Chapter 18 #2
He was bucking against me, yanking my cock, sending me over the edge.
Biting down, a low, guttural growl rocked my chest and scratched my throat.
I shoved deep, an arm around his waist, the other palm slapping to the cement floor.
My face nuzzled against his nape, I exploded, my cock practically convulsing against his flexing muscles.
“Oh, shit, yes,” he hissed, jerking with another release. After a couple more hard tugs, his pumps slowed, the high of the orgasm sinking.
Groaning, I sat up, grabbed his arm, and forced his hand over his shoulder to lick off the sticky deliciousness on his fingers. He chuckled, bowing his head low between his shoulders.
“Jesus christ.”
Everything over too quickly for my liking, I cursed and pulled out, climbing to my feet to fix my jeans while peering through the tinted windows to the door. Billy scrambled to his feet, as well, tucking his softening cock into his sweats. Smirking, he strutted closer, his palm on my cheek.
“You need to visit more often, baby. I need that pussy.”
Sighing, he leaned in for another kiss, and it took every ounce of willpower to not flinch.
He needed me, but not enough to be with me.
He was ashamed of me, of being with me, loving me.
So much, he dated and married a woman. His lavender marriage was a farce, a lie, but he had no intentions of ever honoring the love we had, and for that, I could never forgive him.
The door squeaked open and he hastily shoved me away, wiping at his mouth. Flashing a smile, he stepped to the hood of the truck and peered that way. “Hey, babe. What’s up?”
Everything inside deflated, my eyelids closing.
For more than fifteen years, I had been devoted to this man, trying to be tolerant, thinking if I just continued to be patient, he would eventually come around and realize I was the only one for him.
That was never going to happen, though. The last couple years, I’d been seeing the writing on the wall more and more.
Billy was always going to be ashamed he was gay, he was never going to openly claim his love for me.
This was a losing battle. I’d wasted my entire life on a childhood fantasy.
He’d always used the Serpents as an excuse to justify his reluctance to come out with me, but it was bullshit, and we both knew it.
At least one of my brothers was gay, and the others didn’t have an issue.
Okay, yeah, Jackyl was against it, saying we could do whatever the hell we wanted in privacy, but don’t let it come to the light because it would make us look weak.
Well, Edoardo Jackyl Bianchi was going down. He was about to lose his position as one of the leaders of our gang, and with him out, there was no reason to keep up pretenses. No more living one life while yearning for another.
Snorting, I leaned to one leg and set my hand on that side, tipping my head to rub brusquely at my face.
This was what my sister had been going through all these years being married to Jackyl while longing for someone else.
It seemed we were alike in the department that involved the heart.
Once we fell in love, we stayed in love, refusing to give up regardless of how dismal the outcome was.
At least, in her situation, she had a chance. I was seeing there would never be a future with me and Billy, but if I could help Violetta grab that elusive golden ring, I would do whatever the hell I had to to help. I would live vicariously through her.
“The kids are almost done eating their brownies and I was about to clean up. You guys ready for your treat?”
He flashed a knowing glimpse my way and chuckled, thumbing his nose. “Uh, yeah, sure. We’ll be right in.”
“Okay, baby.”
The door squeaked close and he strolled over to the shelf, cutting off the speaker.
The only sound in the garage now coming from the fan, it wasn’t enough to drown out the voice of reasoning I’d been ignoring for years.
Reality was falling down around me, crumbling my house of cards where he was concerned.
Billy strutted toward me, fisting the front of my shirt. His head tipped back to peer down the length of his nose, he smirked mischievously. “Man, I fucking love you, dude,” he said before claiming a heated, passionate kiss.
He loved me, I knew he did. He always had.
It wasn’t enough for me anymore. He wasn’t strong enough to allow that love to be public, and I was tired of being his secret tucked deep in the closet.
I wanted a real life. I wanted a partner to come home to every day after work, to lay in bed with at night, to plan a future with. To love, dream, hope with.
The kiss ending, he winked and smacked the side of my ass. “Get your fine, sexy ass inside and let’s eat some brownies. You gotta hit the road again soon.”
My heart heavy, I followed him to the door, peering back at the spot we’d just had sex.
In my soul, I knew it would be the last time, because I was at my wall.
I was done. Billy ended us six years ago when he said vows to Rebecca and then kissed her with my cum still on his tongue from a quickie ten minutes before the wedding.
Always hidden, always a secret.
Clearing my throat, I tore my focus away, trying to force myself to let go. I had no choice. It was time to set aside dreams that would never come true. I was tired of being alone, I wanted a partner. I wanted something better than Billy was willing to offer.
Emotionally detaching, I was already mentally closing this chapter on my life for good.
It was time I expected better. I wanted to receive what I was willing to give.
That would never be Billy. Somewhere out there, however, there was someone that would be proud to be mine, and I was ready to find him.