Chapter 24
Back at the ranch – aka Will’s house – later the same day, Cath still couldn’t help but feel rather put out. It was lovely that Maddie and Sophie wanted to be there to support their dad, but it was evident that they wanted to take charge, or more exactly, take over; or that’s how it felt to Cath.
Here, where Will was convalescing, wasn’t Cath’s home, and she knew that, but she’d become an integral part of Will’s life these past months. And she’d hoped the girls had come to realise that, too.
It was now Friday, and eight days since Will’s surgery.
Cath was there for the afternoon, chatting with him, checking he was comfortable, and generally keeping him company.
He seemed to prefer being in his armchair than resting up in bed, though trying to get up and down to the loo still seemed rather difficult for him.
It was good to be on hand to help. Cath was more than happy to hang on for a while, and make some supper for them all.
Whilst Will was taking a nap, Cath caught up with his daughters in the kitchen. She’d brought round all the ingredients to make a cottage pie and had left them in the fridge. There was a cool atmosphere as she walked in, their chat pausing instantly.
‘All okay? He’s finding it a bit tough, isn’t he?’
‘Yes. It’s to be expected though,’ said Maddie, who as a nurse, was of course well informed. ‘He’s just gotta take things steady.’
Sophie was merely looking on, and nodding, at that point.
‘Uhm, I was wondering about making us all something for supper,’ Cath ventured.
‘Thanks, but it’s all right.’ Sophie jumped in. ‘I was thinking of ordering some pizza. Something nice and easy. Dad’s favourite pepperoni might perk him up.’
It seemed rather pointed of Cath to now insist on cooking the healthier cottage pie with veggies that she’d planned. Also, one of Will’s favourites.
‘Ah, okay.’ Cath was pretty certain she wasn’t included in these pizza plans, either.
There wasn’t a mention of ‘do you want to join us?’ It seemed churlish of her to push to stay.
But she felt odd, like she wasn’t part of this support gang.
Or perhaps she was tired herself, she reasoned. Her feelings too tender.
‘Thanks, Cath. You’ve been great. But we’ve got this. Dad’s done so much for us, and for Mum too, now it’s our turn. We want to be here for him,’ added Maddie, matter-of-factly.
The sentiment was great, that the girls were there and ready to support their dad, but Cath couldn’t help but feel piqued.
‘Well, I’m happy to help, and if there’s anything at all, please, just say …’ Her words drifted uneasily.
‘Thanks, appreciate that, we’ll let you know if we need anything but we’ve got it all in hand. I am a trained oncology nurse, after all,’ Maddie reminded her.
‘Of course. Well, I’ll get off then. Just wanted to make sure you were all okay.
But well, it looks like you’re sorted.’ She was trying so hard to sound upbeat, but she felt like a bloody spare part.
‘Hope he has a good night. I’ll see you all tomorrow.
’ She got that in, on purpose. There was no way that she wasn’t going to do her bit and look in on him daily.
She wanted to be there for him, too. Perhaps she’d do a kitchen takeover, and make that bloody cottage pie then.
Her handbag was in the lounge. Popping back in, she saw that Will had now opened his eyes.
‘Hey, I’m heading back home this evening, now.
The girls will look after you. Take care, my love.
I’ll see you in the morning.’ Did she dare kiss him?
A peck on the cheek at least? The girls had followed her into the room by then, and Cath felt the heat of two pairs of eyes on her, as she leaned in for a farewell kiss.
‘Thanks for dropping by, Cath,’ Will said a little groggily. He was probably sleepy but his words ended up sounding polite and rather distant, as though she was a mere acquaintance.
Of course, he’d just woken up, but she couldn’t help feel a bit put out … pushed out. How much was she a part of their lives? She certainly didn’t yet feel like family. And she had to admit that that hurt.
*
Cath let off steam with her sister, Susie, calling her when she got back in.
Her sister knew of Will, being privy to the ins and outs of their developing relationship, and was now fully aware of his recent cancer shock and surgery.
And being her big sister, she knew Cath inside out, too.
She was absolutely the right person to call.
It was good for Cath to be able to vent without judgement. To be able to be totally frank.
‘Argh, it’s making me feel like the Wicked Witch of the West. When I’m there, it’s like they can’t wait to get rid of me.
The girls, that is. And I’m only trying to bloody well help.
I feel like they want to take over. To keep it to their little unit of three.
They’re not even subtle in treating me like a spare part.
Will’s too knackered even to notice, let alone to stand up to them.
