Chapter Fourteen
The wind had kicked up a pace. It rattled Portia’s window and seemed to creep in from every nook and corner of her room.
She had returned to the house distraught and frightened, but if Minnie or Lady Maclean had noticed anything amiss, they didn’t say a word.
They were both involved in their own affairs, both happy with life.
There had been no questions about her ventures through the day.
They’d sought their beds after a day full of plans and with anticipation for what the morrow would bring.
Portia had never felt such discontent.
She had walked away from Harry. No, she had run from him, and at a time when he might need her.
Lizzy’s prediction frightened her, and yet, the crone was a poor, mad soul. She wasn’t right in the head, and Portia knew it. Since when had she given credence to the woman’s rantings? Why now?
There was no answer to those questions save for her sense that something was amiss.
Portia had no appetite for the dinner Glennis had left for her.
She went to her room, curled up in a ball on her bed and wept, so miserable she’d not bothered to build a fire in the hearth or light a candle by her bed.
She cried until the pillow was soaked and she didn’t have the strength to shed another tear.
She loved Harry and he would not, could not love her.
However, he had offered for her to be his mistress.
The pain of that proposal, the humiliation of it, still resided in her. It was easier to focus on that dishonor rather than how she could never have him for her own.
What if he had offered to make her his wife? Then what?
And of course that he had made the suggestion of his keeping her was her own fault.
She had done nothing to make him believe she wouldn’t entertain such a position.
She’d thrown herself into his arms and, in defiance of convention and propriety, had sneaked away every afternoon to meet him like some shepherd’s daughter.
And she hadn’t held back in her affections.
She had not been decorous and proper but had initiated their lovemaking, had even been at the bothy waiting for him impatiently on many an afternoon.
Even now her traitorous body yearned for him, but the truth was, the game had changed. She’d discovered she wanted what he was not willing to give.
There had been a time when Portia had wondered if the sameness of her life was to continue on forever without any variation. She’d wanted more in those days without knowing what “more” was.
Now she wished she could return to where she’d once been—a time when she’d not risked anything of herself.
Harry would never love her. The curse had seen to that. He avoided love, and if he hadn’t, someone more beautiful and more clever than Portia would have caught him long before now.
And then there was Crazy Lizzy’s warning. Portia didn’t know what the woman meant with her prediction of Harry’s death. However, the threat gave Portia one more reason to stay away from him. To protect her own heart, to protect him, she must stay away from Harry.
Portia heard a soft feline growl from Owl before the cat jumped up on the bed. Until now, she hadn’t known the cat was present in her room.
Owl stalked the length of the bed before reaching Portia’s arm and rubbing her face against it. Portia reached over and scratched Owl’s ears.
“Now you show up,” she whispered to the cat. “Where were you earlier when I needed you?”
Owl rolled onto her back and playfully batted at Portia’s fingers before reaching up to nudge her hand for another pet.
Portia obliged, laying her head on the mattress so that she was practically nose-to-nose with the cat.
Even in the dark, Owl’s eyes appeared large and human in their understanding.
“Are you a reincarnated soul?”
The cat began purring.
“Is that a yes or a no?” Portia whispered.
The purring didn’t stop or change.
“I see,” Portia said. “It is for me to decide.” She lightly touched one of Owl’s folded-over ears with one finger.
Owl grabbed her finger with both paws, as playful as a kitten.
“What shall I do, Owl? I love him. Yes, I’ve been foolish.
I didn’t think of anything beyond the moment when I let him make love to me.
It was so wonderful,” she confided to the cat.
“Every moment in his arms has been heaven. Except now I want what I cannot have. He’s too above my touch, Owl.
I’m like Icarus whose father made him wings out of wax and he thought he could fly.
But he went too close to the sun, and fell to earth.
I thought . . .” She paused, her heart as heavy as a stone in her chest. “I thought I could fly. Now I realize I’m probably like every woman Harry Chattan has ever met.
I’m just one more. I had thought I’d be the exception or, at least, able to control my emotions.
My father’s callousness did not rub off on me and I suppose I should be glad, but it just hurts so much—ow. ”
Owl had bitten her finger.
The cat jumped to its feet and then leaped off the bed. She padded to the closed bedroom door and meowed.
