay, that explains some things. I’m really sorry, Stru—’
‘No.’ He placed a hand on her knee and drew circles with his thumb. ‘No apologies. Just please don’t wander around like that again. I’d prefer if you weren’t the reason for the next emergency I’m called to.’
Finally, she glanced down, yanking the duvet over her chest. ‘Oh, shit. Where are my clothes?’
‘You had a fight with them in the middle of the night. Don’t worry.
I didn’t look.’ He grabbed her camisole and draped it over her head, a desperate attempt to remind her who he was: a friend with terrible jokes, not someone who would take advantage of her.
‘I texted your dad, too, just to let him know you were safe.’
‘Bet he was hoping I’d fall into the loch,’ she muttered, tugging her shirt on.
‘Oi.’ He pinched her thigh, and she kicked him lightly from under the duvet in response. ‘You know that’s not true.’
‘I would, if I were him. I came home, started taking over the farm without anybody asking, and to top it all off, interrupted his rendezvous with Myra.’
‘Myra?’ Struan echoed in disbelief. Cam’s mum had been working in the farm shop for a while now, but he hadn’t realised that Doug had set his sights on her. Then again, they made sense, both of them hardworking single parents.
Rae nodded gingerly. ‘Did I leave out that bit?’
‘Aye, you might have.’
‘I walked in on them kissing last night. Hence the long, long walk.’
He frowned, sidling closer. He couldn’t keep his hands off her, yet she didn’t seem to mind, watching his touch trail with groggy confusion, as though she hadn’t yet processed any of it.
He couldn’t blame her. He remembered the first time he’d met Mum’s new boyfriend, Michael.
The entire lunch he’d felt a wrongness crawling all over him for the man who wasn’t Dad.
He was his polar opposite, in fact, quick to ramble about subjects without caring if others were listening, and had more negative things to say about people than positive.
His own children barely stayed in contact.
‘How do you feel about it?’
She shrugged. ‘I think I’d be happy for him if he’d told me, but after the argument, it just feels like another way he’s shut me out. Like maybe he doesn’t need me in his life anymore.’
‘He’ll always need you. He’s your dad,’ he said softly.
‘Yeah, but I’ve been a crappy daughter.’
‘Rae—’
She cut his protest off quickly, tucking her hair behind her ears. ‘Anyway, no more pity parties. Can I make you breakfast as a thank you for not leaving me out on the street last night?’
He glanced at his smartwatch, shoulders sagging. He wanted nothing more than to soak up every second of her, but his tour was due to start in less than half an hour, and he was already running late. ‘How bad for business would it be if I didn’t show up for my own hike?’
‘Very bad, I think.’ Tentatively, she took his hand, and he felt the world around him hold its breath – or maybe it was just him, frozen as warmth gushed like a waterfall over him, from the crown of his head all the way to his toes.
‘I should get back to the farm to grovel, anyway. Let me just get my skirt on.’
‘I mean, you don’t have to…’
She rolled her eyes, duvet pooling away as she collected her clothes. ‘I suppose it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.’
Now that she was sober and most definitely aware of what she was doing to him, he couldn’t help but watch her bend over, a soft moan falling from him at the gorgeous dimples and silver stretch marks of her plump arse.
The underwear she had on today was pale pink, still in that practical high-waisted style.
God, he wanted to sink his teeth into her – gently, of course.
Wanted that supple flesh to remember the shape of his fingers as he buried himself inside her.
How would she sound? How would she look?
How would she feel, with all that soft warmth pouring out of her the way it had amid the fruit trees?
His tongue swiped across his teeth as he said, ‘So, you’re not still pretending it didn’t happen?’
Before she covered herself, concealed the prettiest sight he’d ever seen, he grabbed her hand and tugged her back to him, her bare legs between his as he looked up at her from his seat on the bed.
‘Struan,’ she whispered.
Their fingers interlaced at her side, eyes darkening when she saw the outline of his hard cock against his jeans.
‘I need more of you. You’re all I’ve thought about, Rae.’
‘It’s not a good idea.’
‘Why? I could talk to Martha, if that’s what you want.’
‘And tell her what? “I want to fuck your best friend. Is that okay?”’
That word, spoken so bluntly, made him recoil. Was lust all this was, or worse, did she think it was all he was capable of?
Whatever he felt for her went beyond the physical, even if it was currently all he could think about.
Being around her made him feel a little more human again.
She brought something gentle out in him, a need to satisfy her, take care of her in every way he could think of.
He’d stumbled across a new path, rocky and winding, and all he could do was follow it to see what waited at the end.
‘It’s more than that. Isn’t it?’ His voice was raw with the truth of it.
She took a shaky step back. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I…’ She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘This is new to me.’
‘Aye, I’m not exactly familiar with it, either—’
‘All of it, I mean. I’ve never…’ A red flush smattered her skin, starting at her collarbone and creeping up to her cheeks.
All at once, he realised what it was she was trying to say. That waterfall, warm before, turned glacial. ‘Shite. Please don’t tell me I ruined your first time by fingering you in a fucking field.’
Her throat bobbed as she reached down to grab her skirt again.
‘Rae,’ he pleaded, standing up. ‘If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let it happen that way—’
‘It wasn’t my first time doing that. And believe me, the way it happened was perfect for me. But my experience doesn’t go much further than what we’ve already done. I haven’t had sex with a man before.’
It took Struan a moment to process. He’d been so sure she had a string of lovesick millionaires following her all over the planet, desperate to devour all that talent and beauty as well as her delicious food. He rubbed his jaw, asking cautiously, ‘And with a woman?’
She shook her head. ‘Just foreplay, and I was terrible at it.’
‘I doubt that.’ His brows furrowed. ‘Do you want to have sex? With anyone, I mean. I’m not propositioning you right now.’
‘I’m not exactly opposed to it. I was just so focused on my career that it never happened, and now I’m worried it never will. Nobody our age wants to be with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing.’
‘That’s not true. The right person would be glad to guide you through it.’
‘You think?’
He caught her eye, throat tightening. He realised how badly he wanted it to be him. He would make sure she felt every ounce of pleasure he was capable of offering. ‘I know.’
‘I’ve never met anybody who I felt safe enough to tell that to,’ she confessed, voice wobbling. ‘Do you still want me, now?’
‘More.’ He took her hand again, dragging her close so he could slide his palm up her thigh. ‘I want you more, sweetheart. God, I can’t stop wanting you.’
She dropped her skirt on the floor again, resting her hands on his chest, where his breath rose and fell too heavily.
‘Maybe we could just let things be whatever they are until Martha gets home. Fighting it isn’t doing either of us any good, and the rule clearly isn’t working.
We can’t figure this out if we don’t give ourselves a chance. ’
A steady throb began in his belly at the thought of finally getting to touch her again. He groaned again, resting his forehead against hers. He had never hated his job more. ‘Can I see you tonight, then? I was going to end the tour at the farm today, anyway.’
‘Yes.’
Tilting her chin, he pressed a restrained kiss to her lips.
She nudged him away. ‘I have morning breath.’
‘Don’t care,’ he said, coaxing her back.
‘I have wine breath.’
‘Still don’t care.’
‘Peanut butter breath.’
‘Nope.’
‘I’m sweaty.’
‘Really, really don’t care.’
She smiled against his mouth then, and he couldn’t help but do the same.
‘Okay. I have to go.’ Even if he was so hard it hurt. While she put on her skirt, he went to the sink to splash cold water over his face.
Rae Docharty was making a mess of him – and fuck, he liked it.