Chapter 41
?sterman nods in greeting as I step onto the boat. He makes sure I’m seated properly before he drives off, for once.
News of the accident has spread quickly. Everyone knows that Dad and I almost drowned.
Time is running out.
I can feel it. It’s like driving a boat directly into the waves. They get bigger and bigger until you hit the highest one. Everything is suspended in midair for half a second before you plummet down onto the water again. Your teeth rattle in your skull as the hull hits the surface.
Sooner or later, the waves get too big.
I have no idea what awaits me or what I’m supposed to do. No one has told me what’s going to happen. I don’t even know what I did to scare that monster away, let alone how I can do it again.
The water rushes past us.
I slide my hand over the edge of the boat, and sea spray splashes my fingertips. The cold spreads through my veins, but I let my hand linger and reach farther down until I’m touching the water.
I remember what it was like down there, below the surface. It felt like coming home.
Last night I was spared my usual nightmares.
Grandma Gerd told me to sprinkle salt on the windowsills without Mom noticing. That would stop anything from coming in. I don’t know if it worked, but I had a good night’s sleep for the first time in many weeks.
I wonder if they’ve taken Ms. Granberg into custody.
?sterman slows down as we approach Hanna and Isabelle’s dock. Hanna is already there, but not Isabelle. It’s strange to see one without the other.
Hanna jumps into the boat and announces curtly to ?sterman:
“Isabelle’s sick.”
The boat sets out, and Hanna sits in the bow with her hands deep in her pockets.
She seems smaller without Isabelle, like she doesn’t really know where she belongs. She stays quiet until Kristoffer comes and sits next to her. This breathes some life into her, and she begins flicking her hair and showing off as usual.
Then she remembers that I exist.
“No,” I hear her say, and something about her tone lets me know that she’s talking about me, even though she doesn’t mention me by name.
“I wouldn’t dare say anything, or she might squeal to her little boyfriend,” she says, loud and clear.
Kristoffer laughs, and suddenly a blinding ice-cold rage, which has been building up for years, erupts out of me.
My fingertips are still in the water.
It reminds me of floating underwater with some vast evil thing heading right for me. But then I remember something else: I chased it away all by myself.
Compared to that, Hanna is nothing.
“Hey, Hanna,” I say loudly and exaggeratedly over the noise of the engine.
I see her stiffen. Then she tosses her hair again and looks over her shoulder with her usual sneer. “Did you want something?”
Kristoffer turns around too.
“Yes,” I say. “Can you stop spouting nasty comments behind my back?”
Hanna gasps.
“I heard what you were saying. Cut it out. I’ve never done anything to you. Stop talking about me and Rasmus. If you really think I’m twisted enough to hurt Axel, then just imagine what I’ll do to you if you keep on spreading lies about us.”
I have no idea where these words are coming from, but I’ve been waiting a long time to say them.
Hanna goes pale. Kristoffer doesn’t come to her defense.
Maybe it would be different if Isabelle were here. With Isabelle by her side, Hanna is much cockier. They are always egging each other on, baiting each other like angry dogs.
Then again, I have always let them.
“You’re such a psycho,” she mumbles, but I know I’ve won.
“If you don’t leave me alone, you’ll have only yourself to blame.” I smile widely, baring my teeth to emphasize the threat.
Hanna turns around without a word. Kristoffer seems shocked too.
We’ve come to Rasmus’s dock. He’s waiting at the far end.
I wave to him, and he jumps down and sits next to me. It feels strange that someone would sit next to me voluntarily. I almost want to reassure him that he doesn’t have to, he can sit somewhere else if he prefers, but I stop myself.
“Hi,” he says.
I smile widely again, and it feels weird. Sort of fake.
What am I supposed to do with all the information Grandma Gerd gave me yesterday? Rasmus deserves to know.
But not now. Not here.
“How was last night? With the nightmares?” he asks quietly before I have a chance to say anything about my visit with Grandma. “Did she come back? Ms. Granberg?”
He says her name so quietly that I don’t really hear it as much as read it on his lips.
“I don’t know if she tried,” I say quietly and nod in Hanna’s direction. “Let’s talk about it later.”
We’re approaching Runmaro and the school dock is in sight. I wonder if they’ll start flying the flag at half-mast soon in honor of Axel.
“Quiet today, isn’t she?” Rasmus asks after a few seconds, clearly referring to Hanna.
I can’t help but grin. “Yeah,” I say without explaining. “I wonder why . . .”
When we dock, I’m the last one off the boat.
?sterman helps me out. Before I go up to the school building, he catches my eye and then glances over at Hanna.
I think I see his lips curl into the faintest shadow of a smile, and for one brief moment my anxiety eases.