Chapter 26
Diane was all alone in her office. It had long since gone dark and the rest of her team had already left to go to the event at the London Eye. It had been such a strange day. She’d expected Stacey to arrive in that morning, brimming over with news of the party at the Tower of London, starry eyed at how wonderful it had been. Except she had barely mentioned it. When Diane had asked how it had gone, she had merely shrugged. Said it had been fine, just fine, and thanked her for all her help with getting ready before handing back the sparkling dress carefully packaged in a suit carrier.
‘How was Will?’ asked Diane. ‘Did he sweep you off your feet?’
‘Something like that,’ said Stacey, but her body language said anything but. Diane glanced over at Yang to see if he could shed any light on what had happened, but he merely shrugged, put his headphones back on and stared into his screen. She was clearly going to get nothing out of him either.
Jolene, however, had bounced into the office that morning full of beans, dressed in a full-on elf costume, excited about that evening’s event at the London Eye. Diane admired her enthusiasm and, to be fair, she appeared to have everything under control. She’d been down to brief the mayor on proceedings the day before and he had even called Diane to tell her what a magnificent job Jolene was doing. Diane wouldn’t be surprised if, when it came time for Jolene to move on from the Accounts Department, she was offered a placement in the mayor’s office.
Diane had watched silently as Jolene had stood on a chair that morning and briefed everyone on the timetable for the event. She’d run through everything in a very professional manner, despite the fact that she was wearing an elf costume. Even Barney appeared to be hanging on her every word as he proudly modelled the Father Christmas outfit she’d found for him. Yes, Jolene had proved to be a real asset to the team, despite Diane’s major misgivings when she had arrived. Her enthusiasm and drive to get things done were traits that the council desperately needed. She would go far if she could maintain that and not get bogged down like most people seemed to in this building. Maybe her positive mental attitude would keep her going in this difficult work environment. Even her Secret Santa Project had had a positive impact. Much as they had all griped and groaned about it, it had made them think about Christmas in a different way; brought them closer together, somehow. After her briefing on the London Eye event, Jolene reminded them of their commitment to the Secret Santa Project and that they were only a day away from the deadline of the Christmas Coffee celebration.
‘And don’t forget it’s nearly Christmas, guys,’ Jolene had said, clapping her hands together. ‘I’m going to come in early tomorrow and get some atmosphere going ready for Christmas Coffee and the Secret Santa Project,’ she announced, grinning from ear to ear. ‘Really can’t wait. If anyone needs any help getting theirs done I’m happy to be of assistance. Please just ask.’
Not that Diane had nailed hers yet, of course. As soon as she’d done this damn structure that was next on her list, she’d put her mind to it.
Everyone had set off for the London Eye in the late afternoon, with Diane promising to join them as soon as she could. Deadline day for submitting her new structure to HR was fast approaching and she needed to find space to think about it. Should she actually make the call and suggest cancelling next Christmas? She had all the data now to make it look like a valid suggestion, but she wasn’t sure if she could be the one to pull the plug on Christmas in the borough. She needed to weigh it up against making a member of her team redundant. The blank organisation chart sat in front of her but all she had managed to do so far was to put her name at the top.
She knew she should not treat it personally, that she should work out the best structure to deliver what her department needed her to. However, these were people’s lives she was dealing with. How could she not treat it personally? Making people redundant was always personal.
She got up from behind her desk and took a walk around the open-plan office where her team worked. Barney’s desk was fastidiously tidy, with paper files lined up neatly in a row. Barney was the only one in the office who still insisted on paper files, saying that he needed to feel his filing system as well as see it. She’d tried telling him it was a waste of paper and he needed to file on his computer but he ignored her, telling her that he could always put his finger on whatever document he needed and the way he did that should not be questioned. Barney really was stuck in the past and probably the most obvious one to be asked to leave. But there, pride of place, was the picture of his dead wife next to his tidily arranged files. This was a man still grieving. A man who lived alone, a man not ready to be put on the rubbish pile of life. Getting rid of Barney would be condemning him to abject loneliness, and the thought of that during the season of goodwill to all men chilled Diane’s very soul.
Stacey’s desk was dominated by a large digital display clock. The badge of a single mum constantly trying to pack too many responsibilities into not enough time. Stacey reminded Diane of herself when Chloe was young. The weight of responsibility hanging heavy on her shoulders alongside the shock of living a life purely to the benefit of others, without a moment to herself. Diane wanted to make Stacey’s life better, not worse. That’s why she was so flexible with her hours. She had total empathy for the position young working mothers found themselves in, and really she couldn’t bear to put Stacey on the job market, knowing that another empathic boss like her was going to be really hard to find.
Yang’s desk held no personal trophies, nothing. A completely bare space apart from his computer. Yang barely brought his personal life to work. Diane felt she knew nothing about him outside of this building. But he was by far the most essential employee in this department. He consistently overachieved in his role without really trying. His knowledge of the complicated systems and processes used by the council was second to none and the team would truly sink without him. He could conjure up a spreadsheet to solve a difficult accounting problem out of nowhere. And his knowledge of computers – well, it was like having their own IT specialist in their department. And given the utter direness of the IT support function, Diane didn’t know how they would manage without him.