And then I feel terrible that I’m even thinking all these things, because it’s a shitty time for everyone.
’ Cath ran out of steam then. It had well and truly been vented.
Perhaps in a jumbled mass, but it was out there.
‘You’ve had a good day, then,’ Susie uttered wryly. ‘And hello to you too, lovely Sis.’
‘Hi. Sorry, I just needed to let that all out.’
‘It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.’
‘Thank you. It’s just so damn frustrating. And all I want to do is help Will get better.’
‘Well, keep that as your focus. The rest of it is annoying, and hey, you should expect some respect at least from the girls, but it’s not the time to go demanding an equal footing in their house. Maybe it is a bit too soon, and in the circumstances, everyone’s emotions are bound to be heightened.’
‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right.’ Cath felt herself coming back down. ‘And it probably brings back difficult memories, too,’ she conceded. ‘Of when their mum was trying to get through her cancer treatments, and they’d hoped it would all turn out right … and it never did.’
‘There’s always a bigger picture, Cath. But hey, it’s understandable how you’re feeling too.
You just want the best for Will. And I bet you’d imagined you’d be the one caring for him, nursing him through this.
You were always like that … sparrows with broken wings, mice half-dead that the cat had brought in, trying to nurture them back to health in a cardboard box.
Nurse Cathy. If you hadn’t been a teacher, I bet that’s what you would have done instead. ’
‘Hah, probably.’
‘And how is Will doing?’
‘Sore. But he’s okay. Slowly, but surely, I suppose.
It has knocked the stuffing out of him, mind.
That’s what’s really hard, for him and me, seeing him so frail now.
Yet when he went in, he was such a healthy, active man.
Cancer is weird like that. Hidden. Lurking.
You feel fine, and then getting the bloody thing out and treating it, makes you feel horrendous. ’
‘Yeah, I hadn’t thought of it like that. But yes …’ Susie sounded contemplative.
‘Anyway, we’ll work through it,’ said Cath, sounding far more positive than at the start of her rant. ‘So how are all of you? And what are your girls up to lately?’
‘Ah, we’re all fine. Hectic, as always. Hannah’s enjoying all elements of the uni life down at Bristol.
On the netball team, too. She seems very happy.
And Beth’s been off to Paris for a few days with her legal work.
Sounded very glamorous, though she swore she hardly had time to see any of the city or sights.
Had a very fancy dinner, all paid for, mind.
All champagne and canapés, duck à l’orange, and something elaborate and chocolatey to finish. ’
‘Sounds fabulous. We never got any of that treatment in my secondary school maths department.’
‘Hah, no.’
‘Oh, you’ll have to come up again soon.’ With their easy chat, Cath realised how much she missed her sister.
‘Yeah, once all this has settled with Will and his family, I’d love to. I’m sure you’ve enough on your plate just now. But it will be lovely to catch up again properly, and your little village is so beautiful.’
‘Yes, it is a bit hectic right now,’ Cath conceded. ‘And, on top of all this, I’ve got the Tilldale afternoon tea event, I told you about, to get organised.’
‘Oh God, yeah, you’ve got all that to prepare for. You must be bloody mad.’
‘Yes, well, I didn’t know any of this was going to happen when I suggested the idea, did I? I’ve got around thirty expectant attendees on the list. I can’t let them down.’
‘Oh heavens. Good luck.’
‘Cheers. I’ll need it.’ She was bloody crazy, she silently agreed. But Cath would park her concerns on that one for another day. Her brain might well implode otherwise.
‘Right, lovely, well, I’d better go,’ said Susie. ‘We’re off to The Bull for a drink with friends. It’s quiz night. And we’ve got a team together.’ The Bull was their local pub.
And didn’t that sound wonderful. A bit of carefree fun at a pub with friends.
Cath suddenly yearned to go back to those easy days.
They’d had a quiz night at The Star Inn here; Cath, Will and the supper clubbers in a team.
A lot of fun, firing answers like bullets between them – not all of them right – along with a few cheeky beers and vinos.
How the world had shifted. How much you took for granted.
She’d give anything to be back there now, with a cancer-free Will and her buddies laughing.
It’ll come again, a small but steady voice rose inside her.
Like the tides of the sea, good times, bad times, ebbs and flows. This too shall pass …
‘Aw, have a great time. And thanks for listening, Sis.’
‘It’s been good to catch up. And you take care now. It can’t be easy. Send Marti my get-well wishes, and my love.’
