Chapter 29
The sounds of birds chirping drifted into my ears, and I opened my eyes, excited to head back into the garden for some harvesting, only for all my hopes to deflate the moment I took in the unnatural green parlor of the trees above me.
Ugh.
I was back in the dream space.
Sitting up, I observed my surroundings. While I was in the same spot I always started in when I awoke here, I was alone. Which, knowing Otho, wouldn’t last.
It had been nearly a fortnight since Signa had passed. Though Friar returned to the cottage to help me lay her to rest in a grave we dug at the edge of the forest, it was a brief visit, and she took the time to remind me that Signa’s house, garden, and position were now mine.
She’d also reminded me that I should speak with Collum, though I’d been much too busy to do so. But I knew my excuses were about to deplete.
The warm season was coming to an end, which meant harvest was soon, and after that, I would have no reason not to venture to Malheim.
Though I had a feeling that if I stayed here, in the dream forest, long enough, the man I was trying desperately to avoid would find me anyway.
I didn’t want to talk to him, but something in me just wanted to see him—wanted to ensure he was still alive—that he was okay. I’m sure Friar already told him everything I’d been up to, but the sharing of knowledge didn’t go both ways.
As if I’d summoned him, his tall form appeared between the tree trunks, his steps halting when he saw me.
“Runa.” My name was like a prayer on his lips, but I didn’t rush forward. I didn’t even rise from my sitting position.
I knew I should say something, but no words came.
“I’m so sorry.” His eyes pleaded with me as he sank to his knees in the dirt. “I wanted to tell you, but . . . but I didn’t know how, and then we were with everyone and—”
“The night we were alone in the trees, when we kissed, the night in the inn in that small town, our first night in Shianp.”
His black eyebrows drew together. “What?”
“I’m listing all the times when it would have been appropriate for you to explain to me that you were the son of the fucking king.
” Now that the words had started to come, they wouldn’t stop pouring from my mouth, “There were so many opportunities, Otho, and the fact that you didn’t tell me before we were standing in your father’s throne room was not only negligent, but put you pretty high on the list of men who have hurt me.
” A tear slid down my cheek, my breaths coming in pants as I bared my soul to the dream version of the man that had hurt me above all others.
His head dropped to the side. “I know, Runa, I . . . I didn’t know what to say.”
He ran his hand through his hair then, which was almost my undoing, but I kept myself in check, allowing my anger to continue to have control over my word.
“Well, you could start by telling me the truth about how the Purge affected your family, correcting the lie you told me that night outside of Malheim.” My chest pinched at the mention of the night that had started to change things between us.
“And then I would have asked about your living father and you could have told me he was king. It’s simple really.
” I shook my head. “I can’t believe you chose to continue lying to me. ”
His face had paled as I spoke, and when I finished, he lifted his hands only to allow them to drop again to his sides. “I know, Runa, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not enough,” I snapped.
“What do you want? Want me to beg?” He clasped his hands together and held them underneath his chin. It wasn’t truly begging yet, but it was close. “Because I’ll do anything. Tell me, Runa . . . tell me what it will take for you to give me a second chance.”
Though I enjoyed the sight of the general on his knees for me, I knew I was too angry to make any decisions right now, and I shook my head. “I don’t know what it will take, but I need time and space to figure it out for myself.”
“But . . . but you’ve already had a fortnight.” His breathing was labored now, and I knew then that he truly loved me, even if he had made a grave error.
“I need more time,” I told him, looking away so I wouldn’t give in to the way his gray eyes caressed my face.
“You can have all the time you need, Runa,” he promised. “I mean it this time.”
I didn’t quite believe his promise, not after what had happened on the way to Shianp. But I didn’t hate the idea that he would be waiting for me either.
Conversation over, I wished I knew how to exit the dreamscape on command, but alas I was still stuck there, sitting with my knees tucked to my chest several feet from where Otho kneeled. “You can leave now,” I commanded.
“Alright.” He rose to his feet, not bothering to brush the dirt from his knees. “I really do love you, Runa.”
I didn’t give him a response, pinching my eyes closed until I heard the unmistakable sound of his footsteps receding into the ethereal forest.
Although I knew I should be focusing on my plan for harvest, the next day, I led Nala from the small shed I’d started calling her stable, brushing her with a brush I’d found before settling the saddle upon her back.
I’d packed a small bag, which I slug over my shoulder, grateful that when Signa had died, she’d left everything to me.
While I still only had the two outfits, which I washed whenever possible, I’d been working to repurpose the clothes Signa had worn.