Jerry’s was another tidy desk, but with the odd personal touch. A plant and a very elegant pen holder. Jerry was their conscience. Despite the fact he wasn’t a national, Jerry really cared about where taxpayers’ money was spent. His morals were second to none and he was a constant reminder that it was public money they were dealing with and so it should be cared for diligently and carefully. True, Jerry could probably get a job at any big finance company, but she suspected he liked working for the council because he felt what he did mattered. He felt that he was helping the nation that hosted him by taking care of its money. And he was very respected in the council. Diane feared that if she got rid of Jerry it would be seen as getting rid of the very person who was the main threat to her job.
She sighed and sank down in Barney’s chair. The one he’d probably sat in for at least the last twenty years. What on earth was she going to do? Whatever she did, she was going to ruin someone’s Christmas. She felt totally and utterly exhausted. A tear escaped her left eye.
‘Penny for them?’ said Kev from HR, peering round the door.
‘Not worth a penny,’ sighed Diane, brushing the tear away.
‘I thought I’d come and see how you’re doing. I saw that you haven’t submitted your new structure yet. You’re the last one.’
Diane stared at him. ‘Perhaps I’m taking it more seriously than the other male heads of departments,’ she spat. ‘Perhaps the men find it easier to ruin someone’s Christmas.’
‘I don’t think that’s a fair stereotype, is it?’ said Kev. ‘I’m sure they’ve all had sleepless nights over it.’
‘I very much doubt it,’ said Diane. ‘Men don’t seem to let life affect their sleep in the same way that women do.’
‘I do sometimes wake up in the night,’ said Kev. ‘I mean, I don’t have the night sweats or anything that perhaps you’re suffering with.’
‘Will you please ban all men in HR going on the Menopause Awareness course? Discussing menopause with you makes me want to hurl.’
‘OK, sorry. I was just trying to be empathetic.’
‘Please be less empathetic.’
‘OK. I’ll try. If you think I should.’
‘Anyway, what have you got that keeps you awake at night?’
‘Erm, well, if I’m not trying to be empathetic, then it’s often my fantasy football league team. Especially if it’s the day before big games. And I’m top of my league at the moment but you know that can slip through your fingers so quick.’
‘Fantasy football keeps you awake at night?’
‘If I’m being honest, then yes, yes it does.’
Diane hauled herself out of Barney’s chair. She’d had quite enough of this conversation. She walked towards the door and grabbed her coat off the rack.
‘So when will you have your new structure?’ Kevin asked.
‘It will be on your desk tomorrow morning. Now I must go and support my team, who are not getting paid for this, I might add, as we set up an entirely pointless photo op for the mayor.’
‘Oh, yes. Is that the London Eye thing?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can you send me a picture? It’ll be good for the internal newsletter.’
Diane paused. ‘Shall I include the team member we are about to get rid of or not?’
‘I think that’s entirely up to you, isn’t it?’ said Kev.
Jolene was trying hard not to panic as she stood in front of the London Eye at 5.25 p.m. It was rotating gracefully as ever, the black sky lit up with stars behind it. It looked stunning, but as the mayor bore down on them they were missing quite a few of the key players for his photo op, including the really key players: the school children. Despite working very hard to make sure she had everything nailed down, including people actually turning up, Jolene was rapidly realising she had no control over that. Her heart was racing so fast she thought she might actually have a heart attack.
Stacey was on her mobile, frantically trying to get hold of Grace’s teacher, but didn’t appear to be getting through. Yang was nowhere to be seen. He’d said he had a job to do before he left work an hour ago, but promised he’d be there.
Diane had just arrived, looking splendid in a sparkling silver outfit. Jolene had been relieved to see her arrive just five minutes before and even keener to get her to phone her husband to find out where the bloody hell the elves were! They hadn’t arrived either. At least Barney was in County Hall, next door, getting his costume on. He would be waiting for the children when they finished their trip. If they made it. Jolene thought she might be sick. Diane was still on the phone to her husband, chasing the elves, as the mayor approached with Jerry, who had volunteered to escort him here, along with Barbara, the General Manager of the London Eye.
‘They’re coming,’ said Jolene, hopping up and down on one leg as they approached. ‘They’re definitely coming.’
‘Where are the children?’ asked the mayor, looking round, bewildered.
‘That’s who I mean,’ said Jolene. ‘They are coming. Stacey’s just on to their teacher now.’
Barbara glanced up at the giant wheel rotating slowly above them. ‘We really need to get you on the two capsules coming in now,’ said Barbara, sternly. ‘I promised you the last two capsules of the day. That’s all. I can’t keep the wheel running for you until they arrive. Closing time was briefed this morning. You must catch those last two capsules.’
‘They are literally seconds away,’ said Stacey, coming off the phone. ‘We should see them running down the South Bank any minute. Unforeseen circumstances, the teacher said.’
