Chapter 23 #2
‘He’s an artist and he lives in the tower up on the hill behind Cherrywood,’ Ciara replied. ‘That tower belonged to his ancestors, the O’Tooles, who’ve been there since the eleventh century or something.’
‘Interesting,’ Ronan remarked in a cold tone. ‘Is he… Are you…?’
‘Involved?’ Ciara asked, trying not to show that she found his rather obvious annoyance funny.
‘I don’t know yet,’ she said while she wondered how Ronan could be worried about her possible attraction to Oisín when he might soon reconnect with his former girlfriend.
‘But I don’t think so. Oisín is nice, but not really my type. ’
‘I see,’ Ronan said, looking a little brighter. ‘Anyway, I’m glad you met my mother.’
‘Yes,’ Ciara said. ‘Actually, I thought you wanted me to meet your girlfriend, when you talked about someone called Elaine.’
Ronan smiled. ‘That was my fault for not explaining who she was. I don’t have a girlfriend as such,’ he added.
‘Well, I thought you did,’ Ciara said, cheered by his comment. ‘So I was a little taken aback when I saw her. She’s not what I expected, though. She seems so nice and friendly.’
‘She likes you,’ Ronan said. ‘Because she doesn’t think you’re a threat. But if she knew how I feel about you, she might not be as happy.’
Ciara met Ronan’s gaze. ‘How do you feel about me?’ she asked, even though she saw the answer in his eyes.
He took her hand. ‘I’m not good at expressing my feelings,’ he said shyly.
‘I find you very attractive, but that’s not why I like you so much.
You’re strong and feisty and fun and a true friend.
I feel that we could be much closer if only I was free to…
’ He stopped and let go of her hand. ‘I’m sorry.
It’s not fair to you to talk like this.’
‘Why not?’ Ciara asked, even though she knew what he meant.
His words, combined with the look in his eyes, made her heart beat faster and she suddenly felt breathless.
‘Whatever about your situation,’ she said when she had recovered her composure, ‘I’m glad you told me.
And I have similar feelings for you, just so you know,’ she added, her face hot.
‘It’s so unfair that we can’t… I mean, that you don’t have the life you deserve.
Surely you’ve paid for your mistake by now. ’
‘I will never stop feeling guilty,’ Ronan said quietly. ‘Mum has never blamed me. Not ever. But I can’t get over that I ruined her life. She has told me off many times for feeling that way, but I can’t help it.’
‘But in that case,’ Ciara started, ‘wouldn’t she want you to be happy?
’ She met Ronan’s gaze while it dawned on her that she had been wrong all along.
Elaine was not in any way forcing her son to be tied to her bedside and to look after her.
It was Ronan’s own feelings of guilt that had made him look after his mother.
‘Maybe,’ Ronan said after a moment’s silence. ‘But do I deserve it after what I did to her?’
Ciara squeezed his hand. ‘I think you do. Haven’t you paid your debt to her by now?
Haven’t you given up many years of your life to look after her?
Surely you can forgive yourself now? And if I were in her shoes, I would forgive you too.
I can see how much she loves you, but I also got the impression that she’s a lovely, kind woman who wants you to have a future. ’
‘Do you really think so?’ Ronan asked, moving closer to Ciara.
‘I do,’ Ciara said, looking deep into his hazel eyes.
She saw a glimmer of hope there, which gave her the courage to be more assertive.
‘I also think you’ve been beating yourself up for years and made yourself miserable.
Why don’t you talk to her? Ask her what she wants you to do and how she would like to solve the problem.
Or are you not brave enough to do that?’
Ronan pulled back and stared at Ciara. ‘You’re right. That’s what I should do. And I will. I never saw it in that way at all. I just looked at it from my own point of view, feeling sorry for myself. Thank you, Ciara.’
‘You’re welcome. I’m glad I’ve made you see things differently.’
‘You have,’ Ronan said. ‘Anyway, we should go and meet her and your mother at the fountain, or they’ll wonder where we got to.’
‘And then we must get back to Cherrywood,’ Ciara said, getting up. ‘We have so much to do.’
‘Of course,’ Ronan said as he rose from his seat. ‘Come on, then. I have to take over from Maureen, who has been so kind to look after Elaine today.’
‘She wanted to give us a chance to be alone,’ Ciara said as she followed Ronan through the door into the main restaurant. ‘She thinks you’re great son-in-law material.’
It was Ronan’s turn to blush. ‘Well, she must have thought it very unlikely all the same.’ He turned to Ciara as they went into the dark corridor leading to the reception area.
Then he suddenly stopped and pulled her close.
‘I want to be free to be with you,’ he whispered and then he pressed his lips to hers, holding her tight for an instant.