Chapter Fifteen Bailey #2
Augusta shook her head. “I just keep thinking about how Colin didn’t feel comfortable telling me. Or is that why he is attracted to me? Am I masculine? But even if it has nothing to do with me, it was Eben—it was my brother. Imagine if Van slept with your sister.”
“Ha!” Bailey barked with unexpected laughter. “Oh my God, I absolutely cannot.”
“See?”
“No, not like it’s so horrible, it’s just inconceivable. He thinks my sisters are such idiots. And you know Van would never be able to have sex with a woman he didn’t fully respect.” It was one of the most honorable and perplexing things about Van, really.
“Fine, but God. I’m so angry. You know how heartbroken I’ve been about my rift with Eben.
And this whole time I thought it was because I took money from my dad!
Because I wanted a relationship with our father!
But that wasn’t even it! He was freezing me out because he couldn’t tell me about Colin.
And Colin and my mom and everyone let me think it was my fault. ”
“I know.” Bailey nodded. “It’s fucked up.”
“So, what do I do with these feelings?”
“Talk to Colin. Yell at him if you have to. And talk to Eben,” Bailey said, reaching out to hold Augusta’s hand.
“I can’t.” Augusta closed her eyes. “Not until I know what I want.”
The Snip
Bailey’s brother-in-law had gotten a vasectomy and Bailey was suspicious.
It was wildly out of character for Jeff, a man who couldn’t even bring his own plate to the sink, to take family planning initiative.
Bailey assumed this meant he was sleeping with a coworker, a disgusting proposition, but when her sisters’ families arrived at Budweiser Manor she handed him a frozen bag of peas so he could ice his groin on the couch.
“We’re just going to love on our guy this week,” Bailey’s sister Kylie cooed, unwrapping a sandwich from the sub shop and carrying it over to Jeff.
“But not too much,” Jeff said grumpily. “No sex for three weeks.”
Apparently, Jeff hadn’t really paid attention at his pre-op appointment, and was surprised to realize how many rules there were to the whole thing. He couldn’t ejaculate until the incision healed, and then for the three months following he needed to ejaculate dozens of times.
“What happens if you forget and have sex this week?” asked Bailey’s other brother-in-law, Mitch.
“I’ll pop a stitch.” Jeff scowled.
“Does it hurt if you get hard?” Mitch asked.
“Yeah, bro. I’m living like a monk here.” Jeff shook his head at the gravity of the situation and pulled a slice of pickle out of his sub.
“You know, there are all sorts of great environmental reasons to have a vasectomy,” Van piped up.
“They say the best action we can take on an individual level to help the planet is to have one fewer child.” Ever since Van moved in with Bailey, he had been on a tear about how much garbage the baby produced.
He was trying to convince Bailey to switch to cloth diapers, but she was holding strong.
“I’m basically Captain Planet,” said Jeff sarcastically.
“And if fewer women are on the pill that means there isn’t as much estrogen being released into the water supply,” Van continued. “A vasectomy could actually be good for the aquatic ecosystems.”
Both Jeff and Mitch were looking at Van with utter bafflement and Bailey stifled a laugh.
Vanny was such a geek. “I’ve been on the pill since I was fifteen and it’s been a total pain.
” For a decade and a half Bailey had switched pills every few years, constantly searching for one that wouldn’t make her boobs hurt, wouldn’t make her gain weight, wouldn’t be exchanged for a generic when her health-care provider randomly stopped covering it. “I’m all for guys taking a turn.”
“In fairness the pill didn’t work out all that well for you,” Jeff cracked, pointing at baby Dylan.
Bailey rolled her eyes. She’d taken the pill at more or less the same time every day, but between falling asleep at Fran’s house that January and throwing up from her hangover, there had been some inconsistencies.
“Hey Jeff, did you see this clip from SportsCenter?” Mitch passed him his phone.
“What the hell?” Jeff looked at the screen before flinging it back. Mitch cackled. His phone had been playing a video from Pornhub.
“Mitch, that’s not funny. If Jeff rips a stitch he could get an infection,” Kylie scolded him.
“Hey, I was going to get everyone some oysters for dinner tonight, light some candles, but maybe that’s too much of an aphrodisiac for Jeff?” Mitch batted his eyes.
“Stop,” Jeff growled.
“Van,” Kylie interrupted. “Would you get a vasectomy, or do you and Bailey think you’ll have another kid?”
Bailey shot her sister a look. She and Van weren’t even talking about their Labor Day plans, never mind having more children together.
“What?” Kylie pouted. “You make cute babies. You should give Dylan a sibling.”
They did make a cute baby. Dylan was gorgeous.
But whenever Bailey looked at Dylan she saw Van’s face.
It was so confusing. She loved Dylan so much she sometimes worried she was deluding herself into thinking she liked Van more than she actually did.
There was a reason she hadn’t wanted to be with him.
There was a reason she had only ever wanted to be friends.
But Dylan’s little face had cast some kind of spell on her.
“Okay, I’m going to do some emails,” Van announced, heading upstairs and away from Bailey’s insane family.
Jeff’s phone dinged with a text and when he looked at the screen he cursed again. “Stop sending me this stuff!”
Mitch cackled. Bailey’s brothers-in-law were truly disgusting.
Dylan started fussing and Bailey carried him upstairs to feed him.
She loved looking down at his little face as he ate.
Once in a while she would catch his eye and it felt like they were working together on the most romantic, astonishing, heart-exploding project in the universe.
Together they were building his bones, his skin, every single cell.
She held him with one arm and with her other she stroked his hair and his tiny ear.