‘What about the elves?’ asked Jerry. He looked towards Diane, who was frantically nodding. She put down her phone. ‘Just got off at Waterloo. They’re going to leg it. Leon says not to worry.’
‘Leg it?’ said Jerry. ‘But they’re little people – how fast can they leg it?’
‘Leon says they’re running as fast as they can, you know, given the circumstances.’
‘There they are,’ shouted Jolene, feeling a massive sigh of relief run through her. She could see a crowd of children rushing towards them. All dressed in their Nativity play costumes. It was quite a sight to see the entire Nativity scene running at speed along the South Bank, pushing the crowd to one side as they did so. And was that Yang also dashing up at the rear? What was he doing with them? He’d not mentioned he was going to the school. She didn’t have time to question, however. They just needed to start loading the children onto the pods.
‘This way,’ she shouted, jumping up and down. ‘This way.’
‘Only twenty-five per pod,’ said Barbara, dashing forward. ‘They can’t all get on one pod.’
‘Right,’ bellowed Jerry, stepping forward. ‘Stand in line, everyone. An orderly queue now. That’s it. Now Barbara and Diane, you get on and I’ll count the children on. That’s it, Mary, you push to the front of the queue. Every woman for herself. That’s it, keep coming.’
Jolene strained to look towards the train station, hoping against hope to see some elves running round the corner. If she thought it would have helped, she’d have dropped to her knees and prayed. Why had she ever started this crazy plan? ‘Please, baby Jesus,’ she said, looking up towards the sky, ‘bring me some elves.’
‘There they are,’ cried Stacey. ‘Look, the elves are coming.’
‘Thank you, Lord,’ breathed Jolene. She turned to Jerry. ‘You get on this one with the mayor and I’ll count the rest on the second one, OK?’
‘Will do,’ replied Jerry, chivvying on the mayor and boarding the capsule as the door closed behind him, allowing a couple of elves to just scrape in. One capsule loaded. One to go.
‘Right, the rest of you, in here,’ said Jolene as the next capsule gliding serenely into the station, nothing like the way she was feeling. The last thing Jolene was feeling was serene.
The shepherds and angels filed on, clearly the kids with the less sharp elbows, followed by a menagerie of farm animals.
‘I’m Grace,’ said a small girl dressed as a donkey, getting on with Stacey.
‘Oh, lovely to meet you,’ said Jolene. ‘Enjoy your flight.’
‘I will,’ sang Grace, stepping onto the pod.
‘Loving the donkey,’ the teacher whispered as she passed Stacey. ‘Lovely touch.’ She was pointing somewhere behind her. Jolene looked to where she indicated and she was pointing to Yang, who appeared to be leading a donkey. A real live donkey!
‘Oh my God, that’s amazing,’ said Jolene. ‘Wow. Where did you find a donkey? That’s going to look brilliant in the photographs.’
‘Knew you’d love it,’ said Yang. He grinned. ‘You can’t have a Nativity photo without a donkey, can you?’
‘Absolutely,’ said Jolene. ‘Of course you can’t.’
Jolene didn’t think to question whether a donkey would be allowed on the London Eye. It never even crossed her mind, and luckily for her Barbara was already loaded onto the first capsule so could not intervene with her loading policy.
However, a woman in a fluorescent tabard tapped her on the shoulder.
‘No animals are allowed,’ she told Jolene.
‘What do you mean, no animals?’
‘Only assistance animals.’
Jolene only needed to blink once before she came up with an answer.
‘This is an assistance donkey.’
‘Really?’ said the lady.
‘Of course. A donkey is the original assistance animal. A donkey assisted the pregnant Mary to the inn. Without the donkey there would have been no safe arrival of the baby Jesus, so you see this is an assistance donkey … and I cleared it with Barbara and the mayor nearly a month ago. Look, she’s in the next pod, and I can assure you she’ll be very upset if you don’t allow the assistance donkey on to this special flight to see Santa.’
Jolene turned and enthusiastically waved and gave a thumbs up to Barbara, who was now about twelve feet above them. She prayed she couldn’t see the donkey under the awning. Barbara waved back.
‘She also cleared the elves, if you’re interested, if you really want to be that picky,’ said Jolene.
The woman looked at her then shook her head. ‘Look, it’s my last day,’ she shrugged. ‘On your head be it.’
‘Thank you,’ said Jolene. ‘Yang, take the donkey on its maiden trip to see Father Christmas.’
‘You are a superhero,’ he whispered to her as he sneaked past with the donkey.
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Leon, coming up at the rear with the elves. ‘Every drunk person out on a Christmas do wanted a picture. It’s taken us so long to get here.’
‘You’re here now. I’m still ever so grateful,’ said Jolene. ‘Jump on. Let’s all go see Santa Claus, shall we?’
Jolene was the last to jump on as the kids all crowded to the edge of the capsule to take in the spectacular view. They started to rise in the air and Jolene looked around in relief. This should be the easy bit, as long as the donkey behaved. Photo op at the end with Santa and she will have achieved what she promised: an unforgettable ride to see Santa Claus. And an amazing photograph for all to treasure for ever!