5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Clay Fines
I stopped my truck to allow the towering black metal gates of Willow Creek Cemetery to open. It was my last errand before heading back to Sterling City, and I’d been dreading the visit since I’d left home. It triggered another mourning period which got harder every time I made the trip.
After parking in the first open spot on the parking lot, I scanned the area, surprised to see a dozen or so cars at the cemetery at such an early hour. It was my semi-annual trip to visit Hunter, and my heart was in my throat, just as it had been every six months since I lost him.
Making the trek to Kansas City twice a year was becoming harder to do.
I’d promised Hunter at the graveside service that I’d never forget him, and I’d always love him.
In my heart, I didn’t think I’d ever hit the bottom of the pit of despair I’d carried over Hunter’s senseless death.
It would leave a hole in my heart forever.
I walked through the archway at the gate with the bouquet of white tulips I’d brought and headed to the Korr family mausoleum. After opening the large wrought-iron gate, I stepped inside, stopping at the second bench in front of Hunter’s marker.
Once I removed the dead white roses from the vase anchored to Hunter’s plaque, probably placed there by his mother, I poured in some water from the bottle I’d brought before sliding the tulips inside. “Hi, sweetheart. I miss you.”
Sitting on the bench across from the marker, I steepled my fingers together and rested my forearms on my thighs.
“Your grandmother passed, but maybe you know that already, sweetheart. Steven and Mel went to St. Louis for the service, which is why I chose now to come to town. I think Betsy wanted to be buried with your grandfather at Jefferson Barracks, but when your father called to tell me about it, he didn’t give me many details.
It seemed like he didn’t want me to come, so I didn’t push it. ”
The beautiful sound of Hunter’s laughter rang through my head in reminder of happier times, and I turned to my right. Hunter sat down next to me and gave me that gorgeous grin and wink I always loved.
We’ve got to stop meeting like this, Clay. The echo of his voice through my mind brought a smile to my face.
“No shit, honey. I know you’re not really here, but how are you?” Remembering Hunter’s smile always brought me comfort.
There are so many things I wish I could say, Clay, but the most important things are all that’s necessary. It’s been five years, my love. It’s time for you to let me go.
“You know I can’t do that, Hunter.”
My heart felt as though it was being torn from my chest at the mere thought of leaving him behind. He’d been my life since we met in college. Without him, I had no reason for doing anything more than existing to care for my mother.
Yes, you can. There’s someone new in your life who you need to let in.
He’s important to you, Clay, or he will be.
We will always love each other, but the heart has an infinite capacity for love.
I know you’ll always love me, and I still feel it in my heart.
Clay, there’s someone who needs your love more. Give him a chance.
I laughed. “Give who a chance?”
Hunter grinned. You’ll know who very soon. I love you. Stay open minded.
My eyes opened, and I glanced around to see I was still in the mausoleum. It had been a busy couple of days, so I guessed I’d dozed off. I stood from the bench and stepped toward the plaque, placing my hand on the brass plate that held his name.
“I love you, Hunter. Always.”
I leaned forward to kiss the bronze marker, unsure of how many more times I’d come visit the love of my life. This visit didn’t feel like the last time.
As I was headed toward the gate, I was stunned to see Justin Watkins sitting on a bench across from a large granite headstone. I took him in, noticing his cheeks were wet. Much like mine before I wiped them when I left the mausoleum.
I slowly approached the bench. “Justin? Are you okay?”
Justin’s head snapped up. “Oh, uh, Clay. Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Visiting someone. You?” I couldn’t keep the skepticism from my voice. How did we end up at the same cemetery the morning after we’d had dinner? Was he stalking me?
The handsome man glanced at me. “I’m here visiting my parents.” He pointed to the grave marker in front of him.
The large rose-colored marker showed epitaphs for two people, a woman and a man. Orren and Pamela Watkins. The dates of birth were five years apart, but the dates of death were within two months. Dear Mother, Dear Father, below each name.
I swallowed. “Sorry about losin’ your folks so close together. What happened, if you’d tell me?” Obviously, it was a coincidence that we were there at the same time.
Justin turned to me and patted the seat next to him, so I didn’t hesitate to sit down. I honestly wanted to hear whatever he had to say, even though we’d barely just met.
After a moment, he turned from staring at the marker. “My mother died from a heart attack on a Tuesday. My father died from a stroke a couple of months later, also on a Tuesday. I was twenty at the time. Nothing can ever fill the void of not having them to share my highs and lows.”
The desire to wrap Justin in my arms was nearly overwhelming. It sounded as though the man had walked a hard road all by himself. I didn’t want that for him, or anyone, really.
He seemed to be an incredibly nice guy, based only on my experience talking to the man for about two hours regarding my financial future and then about an hour over a meal.
Losing two parents within a few months would be devastating to anyone, I was certain.
The memory of losing my own father was painful.
If I’d lost Mama within a few months as Justin had, I wasn’t sure I’d have survived.
“I’m sorry, Justin. I know what it means to lose people you love, but I just didn’t expect to see you here this morning.”
He wiped a stray tear. “I’m just visiting my parents like I do every month. It was devastating when they died so close together, but I think because they loved each other so much they didn’t want to be apart for very long. I can find comfort in that.”
Family issues weren’t easy, that was for sure. I’d planned to have a family with Hunter back then, but that never happened. Hell, now? I had no idea what a family would even look like for me.
“I wouldn’t mind getting breakfast before I hit the road. Would you like to join me?” I wasn’t sure what compelled me to make the offer, but it felt right.
