Chapter 61
You can’t beat it for beauty around here, admits Tobias as he takes a seat in one of his favourite bars down by the harbourside, overlooking the water.
It is secluded and shady and, at least from this perspective, he doesn’t have to look at the ruined house.
It is behind him, set back, safely tucked away in the recesses.
If he doesn’t see it or look at it again, he doesn’t have to think about it.
As he orders a cold beer and a bowl of chips – thrice-cooked in beef dripping, according to the blackboard – he decides this is the best course of action.
As it always has been in his life. Onwards and upwards.
He will leave his lawyers and the insurance brokers to fight it out between them.
That’s what he pays them to do. Of course, he’ll have to sell the London house, nothing else for it.
Olivia will get used to the idea eventually.
In fact, he doesn’t expect she’ll mind all that much since she’s dead set on moving down here.
And now the kids are both nearly adults, practically fledged both of them, it makes sense to downsize and rethink.
A waiter brings him his order and he drinks deeply, trying to replace the lost fluids from the night before and his strenuous walk this morning.
Although it is definitely cooler now, he no longer feels quite so hot and bothered as he has all week.
There is a certain peace to be had in acquiescing to the status quo when it can’t be changed.
He refuses to call it fate, though. Every situation can be manipulated or turned to one’s advantage.
If he plays his cards right, he might even come away from all this with a huge insurance payout.
He looks out across the bay and considers the handsome boats of varying sizes and splendour.
What if he were to give up city life, the cut and thrust of finance, and retire down here?
Take up sailing properly, even buy his own boat?
It could work. And he’d be able to keep an eye on Livvy, find a new place.
The idea becomes more appealing with each passing moment, as he eats one hot chip after another, savouring the taste of salt and fat on his fingers, sluicing it all down with cold beer.
His eyes narrow as he begins to lose focus, lost in this daydream; the coastline becoming a shimmering blur of colour and water and space.
He is aware that he is feeling dizzy, light-headed, perhaps a little nauseous; the after-effects of bright sunshine, exertion and then coming into this cool, darkened interior.
Perhaps he should have stopped sooner for shade and refreshment.
Reaching for his pint again, he registers the pain in his chest, the fact his left arm feels weak and uncooperative.
Olivia was right. He should have taken better care of himself.
Should have worn a hat, sun cream, kept out of the midday sun.
What is it they say, mad dogs and Englishmen?
A strange image crosses his mind of a rabid animal, frothing at the mouth, lunging and lashing out at everybody and everything.
He looks down at himself, as if from a great height, and notices with mild interest that his head is lolling, he is listing to one side like a scuttled boat, broken on the inside, sinking and falling.
Tobias tries to call out for help. Will it come?
He is alone in this quiet corner of the saloon bar.
All the others are outside, on the beach, with their families or at home, taking the shade, having a siesta.
Where is his family? He thinks of his wife, her soft, sad, disapproving eyes.
‘Oh, Tobias,’ she would say with disappointment.
‘What did I tell you?’ And Bella and Drew?
Where are they? Then he remembers, he sent them away.
Like Marcus. He said he would be leaving too.
Said he couldn’t bear to spend another moment in his company, after the way he’d treated his mother all those years.
The look of disgust and loathing written plain on his face.
And finally, he thinks of Susie. Yes, miraculously, he finds he can recall her face now.
It comes to him quite clearly. He has not forgotten after all.
Isn’t it strange, that hers should be the last face he sees, here at the end of it all?
Before everything turns resolutely dark and, at last, black.