Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
BEATRICE
He meant it.
Every word.
He wasn’t being cheesy or forcing a compliment or anything like that.
That’s the part that has me spiraling long after the server delivers our water and menus. Not the words themselves, really, but the look on his face when he said them.
Said that I was too much sometimes.
That looking at me was like staring straight into the sun…
Staring into the sun is a bad idea, obviously, but he didn’t say it like it was a bad idea. He said it like there’s nothing he’d love more than to go blind looking at me. And if that isn’t the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to anyone, I don’t know what is.
It’s certainly the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me, especially a guy who has been busting his ass to give me space. To keep things low-pressure between us. To be a friend and nothing but a friend.
Friends get friends flowers…
But we’re not just friends, and maybe we never have been.
Maybe this has always been love. Maybe it’s always been a question of “when,” not “if.” Maybe Blue and I were destined for the deep end, no matter how hard either of us tried to keep things in the kiddie pool.
I study the menu like my life depends on it, but I already know what I want—Pad Thai, extra lime, and a green papaya salad so spicy it’ll make my eyes water.
Bean’s been demanding sour and hot all week.
I’ve known what I was going to order since I texted Blue earlier.
The menu is just somewhere to put my focus, so it isn’t on him.
On the look in his eyes.
On the sexy rumble in his voice as he asks if I want to share a pot of the jasmine tea and a Thai iced tea with extra coconut milk. And, of course, I do.
I want to do anything that sexy voice tells me to do.
I have since way before that night in April.
Hell, if my truest, horniest Self had been given free rein, I would have dragged him into the creepy BDSM taxidermy bathroom at The Brass Monkey the night we met.
We would have gone straight from gazing deep into each other’s eyes as we crooned “I don’t know much, but I know I love you,” to violating each other ten different ways under a stuffed squirrel in a ball gag.
Only it wouldn’t have been “violating” in any sense of the word.
It never is with Blue. Even when he’s fucking me like a freight train with that massive cock, his good heart is front and center.
He fucks me hard because he knows that’s how I like it.
If I asked him to be gentle, to make love to me like a trembling virgin from a historical romance on her wedding night, there’s no doubt in my mind he’d deliver that, too, and then some.
So, of course, I can’t ask for that.
Rough, sexy Blue gets to me like no one ever has. Gentle Blue with his wide-open heart and those eyes that promise he’s ready to be my forever would destroy me. I might start weeping and never stop.
And maybe that’s why I’ve tried so hard to hold him at a distance.
Maybe it’s not Bean I’m protecting. Maybe it’s…me. Maybe I’m not as “over” the death of that soulmate dream as I thought I was.
“So, tell me about the meeting,” Blue says as the server finishes taking our order and hustles toward the kitchen. “Why was it a shit show?”
Right. The meeting. The whole reason I texted him.
That’s the reason I texted him, not because I’m looking for a reason to spiral deeper into the angst pit.
I’ve already had enough angst for one day.
I have to focus on getting the album back on track before time runs out. Blue seems determined to stick around. He’ll still be here in a month or two or three.
The same can’t be said for my capacity to pull off a photo shoot, devise a marketing campaign, and execute on a revamped launch plan for this album before I’m too busy recovering from childbirth and learning how to care for a newborn to think about anything but feeding schedules and whether I need to order more diapers.
“Basically, Checkers fired me.” I keep my voice level, determined not to get worked up about it all again.
“Or I fired him. He was trying to bully me into having something else on the album cover aside from my hideous body, but I said no. He said pregnant women are nasty, I told him to go to hell, and we decided we should dissolve the contract and go our separate ways. We never even got around to talking about remastering the old songs.”
Blue’s eyes go wide before quickly narrowing again. “What? He said that?”
“Not those exact words, no. But not too far off, either. He was such a dick. I’ve never seen him act like that before.
” I roll my eyes, fighting to keep my blood pressure from spiking.
