Chapter 6
Trying to find Leif’s mother’s altar, or the items that had once been associated with it, was harder than finding Hansen’s room. Not only had the servant girl I previously spoke to disappeared, but when I asked others about the altar, they didn’t seem to have any idea what I was talking about.
Which meant, once again, I was on my own.
Leif didn’t talk about his mother much, though I knew he’d loved her and grieved her death—it was something we had in common that I’d learned the first time I’d been taken here.
If I was Leif, where would I want to visit the memory of my mother?
The answer came quickly, and I mentally smacked myself for not thinking of it sooner as I crossed the courtyard to the door that led to the field and pond.
Both were still within the walls of the keep, meaning Leif could visit them with ease, but out of the way enough that someone unsuspecting would never look for Seid books there.
The sun was bright in my eyes as I closed the door behind me.
I cringed at the sight of the pond I’d once called beautiful.
I’d nearly drowned there before being bonded to Leif, and my subconscious remembered the feeling of not having enough air.
I shivered, trying to push the feeling away so I could focus.
I didn’t have to look far, as just outside the door to the courtyard stood a small table with a green cloth and candles. It was pressed up against the wall of the main palace, but it didn’t have much cover from the elements, which is why someone likely removed the painting.
Was it really this easy?
The question was answered when I reached beneath the cloth, only for my hands to come in contact with a small stack of leather-bound books.
My breath caught in my throat as I pulled them into the light. I recognized the lettering.
I’d found them.
I didn’t hesitate. Time of was of the essence.
I ran back to my room, the stack of books clutched in my hands, hoping that like every other day, Leif was out and about and not planning to check in on me until dinnertime.
When I was just around the corner from our room, I stopped running, pausing to catch my breath before the guards in front of our door caught sight of me and asked questions. Plastering a smile on my face, I turned the corner and calmly walked to the door, the books pressed to my chest.
“Evening, sir,” I said with my normal Runa voice.
He squinted at me, probably not recognizing me. Regardless, I motioned to the door.
“Could you get the door for me? My hands are full.” I tilted my head to my books.
His distrust was potent, but still, I stood there, smiling as if I belonged. Finally, he nodded and pushed open the door. The moment I was in, I closed it behind me, releasing a breath when I realized the room was empty.
I needed to hurry.
Tossing the books into a pile on the floor, I stirred the dying embers in the fireplace before tossing on a few fresh logs. The current fire was too small for what I planned to do.
With continuous glances over my shoulder, I felt I was far too slow—Leif could walk in on me at any moment.
I was wrong, though, and soon the fire was roaring. I collected the books left lying on the floor, beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. Not merely because of the raging fire, but also thanks to the anxiety rolling in my gut.
Though I knew this was the right thing to do, my heart still clenched as I tossed the first book, which was blue with gold embossing, into the flames.
The fire appeared to dance around the book at first, the edges of the cover singing, but still visible through the flickers. When at last the pages caught, smoke rising as the fire consumed the book, I tossed in the next one, a book with a red cover.
Then one with a dark green cover.
Followed by another blue one.
Leaving only the black book in my hand, whispers already tickling the edge of my mind.
I winced, remembering how much worse this book felt once the magic was read.
But I couldn’t do it.
My hand lingered there, over the flames, my grip on the book unrelenting. My body refused to listen to my commands and release the book into the hungry flames.
With a sigh, I rose from my spot in front of the fireplace, turning to tuck the book into the single drawer on the small table beside my bed instead.
When the book left my hand, my body was my own again and though I debated pulling the book out a second time and trying again to toss it into the flames, something told me the result would be the same, so I didn’t.
I returned to my spot on the hearth, satisfaction rolling through me as small bits of parchment settled in with the ashes. Not wanting to leave any evidence, I used the metal scoop to push the ashes back into the flames.
Standing, I rubbed my sooty hands on my breeches, not caring that they left black marks on the thighs. Leif would never approve of the breeches I wore, even if they were clean.
Surveying the room, I had no idea how much time I’d wasted finding and burning the books, but I was sure my other adventure would need to wait, though I could start planning for it.
