Chapter 20
Unease over Otis’s financial revelation clings to me, but thoughts of Kamal’s inevitable worry crush it. I can almost picture the lines on my husband’s forehead deepening as he wonders where I am, imagining the worst. Kamal deserves better than that.
After saying a quick goodbye to Gabby, I dash out of the house, through the rain.
Before I set off for home, I check my phone. There are ten missed calls from Kamal and a queue of increasingly concerned messages. Mum and Beth have called, too, suggesting that my panicked husband has contacted my family to see if they know where I am. Now everyone is worrying together.
I’m about to throw my phone onto the passenger seat when I catch sight of another message, this one from Natalya to the group chat.
The police are apparently at Otis’s house! What do you think that means? Is this a real missing persons case?!?! x
The message tangles me in knots. I wonder how long it will take for everyone in Bramblethorpe to find out about Alexa’s card, and what rumours and theories will become public discourse when they do.
But as another worried text from Beth appears on my screen, I push those thoughts aside.
After firing a quick text to Kamal to say I’m on my way home, I spin my car around and speed away.
My agitated fingers drum against the steering wheel as I race through Bramblethorpe, cursing the fact that in one poorly timed evening, I have shattered the illusion that all is well with me.
The pent-up energy only intensifies when I see my home in the distance, with Kamal’s car in the driveway and every light in the house on. Grimacing, I slow down as I get closer.
My brakes have barely announced my arrival when Kamal runs out of the house. He almost buckles with relief when he sees me, but adrenaline sustains him enough to reach me. Wrenching open my door, he pulls me out of the car and straight into his arms.
‘Are you okay? Is everything okay?’
Kamal’s questions bowl me over, rolling away before I get a chance to register them, never mind provide an answer.
He holds my face in his hands. ‘I came home and you weren’t here. You weren’t picking up your phone. It was just like before. I thought… I thought…’
I hug my husband so he doesn’t have to finish his sentence. ‘It’s fine, I’m fine,’ I soothe, saying the reassuring platitudes out loud for my own benefit as much as his.
‘It’s late, Janine. Where were you?’
‘I was… I was out.’
‘Out where?’
I could lie, I realise. Lie to protect Kamal from further worry and myself from further questions. But as I look at my husband’s tired eyes, I’m suddenly exhausted by the thought of more lies. The truth about Alexa’s cash withdrawals has already left a bitter taste in my mouth.
‘I was with Otis Clarke,’ I admit.
Kamal pulls back, frowning. ‘The man with the missing wife?’
When I nod, Kamal studies me, waiting for more.
‘Come inside,’ I say, slipping my fingers through his. ‘I’ll explain everything.’
Kamal moves in slow, jerking steps as if afraid of what he’ll find out when he walks through the front door.
His fear grows when we step inside and he sees my mud-caked shoes.
Glancing at Kamal’s feet, I notice he has no shoes on.
His socks are wet from rushing out to meet me on the driveway without a second thought for his comfort.
As the walls of my throat constrict, I wrap my arm around my husband and lead him to the living room.
‘Why were you with Otis Clarke?’ Kamal asks as he takes a seat on the sofa opposite to me. ‘What were you doing?’
‘It’s not how it sounds,’ I begin, but Kamal shakes his head.
‘I don’t care how it sounds, Janine. I just want you to be honest. What were you doing with Otis Clarke?’
‘We were looking for Alexa.’
Kamal blinks. ‘What? Why?’
‘Because I want to help find her. Something strange has happened there, Kamal.’
My words have the opposite effect of reassuring my husband. ‘What do you mean, strange?’
‘Otis was worried about Alexa, but he thought she was okay because her bank card was logging transactions. Only Otis and I went to Manchester today and—’
‘Wait, you’ve been in Manchester today with a man whose wife is missing?’ When I nod sheepishly, Kamal’s eyebrows dart towards his hairline. ‘Were you alone together?’
‘It’s not like that,’ I protest, but Kamal’s eyes widen as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
‘Janine, I’m not asking if you’re having an affair! My concern is that you’re spending time alone with a man you know nothing about. A man whose wife is missing. For all we know, he could have something to do with it.’
‘We don’t know that’s the case,’ I protest, but the question, If Otis Clarke is a good man, why was Alexa syphoning money? niggles in the back of my mind.
‘We don’t know that it’s not the case, either,’ Kamal reasons. ‘Why would you get involved in this?’
‘Otis Clarke needed help,’ I say, struggling to justify what, in the cold light of the truth, looks and sounds like absolute madness. ‘I had time to provide that.’
‘I thought you were at home, working on your book?’
