Chapter 12
TWELVE
‘Is it about your girlfriend?’ Ciara asked, bracing herself for some disappointing news.
Ronan shook his head. ‘No. It’s about my mother.’ The tone in his voice was suddenly immensely sad.
‘Is she ill?’ Ciara asked gently.
‘Yes. She’s disabled.’
‘I see,’ Ciara said, sensing there was more to come.
Ronan took a deep breath. ‘I don’t know why but I want to explain my situation with my mother to you.’
Ciara sat up straighter. Somehow, she felt like it made sense. ‘Go on.’
Ronan nodded. ‘I live with her in the house where I grew up. And before you think what a pathetic loser I must be to still live at home at the age of thirty-four, you should know that she is in a wheelchair.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Ciara said, touched by the sudden pain in his eyes. ‘That must be hard for her.’
‘Yes,’ Ronan filled in. ‘And you see, it’s my fault that she’s so disabled.’
‘Oh,’ Ciara said, stuck for words. She didn’t quite know what to say. ‘What happened?’ she asked, feeling he was going to tell her something awful.
‘A traffic accident,’ he said. ‘Eight years ago. I was driving. We were on the way to a birthday party in Kilkenny. My mother’s sister was turning sixty and was giving a big bash in her country house. The accident was all my fault.’
‘Had you been drinking?’ Ciara asked gently.
‘No. I hadn’t,’ Ronan replied. ‘It was nothing like that. I was looking at my phone for just an instant. There was a text message from my then girlfriend. I shouldn’t have paid any attention to it. But I did, and then I swerved into the path of an oncoming truck and then…’
‘Oh no,’ Ciara said, horrified. ‘So you crashed into it?’
Ronan nodded and swallowed nervously. ‘Yes. We had just come off the motorway and turned into the very busy road into Kilkenny town. I actually don’t remember much about it. It all went black and I woke up in the ambulance. I was injured too, but not as badly as she was.’
‘How bad was it for you?’ Ciara asked.
‘A broken leg and a dislocated shoulder. I was concussed too, but the damage was nothing compared to my mother’s. She’s paralysed from the waist down and will never walk again. Her face was also damaged by glass when she was thrown through the windscreen.’
‘How awful,’ Ciara said, feeling close to tears after what she had heard. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Thanks,’ Ronan said and looked away. ‘You have no idea how terrible I felt when I realised that my mother’s life was ruined because of me.
If only I hadn’t looked at that stupid text message.
I felt so guilty and was close to ending my life.
But then my aunt said I had to be strong for my mum and help her get back to some kind of life.
It was a huge struggle, but, well, I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to her well-being.
So I look after her the best I can and try to be cheerful when we’re together. ’
‘Do you have any help at all?’ Ciara asked.
‘Oh yes, she has a carer when I’m at work. A wonderful woman from Estonia called Aino. I don’t know what we’d do without her. I’m so grateful to people like her who come to Ireland to work in healthcare.’
‘I know what you mean,’ Ciara said. ‘What would we do without them? I admire them enormously.’
‘Me too,’ Ronan said, looking more cheerful.
He sat up straighter and pushed back his wavy dark blond hair.
‘Sorry – I don’t want to upset you, but…
’ He shook his head. ‘It’s strange, but your opinion of me matters a lot to me.
We have only just met, but I’m here because I’m interested in your story.
I mean, the inheritance and Martha Fitzgerald and that you hadn’t a clue who she was, even though she seemed to know all about you.
’ His gaze intensified as he returned her focus. ‘I found that so intriguing.’
‘It is a weird story, that’s for sure. And it’s nice to be able to talk about it to someone who isn’t my mother,’ Ciara added with a wry smile.
‘Why?’ Ronan said. ‘Don’t you get on with your mother? I thought she was lovely.’
‘Well, yes, she is, but she’s always at me,’ Ciara replied.
‘Everything I do is slightly wrong, as if I’m not adult enough to make my own decisions.
And then she keeps harping on about finding a nice man and settling down, having a family and all that stuff.
I’m not ready for that, but she keeps going on about it.
Not to mention how I dress and what I eat.
I feel like a six-year-old sometimes when I’m with her. ’
‘I take it that you’re an only child?’ Ronan suggested, looking amused.
‘How did you know?’ Ciara asked.
‘Just a wild guess.’
‘Are you one too?’ Ciara wanted to know.
‘No, I have a sister who lives in Galway,’ Ronan said in a flat voice. ‘Don’t see her much. She really struggles with my mother these days.’
‘Does she ever come for a visit?’ Ciara asked.