I grabbed the book I was currently reading to Leif, before moving to the vanity. I scoured the surface for a writing instrument, but there were none.
I would need to visit the desk in the room outside our bedroom.
With a final glance at the greedy fire, which still burned at full power, I tucked the book beneath my arm and returned to the common room. The regular guard was there, leaning against the wall, concern etched on his features.
He did a double take, but I could feel his recognition nonetheless. “It smells like something is burning, miss.”
I shrugged. “I added a few logs to the fire. Everything is fine.”
His lips pressed into a thin line, and I knew he didn’t believe me.
But that didn’t stop me from crossing the room to Leif’s desk and taking a seat in front of it. It didn’t take me long to locate a plume and bottle of ink.
I started on one of the mostly blank pages in the front of the book, one of the ones that stated the title. Beneath it, I listed all the ingredients I remembered and their properties. I wished that I’d taken my journal from my home in Ralheim on that fateful day, but it was too late now.
Moth flower = unconsciousness
Mint = scent, prevents infection
Tree bark = healing, prevents infection
Peaches = softening, scent
Magnolias = lowers the sting of burns
Willow = increases romantic feelings
Moonflower = mental clarity and relaxation
Belladonna = poison
Hemlock = poison
Lavender = relaxation
Acid violet = removes extra layers of skin
The list went on, but as I continued to write, my mind drifted back to the two poisons I’d added to my list. Both required a large dose in order to cause true harm. But what if I mixed a very small amount with moon flower, which would boost mental clarity . . .
Could something like that work as a blocker for a power like what was contained in the black book with the whispers?
I didn’t know the answer for sure, but I’d always been one to leverage scientific trials.
Meaning I would be testing my theory.
I knew where to find moonflower—there was some in the grassy area by the lake nestled within the keep walls. But I hadn’t seen belladonna around, and I knew it was something I would likely have to ask Friar or another servant for . . . unless . . .
Many keeps maintained a stock of poisons on hand, mostly for use with warfare, or for when a soldier was too injured and their death would be too drawn out and painful on its own.
I just needed to find it . . .
The door creaked open, interrupting my thoughts, and Leif entered, running a hand through his blond hair. I set the plume down quickly, moving my free hand to close the book as well.
“Leif,” I called out, not realizing until I stood up that I hadn’t yet changed back from the breeches.
His gaze ran over my figure, a scowl on his face. “What are you wearing?”
I bit my lip. “I wanted something comfortable while I studied this book, so I can read it quicker.” I hoped that the mention of the book would draw his attention away from my attire, but it didn’t work.
“Why are you covered in soot?” he nearly growled.
I should have changed before I came out here, but it was too late now. I frowned. “I needed to light the fire.”
He didn’t even wait for me to finish talking before he stomped over toward the door, passing the guard there without a second glance. “From now on, you’ll call a female servant to do that for you, do you understand?”
I rushed after him, the book tucked beneath my arm. “Yes, sir.” I sighed as I closed the door behind me.
Leif had always been a man with strong opinions, but I missed the man he used to be, the one I’d met in Adis’s keep, even if the promises he made me were fake.
It was hard to separate the man I’d shared my first kiss with, with the one who stood before me now.
I understood that the stress of war had changed him, but understanding wasn’t enough to save the feelings I’d once held for him.
He stretched out his arm, a dress clasped in his fist. “Change. Now. I don’t want to see you in breeches again. I told you, women in Malheim wear dresses.”
I accepted the dress, setting it down so I could pull off my clothes and slip it on. Leif’s eyes remained on me as I changed. I could feel his annoyance as I removed the bind from around my breasts.
“That cream you can use to minimize scars; does it work on tattoos?”
My heart froze. Though I’d once hated the tattoo on my side, now I would do anything not to part with it. It was part of me. Part of the woman I was becoming. I finished pulling on the dress, the fabric falling nearly to the floor.
“Answer me,” he demanded.
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I lied. The minimizing cream was meant to remove excess layers of skin, which is how it minimized scars. I knew it didn’t work on tattoos the same way, but I also knew it was still likely to do something. Either way, I wasn’t interested.