Chapter Twenty-Four
Adrian
“The Geist must be filled with sorrow to witness us turn against each other so easily.”
— From the Journal of Isabella, Acolyte Formally of House Lynx
Ihated to admit it. More than anything, I hated to admit it, but Gryfon was right.
It became clear, upon our third night of training, that I could train my friends to defend themselves against mortal men but I hadn’t the faintest idea how to fight the gods.
And if the Geist were truly after us, I would be a fool to ignore the threat.
But I didn't have the first clue how to fight a god. It felt impossible.
I tried not to think about it, tried to do my part in the camp and ignore the growing tension within me brought about because everything had gone so horribly wrong.
Since the moment I took that Oath, the second I was pulled toward Dante in that twisting maze, my life had not been my own.
Others made choices around me, deciding my fate without my input or agreement.
The gods had Culled Darius and now I no longer recognized the person he'd become.
I'd lost myself to the Trials and to a partner who'd touched my soul in a way no one ever had.
I'd suffered loss and had yet to fully mourn because I was too busy feeling so utterly stupid for having allowed it to occur.
And now here I was, with a power thought to be extinct and a target on my back I never asked for.
The hot pan tilted off the fire, sending heated grain rolling onto the sand. I reached out, without thinking, to right the pan and save the food.
"Gods!" I screamed, shaking out my newly burned hand.
Several people turned to look as I hissed and stared down at the angry red welt blossoming on my palm.
With a howl of rage, I kicked the pan, sending grain flying.
A few of the other women cooking near me gasped and shuffled out of the way as the pan went clanging to the sand.
Seething, tears stinging my eyes, I just stared down at the spilled grain, shame and rage warring for control of my heart.
It's just grain, I told myself. It's just some fucking grain.
But it wasn’t just the grain.
I heard boots stomping through the sand and glanced up just in time to meet Gryfon's eyes.
Frigid ice met my gaze. His scowl deepened as he reached me.
Muttering a command for me to come with him, he reached out and grabbed my arm.
Pulling me out of the cooking tent, he dragged me away from the wide-eyed women now whispering behind their hands.
More people turned to stare as we passed but Gryfon's fury cleared the way. Even his own warriors gave concerned glances but moved aside to let us through.
At the edge of camp, I wrenched out of his grip.
"Let go of me," I snapped. "Where do you think you're taking me?"
"Come," he spat.
Offering no further explanation, he set off through the endless sands toward the massive orange rock formation just ahead.
I considered planting my feet right there and refusing to move, but that felt like a tantrum more befitting a child.
I was above that, at least. So I hurried after him, huffing in annoyance as loud as I could to make my irritation clear as we tromped across the desert with no stated objective.
I didn't see the cave entrance until we were upon it. Gryfon stormed into the dimly lit cavern without a second thought, leaving me no choice but to follow. After only a moment's hesitation, I did.
"Would you like to tell me why you've dragged me all the way—"
"Scream," he said, whirling to face me so fast I nearly collided with his chest.
I blinked up at him in the limited daylight streaming in from outside the cave, uncertain if I'd heard him correctly. His eyes shifted back and forth, watching me. A solid wall of muscle and well over six feet of brooding, arrogant, angry man stood before me, waiting.
"What?" I asked, stunned by the odd request.
"Scream as loud as you want for as long as you want," he repeated, his tone dropping back to that low, velvety purr I'd heard in my dreams and not yet confronted him about.
"Out there, they can see you're pissed. They can see you're unstable and unhinged and fucking losing it.
In here, no one will hear you. No one will know how you really feel. "
My jaw tensed, my body jolting in preparation for a fight I wasn't sure was coming.
"You will," I whispered, my breathy tone betraying me.
"I already do."
His eyes flashed in the dying light of day, icy blue and piercing my very soul.
His chiseled jaw tensed and his silver hair fell over his shoulder as he watched me and I wondered, briefly, if maybe he could understand.
It was ludicrous, of course. No one could possibly understand what I'd been through, the pressure on me then, the pressure on me now.
Least of all this brooding warrior who'd hardly had a kind word to say to me since I'd arrived.
