Chapter 53
Harper and Frankie sat on the same side of the booth, their backs to the wall, facing the door. Harper thought they probably looked odd sitting like that but once Sharlene arrived, it wouldn’t be weird. If she arrived.
Maybe they’d get lucky, and she’d flake. Except Frankie wouldn’t like that, and Harper didn’t want her sister to get hurt. This was already a tenuous situation.
Harper took a sip of the ice water the server had dropped off for them. She was so conflicted. On one hand, she wanted the meeting to go well so Frankie would feel good about the whole thing. On the other hand, Harper would be fine never meeting the woman.
Her life didn’t require a connection with her birth mother. She had Annie, her adopted mother, and even if the woman she considered her mom didn’t know who she was anymore, Harper had long ago made peace with it. Dementia might have erased her from her mother”s mind, but it could never erase Harper’s memories. Annie, would always be her mother. No one was going to change that. Regardless of biology.
Shar was merely the human conduit that had brought her and her sister into the world. Yes, she’d gotten them through the first few years of life but then she’d abandoned them to the care of the state. To Harper, that negated her ability to consider herself a mother.
“What was that?” Frankie looked at her.
“What was what?” Harper asked.
“You just grunted.”
Harper frowned. “I don’t grunt.”
“You do and you did.”
Harper took a breath. Apparently, she’d externalized her internalizations. “Nothing. Just thinking.”
“About Shar?”
“Who else?”
Frankie gave Harper a quick side hug, arm-around-her-shoulders style. “I know you have anger issues when it comes to her, and I don’t blame you for that. You’re allowed to feel however you need to feel. But maybe hearing her side of things will change that. Or at least help you find some peace about it. We don’t really know what happened. It might have been beyond her control.”
Harper knew her sister was trying to smooth things out. To get her into a good head space before Shar arrived. But this approach wasn’t working. For Frankie’s sake, Harper kept her tone calm. “Frankie, you realize that if she gave us up for reasons beyond her control that’s actually worse, right? It means she was in a seriously bad situation. Like alcohol. Or drugs. Or who knows what.”
Frankie blinked like that was just now occurring to her. “I’m just saying we don’t know, and we should at least hear her out.”
“I’m sitting right next to you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to listen.” For how long, Harper couldn’t say. There was every possibility she might have to step outside at some point if things got to be too much. She had a lot of resentment when it came to her birth mother. Birth father, too, but she had far fewer memories of him than she did of their mother, and he seemed completely out of the picture.
Frankie gave her hand a quick squeeze. “I know I’ve said it, but thanks again for being here with me. It means a lot. Probably more because I know you don’t want to be here, but you’re doing it for me.”
Harper watched a drop of condensation trickle down the side of her glass. “I hope you get what you want out of this. I mean that. Finding peace is a big deal.” She doubted that meeting Shar would bring either of them any kind of peace, but sometimes things like that had to be experienced firsthand.
The café’s door opened, and a stout, older woman came in. She had shoulder-length curly red hair faded by age, a well-lined face, and vibrant blue eyes. She wore an emerald-green peasant blouse embroidered with flowers, a denim skirt, and gold orthopedic sandals.
“Shar,” Frankie said with breathy anticipation.
The sight of her hollowed Harper out. It was as if everything she’d been prepared to feel no longer existed and had been replaced by numbness. This was the woman who’d abandoned them. Who might have willingly given up her children.
Harper’s stomach twisted and she felt sick. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to talk to this woman. She didn’t want anything to do with her.
Frankie raised her hand and waved. “Shar, over here.”
Harper’s throat constricted. She opened her mouth to get more air, staring as Shar turned and smiled. Frankie had that same smile, too. Frankie had the woman’s same build. Hourglass shape, but with an excess of forty or fifty pounds. Maybe sixty in Shar’s case. It was the same shape Harper had spent all of her adult life fighting.
Frankie grabbed Harper’s arm excitedly. “Scooch out. I want to get up.”
Harper did as her sister asked, but just stood there as Frankie went past her to greet Shar.
“Hi. I’m so glad you could make it.”
Shar gazed up at Frankie, her eyes filled with tears. “My beautiful Frances. I’d recognize you anywhere. Can I hug you?”
“Sure,” Frankie said as she enveloped the woman in her arms.
Harper wanted to leave. She wouldn’t. But she wanted to. Instead, she stood there, tamping down the urge to run and waiting for the inevitable moment that Shar turned to greet her.
Frankie let go and the moment happened.
Shar dabbed at her eyes and smiled at Harper. “There she is. Dear Harriet. What a beauty you turned out to be.”
Harper shook her head, not quite making eye contact. “I changed my name. I go by Harper now.”
Shar nodded. “Harper. Okay. That’s what I’ll call you. And you can both call me Shar. I don’t expect more than that.”
Good, Harper thought. Because she wasn’t getting called Mom. Ever. That ship had sailed. Decades ago.
“Why don’t we sit,” Frankie said. “You can get something to drink, and we’ll figure out what we want for lunch and then we can catch up.”
Catch up.Sure, that’s what they were doing. It had been forty-seven years since this woman had last seen them. Catching up didn’t seem to quite encapsulate what needed to happen, but Harper held her tongue.
If she said anything now, she wasn’t sure she could stop her true feelings from coming out. She really shouldn’t have come. She’d thought she’d be able to keep it together, for Frankie’s sake, but she was already struggling.
She watched as Frankie slipped back into the bench seat. She seemed to be doing just fine. Good for her.
Harper sat as soon as Frankie was settled. She immediately picked up her menu. Her appetite was gone, and she was too agitated to make any kind of decision about what to eat, but it made a good barrier between her and Shar.
The server returned. Shar ordered a sweet tea.
When the server left, Shar smiled at them. “I’m sure you girls have a lot of questions. I have a few of my own, but I’ll answer anything you ask. It’s so good to see you both after so long. I can’t believe we’re all here. Together. I never thought I’d see either of you again.”
Harper flattened her menu on the table and folded her hands on top of it. She had questions, all right. And she was done being quiet. She’d been quiet for years. “Let’s start with this one. Why did you abandon us?”
Shar’s smile faltered and she swallowed. She straightened the napkin holding her silverware. “It wasn’t by choice, I can tell you that.”
“Then why?” Harper’s entire body felt like a coiled spring. “We deserve to know, don’t you think?”
“You do,” Shar said. She cleared her throat and lowered her voice. “You were taken from me because I was involved in an incident—”
“An incident?” Harper could hear the shrillness coming out of her, but she didn’t care. She was barely hanging on and this woman wanted to play games? “What kind of incident results in you losing custody of your children?”
The server returned with Shar’s sweet tea. Frankie asked the server for a few more minutes, and they were left alone again.
Shar sat up straighter and looked Harper in the eyes. “I was arrested for driving the getaway car when your father and two of his friends robbed a bank.”