Chapter 40
Elizabeth
As I watch Theo leave in the chopper to head back to London, James pulls up on the gravel driveway, ready for an afternoon walk. James feels different today. He keeps studying me, his mind somewhere else entirely. I can tell he isn’t really listening to me. I wonder what Theo said to him?
The further we walk, the more his face twists with concern.
“James, why do you keep looking at me like that?” We stop at the willow tree in the garden, and he takes me in. I caught sight of myself when I woke from my nap. I know I look slightly pale, perhaps even a little grey.
A flashback fills my mind of me lying in the hospital bed. My heart speeds up as the memory takes over.
“You are fine.” I tell myself.
He stares at me for a while, looking me over in the only way a doctor would. I try to stop my face from giving anything away. His furrowed brow and serious eyes give me the impression that he knows exactly how I am feeling.
“Elizabeth, are you ok? You look like you’re in pain,” he asks, his tone wary, taking in the subtle tells of my discomfort.
My eyebrows knot together and my lips slightly purse.
I nod. I hate when James worries about me.
I just want to enjoy the walk with my condition not being at the forefront of the subject.
It doesn’t seem to be a good enough answer for him.
“Let’s head back to the house slowly.”
****
Theo
The meeting is in full swing with details of the next album. Sunshine Rising will be the name of the entire album. Elizabeth will be in every detail, the heart and soul of it.
We discuss tour dates, and my heart leaps out of my chest at the thought of leaving Elizabeth and Nellie to tour the world.
My phone buzzes with a message that pauses my anxiety. I see it’s James and the anxiety spikes again.
James: Hey Theo, I’m just walking with Elizabeth, and I think she’s in pain. She’s lying to me, but she is struggling. I’m going to stay here with her. Just wanted to let you know.
I know she’s in good hands, but heat climbs the back of my neck. I pause the meeting and take a breath outside.
Theo: Do you think I need to make my way home? I can be back in an hour or so.
James: I’m not sure yet, but I will keep you posted.
Theo: I don’t have to stay in the city if you think she needs me at home.
James: She’s in good hands, buddy. Fiona is staying tonight, so we should be ok but I will let you know if anything changes.
My heart rate settles a little with his message, so I take one more steadying breath and return to the meeting. She is probably just overtired. Her body is working hard right now.
****
Elizabeth
When we enter the back door of the manor, I head upstairs to the bed for another nap with Bear laying awake beside me. I’m unusually exhausted. The rain has just started again, and the pattering on the window sounds like a lullaby.
An hour later, my eyes spring open, being woken by an unfamiliar feeling.
There is no lightning pain like before, only a deep wrongness, a feeling low in my stomach.
I take my time and sit slowly on the edge of the bed, one hand resting on my stomach, the other clinging to the mattress beneath me, finding it hard to catch my breath.
Then it hits me.
The pain I know too well. Shooting through the side of my stomach, like a knife dragging down my belly. I try to breathe through it, but it’s too intense. This shouldn’t be happening.
Thirty-four weeks is too early.
I stand from the bed and call down the stairs for James.
I attempt to tell myself that it will be ok.
I have just been doing too much lately. James and I had walked longer than usual today.
But as much as I try to reassure myself, I can feel that it is so different from last time.
My body feels strange, weak, and tender.
As I move off the bed, the pain intensifies. My knees buckle and the room sways as if I’m on a boat. My head goes light and my vision blurs at the edges, the room blurring in front of me. A warmth, suddenly, terrifyingly, pours down my leg.
I gasp and freeze, terrified to look.
Gripping the wall, I stumble to the ensuite and shakily switch the light on.
I lower my trembling hand and place it between my legs, where I am met by bright red blood that coats my hand.
The kind that shouldn’t exist during pregnancy.
It is painting the floor I stand on, my legs and my hand are covered.
My scream for James comes out animalistic.
Like the foxes that scream outside my window at night.
I can hear him calling me as he takes the stairs two at a time.
He sounds panicked, his calls echoing down the hallway.
James has never heard a scream like it. It sends fear through him, his heart racing. He can’t get up the stairs quickly enough. He finds me standing in the bathroom, white as a sheet and with blood everywhere.
He reaches me just as my vision dulls and goes black.
