Chapter 12
MARGOT
Margot’s sleep had been all over the place since she arrived in the bay and found out about Howard.
It had been as if the news had nudged the reality of her own situation to the forefront of her mind all over again.
She had no financial stability, she had no job or experience that employers might recognise, and she still hadn’t told her sons that she’d left their father.
Her mind kept leaping from one thing to the next, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch.
She’d briefly thought about getting in touch with Faye as soon as she was here, but she wasn’t ready to meet up with anyone yet.
It was funny, here she was, free to do what she liked, and yet it still felt like she had to give herself permission.
She wondered too whether when Faye saw her she would sense this was no holiday for one and somehow she’d end up having to admit the truth, and the misery of her marriage before she really felt ready to talk to anyone other than herself.
Howard had been different, perhaps as he’d felt like a parent figure the night she told him the whole truth.
The cottage she was staying in was old but cosy.
She was used to everything being modern, but loved the Victorian bathroom suite, the flagstone tiles, the small windows with iron fittings and framed with cute little curtains.
She imagined it would be even cosier in the winter.
There was a cast-iron flame-effect log fire in the little lounge, an old-fashioned trunk filled with thick woollen blankets at the side of the room, and a lovely slipper bathtub upstairs that she hadn’t yet used.
She’d just had breakfast and once she’d done the dishes she sat down and lifted her laptop onto her knees. She logged on and although she should’ve expected the contact, her mind went into overdrive when she saw four emails waiting from Perry.
It looked like he’d given her what felt like a cooling-off period and now he wanted answers.
She abandoned the laptop and the blanket, got up, paced the room.
Should she delete them without reading them? Or was it better to know what they said?
She wished she could ask Howard and for one ridiculous moment thought about looking up to the sky to ask the question.
She’d look at the messages quickly she decided. She had to know what they said.
But they only said the sorts of things she’d heard already.
The oldest email asked when she was going to come to her senses, the next said to let him know when she was finished playing games, the one after accused her of breaking up a family and the final one demanded to know where she was and end this ‘fucking ridiculous stunt’ she’d pulled.
She deleted every single one of them.
And then her spirits lifted when she saw an email land from Faye. She must be online now so Margot replied straight away.
They chatted back and forth a couple of times, mainly about Howard, until Margot suggested they switch the conversation over to WhatsApp to make it easier.
She’d blocked Perry from WhatsApp already and the only reason she hadn’t done it on email too was in case she needed to correspond with him.
If he got much more abusive she might have to stop him from being able to contact her at all.
She told Faye in her message:
I’ve become an insomniac like your auntie.
Faye replied:
I’m not sleeping too well either since I found out about Howard.
Margot continued typing without really thinking.
I thought opening my window to hear the faint sounds of the ocean might help me to doze off.
It was only after she’d pressed send that she realised she’d let on that she wasn’t in Berkshire right now.
And sure enough Faye replied with:
My geography isn’t great, but I’m sure Ascot is quite far away from the coast.
Margot moved to the other end of the sofa away from the glare of the sun streaming through the window, reminding her that across the entire country they were being treated to an extended burst of summer despite the month flipping to September.
Perhaps the brightness of the days could pull her through if she felt she might go under with the enormity of what she’d done over the last week or so.
She typed back:
I’m taking a break, in Dorset.
Faye asked:
Whereabouts?
She hesitated. But she realised she owed it to herself to take the plunge some time, and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity of meeting Faye in person like she’d missed meeting Howard. She replied:
Driftwick Bay!
Faye’s message flew back.
You’re right near me!
She added a heart emoji.
You came to check on Howard just like I did.
Margot had escaped her marriage, run from it, and yes, she’d been so worried about Howard that she’d come to the bay to see what was going on, but she hadn’t ventured out since the taxi dropped her at her accommodation apart from to get some food in the cupboards.
She hadn’t yet walked down to the bookshop or seen the beauty of the area again for herself, because she’d been in panic mode that she hadn’t thought this through.
Faye’s next message didn’t surprise Margot and saved her having to be brave enough to write it herself:
We need to meet in person.
Margot’s pulse raced until she realised she could do this. She could meet a friend without worrying that Perry would put a stop to it, follow her or turn up and ruin things. She could do whatever she liked.
She tapped out a reply.
You know I think that would be a really lovely idea.
* * *
Margot and Faye agreed to meet outside Driftwick Bay Books an hour later. It felt fitting for Howard even though he was no longer around and they couldn’t go inside. And Margot was glad to finally have a reason to go out and explore.
She recognised Faye instantly, of course. She had beautiful blue eyes and the fresh dewy complexion that came with being in your late twenties, and of course she was just as lovely in real life as she was online.
She hadn’t been sure how to greet Faye, but Faye took the decision out of her hands when she flung her arms out wide. ‘It’s so good to meet you!’
Margot readily returned Faye’s hug. ‘It’s lovely to meet you too.’
‘I can’t believe we’re really here. I’d got used to being miles away from you and Howard.’
At the mention of his name, they both looked in through the window of Driftwick Bay Books and the darkness beyond.
Howard had talked about the little nooks with comfy upholstery, the bustle of children in the story corner at the far end, the low lighting that showed off the books.
Peering inside now, there was none of the warmth or the personality Howard would have brought with him when he took the shop on. It was all still, all quiet.
‘Howard has really gone,’ said Faye.
Margot knew both Faye’s parents were alive. She was still so young, she might never have been through the pain of losing someone close to her, which would make this even harder to understand.
‘He loved this place.’ Margot looked once again at the sign on the door. ‘He’d hate it being closed. I wonder if Bonnie will sell the business to the developers.’
‘I hope not. Howard was always adamant that they wouldn’t get their hands on it. He’d have hated that.’
‘I guess it’s Bonnie’s decision to make,’ said Margot.
‘Do you really think she’d do it?’
‘I’ve got no idea.’
Both of them were still looking at the shop like it might come alive in front of them.
They stood there for a bit and reminisced about the way Howard had described taking on the bookshop, the first day he’d gone down the hill with the key and let himself in, how he’d felt like a kid in a sweet shop.
They recalled how he’d always managed to keep up lively book club discussions every week despite the midnight hour.
Faye laughed. ‘Do you remember he once told us you should read a book twice or even three times to really appreciate it?’
Margot remembered it well. ‘We were discussing Pride and Prejudice from memory and I didn’t get into it at all.
I told him that reading it once was enough.
’ Howard had insisted that her dislike of the novel meant she might not have fully appreciated it, suggested maybe her mind hadn’t been on the story.
‘Did you ever read it again?’
‘Not a chance,’ said Margot, her smile fading as they both contemplated the loss of their favourite member of the group. ‘Book club won’t be the same without him.’
They peered in the window one more time.
The shop was deserted but it didn’t look like anything else had changed.
The shelves were lined, the story corner he’d often talked about was still at the back from what they could see.
Howard might be gone but this place was still waiting for something. Or someone.
‘I think we need to go and see Bonnie.’ Margot’s comment took their attention away from the window of the bookshop.
‘I think you’re right. And this is a small town; it can’t be that hard to find the cottage. I meant to ask around but I haven’t done that yet.’
‘Let’s see how we go,’ Margot replied. ‘He talked about walking down this hill a lot.’ She pointed up in the direction she’d come from earlier. ‘Their cottage has to be up there.’
‘I think you’re right.’
They started to walk. They’d seen a picture Bonnie had painted once from the garden of their cottage and they both turned to look behind them a couple of times as they walked, sure that this was the same view they’d seen on canvas.
It took a while but after a couple of hundred metres they suspected they’d found the place that Howard had called home.