Chapter 21 Primal Needs
TWENTY-ONE
PRIMAL NEEDS
Days pass, and each time I see Nyra, she’s shadowed by Vanitee. The two of them whisper and smile sweetly together in the dining room. As for me, I keep my distance as I stand among them all. I keep my space. And my exhaustion.
Because for the past five nights, I’ve been beneath Goddess Moon praying to lure out the beast inside of me.
I need it if I’m going to stand my ground against a Night Witch.
Tonight, in just about an hour, after everyone else is busy with their own rejoicing outside, I’ll be hidden in the shadows of the tallest tower this castle has.
It feels good to be closer. The higher, the better. I want to feel the shine of the light of the moon and taste the breeze. Or . . . whatever it is that gets shifters so damn excited about the night life.
“It’s rude to stare,” A soft, boyish voice whispers along the back of my neck.
With a startle, I pivot to face the sweet voice.
Avian’s gentle gaze meets mine, and I wish he could see all the messy emotions on my face tonight. He can’t. But that doesn’t seem to stop him from always knowing my thoughts.
“I wasn’t,” I tell him.
He cocks a dark eyebrow so high, it meets the soft strands of hair hanging loosely against his forehead from his braid.
“I’ve heard some hushed gossip about the shifter bitch’s annoying sister.”
My mouth falls wide open. “My sister isn’t annoying!”
A small smile creases his features, and that distracting dimple of his makes its grand appearance.
“From what I gather, you’re the annoying one in that scenario, Cers.”
“What!”
He’s mistaken. I’ll admit I’m a lot of lovely negative traits, but annoying isn’t one of them.
“Stop frowning. It’s not good for you.” His hand lifts, and he traces the downturn curve of my mouth, and the mixture of his serene voice and skimming touch sends a shiver across my skin.
How does he do that to me: distract me with such minimal effort? Sweet touches and shy smiles never did a thing for me before I met him.
He’s wrecked me.
“Where have you been going at night?” he asks flatly, and all that sweet drunkenness he gives me turns quickly to sobriety.
This is what he’s good at: lowering people’s guards until they give in and tell him whatever his pure little heart could ever desire.
Fuck his heart.
My objective is more important.
“Nowhere.”
His hand drops as his head tilts to the side with so much disbelief, it’s clearly weighting his entire pretty little head.
“Cers,” he says on a warning tone he only reserves for Roman.
“Avian,” I say right back to him.
His arm drapes around me, but instead of holding me, he gives me the lightest unexpected shove, and then my back’s against the wall. And he’s caging me in with his palms on the wall on either side of my head. He closes in on me like the natural predator that he is.
Dammit.
I forget how lethal he is because he’s always so cute and fucking adorable.
Then boom: he’s on top of you.
Usually, I’m not complaining about that.
“You know, when my logic doesn’t get me the answers I need, I have to resort to primal violence.
” His head tilts until those silver eyes are searching my face blindly.
His breath kisses mine. His chest is heavy against my breasts until my swirling mind is very much aware of every single part of him. “Is that what you want?”
. . . Yes?
Wait. No. Right?
Wait, he’s threatening violence. Fuck him. I’ll give as good as I get.
He shifts, and just below his hips, something hardens against my lower stomach. The heat between us is a blazing, stifling warmth that goes further than skin-deep. I feel it deep in my core.
I feel it everywhere.
. . . what am I giving and getting again?
I shake my head at myself and lift my chin so that I’m looking right into those starlit, mysterious eyes of his.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Avian.
Threaten me again, though,” my hand drops fast and hard, and I can’t help but let my nails dig into the thick outline beneath his pants, “and I’ll cut your dick off and feed it to your friends like a puppy snack. ”
His jaw twitches as a groan stifles from his clenched teeth.
I shove past his arm. He stumbles back from me. All while I walk away with the attention of every single person heavy against my skin. I feel all of their gazes individually.
But I feel his awareness most of all.
And I have to force myself not to look back.
Part of me wishes I did tell Avian what he wanted to know. And maybe if he hadn’t been a complete wolf’s ass about it, I might have.
Really, I don’t think I could stand the distraction though so it’s for the best.
Emotions and magic drum through me in tune with the music far below. I stare up at the nearly full moon with frustration and an aching want to succeed.
“Why am I so bad at the one thing that should come naturally?” I ask the goddess.
My jaw clenches as I continue to scowl up at her. Cool wind twirls my loose, blonde hair, and I try to think through the process of shifting.
Nearly all my life I was taught to keep my beast locked away. I’ve hidden it so well, I no longer know the creature that lives inside myself.
Emotions play a big part in shifting. I can tell I’m closer to my beast when I’m angry. I’d imagine it’s the same if you’re overly excited or happy. I’ve even heard of couples shifting in the heat of the moment and doing it like dogs in the most carnal form of primal need.
A shiver shakes through me, and I don’t know why the idea of it turns me on slightly.
Animal sex: that’s my kink.
“Goddess help me,” I whisper exhaustedly.
The bizarre idea does trigger something in me. Nothing sexual . . . I hope.
But at the thought of being more primal to be closer to my beast, I hesitantly reach for the hem of my shirt. The sound of laughter and drums whisper through the distance.
I’m alone.
No one can see me or the weird fucking things I may or may not do when I’m alone.
Even if I’m currently judging myself for being a borderline creep in this moment.