‘I am,’ I reply, my cheeks firing at the lie. ‘But writing doesn’t have set hours. I had time spare to help.’
My words do little to calm Kamal. ‘You’re explaining your decision to get involved in this as if it’s rational, but it’s not. This isn’t a book you’re working on, Janine. Otis could be dangerous. You could have got yourself in real trouble.’
‘I thought you loved my ability to find a story in everyday life?’ I try to joke, but as Kamal frowns, I know my words have hurt him.
‘This isn’t about not loving you or the way your mind works. It’s about you being safe. It’s sad what’s happened to Otis Clarke, but it is not your responsibility to fix this for him.’
‘I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing it for Alexa.’
‘But you don’t know her.’
‘So? It doesn’t mean I can’t be concerned about her. It looks like she’s missing, Kamal. No one knows where she is.’
Kamal sucks in a breath, my words worrying him more. ‘We all want Alexa to be alive and well, but that doesn’t mean you need to run around Lancashire with a man you know nothing about.’
As my head dips, Kamal leans forward and takes my hands in his.
‘Janine, you have a big heart. It’s only natural you would want to help, but finding Alexa is a job for the police, not you. Look at it this way – what if she doesn’t want to be found by her husband?’
I struggle with the potential truth in Kamal’s words.
A truth that seems increasingly likely after recent revelations.
‘Maybe, but something about this doesn’t feel right.
What if something bad has happened to Alexa?
She doesn’t have her phone. She isn’t the one using her bank card.
For all anyone knows, she’s completely vulnerable. ’
‘Then that’s all the more reason to walk away and keep yourself safe,’ Kamal says, but he sighs when he sees my dubious expression. ‘I understand why you’re worried, I do, but my priority is your safety and your wellbeing. After everything that’s happened, that’s where your focus should be, too.’
My gaze lowers at the truth in Kamal’s words. A truth that bears eerie echoes of DS Rani’s advice.
‘I’m assuming that after what happened today, Otis called the police?’ Kamal asks.
‘He did, yes.’
‘Good, then your involvement in this can end.’
‘But Kamal—’
‘Janine, you’ve done more than enough to help. It’s time to let the police do their job. No good comes from meddling in other people’s business, not when the stakes are this high.’
‘But we need to find Alexa.’
‘And that’s exactly what the police are going to do.’
‘Really? They seem more bothered about Alexa secretly taking money from her bank account than finding her.’
Kamal pounces on my statement. ‘Alexa Clarke was hiding money? Well, that settles it – you should get out of this now. Otis and Alexa Clarke are strangers who clearly have some messed up secrets. That’s not a situation to get mixed up in.
Alexa might be in trouble, hurt or even dead because of her husband.
I’d rather find out if he’s guilty or not when the police solve this, not when they’re asking me to identify your body. ’
As my shoulders sag, Kamal draws me towards him.
‘Janine, I love you more than life itself. I don’t want you sleepwalking into a dangerous situation.’
‘But I need to find Alexa,’ I whisper.
As a tear rolls down my cheek, Kamal studies me. ‘Nothing I’m saying is unreasonable, but you don’t want to hear it. Why does it matter to you to be part of this?’
‘I told you, I want to help.’
‘That’s not the truth, Janine, I know it’s not. Why are you looking for Alexa Clarke?’
A dangerous wobble takes over my lower lip as I twist my hand free of Kamal. He sees it, and he knows what it means. He reaches for me again, breaking down the walls of my feeble resistance.
‘I think I know why you’re doing this. I understand, too, but please listen when I ask you to put your safety first. I know you and Alexa have lost babies, but that doesn’t mean you know her. It doesn’t make an unknown less risky.’
‘I just want to find her,’ I croak. ‘I want her to be okay.’
‘I know, but I need you to ask yourself: is this about Alexa Clarke, or is this about you? Who are you trying to find in this? Because I’m not so sure it’s Alexa.’
A curtain of hair falls across my face as I bow my head further to block Kamal from seeing the effect of his words.
‘I’m only saying this because I care, Janine. You’ve been doing so well with getting back to a place of happiness. Don’t let this distract you from all the progress you’re making.’
I curl in on myself to dodge Kamal’s compliments, ones he has no right showering on me when I have been doing the opposite of what he thinks.
‘Promise me something?’ he says. ‘Promise me you’ll stay away from Otis Clarke, at least until the police confirm if he’s a suspect or not. Please?’
Lifting my head, I look into the eyes of the man I love, now pooled with worry. I have seen that emotion in him so many times. I have been the cause of it for so long now. I hate myself for doing it to him, to us.
‘I promise,’ I nod, but even when I say the words, I know it’s likely to be a promise I won’t keep.