Chapter Six
T his day was going to be the death of me. The tribe had already assembled at the chosen destination: the spot where the sun hit the waves and shone through. It was a good omen according to the Pearls, to have the landwalkers’ sunshine on my face when the change happened.
I thought about how my fins and tail would split and separate into legs and feet. I thought about how my lungs wouldn’t tolerate the water anymore, and how they would crave the air. I thought about how my fingers would no longer be webbed, but split free just like a human’s would.
My stomach felt like writhing eels.
Lilia stayed the night with me, curled against my back. My cave was cozy and safe–we swam in deeper so the light wouldn’t wake us. Except that I hadn’t slept, too afraid to close my eyes and force the day to arrive sooner.
But now it was here, and there was no turning back. No hiding. I could dive to the darkest well in the caves and the Pearls’ magic would force me back, force me into their circle, and then up onto land.
Today, I was twenty-five, and today I was going to become a murderer .
My mother came into the cave, making small whirlpools with her fingers to comfort me. She did this when I was a merling to make me smile–we’d swirl and swish the water so the currents would change around us, and it was one of those quiet moments where I knew I was loved. No songs or words were needed–my mother changed the direction of the waves just for me, and I cuddled into her.
Her body was adorned with jewels like I’d never seen before. Pearls and abalone trailed across her cheekbones and around her eyes. She had braided her hair into what looked like a thousand little braids, tying loads of sparkling shells into them. More pearls and abalone covered her breasts and circled around her tail. There was a charm tied to the end of her tail that made a jingle that echoed through the waters. My mother was skilled at craftsmanship, and she had designed a crown of pearls and shells for me.
She stroked my face, humming a wordless tune, and the pressure between my ribs lessened. My mother looked ready for a glamorous battle. I wanted nothing more than to pull the seaweed over my head and pretend I no longer existed.
“Merrow, my daughter, it’s time for you to get ready,” she said, still stroking my face.
“Oh, Pasha, you look incredible,” Lilia said, rubbing her sleep-filled eyes.
“Thank you darling. Help me prepare Merrow,” she said, as she pulled me out of the cave. The water was already brighter, and the sun would soon be high in the sky.
“I’m not ready,” I confessed to my mother. My fingers dug into her arms, and she simply smiled. The song she hummed grew louder in my head, and her eyes glowed a bright green. She used a siren song on me, calming the storm in my heart.
“Yes, you are. You’re brave and smart. You have the ocean’s beauty and ferocity in your soul, and nothing will loom in your way. The moon will guide you. The waves will calm you. Our songs will lift you. You are never alone, Merrow.” My mother’s voice echoed in my mind, the words never leaving her lips. The water was charged around us, and I realized she had spun us into a small whirlpool, forcing the waves to hug me tighter. The pressure of the water always around me was a reminder of our power–no human could withstand this. We were made to be something greater, something more.
And now it was time to make sure the tribe of the White Tides continued on for generations to come.
“I am never alone,” I repeated, and she nodded.
“Never. You swim with our people; you will walk among the humans until it is time for you to return to the waves that birthed you. Be strong Merrow, because you are nothing less than the strength of the White Tides.”
“I am never alone,” I whispered to myself, and she nodded. I heard Lilia contribute to the siren song, and her sweet, soprano voice sang, “You are never alone,” over and over.
They twirled around me, magic in their fingers, weaving pearls and gems in my hair and wrapping me in love. This was the shield that I needed–my mother and tribe to wrap me in their blessings. When they finished, I glanced at my arms and fins, looking at how they shimmered. It reminded me of the mermaid I helped–Anahita. Her shimmering beauty still lingered in my mind, and I wondered if she would think of the ritual. Anahita’s aura stayed with me like a haunting glow.
“Pasha, it’s time,” Breena called. She led a troop of warriors with Caspian right behind her. His coral blade was strapped to his back and he winked at me. He was always my protector, even as children, but now there was nothing he could do to help me. Caspian had grown into a very attractive merman. His pale blue hair and soft blue eyes, with his dark, dark blue skin made him gorgeous but deadly as a predator. He could slip through the currents unseen, swimming as silently as a shadow. But today, he wasn’t here as a predator. He was here to make sure I didn’t swim off leaving just bubbles in my wake.
It was tempting, honestly. I could out-swim him if I really had to.
The circle for the ritual was stunning–literally and figuratively. The magic radiating from the song’s spell made my body feel sluggish. No one else reacted to it, but my fins felt like they were made of stone. My tail didn’t respond and as I clawed my way up to keep treading water, my mother supported my arms.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s part of the ritual, my love. Don’t fear. We are here with you. You are never alone,” she said again, pressing her forehead to mine. Lilia fastened the pearlescent crown in my hair as my mother held me. This felt like goodbye, but it wasn’t–surely it wasn’t a goodbye , but just a see you again –and I started to tremble.
This was real. This was happening.
The magic of the circle sounded ancient. Something about the chants from the Pearls stirred the magic buried deep in my heart. It was primal. It called to me. The need to change, the need to breathe.
Was this what it was to be human? This ever-burning fire that lit up inside of me?