‘Now and then. Not very often,’ Ronan replied. ‘When she comes, my mother is ecstatic. Sarah is the girl who can do no wrong. You’d think she was royalty the way my mum goes on.’
‘Does it upset you?’
Ronan shrugged. ‘Not really. If she makes my mother happy for a little while, I can take it. When Sarah is around, my mum is so much brighter and that takes the load off my back for a while.’
Ciara nodded, feeling a pang of pity for this nice man with the sad eyes. How awful it must be to live with this guilt and never get a break from it. ‘I think you’re very brave,’ she said in a quiet voice.
‘Thank you,’ Ronan replied.
‘What about your father?’ Ciara asked. ‘Is he around?’
‘No,’ Ronan replied. ‘My parents divorced when I was ten. I haven’t seen him since before the accident.’
‘How sad for you.’
‘Not really,’ Ronan said. ‘I’m used to it. But enough about me. What are you going to do with your inheritance? The money is easy to deal with, but what about the house?’
‘I don’t know,’ Ciara said, feeling he wanted to change the subject away from his situation.
She looked out across the overgrown garden.
‘I was thinking I’d just do it up and sell it.
I love this area already, though, so it might be hard to give it up.
It’s so remote and wild and peaceful at the same time – we’ve already been to dinner with some new friends.
And the area hasn’t been developed or made into some kind of tourist trap or anything.
Not like Enniskerry; that seems to be very upmarket.
I saw some incredible villas there on the way up the mountains. ’
‘Oh yes,’ Ronan agreed. ‘The houses there sell for millions.’
‘It’s strange to drive towards Cherrywood,’ Ciara said. ‘You really leave the modern world behind and get into a world steeped in history. I could imagine the O’Toole and O’Byrne clansmen riding down those steep slopes.’
‘Sounds romantic, but I’m sure it wasn’t,’ Ronan remarked, smiling. ‘They were rough men who wouldn’t think twice about chopping someone’s head off if they weren’t happy.’
‘You’re probably right,’ Ciara said. She looked up at Ronan’s face, his straight nose and handsome features.
She was so intrigued by him. ‘So what happened to your girlfriend?’ she asked, suddenly wanting to know if he was still in touch with her.
She had an odd feeling that he hadn’t talked much about his situation to anyone until now.
‘What girlfriend?’ Ronan asked.
‘The one who sent that text message,’ Ciara replied and immediately regretted what she had said. It didn’t even answer the question she really wanted to ask anyway. Which was, did he have a girlfriend now? ‘Sorry, that’s none of my business.’
‘Oh that’s okay,’ Ronan said. ‘We broke up after the accident. I think she couldn’t cope with my guilt and then the fact that I was now going to look after my disabled mother.
I have a feeling she thought that I blamed her for the accident.
But I didn’t really. She couldn’t have known that I was driving at the time. ’
‘A lot of people would have felt it was somehow her fault,’ Ciara said.
‘What would be the point of blaming her? It happened and I had to deal with it. I’ve tried to tell her that, but I’m not sure she believed me.
But maybe one day we might meet and talk about it.
’ He started to get up. ‘I can’t stay long.
My mother thinks I’m in the office, so I have to head home in the early afternoon. ’
‘Must be hard for you,’ Ciara remarked. ‘I mean, not to be able to have any time for yourself.’
‘Oh, I do from time to time. Aino stays on for a bit if I want to go out with friends,’ Ronan said.
‘But I don’t ask her that often. My friends seem to have forgotten about me, or maybe they just can’t cope with my situation.
It tends to put a dampener on a jolly evening, somehow.
In any case, my mother likes me around in the evenings.
Aino gets her ready for bed and then I make dinner and we eat on a tray in the living room and watch TV until she gets tired.
I then tuck her into bed and sit with her until she goes to sleep around nine o’clock.
Then I can relax and read or research or whatever until bedtime.
She has a bell so she can call me if she wakes up in the middle of the night. ’
Ciara didn’t quite know what to say. Ronan’s life seemed so dreary and sad and she didn’t know how he put up with it.
He seemed to feel he had to look after his mother full time as the accident had been his fault, but maybe he had an exaggerated feeling of duty?
‘I think you’re amazing,’ she finally said.
Ronan stood there for a while looking slightly awkward. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘And thanks for listening. Is there anything else I can do before I leave?’
‘We’ll go and see what Ma has been up to in the shop,’ Ciara said, getting up.
‘I’m glad you’re not alone up here.’ Ronan walked to the gate, accompanied by Brian. ‘Is he allowed out of the garden?’
‘He can come with us,’ Ciara replied. ‘I have a feeling he has taken to you. He’s very sociable. A real people-person.’