9. Tobias
CHAPTER 9
Tobias
M rs. Peabody stays with Mom while I’m out at the burger joint near work. She insists I take one night a week to myself. Usually, I head out to dinner either here or at the steakhouse on the other side of Ocean Avenue. Then I come home alone. It’s better this way.
I don’t want to worry about the future, about loving someone and then forgetting them like Mom has done with me. It’s my biggest fear—forgetting the one that loves me the most. Because at one time, that was me. I loved Mom the most. And she barely remembers my name now. I’m purposeful about staying detached enough to keep women at arm’s length. Sure, I go on dates occasionally but nothing ever gets too serious.
Sometimes, I’ll eat with a friend or once in a blue moon Jerry will accompany me. But lately, I prefer my own company. I don’t have to hold up a conversation or answer why I don’t do much these days. If people only realized that between the bookstore and caring for Mom, I’m usually too much in my head to be good company.
Tonight, though, the Havenites have been stopping by my table to chat about the town hall meeting, The SeaSong Café, and Goth Girl. So it’s not like I’m totally alone.
“Toby! How’s the book life?” Kevin, a former classmate, puts his hand on the small of his new wife’s back and motions her to slide in opposite to me. “You remember Lily?” he asks as Lily Becker scoots into the booth.
Of course I remember Lily Becker, aka head cheerleader of our graduating class. Not sure what she does now besides run our high school’s class reunions. Everyone remembers Lily Becker. There was a time when I had a crush on her. I think every guy and even some of the girls at Port Haven High did at some point or another. She took full advantage of everyone.
Kevin and Lily married a few months ago—his second marriage, her third. They do make a good couple, though, each of them having two kids and creating the model blended family in town.
“Of course. Hi, Lily. Nice to see you,” I greet.
“Hey, Tobe. Start thinking about our reunion. We’re having a silent auction to raise money so our class can sponsor the new digital sign to replace the old eyesore they have now. Anything left over will go to books for the library.”
“I saw it in the alumni newsletter. I’ll provide a raffle basket. I’m already pulling stuff together for it,” I assure Lily, who smiles as Kevin slides in next to her. Little does she know, I’ll probably have Marie actually put the basket together. She’s much better at these kinds of things than I am, knowing just what to add to spruce it up. She’s much more in touch with minute details than I am.
“Oh, good. We appreciate your support. You’re always one of the more generous graduates,” she says as Kevin intertwines his fingers with hers. It’s this small gesture, and the smile that she gives him that makes their love and adoration apparent. They have something I’ll never let myself have. Oh, I’ve wanted that but not the part that goes with it. “Maybe you could include a gift card to The SeaSong since your businesses are neighbors.”
“I’ll have to see about that.” I don’t want to promise her anything since I’m having a hard time supporting Goth Girl’s business.
The waitress brings my burger and asks Kevin and Lily what they’d like to order.
“We just ate in the other section.” Kevin nods over to the far corner of the dining area of the restaurant where my favorite waitress Marcie works. “We just saw our friend Tobe here and decided to catch up.” The waitress turns, likely disappointed that she won’t be getting any tips from the guy, and walks away to help another customer. I’ll be sure to give her an extra few bucks.
“Did you hear about Harmony, the new café owner?” Lily leans forward while I cut my burger in half. “She has a boyfriend. They were here earlier. You just missed them. They got into a little lover’s spat, and he slammed his fist on the table. The whole place heard it. He’s a looker, though. They must have made up because they left together.” Lily smiles, pleased with herself for having the latest gossip. That’s another thing about the woman—she’s the person to go to if you need details on the latest scandal. It’s what small towns like Port Haven run on, and Lily is their self-appointed President.
Goth Girl has a boyfriend, and he’s a local?
“Really? I haven’t seen her around town. The only time I ever see her is in the alley behind the café on occasion.”
This is an interesting development. For some reason that I can’t pinpoint, I am not happy about it. I’m feeling things I have no right to be feeling when it comes to Goth Girl. Am I envious that she’s capable of finding a partner when I’m destined to live my life alone? Possibly. I’ll probably end up as the male version of an old lady with a cat obsession. I wouldn’t wish caring for a parent with memory issues on anyone, so why would I bring anyone along for the ride? I don’t lead an envious life.