“He said he’d done ‘market research,’ which apparently involved asking a bunch of girls at an open mic night if they thought pregnancy was sexy.
The consensus was, no, it is not. That it’s actually scary and gross and no one wants scary and gross with their music, so… ”
Blue goes still, aside from the muscle balling in his jaw. “He was polling women at a bar about your body,” he repeats slowly.
“I’m not sure if it was my body in particular or pregnant bodies in general, but…
yeah.” I trail off with a shrug. “That seems to be all it took. Though I suspect he isn’t a pregnancy fan, so there was probably some existing bias.
” I glance up, spirits lifting as our server appears with a tray of steaming plates. “Yay, food’s here!”
I wait until the woman with the three tiny pigtails has placed the dishes on the table, assuring us she’ll be back with another Thai iced tea when we’re done with this one, before I continue, “But Checkers wouldn’t have been on board with the new sound.
Marcus confirmed my gut check on that. So, even if he hadn’t canceled the photo shoot, we would have been at an impasse.
I guess it’s best we ended things now, while there’s still time for me to pivot. ”
“Not much time.” Blue stabs at his green curry. “And this is blatant discrimination, Bea. A textbook violation of your rights and laws. Probably several of them. Have you talked to your lawyer about all this? What did she say?”
“She’d probably say you have a point and I have a case.
” I lift my hands in the air. “But I don’t want to go there, I really don’t.
Checkers is going to let me out of the contract without a fuss, and I’m not interested in nailing his ass to the wall in court.
” I point my fork at Blue. “I’m going to nail his ass to the wall by proving how wrong he is, and making him regret the day he let me walk out of that studio like he regrets selling the Apple stock his grandad gave him when he passed twenty years ago.
” I swirl up a bite of noodles and pop it between my lips, moaning happily as I chew, murmuring, “Ohmygod, so good,” with my mouth full.
“Okay, if that’s what you want, but what’s the game plan? Are you going to push the release date? You’re seriously short on time.”
“I know, but I can’t, I don’t want to lose any more momentum.
” I dive my fork back into my Pad Thai. “And I don’t know how challenging having a newborn is going to be.
I need to get this done now, before Bean gets here, but I think I can pull it off.
Marcus is already on board and psyched to remaster the old songs.
I can tell he gets exactly what I’m going for, and I think he’ll knock this out of the park. ”
Blue nods. “I think so, too. And that’s great news. Marcus is the real deal. I honestly can’t believe he’s still in New Orleans.”
“I know,” I agree. “I bet he’ll be in L.A.
soon, working for one of the heavy-hitters.
Or in South Korea, taking over the K-pop mastering scene.
” I bob a shoulder and grin. “But until then, he’s on my team.
And I booked a kickass photographer this afternoon for the new cover shoot, and Charlotte was able to get the Botanical Garden for us for this weekend.
They close at four on Sundays, so we’ll have plenty of time to get some killer shots at magic hour.
” I pop another bite and chew, my thoughts racing.
As soon as I swallow, I add, “The marketing strategy will obviously need to be revised completely, but I’ve already been doing research and brainstorming with some industry friends. It won’t be easy, but I think I can pull it off. If I hustle.”
His expression shifts, his brow furrowing as he glances down at his plate.
“What?” I ask, my stomach tightening. “You think I’m crazy? And dreaming impossible dreams?”
“No, I don’t think you’re crazy. If anyone can pull this off, it’s you, but…
” He sighs, lowering his voice as he adds, “If I’d put on a fucking condom, none of this would be happening, Bea.
You wouldn’t be dealing with all this. You’d still be on track for a mainstream release.
If not with Checkers, then with someone else. ”
I set my fork down, wipe my mouth, and pin him with a hard look, wanting to be damned sure he hears me as I say, “Don’t go there, Archer.
Don’t you dare. Bean is not a mistake. Not to me.
And she isn’t separate from the person I’ve become or the music I made in Scotland.
She’s part of it. A very important part, and that’s why I want this visual on the cover. ”