While there was no way any of the pants would ever fit my tall frame, I’d converted a few of her dresses into shirts and was currently working to cut up the rest to make patchwork skirts.
While I still didn’t gravitate toward skirts or dresses, I didn’t want to wear the pants I’d purchased with Otho’s coin forever either.
I chose the long route to Malheim, ensuring I didn’t pass anywhere near the city of Ralheim or the palace. And though I knew there was a chance that Otho was visiting his sister, I hoped that wasn’t the case and that I’d be able to visit my cousin in peace.
The route between Signa’s and Malheim was two days of travel, and while I wasn’t quite ready to spend the night in the real forest, I also didn’t have much of a choice.
I’d told Friar that I would visit my cousin, and I needed to resolve my animosity toward her.
I wouldn’t be able to move forward with my life otherwise.
Though it had been almost three fortnights now since the war between Ralheim and Malheim had come to an anticlimactic end, the route to the frontlines looked much the same as the one to Signa’s house.
I frowned at the sight of weapons and armor protruding from the ground every so often, and I wondered if I could ask Friar to start clean-up efforts beyond the city proper.
Then I remembered that the land my horse was currently trotting on was Ralheim.
Never mind.
The morning ride was uneventful, but later in the afternoon, I panicked when the shapes of a small village rose on the horizon, until I remembered its name.
Bru. It was still standing.
Riding closer, I held my breath, wondering if it was worth asking after the woman and her son who I’d seen the year before. I dug in my memory, searching for their names.
The route I’d chosen was different than the one I’d taken as Otho’s spy, and I arrived in the town before I could locate Mela’s farm. Once I was in the center, I slid off Nala, leading her to the fountain for a drink while I investigated my options.
The last time I’d been here, I’d been tied to a pole and rescued shortly after (by the man who swore he wouldn’t be rescuing me), and I’d had very little time to evaluate what Bru had to offer.
As it was, Bru was much smaller than Ralheim, more like the small mountain town we’d stayed in on the way to Shianp, and there was no obvious market, butcher, or anything that resembled a shop.
Rather, most of the buildings appeared to be homes, though there was one building labeled “Medicine.”
“Excuse me.” I tapped a man on the shoulder as he passed me, a sack of potatoes slung over his opposite shoulder. He was a hair shorter than me, but strong, carrying the potatoes with ease.
He paused his walking, giving me a once-over, a smile coming to his lips. I fought not to grimace, mostly because he appeared old enough to be my father. “Yes, miss?”
“Is there anywhere to purchase rations?” I’d taken a few coins from a jar Signa had kept in her cupboard for times like this.
He shook his head. “Afraid not, miss. Pretty much everyone left during the war. There’s only a few of us remaining now.” He motioned to the houses, but I didn’t see any other signs of life.
“Are Mela and Nil still around?” I asked, trying not to allow my hopes to rise. I did pack some rations that would feed me through the journey, but it would have been nice to purchase something as well.
“Afraid not, they left two seasons ago. Didn’t say where they were going. Maybe Salheim.”
I thanked him and remounted Nala. There was no reason to stay here any longer. Hopefully, Mela and Nil were living well, wherever they’d ended up.
“You could come to my place for some rations,” he offered, leaning against the wall of the home we were next to, probably trying to appear attractive.
My dose of belladonna was so high now that I couldn’t feel his emotions, but I didn’t need to.
I could interpret the expression on his face without it.
“No, thanks,” I said at the same time I dug my heels into the horse’s side, Nala galloping away from the town as if she too could feel the man’s malicious intentions.
When the town had first risen in my view on the horizon, I’d planned to stop near it for the night, but now I continued to urge Nala on, trying to put as much distance between us and Bru as possible.
I didn’t stop until the moons were high in the sky and Nala was breathing hard.
I’d kept my ride near the edge of the trees, knowing there was less of a chance of finding water for Nala out in the open.
Lucky for us, there was a small pond near where we stopped, and I allowed Nala to drink as I ate the jerky and fruit I’d packed myself.
Leaning up against a large pine tree, I tried to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but it was difficult. It had been hard to sleep with Sullie keeping watch on the road, but it was even more difficult to sleep knowing no one was keeping watch.
Despite that thought, I was eventually able to drift off, though I did not sleep deeply, and woke as soon as the sun rose.
The moment my eyes opened, my body filled with anxiety, and I knew I needed to pack up and be on my way, fast.
Nala was dozing next to the tree I’d tied her to the night before. I untied the knot slowly, trying to wake the horse without startling her.
“Well, well, well, look what we have here.”
My gaze snapped to the source of the voice.
Shit.