Chapter Thirty Seven
Caroline
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Getting my hopes up, blurring the lines, crossing them, confusing myself…
When am I going to get it through my head that I need to focus on myself, this baby, and nothing else?
I mean, for heaven’s sake… my divorce isn’t even finalized yet and here I am just frolicking around with my high school boyfriend like I’m not about to be a whole ass mother.
Mother. Shit. How am I going to explain where I’ve been to my mother when I come in the front door?
I really need to move the heck out. I honestly had forgotten that I didn’t drive here, when I got to the front door.
Let’s hope Kate really is available to pick me up now.
I head down the porch and dial Kate’s number.
Not wanting to explain this to her either, but at least I can use her as a buffer and a scapegoat to my mom.
“Well good morning, sunshine! What can I help you with at this fine hour?” She answers, mighty cheerful for the hour.
“Hi, what are you doing? I have an SOS and need you to come pick me up…” My tone doesn’t quite match her energy.
“Are you okay? Where are you? I’m actually in the car now. I was about to go to Dunkin,” Kate explains with a little less enthusiasm.
“Perfect. Pick me up on the corner of Orchard and Blossom, iced caramel macchiato please and thanks.”
“On it. Wait… Orchard, as in Reid’s old street?”
“Old street, new street… yeah you know the area.”
“Okay, am I allowed to ask why you’re over there or…?”
“Nope. Just hurry. Bye.”
I hang up before she can ask any more questions and make my way down the driveway. The stop sign is only a couple houses down the sidewalk and it’s honestly a beautiful, crisp morning out here.
I’m not waiting long before Kate pulls up in her black Toyota 4Runner and I hoist myself up into the passenger seat.
“Thanks so much for saving me. I need you to come into my house with me too though…” I say, grabbing the iced coffee out of the cupholder.
“Caroline, what are we? Fifteen? Please don’t tell me that you told your mom that you were sleeping over at my house when I told my mom I was staying at your house!” She smirks, clearly not taking this seriously.
“Oh hush, I definitely feel like a fifteen year old living under that roof again. I didn’t tell them anything or even ask, but you know my mom is going to have questions when I show up. So yes, please tell her that we had a sleepover at your place.”
“Gosh, we need to get you moved back out before you and your mom slash each other's throats.”
“Yeah you’re telling me.” We leave it at that and crank up Miley Cyrus while sipping our iced coffees and opening the sunroof. Despite my current situation, this weekend has honestly been the most alive I’ve felt in forever. Shit, did I peak in high school?
We pull the car in the driveway and I flatten my hair out with my palms, checking in the tiny visor mirror that I don’t have mascara smudged under my eyes. I hop out, feeling optimistic that we will be able to just breeze past my parents and that my elaborate plan will be for nothing.
Luckily, the front door is unlocked and I have a straight path to the staircase. But just as I reach for the handrail to take the first step, I hear my father’s throat clearing. I freeze and slowly turn my head around to catch my dad crossing his arms in a smirk behind me. Busted. Again.
“Hi Dad!” I yell back at him and wave as we skip our way up the stairs in a hurry.
Kate and I lay back on my bed to scroll our phones and are quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. Before I can even call out, my mom is already opening the door after her ‘courtesy knock’ and inviting herself on to the bed to join the party.
“Good morning ladies. What have you two been up to?” She sings, hoping for some stories.
I sit in silence as I let Kate do all the talking for us. “Good Morning, Mrs. Baker. Oh you know just lots of party planning for the baby shower. Time sure is going by quickly.”
“Oh yes, definitely. So you already got everything covered on the list?” Thank God for her quick change in subject. The only thing my mom loves more than gossip is party planning, even if it’s not a party she’s looking forward to.
“Mmhmm” Kate hums out, snapping her lips shut over her straw to take a sip and glancing over at me like she had no clue there even was a list.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m an adult, why am I trying to sneak around?
“Fine!” they both look over at me, unsure of the reason for my outburst. I place my nearly empty coffee cup down on the nightstand, so I can talk with my hands.
“Fine. I spent the night at Reid’s house last night.
Is everyone happy?” Their eyes grow wide and I realize how what just came out of my mouth must sound to them.
“And NO, nothing happened! I just fell asleep on the couch after watching a movie. Now can we all move on?”
I lay back down, hoping the topic will be dropped.
It’s silent for a bit, until my mom stands up and decides not to pick this battle.
“Okay well then, you two have fun with that… I am running late to the pharmacy, so I will catch up with y’all later.
” She happily states, slowly backing towards the door to leave again.
“Have a good day!” Kate rings back as I wait for her to close the door back. Once the coast is clear and it sounds like my mom has walked off, I cover my face and scream into a pillow.
“Now, now. Let’s take a few steps back. What led you to Reid’s house to begin with? I think I need to be filled in here. Stop keeping secrets!” Kate tries to pull the pillow off my face, but I grab harder, still not done with my steam release.
Finally, I decide I’m done and need to come up for air. I let my shoulders fall and prepare to let it all out. “Ugh. He texted me last night, showed up out of nowhere while I was in my pajamas, cooked me dinner, rubbed my feet and fed me candy until I fell asleep.”
“Wow. Romantic… or friendly? Umm I’m gonna need some clarification on what the heck you two are doing here.” Kate tries to be nice in her response, clearly unsure how to support at this point.
“That’s the problem! I don’t know. We haven’t talked about anything. We just keep hanging out, but clearly he doesn’t want to be with the nearly divorced pregnant girl that’s living in her parent’s house.”
“Okay now, that’s a little harsh. I don’t think that’s how he views you, but what makes you think he doesn’t? That sure sounds like he wants to spend time with you.”
“Well, it’s not like he’s made a move or anything.”
“And have you expressed to him that he should? He may be worried about how you’ll react, given the circumstances…”
“I don’t know, I guess not. I think we’re both just scared to cross that bridge again and screw things up, now that we’re finally talking again. It just feels so selfish to wrap him up in my mess right now.”
“But you deserve to be selfish. Caroline, you’re not a mess. Give yourself some damn grace. Yeah sure, you have a lot on your plate right now, but it sounds like he really wants another chance to be back in your life.Have you ever thought of just… letting him?”
“What if he doesn’t though? What if I am just setting myself up for disappointment and failure. I can’t handle another let down right now. I’m about to give birth for heaven’s sake. I need stability.”
“Look, I’m not here to tell you what to do.
All I know is, your heart has always been pulled in his direction and when a 15 year old love finds its way back to you…
if that isn’t stability, then I don’t know what is.
The man has a good job, a roof over his head, and most of all, eyes that have only ever been set on you.
” This is so not like Kate to be all mushy.
“Now, take those statements while you can because you know I’m a man hater at heart and am never one to recommend going back to an ex, but something here sure feels like he has done some growing up and deserves a second chance. ”
She leaves me with much more to think about than I anticipated. I honestly had no idea Kate was ever in support of Team Reid, especially after how she saw he left me in a mess last time. But maybe she’s right. Maybe it was the right person, wrong time sort of thing.