They didn’t need to hold me back any longer. They didn’t need to force me into the circle, through the waves of magic, the ancient songs that no longer sounded like our language. The words were archaic and even though I couldn’t understand the sounds, I knew their meaning.
The notes wrapped around me, and I swayed with the music. This was what life was supposed to feel like–elation and excitement, the need to be alive and to breathe, oh gods, how I just wanted to breathe!
Colors expanded and changed in the circle until I saw land. It had to be land, because I saw the towers the humans made. It felt like I saw their evolution, their history, making me a part of them as it undid everything that made me a mermaid. I saw their stone towers as they came up and down and changed with the centuries to the bright, shiny materials of their present. It looked like sea glass. They were such funny creatures, with their tight clothing and strange adornments. The humans wanted to cover their lives and show them off all the same time, and yet those towers and buildings all felt so lonely to me. The magic tightened around my throat, and I saw that my skin had lost some of its color. My hands were still a little webbed though; the cuts between each digit not quite going all the way down.
I wanted to breathe.
My mother’s eyes were still vibrantly green and she smiled at me, the pride so clearly etched on her face. A red-hot pain raced down my back, through my tail, and I knew what was happening. I didn’t want to look, but I had to.
Two pale, thin legs hung limply below me. They seemed so odd, so lifeless.
Then my own eyes blurred. I couldn’t see the Pearls or the rest of my tribe clearly anymore, but I felt them there. Lilia was so close–her heartbeat practically resounded through the oceans. She was there. She was with me. You will never be alone . Caspian’s warm presence as he stayed by Lilia, no doubt holding her. One day, he will have the courage to say what’s in his heart to her. One day.
Electricity rippled through me, making my legs–legs!–twitch.
Suddenly, I was kicking. Not swimming. Kicking. I had legs! They were awkward and moved out of sync, like they remembered being one instead of two separate limbs. I flailed in the water. There was no graceful way to say it. I flailed and attacked the water like it was killing me.
And it was. My body no longer belonged to the sea.
I needed to breathe .
“I’ve got you!” Caspian yelled, cradling my human form in his arms as he swam with all his might, the power of a true warrior, to get me to the surface.
When we broke free, when the water fell away, I sucked in a breath and my lungs expanded. My body expanded. I was breathing!
Caspian looked fearsome out of the water. Was it my humanness now that made me tremble to gaze at him? Was it the temperature of the water? There was no way the water was always this cold.
“Merrow, I’ve got you. It’s okay. I’ll bring you to the shore. There are humans there that will help you. Look for the Saltwater Sisters. They are mermaids that chose to stay on land. They will help you.” His words sounded so watery, like he was drowning as he tried to speak.
“Why would a mermaid ever want to stay on the land?” I asked, and Caspian didn’t respond. He wouldn’t know. None of us would know.
Except, maybe, me.
“I can’t go up on the shore with you,” he said. Caspian’s voice was practically a whisper. His words made less and less sense to me, and I realized that was another part of being human. Of course I wouldn’t understand the merfolk language–it would be like talking to a beast. The thought stung as if I had struck him, and he let me go so I could walk ashore.
Walk. I had to walk.
My body shook with exertion and effort. I’d never used these muscles before, because I’d never had them before. My feet had small, odd fingers at the ends of them that wanted to wriggle in the sand, looking for purchase, for comfort in the earth to hold the rest of me upright. Legs wobbled like I was a newborn beast, and my arms pinwheeled through the air to help me adjust.
I fell flat on my face, flat in the water.
“Merrow!” Caspian hissed. I understood my name. The words that followed no longer sounded like words. I knew his expression though: concern, worry, amusement. Caspian would laugh as I fell, trying to figure out how to stand.
“You try it, you jerk,” I muttered. The words came out in an odd string. What language was this? Was this part of the magic? I prayed to Neptune, Atlana, Regis, and Solaris that I wouldn’t be babbling gibberish when I finally met another human.
The shoreline was blessedly bare. The sun was high in the sky, and for a moment, I stayed there, lying in the sand, staring up at it.
It was blue. Preciously, vividly blue. So different from any color the ocean could ever produce. The clouds floated by like they owned the sky and I watched them move. It was similar to the waves; the clouds moved just as the tides, and I felt them lulling my heart back to a place of peace.
Caspian splashed me, still waiting for me to walk on the land. I flipped over, dragging my body up, my legs trying uselessly to be a tail fin.
He slapped his tail loud and hard on the surface of the water and I flinched.
“Alright alright!”
I pulled myself to the bends in my legs. There were harder bones there, made for the legs to extend and bend. My weight settled on them, and I rocked forward to gain some momentum and now I was nearly up. Once I got my feet under me, I rose, straightening my back.
This time, my movements felt more sure. I moved a foot forward and I didn’t fall. Then the other. The waves stayed in my bones and I wanted to sway with them, but the humans didn’t feel the waves like we did, and I worried any extra motion would send me back on my rear, face down in the sand.
Caspian whistled and I turned to say goodbye. He kissed the ends of his fingers and trailed a circle around himself. May the oceans always hold you.
