Luna #4
“What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours?
” Sawyer whispers like he can feel the sudden tension.
The weight of his arm shifts as he pulls hair back behind my ear, petting me in slow strokes that remind me of the first time he put a belt around my neck.
Even then, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him.
I let out a deep sigh as my eyes close against his touch.
“I have to kill my father.”
Sawyer’s hand stills.
“Soon,” I add in what I know is too even of a voice. Emotionless.
When Sawyer doesn’t respond right away, I keep going.
“He’s been selling the healthy infants… He profits off of the boys when they’re born and grooms the girls for degenerates he forces onto my people.
He’s tainted my home with human trafficking, sadists, and greed, and in the process, made me an accomplice…
My people despise me. And they should. But if there’s one thing I must do before I die, it’s to ensure that man doesn’t touch the life of another child. ”
Another beat of silence.
“Please don’t say I told you so.”
Sawyer’s finger twitches against my temple before he moves his hand to rest on my hip. “How do you know he’s selling the infants?”
“Aiden,” I say without pause. “He told me before I had him executed for my crime.”
Sawyer squeezes my hip. “You give yourself too much credit… He made a choice. It had a heavy cost. It doesn’t make it your fault.”
I huff before tucking my hands beneath my cheek.
“And your people don’t despise you. They’re afraid of you. There’s a difference.”
My gut twists. Even after everything that just happened, I’m shaken with a wave of embarrassment.
He doesn’t know yet.
“Before the execution, I announced that Aiden was only following my orders. I said my father had granted me mercy, and that it was up to the people to decide if Aiden should have it as well. They responded by throwing shoes at my head and demanding I be hanged… So yes… They hate me.”
Sawyer goes rigid. He lifts up onto an elbow while I stay flat. “Are you safe?”
I never knew worry could feel so warm.
“For now.” My voice is hardly above a whisper. “My father has forbidden anyone from challenging me, and he isn’t respecting the people’s wishes to have me hanged. Which is beyond inappropriate… I underestimated his love for me.”
Possession. Not love.
“How are you planning on…”
Killing him.
I inhale a deep breath and slowly let it out. That’s the million-dollar question.
“I don’t know yet… People are loyal to my father.
He’s a vital organ for the Shadow Sanctum.
If I kill him, my home will crumble. And I’m certainly in no position to take over as Chief Elder, not with the people’s current disapproval of me…
I need to find a way to both win back my people’s trust and turn them against my father. ”
Sawyer’s quiet for several seconds. “You don’t think they might be better off if it did crumble?”
“No.” Taking a steadying breath, I try again. “I know you’ve seen a lot of bad since you’ve been here, but there’s good too.”
“I believe you.”
I roll my eyes. “No, you don’t.”
He doesn’t argue. I don’t know if I want him to until I frown.
“Does your father eat bread?” Sawyer asks, a layer of caution in his voice that forms wrinkles in my brow.
“What?”
“We could poison him. Flour is like a delicacy here, isn’t it? We could put something in the flour and—”
“What problem would poisoning him solve?”
“They wouldn’t have to know he was murdered. It could look like he got sick, and his immune system wasn’t strong enough to fight it. It happens in the real world all the time. It wouldn’t—”
“The real world?” I bite. “Which fake world are we living in now?”
Sawyer sighs. “I’m not trying to—”
“I’m not poisoning my father,” I say with finality that I know he hears.
My jaw feels tight as I speak. “When the time is right, I’ll challenge him.
Publicly. When everyone has seen him for who he is and won’t weep for his death.
Then… I don’t know what I’ll do then. But I’m not going to kill him in secret like a coward. ”
I expect Sawyer to snap back with something, but instead, he chooses silence. I wait anyway, counting the seconds that pass. For a moment, I feel like I’m turning into Sawyer.
“I’m going to stand behind whatever you do,” he says at last. Long fingers slip up my belly. “And I’ll be here to help in any way you need… Maybe I could help turn people or something.”
My heart skips—then stops. When it starts back up, there’s a deep pang in my chest. I bite down on my lip and try not to feel any more emotion. I don’t know how anyone could stand feeling so much in such little time.
Somehow, I’ve gone my entire life believing I’m too cold, and after only two months with Sawyer, I’m a faucet of hormones that won’t turn off. Cortisol. Estrogen. Oxytocin.
Oxytocin. The ‘love’ chemical.
I close my eyes and suck in while trying not to read into my own thoughts. But they’re there, pounding away. They’ve been there for days while I’ve had nothing else to do but lie in bed.
Tell him, my heart begs. But my mind knows better.
Because I remember our first time in the treehouse. I remember him telling me he’s never felt romantic love, that he doesn’t even know what it is.
Over a hundred women were kidnapped, raped, and still fell in love with him. Over a hundred could see what I see.
I am not special. I am not the exception.
This is who Sawyer is. If Zephyr were alive, maybe we wouldn’t be here.
I flinch at the thought. For some reason, I can’t believe it’s true.
“Thank you,” I whisper instead of pouring out everything in my head.
We don’t say anything else after that. We just lie still and listen to each other’s breathing.
Sawyer never gets up to shut off the light. But I find sleep anyway.