This feels a lot like jealousy, and I’m not comfortable with that nor do I have experience with it. While my life may not be enviable, there’s also nothing wrong with it outside of the obvious. I have a thriving business and a roof over my head. I can afford the things I want, like a Carpathian Grey Jaguar XF.
But I shouldn’t be having any feelings one way or the other when it comes to her. What she does is her business. However, hearing that he slammed his fist on the table isn’t sitting well with me at all. I want to ask how she reacted. Was she scared? Did she flinch? Was it a threat against her? I stiffen at the very thought of someone acting like that toward her.
It’s not like I have room to talk, though. The first time I met her, I was obnoxious and rude on purpose. I shook that piece of paper in her face like some kind of Neanderthal. Granted, I was trying to push her buttons at the time, but I’d never hurt her. I’d never start a conversation with her with the goal of frightening her. “Is he someone I know?” I need to know who it is I need to have a talk with. It might be weird, but I can’t let that kind of behavior slide. My stomach clenches as I wait for her to answer.
“We’ve never seen him before,” they say in unison. I don’t know what they’re expecting from me, but I likely won’t give it to them. Busybodies.
“I don’t think he’s from here.” Kevin leans forward, releasing Lily’s hand so he can rest his elbows on the table. “He looks about her age. Dresses like a freaking rock star—tight, ripped jeans and a band shirt—and has that just-rolled-out-of-bed look going on.”
“He’s kind of cute,” Lily mentions, missing the look her husband gives her at the compliment that isn’t geared toward him. “I wouldn’t mind meeting him.”
“Really, Lily? You’re a little old to be running around chasing after rock stars. You need to stop reading those romance books of yours.” Kevin rolls his eyes at his wife but snaps up her hand and brings it to his lips.
“You don’t complain when I learn something new for us to try in the bedroom.” Lily gives him a playful pout while crossing her arms. Kevin smiles at his wife but shuts the hell up.
“I don’t carry those kinds of books, for the record, she isn’t getting them from me” I explain to Kevin.
“I know, Toby. I have to order them.” Lily gives me a look that tells me she thinks I’m old fashioned. “You should have a romance section.”
“You’ve never asked for them. I can do special orders for you. But I don’t know about adding a whole romance section. It’s a family-friendly store, Lily. Kelleher’s has never carried them.” The romance market is saturated, and I wouldn’t have the first clue as to which books would be popular and which would end up sitting on my shelves for years to come, collecting dust and exposing the youth of Port Haven to concepts they shouldn’t be thinking about at their age.
“You’d get more business if you did.” Lily shrugs. “I’d much rather have the instant gratification of having a book in hand instead of having to wait. And I can’t use an e-reader—they give me migraines.”
“I’ll think about it,” I tell her as I eat. I’m not going to let my food get cold because they decided to sit for an uninvited chitchat.
“You don’t have to cater to Lily, Tobe.” Kevin stretches his hands above his head. “Back to what we were talking about—we’re thinking Harmony’s boyfriend might be from Redding because neither of us have seen him before. Have you seen any new people hanging around?”
I’m not much of a gossip monger, and I’m definitely not on the level Lily is, but I’d have noticed if an unfamiliar man was hanging around.
“Can’t say I have. But again I’m not overly friendly with her. You know my thoughts about the liquor license debacle,” I toss in. I don’t want them thinking I’m interested in Harmony in any specific way. She’s too young for me, after all.
I’m not interested.
At all.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Tobe.
Love is a trap where I’m concerned, and I refuse to lure someone into loving me only to have to take care of me in my decline. I will not be a burden to a potential wife or kids later down the line. Not when there’s no way of knowing for sure that I won’t end up just like my mom.
Even if I was interested in pursuing a relationship, the caretaker in me would put a kibosh to it. Harmony wouldn’t understand the responsibility I have caring for my mom and would leave when she learned my attention couldn’t be fully on her. Or worse, she’d feel obligated to stay with me because of my mom. Either way, it would end in a disaster.