I try to grab hold of him, but my head closes the gap between me and the sink, and I tumble towards the ground.
James lunges forward and catches me inches before my head hits the porcelain sink.
He lowers me gently into the recovery position and calls for an ambulance.
Once he’s absolutely certain the ambulance is on its way, he dials Theo’s number.
****
Theo
A pressure builds in my chest that I cannot shake.
A feeling that something is wrong. James’ text is playing in my head like a terrible song I can’t get rid of.
I haven’t taken in anything the team have said and I’m finding it hard to breathe.
My phone ringing pulls me from my daze, but the tightening in my chest worsens when I see James’ name.
“Hey J, everything ok?”
“Theo, get up and leave that meeting room now.” James is trying to hide the panic in his voice, but he’s serious, making it clear that I need to listen. My legs go weightless. My body vibrates as I leave the room. James hears the voices fade, and a door shut, then silence.
“What is it?” I can’t hide the terror in my voice. The calm, collected man that James has become friends with isn’t on the other end of the phone. The fear crackles through the line.
“Elizabeth passed out on the bathroom floor. I have an ambulance coming to get her and take her to the hospital, but in my honest doctor’s opinion…
” James swallows hard, his voice tight. The silence is deafening and my ears are ringing with the rush of blood.
“Theo… she is losing the baby. There’s a lot of blood.
” A sob tears out of me, and my knees weaken.
I run like I never have before, climbing the metal stairway to the helicopter; the sound of my shoes hitting the cold metal is loud and sharp, echoing the concrete walls.
I take a moment, gripping the banister in fear, its cold underneath my touch.
“I’ll be home as soon as I can. Keep her alive, James. I can’t afford to lose her.” I hang up before James can reply. I reach the top of the stairs, and the roar of the propellers drowns out the horrendous thoughts in my head. I jump in and place the communication headphones on.
“Take me to Sable Hospital.” My palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding out of my chest. What if I’m too late? The thought comes to my mind without permission, but tears roll down my cheeks, hot and painful, as the helicopter lifts into the sky.
****
Elizabeth
The ambulance is coming down the driveway. James can hear the sirens growing closer, screaming in the distance. He continues stroking my head, blood soaking his trousers as I lie there covered in thick, red grief. It is clinging to my skin.
He stays on his knees, holding me until the stretcher comes up the stairs. A tear escapes the corner of his eye, that he wipes away with his bicep, unable to use his blood covered hands. He knows that nothing in this moment is ok. He just needs them to save me.
James rides with me in the ambulance, holding my limp hand, trying hard not to get in the paramedic’s way. He can’t control his doctor’s intuition. He is watching my pulse and blood pressure like a hawk; every little beep causing a jolt in his body. His hand never leaves mine.
I come around as we reach the hospital. My eyes spring open wide in panic, unsure what is happening. Where am I? The lights above blur past as they rush me through the hospital corridor. There are doctors and nurses talking in medical jargon I can’t understand.
I feel my body tense as another sharp pain flies through my stomach, tightening.
I hear James say to the doctors that he thinks I have been contracting for the past five minutes.
They’re hard and fast. The bed I am laying on is wheeled into a white room and someone starts cutting my clothes from my body, then I hear nothing.
My ears close to the world. The hollow thump of my heartbeat is all I can hear. A doctor stands by James and speaks in sad, hushed tones. I can only take in fragments of his words.
Too early.
Complications.
Haemorrhaging.
Fully dilated.
We will do what we can.
I whisper Theo’s name just as he runs through the hospital room doors. His face is stricken with grief, and I notice his damp cheeks as he crosses the hospital room as quickly as he can. He takes my hand and kisses my head. A flash of relief floods me, but terror swallows it whole.
“I’m here, Sunshine. I’m so sorry I went to London.”
Then, in a whisper, I release my baby’s name from my lips.
“Nellie.” It releases like a prayer, like if I say her name, she will stay. I close my eyes as another contraction hits. When the pain subsides, I clutch my belly and beg.
“Please take me, not her.” I sob, and Theo holds me as alarms start ringing throughout the room. The doctors are prepping in the corner. And in the cold, white room, time does not stop, but it shatters around me.
“We need neonatal resus in here, stat,” I hear the doctor call out.