Chapter 18
We only had a few days to prepare. I’d had no time to talk with Cillian, and I was still angry with him for being so obstinate.
Bethel was gliding around the fortress with her nose high and her eyes gleaming. I escorted her into the city almost daily to get gowns, beauty ointments and tonics. She was congenial to everyone except me, not that her lack of friendship bothered me.
Torgrin seemed unaffected by Bethel’s upcoming wedding. He was not acting as a jealous lover would – I would think a man suffering from heartbreak wouldn’t be going about preparations so efficiently. Maybe he had told me the truth, and their affair was over. Not that it mattered to me.
Ania introduced me to a seamstress who would source and alter suitable clothing for me to wear once I arrived in Capita disguised as Bethel’s lady-in-waiting.
‘She must have a red dress. Oh, and a fur cloak. She won’t be accustomed to the cold in Capita.’ Ania piled garments on the seamstress’s worktable. ‘Make sure you lower the hems and the necklines.’
I raised a brow at Ania’s instructions but refrained from interrupting what was clearly an exciting moment for the young woman. I had to stipulate the need for a few hidden pockets to be sewn into my garments.
‘Oh my, Caris, look at this lovely blue gown! It will bring out the colour of your eyes.’
‘It looks expensive,’ I murmured, rubbing the delicate silk between my fingers. I had never worn something this fine, but I needed to pay Cillian for new armour, and looking at all that Ania had gathered, I wasn’t sure I could pay for everything.
‘Father has already paid, so you don’t need to worry about that.’ Ania laid the dress gently on the top of the pile. She sighed and looked wistfully at the gown.
‘It’s safer for you and Wolfe to stay in Murus.’ I knew she was disappointed that she would not be going with us.
‘I know.’ Ania frowned as she watched the seamstress get to work on the silk gown. ‘It’s just that I always get left behind.’
Before we returned to the fortress with my new clothing, I stopped to collect the armour that Cillian had finished making for me.
Ania was beside me, so we couldn’t discuss what was foremost on our minds.
I didn’t want her to wait outside on the street, as the danger was too high and I wasn’t prepared to let her out of my sight.
‘Come to me tonight,’ he whispered as he gathered my armour. It would be our last night in Murus.
‘I can’t. Lord Warwick has asked us to join him for a meal tonight.’
‘Then come before. I will close the shop early,’ he said, placing his large hand on mine.
‘There is so much to do. I don’t know if I will have time.’ I regretted the words as soon as I uttered them.
He gave me a long, pained look. ‘You’re mad at me.’
‘That’s not why …’ I smiled, trying to ease his hurt feelings. ‘I will make time for you.’ If there were ever a time to put away my anger, it was now.
As Ania turned to open the door, I leaned over and kissed him tenderly. Releasing his warm lips was difficult.
Tonight, I would convince him to stay.
I returned Ania to the Warwick family rooms and pretended not to hear Bethel, who called out to me.
She had been sending me on pointless errands the last few days, and I refused to let her take away what precious time I had left.
While packing my things, I prepared what I would say to Cillian tonight.
I would convince him to write down everything he knows about the castle dungeon.
He could draw diagrams and maps, so there would be no reason for him to go to Capita.
Cillian grinned when I appeared at the forge later. He set down his hammer and hung up his blacksmith apron. I leaned against a post as he removed his shirt before dunking his head into a barrel of water to cool off.
My breathing quickened as the water trickled down his heavily muscled back.
I continued to stare when he turned, revealing a broad, defined chest and a stomach that had a little padding from too much cake.
Seeing that slight layer of softness over his massive muscles did strange things to my insides.
He picked up his discarded shirt.
‘Don’t.’ I moved forward, taking it from him. He raised a brow as I dropped it to the floor.
He twitched under my fingers as I explored the dips and swells of his chest and the light sprinkling of hair down the centre of his torso. He sucked in a sharp breath as I lingered over the flat peaks of his nipples.
What was I doing? I had come here to convince Cillian to stay in Murus, where I knew he would be safe. But my carefully thought-out words flew from my mind when Cillian’s mouth found mine. His lips were forceful and his tongue was demanding, stoking the embers dancing low in my stomach.
The click-clack of a cart’s wheels along the cobblestone street reminded me of our lack of privacy in the open forge.
The same thought must have occurred to Cillian because he pulled me around the corner to his workbench. He often hid in this corner of the forge, working on blueprints or fixing tools.
Soon, his hands were inside my shirt, and his lips explored the delicate area under my jaw.