I pull the shirt off and shove my jeans down my legs. A shiver of the cold wind licking my skin quivers through my body, and I try to ignore my thoughts as I kick the clothes a few feet away. I can now feel the essence of the moonlight against my skin.
Okay.
Naked.
Naked as a fucking jaybird . . . or a wolf.
I hope.
More sounds of rejoicing from below can be heard, and I steal a glance over the black-bricked edge of the building to spot the people in the garden.
“I am such a fucking creep right now,” I scold myself.
And I don’t feel a single ounce closer to the creature inside me.
“Should I bark a little? Give a hard growl to work myself up?” My brows scrunch as I realize how far I am down this rabbit hole I’m suddenly crawling naked through. “Why am I talking to myself? Because if I’m going to be a weirdo, I should do it wholeheartedly?”
That’s true . . .
In perfect creeper fashion, I curl my lips and give a tiny groan of a growl.
It’s a self-conscious thing, though. A thing that says, ‘Goddess, you’re so far outside the social norm that no one wants you at the party, so you’re lurking above them with not a scrap of clothes on as you bark out your frustrations about the world. ’
I shove a sigh from my lungs and push my hand through my hair.
I am a fucking mess.
But I will do this! Tonight. Right now!
Without a second thought, I throw my head back hard and fling my hands out at my sides like an offering to Goddess Moon. The howl that screams from my throat is so animalistic, it sets off actual animals in the forest to the east.
A crow cries out to me. Canines bark in unison as a group, as a pack, as a family.
Owls, wolves, hellhounds, even the slithering hiss of a snake scratches at the heightened sense of my hearing, and I can tell it’s working.
The sweat at the back of my neck, and the sharp teeth scraping my lips are all good signs that it’s working!
It’s—
“What the fuck are you doing? Why are you naked? Are you jerking yourself up here? What the fuck, Cersia!”
Annnddd the moment’s gone.
With zero tension or hope in my body, my neck drops, and I hang my head in hard disappointment and anger.
“Zilo. I’m a little busy at the moment.” With a small pouting stop of my foot, the words cut from my mouth, and I refuse to look at the fuck puppy behind me.
“Doing what? Is this one of those moon rites? A witch thing? Did your pack do shit like this, because we don’t do that here. Can you please get your clothes on? You’re distracting.”
I’m going to kill him. That’s the solution. I’ll kill him, and then it’ll trigger my beast out, and then we’ll all be happy.
Happy.
Happy.
Happy.
Clothes are being shoved in my face, and when I finally glare up at him, he’s not looking at me. His head’s tilted away in a strange sort of awkwardness.
“Why—why aren’t you looking at me?” I finally ask with confusion choking my throat.
“Just put the shirt on, for fuck’s sake.”
I blink.
He continues to look at the brickwork of the ground. Yes. He does make it look fascinating. The most interesting slab of brick shit he’s ever laid eyes on . . .
“You—you think I’m sexy.”
“No.”
“I think you do, Zilo.” I turn to him fully and press my palms to the nice curves of my hips.
“Then you’d be wrong.” Still no looking. Still the most adorable awkwardness I’ve ever seen from this alphahole of a man.
“Then look at me.”
He visibly flinches when his eyes meet mine. The heaviness of his brow shadows his green eyes as he seems to put a lot of effort into maintaining eye contact.
Wow. This is hard for him.
The way I square my shoulders juts out my chest a couple of inches closer to his impossibly warm body. My nipples harden, lessening the space just slightly more. He blinks so rapidly, you’d think it was a nervous tic.
“What do you want, Zilo?” My tone is huskier than necessary, but I can’t help but leave the innuendo in that phrase.
The gravel in his tone is nothing compared to how hard he clears his throat before speaking. “What are you doing up here, Cersia?”
Color me impressed. He sounds like his genuine asshole self.
“Clearly, I’m trying to seduce my beast out.”
Seduce. The explicit wordplay in my mind knows no bounds.
“By yapping around naked like a pissed-off Chihuahua?”
My eyebrows leap up in defense.
“By channeling my inner beast,” I correct.
“Your beast is a small demonic rodent dog?”
My mouth slaps open with disgust. “It is a fierce warrior of my Goddess Moon.”
A smile kisses his lips, and it melts the annoyance in me to see his jaded eyes soften for once in his hardened life.
“A fierce rodent, eh?” The callouses of his palm brush along my cheek as he pushes back my wind-blown hair.
And I’m suddenly speechless.
The reminder that fucking is the fastest way to lure out your inner shifter thrusts through my mind. It chokes up my throat, and I don’t even think I could breathe if I wanted to.
Because Zilo, he’s primal. He’s rugged and animalistic. And I’m suddenly aware that he’s very, very fuckable.
His calloused fingertips linger against the cool skin of my throat as his head dips down so low, the coarse strands of his beard tickle my cheek.
“Cersia,” he whispers in that delicious gravelly tone of his.
“Y—yes?”
My lashes flutter as my head tips back to feel his breath against my lips.
Time halts when we’re together. Goddess Moon shines just for us. The beat of the drums is now my pounding heartbeat.
And all that matters is this man and the way he’s holding me right now.
“Put your clothes on. Our queen requests our presence,” he says with a cocky smile.
And then he turns away from me on even, careless strides.
He’s out the carved stone door before I can even find my balance without the steadying feel of his body so close to mine.
I hate him.
Do you though? A taunting beast whispers at the back of my mind.
The Chihuahua cunt.