“May the oceans always hold you, dear friend. Take care of Lilia. I’ll be back soon. ”
Now, I had to find the Saltwater Sisters. I had to find my allies.
The sun’s heat warmed my skin so much that it felt like I was too exposed, too bare. My body no longer had scales to protect it, and aside from some hair here and there, there was nothing protecting me.
I had to find some coverings too.
The Saltwater Sisters were supposed to be close to the shore. Where would human-like mermaids live? I scanned the beach. It was really, oddly empty. The water had shifted and warmed, and this was when the humans liked it most. They should be here. Where were they?
Finally, I spotted a group of humans down on the shore, and they were just laying on the sand, their faces turned to the sun, like the heat did not burn them. My own skin warmed more and more, and I desperately wanted to go back to the water, but I couldn’t. Not yet. I had a week before my legs stitched themselves back together and my scales came back.
The humans didn’t notice my approach, and I tried to smile. That had to be universal. Smiling. It felt right, like this was something that they would appreciate.
“Hello,” I said, and my voice cracked a little.
“Oh my god honey, where are your clothes!” A female shouted and she dragged me down to her, so my leg bends hit the sand. It was coarse and harsh, much harder than sand had ever felt to me.
“Are you hurt?”
“Why are you naked?”
“Girl, can you hear us?”
“Give me your dress.” The three female humans fussed over me, covering me with their bodies, even though their own bodies were barely covered.
“What’s your name?” the oldest one said. She had soft yellowish hair with a lot of white in it. I liked it; it reminded me of Lilia.
“My name is Merrow,” I said, and my voice sounded clearer .
“Merrow,” another girl said. She had brown hair and fierce brown eyes. This was what I thought humans looked like.
I nodded, and they wrapped their garments around me. I bowed my head in thanks, and they stared at me like I was an oddity. No more bowing, got it.
“You seem… shaken up,” the brown-haired one said.
“It has been a long day.”
“Sweetie, do you want to tell us why you don’t have any clothes? Did you lose your suit in the water? The waves are a little rough today,” the other one said. She was not remarkable. Nothing about her face made me want to remember her, and a pang of guilt hummed through me.
“Umm, yeah,” I lied. It was better than the truth.
“Are you here with anyone?”
“No, just me. I was hoping to find someone though,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. It was still pink–why was it still pink? Did they see something less than human in me? I forced the panic down, trying not to draw attention to my bright pink hair. They didn’t seem to notice. Humans were not good at observation, I noted.
“Who? Maybe we can help,” the older one said.
“The Saltwater Sisters. Have you heard of them?” I asked, hoping that I didn’t make a mistake. The unremarkable one handed me a dress and insisted that I put it on.
I paused for a second. This shouldn’t be hard to figure out. There were several holes in it. When I held it up, it seemed like the bigger one would only hold my legs, so that had to be it. The other side had three holes. My eyes darted around and I saw another human wearing something similar.
“Are you sure, I feel bad for taking your dress–” I said, stammering, hoping they thought that was the reason for my pause.
“Sweetie, it was a five dollar dress at a beach bum store. I only bought it because I ripped my other one. Please, we can’t let you run around without any clothes on.” The brown haired one rubbed my shoulder, and I felt that she was trying to comfort me. Yes, I remembered that Breena once said that humans use touch for comfort, like we did. I placed my hand on hers, and she smiled back at me.
“Thank you for your help,” I said. It was the first truthful thing I’d said to them, and it felt good that it was to express gratitude. These humans were kind hearted.
“Now who are these Saltwater Sisters?” the older one said.
“She means that cafe, the one run by that weird lady. What’s it called, Steph?” the unremarkable one said.
“Oh, it’s the Sisters Salty Cafe, or something like that. It’s a taffy and tea shop.” I smiled, I didn’t know what either of those things were, but that was fine. They knew of the sisters. That’s all that mattered.
“Ah, and how do I get there?” I asked, getting the dress settled over me. It was soft and light, and already the sun didn’t feel as hot.
“It’s just right up on the boardwalk, near the giant mer-dude statue. You can’t miss him,” the brown haired one–Steph–said. All three of them pointed straight behind them, toward the massive buildings and the horizon looked fuzzy. My heart raced–no one ever told me that the human world wasn’t solid. I always imagined it was solid, firm, like the earth instead of the water. Was I mistaken about that too?
“It’s about a five minute walk. We’re about to leave, do you want to follow us?” the older one said, and I nodded. They all seemed relieved, not wanting to abandon the obviously helpless human girl.
I was touched by their kindness, and even though they thought me odd, they were still willing to help.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Are you sure you’re not hurt? You seem a little confused,” the older one said.
“I might have fallen, but I don’t feel like I’m hurt. ”
“Do you want us to call a doctor?”
“No, no, I think I’ll be fine. You’ve already helped me so much.”
“Women have to stick together, honey.” They all nodded sagely, and I tucked that bit of advice away. The women in my tribe stuck together too. There were more similarities than differences, now that I sat with these women, and took the time to look at each of them. This moment felt precious, and I sent a thank you prayer to the gods .
The women packed their things and I followed them to the blurring horizon. The Saltwater Sisters were waiting for me.