The bite had hurt. Portia couldn’t tell in the moonlight if there was blood.
Sitting up, she sucked the hurt away, frowning at the cat.
“Why should I do anything for you?” she asked, and then was struck by the obvious realization the door was shut and had been ever since she’d gone to bed.
Owl had not been in the room, or had she?
Harry had her imagining Owl had ghostly powers as well.
Owl meowed at the door, impatient, insistent, sounding very much like what she was, a spoiled cat.
If Portia didn’t do as Owl wished, then the cat could yowl at the door all night.
Portia rose from the bed. She still wore her evergreen cambric day dress with its long sleeves.
She pushed her hair back from her face. Her curls were going every which way.
She should take a brush to it after she changed into a nightdress.
She was exhausted but it wasn’t the tiredness that led to sleep.
No, she felt spent, defeated, and overwhelmingly sad.
She opened the door. Owl went out, then stopped in the dark hallway, a silver shadow. Portia started to close the door, and the cat slipped back in.
Frowning, Portia said, “I’m not playing this game with you.” She started to shut the door, but the cat boldly put herself in the doorway. “Move on,” she ordered. “Make a choice. In or out.”
Owl grabbed the hem of her dress with her teeth and pulled.
It was a strange action for a cat.
For a second, Portia stood in indecision. The cat wanted her to follow.
Owl turned to go out the door.
Portia was tempted to shut the door, but then a new apprehension reared its ugly head. Her first thought was Harry.
“Is he all right, Owl?”
The cat came back into the room and circled around Portia’s feet before starting out the door again.
Portia knelt and held out a hand. Owl bit the tip of her finger. The cat was urging her to follow.
Fear, Portia discovered, was a contrary emotion. She feared following; she feared not following.
But what if Owl was merely a cat wishing Portia to chase mice with her?
Or what if Harry’s suspicions were right and there was more to Owl than met the eye?
“Rose?” Portia asked. Again, Owl circled around her.
“Fenella,” she said, as if challenging the cat.
Owl came up on her hind legs, placing her paws on Portia’s arm and kneaded. Was that a sign that Portia had chosen the right name?
“Why can’t you speak?” Portia said, rubbing the cat’s head. “If you were reincarnated, why couldn’t you have chosen a talking parrot?”
A purr was the only answer she received. And perhaps she was being silly. She was placing human characteristics to an animal. If her mother or Minnie overheard her, they would think her ridiculous.
With a sigh, Portia rose, but before she could take a step away, the cat ran in front of her path. Owl looked up at her expectantly as if to say, I thought you were coming with me.
“I need to put on my shoes and my spectacles.”
The cat made a low, throaty trill and went to the door.
“This is too strange,” Portia said, and yet Owl was very clear in what she expected. Portia picked up her spectacles from the bedside table, adjusting them on her nose, before pulling on her walking boots. She followed Owl out the door.
All was quiet in the hallway save for the faintest sound of Lady Maclean’s snoring. Portia went down the steps, Owl right at her side. She took her cloak off the peg by the door and threw it around her shoulders.
The last time she had gone out into the night had been to pretend to be Fenella. Now, Portia might very well be letting Fenella herself in the guise of a cat lead her to who knew where.
On the front step, Owl looked back to see if Portia was behind her. The moon had come out behind the clouds and the cat’s coat had a ghostly hue.
“Yes, I’m coming,” Portia said, and closed the door.
From his post in the shelter of the tree line, Harry thought he saw movement on the front step—and then he did see Portia standing there. She pulled the hood of her cloak up around her head and took off with great purpose across the yard, disappearing behind the house.
Harry reached for Ajax’s reins. The horse had been sleeping. He’d actually been snoring, a sound that Harry found annoying since it made him tired.
“Come on, my friend,” Harry said, putting Fenella’s book in his saddlebags and tucking the pistol in his waistband. He lifted the reins over Ajax’s head and put a foot in the stirrup. “We are on the chase.”
Mounted, Harry trotted around the side of the house. Portia was just disappearing in the woods. To his surprise, he realized she was heading in the direction of the bothy.
Harry kicked the horse forward, giving Portia plenty of room to walk ahead of him.
Through the woods midnight-quiet, he could hear her voice. She was talking to someone—and then he realized she was talking to the cat. Was she following the cat to the bothy?