But there was a pain in his gaze and a memory that drew me inexplicably toward him of a quiet voice in the deepest dark, calling me back to the light.
I stepped forward until our chests were touching, until I could feel his breath on my neck when he looked down at me, until my fingers brushed against his and made them twitch. I lifted my amber gaze to his icy blue and blinked, lips parting in anticipation.
"Are you going to tell me how you spoke to me in my mind?" I asked, my voice a low whisper against his lips as I cocked my head back to look up at him.
A moment of surprise registered in the depths of his eyes before he blinked it away and took a step back. He turned and strode away from me, walking only a few feet before leaning back against the cave wall. He crossed his arms, narrowed his gaze at me, and waited.
"What?" I asked, annoyance growing once again. "You aren't going to tell me?"
Silence.
"What a surprise," I scoffed sarcastically, a bitter laugh escaping me. "Yet another question you won't answer."
Still, that same, sickening silence. He just watched me, perfectly still, expression utterly devoid of emotion.
"I mean, why would you tell me anything, right?
" I was shouting now. I couldn't help myself.
It was all spilling out. Like the damn grain.
This was all because of the stupid grain.
"I'm just a fucking weapon to you, aren't I?
That's all I really am. Just a vessel who can call the dark.
Just another girl to use in your war against ancient, immortal beings you don't really understand.
So why not drag me along with you through this godsforsaken desert?
Since I'm only a tool, it doesn't matter.
You find me in the sand, buried in stone, and your first instinct is to take me home.
Because I'm not a person. Because I don't matter unless I matter to you.
So you drag me back toward Archi, wherever that is, feeling good about yourself, feeling good about your war. But you don't ask me, do you?"
I stomped my foot on the cavern floor. I didn't care how petulant it made me seem, didn't care that I was becoming the child I'd set out to prove I wasn't.
"You're no different from them, you know," I spat, eyes narrowed to a vicious glare now. "You never gave me a choice, just like them. You said they were after us and we had to go to your home. You say I have to call the dark because you need me to. But what about what I need? What about my home?"
Gryfon just stared at me, face as impassive as ever, not even a muscle twitching in any sign he'd heard me or cared about what I had to say.
“Answer me, damn it!" I shouted, storming toward him in the confines of the cave. "Say something! Do you have nothing to say for yourself at all?"
He raised his chin slightly, only to hold my gaze as I approached, but still, didn't say a word.
I hit him.
My fist connected with his shoulder and he didn't even flinch, didn't so much as slide further down the wall or lean away from the impact. He just let me hit him. And something about that made me angrier. So I hit him again.
Again and again, I punched him in the shoulder, the arms, the chest. He just took it.
He just sat there, frowning, until my fists turned into open-handed palms slapping against his chest. Then my hands were pressed against him, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt, as my forehead collided with his collarbone and I lost myself in sobs.
"I can't protect them," I whispered against the cotton. "I don't even know what I'm protecting them from."
He still didn't speak, but the muscles in his abdomen relaxed, the tension in his shoulders loosened. I could feel it all where I stood, pressed against him.
“My friends are the most important thing in the world to me,” I said then, my voice quiet and cracking in the silence of the cave.
“They're all I have left. But I can’t protect them. Not from the gods, not from men, and not from whatever we might be walking into." I braced myself for the confession that came next. "And the…darkness inside me, I can’t use it. I—I don’t know how. I’ve only done it twice and neither time was on purpose and the last time I almost…
I lost myself. I drifted, somewhere, and I didn’t know how to get back. Until…”
I trailed off, pulling back enough to look up and find his eyes on me. Sapphire in the darkness.
“You called to me,” I said, holding his gaze even as my breath hitched, “didn’t you?”
His jaw ticked but he gave a slow nod.
“How?” I breathed.
He watched me for a moment longer and then reached up slowly with both hands. He gripped my wrists where they rested against his chest and lowered them.
Taking in a shuddered breath, I moved to step back, realizing how close we were, but he held me there. Gripping my wrists and gazing into my eyes, he spoke again.
"Do you feel better now?" he asked.