Chapter Fifteen
Thoughts swarm as I pull out of her trailer park.
Has she really forgotten about me that much?
I could sense it as soon as we pulled in…
she was almost embarrassed by her living situation, like she was waiting for me to make fun of her for where she lives.
Anything is better than the house she grew up in, that much I can guarantee…
or should I say all I can hope is that it's better. “Empty” by Letdown starts filling the silence as I keep driving. I think I pushed a boundary with her today. I couldn’t just sit back and let her go…
I might have lied about the tires. I’m paying for them out of my own pocket… will I ever tell her that? No.
Apparently, that dipshit knows nothing about vehicles or cares about any kind of maintenance, or the safety of his own wife.
Tomorrow I'm going to spend the day fixing what I can on her little Cabrio. The all-terrain tires I ordered will help it drive much better. And according to the placement of the cords. It needs an alignment, too. I got you, Любовь. I’ll be anything you need me to be.
I just cannot be a stranger again. Fuck…
if she walks away from me… I don't think I’ll survive it. Friends. I can be her friend… right?
Pulling into my development, I start to slow down as I approach my house.
Backing into my driveway and putting my truck in park.
I just sit there in silence, trying to figure out how we even got here.
As I open my visor, I feel a moment of weakness.
I pull out the old Polaroid that I've kept since the day we took it. It lived on the dashboard of my WRX until the thought of her embedded itself so deeply in that car that I couldn’t bear to live with it anymore.
So I traded it in for my truck. But I couldn’t get myself to throw this away.
Dragging my hands down my face with a sigh, I put the picture back in its safe place.
Shutting off the truck and getting out, I head to my front door.
As I come inside, I spot Charlie curled up on the couch, giving me the look like I dare to disturb him.
“What? Are you not even going to say Hi to Daddy? Huh, big boy.” I walk over and playfully grab his big cheeks, riling him up.
‘’Alright, buddy, let's get you to go potty so we can get ready for bed, yeah?”
Charlie jumps down off the couch, heading to my back sliding glass door.
Opening it so Charlie can do his business, I decided if I’m going to continue to be weak tonight, I might as well have a cigarette.
I drag the pack off my counter and head out to my patio.
I don't smoke that often. I fucking hate the way it smells.
But I do love the feeling of the menthol hitting my lungs. The cooling sensation eases my anxiety.
Smoking over half I decided I had enough, I walk over to the small bucket I keep for the butts and put out the almost gone cig.
“Charlie, come on, buddy. Daddy now needs a shower before bed.” Hearing his paws hit the ground in a run, I know he’s behind me.
Once inside, I shut and lock the sliding door, then fill his water bowl.
Taking two steps at a time, we make our way to the bedroom.
Charlie is already jumping up on the bed, facing the bathroom door.
He lies down with his big head as he watches me.
Stripping off my clothes, I drop them in the hamper on the way to the bathroom.
Turning on the dual rain shower heads on the hottest setting, I step in.
Lukewarm water pelting my shoulders, slowly loosening the tension that appeared there.
I start my shampoo, then my conditioner.
Grabbing my sandalwood bar of soap, I start rubbing it into my washcloth.
My breath picks up as I space out. Images of her start to creep in.
Something snaps. I put my hands on the wall, and water starts cascading down my back.
The control I’ve had for years is threatening to break, acting as if the cool tile is the only thing holding me together.
Imagination running free. Images of Juni swarming around me.
How soft her skin was while she was under me.
The noises she used to make when I would drive into her, begging me not to stop.
The Animal in me is just begging to be set free.
Leaning forward, I rest my left arm and forehead on the wall in front of me as my right hand lowers, a sudsy hand gripping my base, gliding to the top as I harden, catching a bead of precum.
I swirl it around my enlarged head, groaning, as movements become feverish.
My breathing is erratic. I should stop. I can’t fucking have her.
I need to stop loving her. But fuck. The memories of her warm heat wrapping around me… my brain short-circuits.
Breath-catching. I paint the wall in thick white ropes of my release. “Jesus Christ, Gavin. What the fuck was that?” I say, running my left hand down my face. Shame instantly fills me.
Turning off the water and stepping out. I walk over to my vanity. After putting my curl cream in my hair, I decided to skip moisturizing tonight. I walk back into my bedroom. Once I’m dried off, I jump into bed. My head is still feeling light. Sleep overtakes me, and I fall into a deep sleep.
Waking, I feel even more exhausted than when I passed out last night.
Guilt still lingering. I need to keep myself in fucking check.
I’m a grown ass man, not a teenager… I spent a few hours helping her in a time of need.
Apparently, my heart isn’t the only part of my body that misses her.
She’s my forbidden fruit at this point. I yearn for her, but I can’t fucking have her.
Sitting up, I start rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
Charlie picks his head up to look at me and groans.
I swing my legs out of bed. I stand up and make my way to my bathroom.
Walking over to the sink, I splash water on my face, followed by a slap.
I need to get myself together. After taking a piss, I start walking to my closet, slipping on my black undershirt and the garage-issued uniform shirt.
Followed by my work jeans, stained almost black from grease.
Making my way downstairs, Charlie mindlessly follows.
Opening the glass sliding door, Charlie takes off to the back of the yard like a shot.
I wait for him to finish his business, then start gathering my things for the day.
The weather isn’t bad, and I haven’t ridden the bike in a few days.
I make my way out to the garage, unlocking the lid of one of my saddlebags.
Placing my lunch box and white monster in, I shut it and relock it.
I want to give it a few minutes to warm up, so I open the garage door and start the bike.
Heading back inside, I call Charlie in; he’s taking his sweet ass time, of course.
After a few minutes, he slowly makes his way inside, heading to the living room to claim his spot on the couch.
“Be a good boy for daddy, okay, buddy?” I ask, giving him head scratches.
I make sure to refill his food bowl and water before heading out to the bike to leave.
Grabbing a black and grey flannel off the coat rack and my favorite broken in hat.
I slip it on backward and make my way to the garage.
Once the door is locked, I walk over to the bike and swing my leg over the seat.
Seated comfortably, I start to scroll through my playlist, deciding on “Self Medicated” by Until I Wake.
Disengaging the kickstand, I crept forward enough to close the garage door with my fob.
Pulling out of the driveway, I head in the direction of the shop.
By lunch time, I’m ready to brick the absolute shit out of her husband.
The oil is 2,200 miles overdue. The brake pads are all but nonexistent.
The list keeps growing. How fucking hard is it?
Granted, I know not all men know how to work on vehicles, but Jesus Christ..
YouTube is a thing. You have to learn somewhere.
This is going to be an all-day affair, but I don't care; at least her car will actually be roadworthy. She’s probably going to be pissed.
But let her be. I wasn’t letting that car out of my garage like that, fuck that.
It’s all but three pm by the time I get the last tire on.
This was legit an all-day job. But now she shouldn’t have any car issues for the foreseeable future.
Pulling out my phone, I go to my recent calls and tap her name, waiting for it to ring.
“He.. hello? Gavin?” She asks sleepily. My phone call must have woken her up from a nap.
“Hey.. uh, your car is finished and ready to go. I just need you to sign some things, so I’ll come grab you and bring you back here if that’s okay?” I ask sheepishly.
“Yeah, I’ll jump up and get ready. I’ll see you soon, Gavin. Thank you.”