‘Take it off.’ I gasped as his fingers reached my bindings. He had my shirt off, and my bindings untied in moments.
He stepped back, his thick lashes lowered, his golden-brown eyes hidden.
‘What is it?’ I shivered, missing the heat of his body pressed against mine.
‘I needed to see you before I touched and tasted every part of you.’
Oh.
‘Come.’ I tugged him back by the waistband of his breeches. I sighed when his warm chest pressed against my naked breasts, and he backed me up to the bench. His hands gripped my hips, and I felt my feet leave the floor as he sat me on his workbench among his tools.
He bent me back over his muscular forearm, forcing my upper body to arch and allowing him to capture the rosy tip of my breast in his mouth.
I cried out as his tongue toyed with me, his mouth moving from one breast to the other. It was pure instinct that made me wrap my legs around his narrow hips. Cillian groaned, pushing towards me, intensifying the ache between my thighs even more.
‘Caris?’ he half-moaned, grinding his hips slowly and torturously into me.
‘Yes?’
‘Are you taking anything to prevent a child?’
‘No.’
Cillian began to pull away, but I refused to unlock my legs.
‘Caris.’ He pressed his forehead into mine. ‘You have to let me go before we do something foolish.’
I might not have done this before, but I understood what was needed to make offspring. Farm animals were paired up for this purpose. I had seen it between stallions and mares. Roosters and hens.
‘Can you not withdraw before … ?’
‘It’s risky, and I’ve not been with a woman since my wife. My control around you is almost non-existent, Caris.’ He buried his face in my neck.
The thought of leaving tonight and never knowing what it was like to have Cillian in this way was terrifying. Anything could happen on the road to Capita, and I had no illusions that what we were doing for Lord Warwick and his family came with no danger.
‘Please?’ I tightened my legs, pressing him against my aching core.
He shuddered against me. ‘I can still give you pleasure.’ His hands found the ties to my breeches, and I lifted my hips, allowing him to remove them altogether.
The heel of his palm pushed against me and my hips lifted in response. ‘That’s it, take what you need,’ he whispered in my ear before covering my moan with his mouth. My body shivered hot and cold, but release remained out of my reach.
‘Are you ready for more?’ His voice was husky and sweet like honey.
‘Yes,’ I moaned against his mouth.
He parted me with a thick finger and began circling my throbbing centre.
‘Oh, hellfire,’ I whimpered, much to his amusement.
I was racked with tremors as his finger drew tighter and tighter circles, and just when I thought his torturous fingers could do no more, he slid one inside me.
‘Ride my hand, Caris.’ He pushed in another finger, then another, and as I rode his hand, I tipped over the edge. I was floating on a wave of my release.
‘I want you inside me. Now,’ I demanded.
His thick lashes lifted. ‘We shouldn’t.’
‘What if this is our only chance?’ I feared that this right here could be all we would have together. ‘Please, Cillian.’
He growled and grabbed my hips firmly until I was on the very edge of the bench. With one hand, he untied his breeches, and I stared, astonished by his hard length.
‘Are you sure?’ he gasped out, looking long into my eyes.
‘Yes.’ And I pushed against him to prove it.
There was no pain, only the sensation of being stretched. Cillian groaned as he settled fully against me.
I ran my hands over his twitching back muscles, and then he began to move.
The forge filled with my whimpers and his moans. He rocked into me as my body seemed to try to grasp onto what it’d never had before. Soon, I was back to the edge I had been at only moments before, but this time, I knew what to expect.
‘Caris,’ Cillian moaned into my hair.
His hand came between us, rubbing me in time with his thrusts.
My body clenched around him one last time, and then I shattered. Cillian pulled out with a frustrated groan, and I watched him through a pleasured haze as he stroked himself from root to tip. He slumped forward, expelling himself onto my thigh.
I pulled his head to rest on my shoulder, waiting for his breath to return to normal.
‘Stay. Sleep in my bed tonight,’ he mumbled against my shoulder.
I thought about it, but something held me back from saying yes. ‘Will you stay in Murus?’ If it were our last night together, then I would stay.
He pushed away from me with a noisy exhale. Grabbing a cloth, he cleaned my thigh.
‘I’m going with you to Capita.’ He handed me my shirt before pulling his breeches back up. ‘I don’t want this moment ruined by an argument, so please leave it,’ he said softly.
‘But Cillian, what if you write down –’
‘Stop, Caris.’
I closed my mouth, realising nothing would change his mind now.