That made Cath grin. When Susie had come up to visit her in Tilldale, before Cath and Will were even an item, she’d insisted he looked like Marti Pellow from Wet Wet Wet. And hmm, that wasn’t a bad look at all.
Closing the call, with her fears and frustrations aired, Cath felt so much stronger. The situation was the same, but she was ready to forge back in with a clearer mindset. A problem shared, and all that …
Talking with her sister had felt like pressing a reset button.
*
Despite feeling riled by the situation at Will’s, and after letting off steam with her sibling, Cath knew that going forward she was stronger and more generous than her frustration had made her feel.
Will’s family were absolutely struggling with all this, too.
And perhaps, if the girls were still making her life difficult later down the line, then, when Will was feeling much more himself, they could tackle it together.
But for now, Cath understood that it was better to stay calm, keep visiting Will as and when she could, to be kind, and keep the peace.
It was now eight o’clock in the evening, and she sat outside on her back patio with a cosy fleece on, a glass of chilled pinot grigio to hand, watching swallows dip and turn, as she pondered.
How best could she help Will and his family?
That was what was important here. She needed to stitch up the holes that had recently formed in her safety net for them.
If she wanted to be a more permanent part of their lives, she had to be patient.
*
The next afternoon, Cath headed back to Will’s with resolve, fortitude and her wicker basket to hand, bearing a home-cooked meal – the mince she’d left there last night could go in his freezer – and some additional goodies from the shop for them all.
‘Hey, how’s the patient?’ Cath found Will in his armchair in the lounge, watching a football match on the TV. ‘Andreas and Dan send their love, and I’ve picked up your copy of Cycling Weekly.’
‘Ah, I’m okay, and thanks.’
‘And there’s some refreshing ginger beer, and a couple of 0 per cent lagers for you. I’ll pop them in your fridge in a mo.’
‘That’s great.’ He seemed a little distracted by the match.
Cath continued chatting for a while despite his eyes drifting to and from the players on the pitch, leading in to, ‘Oh, and I wondered about getting some fresh air … a short walk or a drive out somewhere perhaps. How does tomorrow sound?’ She planted the seed.
She’d been getting updates from the supper gang, and the big beach bungalow reveal was imminent.
‘It’ll be good for you. To get back out,’ she mooted.
He needed to build in a little exercise at this point, anyhow, a little getting back to normal.
‘Hmm, yeah, perhaps.’
‘Okay, well, I’ll have a think what might be nice.’ She tried to sound casual, whilst smiling at her idea beginning to take shape. ‘Right, I’ll get this stuff into the fridge.’
She caught up with the girls, who were in the kitchen chatting, giving them her carefully chosen gifts of a mini candle each and some artisan chocolate from the village stores. ‘Here you go, ladies, a little something to chill out with. I think we all deserve a treat, don’t you?’
‘Ah, that’s sweet of you Cath,’ said Maddie warmly. ‘Ooh, and I love a candle.’
‘That’s so lovely, thanks, Cath.’ Sophie seemed genuinely grateful.
‘Oh, and I’ve got a meal to leave for you in the fridge. It’s a lasagne, made fresh, so it’ll keep for a couple of days, if you don’t fancy it tonight. I’ve got a busy evening with tuition, so I’ll be off shortly. Last blast of the exam season with my GCSE students.’
‘Aw, thank you. That’ll save us from getting a takeaway,’ Maddie responded.
‘Hope that goes well, your tuition,’ added Sophie.
And Cath gave a smile. Small acts of kindness. Small steps forward.
She stayed a while to chat about Maddie’s recent nursing shifts, and what plans Sophie had ongoing for the summer.
Some easy conversation. Cath then asked how they felt Will was getting on, interested in their take on his progress.
Though he was able to physically get up and down, and walk around the house more easily, these past few days he’d seemed a bit low if anything, a bit lethargic.
The girls had spotted it too, Sophie saying she’d have thought he’d be getting restless by now, eager to get back out on his bike or something.
‘Yeah, it’s knocked him a bit. But I see this often with my work,’ commented Maddie.
‘There’s a real positivity and energy pre-surgery, like you’re ready to face this thing head-on, and then afterwards, it’s like the shock of it all, the realisation that you’re really dealing with cancer hits your body, your mind too. It’s hard.’
It was early in his recovery though, and goodness knows how sore he must still be feeling, Cath thought. ‘Yes, you’re right,’ she agreed. ‘He’s had so much to cope with.’
He no doubt needed time, they all needed time. And perhaps, a little something to cheer him up … And Cath had just the tonic.