Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
The girls had brought me out for the afternoon to a hotel on the outskirts of Ballina called Mount Falcon. It was a beautiful spot, with lovely gardens and a lake.
‘Can you believe it’s December already?’ Trisha was even more excited than usual. Apparently, she loved Christmas, but I was yet to find something that she didn’t love. She was like a welcome ray of winter sunshine.
‘Don’t Trisha, I can’t even think about it yet. I have a million things to do first,’ I said.
‘Ah, well, it’s different for you.’
‘We’ll get there,’ I said, taking a scone from the delicate china platter and lathering it with strawberry jam.
‘It feels like you’ve been here forever already though, doesn’t it?’ Jane said, brushing imaginary crumbs from her heart-shaped face.
‘I don’t know. I don’t feel particularly settled in either place at the moment. I’m constantly in the air. The thought of not having to travel every week is really appealing.’
The end was in sight, I had little patience for hanging round airports. It seemed like precious time wasted, time that could have been spent with John. It would all be worth it soon.
‘This place is absolutely fabulous,’ I said, marvelling at the tasteful crimson and gold decorations, and the eight-foot Christmas tree occupying the corner of the room. There seemed to be so many lovely places to go in this part of the world.
‘Will you be sad to leave England?’ Trisha asked, tucking her hair earnestly behind her ear.
‘There are lots of people I’ll miss; my friends, my family, of course. I’ll miss the late-night shopping, my job and my patients. But girls, he’s worth it.’ I knew it, more than I’d ever known anything in my life. I was certain he was the one.
‘And imagine we thought he’d never settle down. Now he’s beating them off with a stick.’ Trisha said, slapping her leg. Jane shot her a warning look, whatever that was about.
‘I just mean he never had anyone serious before you, Lucy,’ she corrected herself.
‘Luckily for me!’ I laughed. ‘Frogs, he calls them! As in, “I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my princess”.’ We erupted with laughter, all three of us.
‘Apt,’ Jane agreed. ‘Unfortunately, we can all relate to that.’
Familiar Christmas music like David Bowie, and Bing Crosby’s “Drummer Boy” played softly over the speakers in the drawing room.
The year had flown by; the whole thing was a complete frenzied whirlwind.
It seemed unreal to be listening to the same songs I’d listened to every festive period, yet this year everything was completely different.
Life had changed dramatically in the previous six months.
I never imagined I could be that happy. It was almost surreal.
I sent up a silent thanks to whoever was up there: a thanks for John, a thanks for these new friends, for this life. I was so grateful for everything.
I was a different woman, for the better in a lot of ways, but also there were a few issues I had discovered within myself that needed a bit more work.
It was my New Year’s Resolution to confront them head on.
John was convinced that when I moved here properly, a lot of those would dispel themselves naturally.
I wasn’t so sure, but I was sure that one way or another I would get over them.
I’d already made colossal progress by simply admitting my truths.
‘How’s the new baby?’ Trisha said. ‘I was going to get blue new baby balloons and banners and stick them on the front door, but I thought John would go off the head.’
I giggled; she was probably right.
‘He’s great. He cried a bit in the night, but they all do that in the first few days.’ John was adamant the dog was sleeping in the kitchen, despite my best efforts to persuade him we should let him upstairs. He was having none of it.
‘I’ll be up to see him tomorrow,’ Trisha promised.
‘Tell me,’ Jane leaned in closer, as if she were about to divulge a secret. ‘What are you getting John for Christmas?’ she whispered, as if he could hear us from eight miles away.
‘Easy. I bought him an Apple gadget his dad recommended. Plus, I booked us two nights away in a fancy hotel in Belfast. That’s really for my benefit, girls.
I’ll need my city fix by then. God forbid my Estee Lauder foundation runs out,’ I joked, but I was acutely aware regular city trips would be essential to my survival here, as much as I had come to love the tranquillity.
‘I wouldn’t be in the slightest bit surprised if he bought you a diamond ring,’ Trisha gushed. ‘Honestly, we’ve never seen him like this before. Have we, Jane?’ She nudged her roughly with her elbow for confirmation.
‘I don’t think I’m ready for another ring quite yet, girls,’ I reminded them while rubbing the empty space on my finger and ignoring the guilt gnawing at my stomach.
The remnants of the band mark had fortunately faded over the past few months but it felt hot to touch occasionally, a permanent reminder of my failing.
‘Everyone makes mistakes. You were so young.’ Jane tried to alleviate my guilt but it was something I’d have to work on in time.
‘I can’t afford to make another one... one fuck up is forgivable, I cannot make another. So as completely and utterly head over heels in love I am with that man, I am in no rush,’ I confided.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. While you were trying to do your best with a bad situation, others would be busy bed hopping. You were at least trying to stand by your word. Don’t beat yourself up about it; I know it’s easier said than done,’ Jane said in a gentle tone.
I smiled, grateful for her kind words, and for their easy friendship.
Women could be awful creatures, especially to each other.
They could smile to your face while taking strips out of you.
Thankfully, I had a good radar for those types, and Jane and Trisha were the real deal.
The conversations were frank and honest. I had no time for anything less.
As different as we all were in many ways, we had so much in common.
‘Do you ever hear from him?’ Trisha asked, pouring more tea from the china tea pot.
‘Who?’ I genuinely had to ask.
‘Your ex. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.’
‘Not a thing. I’m not sure whether I expected to or not. I saw him a couple of weeks ago, when John was over. He was eating in the same restaurant as us with who – I presume – was his new girlfriend.’ I told them.
‘No way,’ Jane exclaimed, ‘what are the chances?’
‘I know. I couldn’t believe it. Awkward.’ I ran my hands through my thick curls as I remembered.
‘How did you feel? It must have been so weird?’ Trisha asked.
‘It was weird, but I was glad to see him moving on. I was more worried about him seeing me with John, but he didn’t seem to pay too much attention. Nothing new there.’
‘I can’t imagine being married to a man and then seeing him with someone else,’ Trisha mused.
‘It’s really no different from seeing any of your exes with someone else, to be honest. There’s a lot of emphasis on the word marriage, but it only means something if both people work hard at it. Otherwise, it’s only a piece of paper.’ Harsh, but true. I’d found out the hard way.
‘I guess so.’ Trisha was still waiting for her man to pop the question; it was definitely on the cards. Jane was newly married, so she was still in the madly in love phase. I prayed it would always be that way for her.
Later, when we returned to Killala, we sat outside the houses in Trisha’s car, with the engine running.
‘We’ll see you at the wedding next week?’ Trisha checked as I opened the car door and wrapped my woollen coat tighter around me.
‘Oh yeah. I’d completely forgotten about that.’ I smacked my hand to my forehead. I wasn’t surprised to hear both Trisha and Jane had been invited too.
‘What are you wearing?’ I asked her through the wound down window.
‘Full length,’ Trisha said. ‘Go big or go home! Safe travels my dear, see you next week.’ She waved as she reversed carefully out the drive and dropped Jane at her front door, in between the two of us.
It occurred to me not for the first time today how lucky I was to have these two women as friends as I embarked on the next chapter of my life.