Justin stared at me, a nervous smile overtaking his face. “I d-don’t want to keep you from getting on the r-road.”
“A few hours won’t really keep me from doing anything I need to do when I get home. I noticed there was a diner at the turn-off up the road. Wanna meet there?”
Justin nodded, so I stood, walking back a few steps to give him a chance to say goodbye to his folks without me. He kissed his fingers and touched the top of the double marker before he turned to follow me.
“I’m down there,” I said, pointing to my white GMC Sierra flatbed truck at the end of the parking lot.
“I’m here. I’ll follow you to the diner.” He slid into a dark blue Ford Explorer. It wasn’t brand new, but it was nice.
I jogged to my truck and hopped in, leading him to the diner where Justin parked beside me. I got out and rounded the front of my truck, seeing Justin was on the phone, so I stopped on the sidewalk to wait.
He ended the call and stepped out of his SUV, removing his suit jacket and hanging it over the back of his seat. “I called Eve to let her know I’d be late. So, you’re on your way back to Sterling City this morning?”
I nodded as we went inside the diner, which was called The Pancake Palace. The place resembled a little mom-and-pop place I knew in Sterling City where everyone knew everybody else—and their business.
We sat in a booth in the back, and after we were served coffee, I settled into my side of the conversation. “You like your job at Korr’s?”
Justin offered a sad smile. “Enough. I mean, I’ve been following this path for years.
My parents wanted me to do what I’m doing now, though I hadn’t been really interested in financial matters when I was in high school.
After I lost them, I decided it would be something I could do to honor them.
It was what they wanted me to do, after all. ”
I stared at Justin for a moment. “But is that what you want to do? Will that make you happy?”
A quick chuckle came from Justin. “I’m not sure anymore what would make me happy, if I’m being honest.”
“I get it. I’ve gone through my own times of doubt, and it’s not easy to sort through things, especially by yourself.
” The temptation to reach across the table and grab his hand was hard to resist. Was it possible to hold ourselves together through the connection with another person?
Something I’d think about on the way home.
Our food was delivered quickly. Justin dug into his waffles, and I tucked into my western omelet. I put my fork down and took a sip of coffee, wondering what to say. Small talk had never been my—
“So, what’s it like living in a small rural town? Any hot girls—I mean guys—live near you for hookups?” Justin asked, which seemed rather odd.
“I didn’t really look. I mean, Hunter and I were a thing before...” Something seemed off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
His eyebrows shot up before he nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. You gotta get back right now?”
“I’m not in a hurry, but I do need to get home today. Why?” I studied his expression, which wasn’t anything I’d noticed before.
Justin smirked. “Well, I don’t live too far from here. We could go have a quick fuck before you head home.”
Justin’s fork met his plate as he observed me with newfound confidence.
I hadn’t seen it from him the previous day, or even earlier that morning.
His demeanor had been nervous and jittery yesterday before we began formulating my financial plan.
He’d stuttered a bit at first and his gaze didn’t match mine at first. I was convinced he’d roped Eve into sitting with us for the meeting because she said nothing the whole time, as if she hadn’t planned to be included.
Even earlier, when I approached Justin where he sat on the bench, he was nervous and stuttered a little after I asked him to come for breakfast. Where was this sudden bravado coming from that he could proposition me without blinking an eye?
Did I seem like a guy who could leave a cemetery where I’d lost someone I loved deeply to hook up with a relative stranger?
And now, he’d just propositioned me, which I thought was completely out of character from what I’d witnessed when we first met. “I, uh. Well, now, that’s a surprising request. It’s not that I don’t find you—”
Justin’s body snapped like he’d been hit by something, and his face turned bright red in an instant. “Oh, dear god. I’m so sorry, Clay. I have no idea what came over me. If you’ll excuse me, please.”
He quickly tossed some cash on the table and shot out of there like he was running from the law.
He peeled out of the parking lot, spraying gravel on a few cars before he sped into the street in front of a dump truck.
The driver mashed the horn, swerving to miss the back of Justin’s SUV, but Justin just floored it and kept going.
I had no idea why he left so damn fast, but as I later drove back to Sterling City, I mulled over his suggestion of hooking up.
I couldn’t say I completely hated the idea of it.
It had been five years since I’d even entertained the idea of being with anyone.
The fact that Justin’s flippant suggestion had me thinking about it was pretty damn remarkable.
I’d dated girls in high school because that was what I thought I was supposed to do, not unlike all the other guys I knew. During my senior year at Sterling City High, we got a new shop teacher, Mr. Pappas—a Greek god if I’d ever seen one. He became my obsession and my gay awakening.
After I figured out who I was, I had my fair share of boyfriends—maybe for a night or maybe for a few months. Everything changed when I sat down next to Hunter Korr in chemistry and biology during our freshman year in college.
Hunter and I became best friends before we were lovers, but Hunter owned my heart from the first time I had to borrow a pen from him in class because I was a bit of a spaz back then and lost the only one I could find in my dorm.
Hunter was a brainiac and, as I’d called him throughout our college career, Mr. Prepared.
The guy was always early for every class, finished assignments ahead of time, and he’d kept my head above water more than once, whether it was helping me study for an exam or feeding and hydrating me when I had to write papers—the bane of my existence.
He was a one-of-a-kind guy who taught me a lot. Why that wonderful man was taken when he had so much potential would be one of life’s greatest mysteries in my world.
The fact that I’d even noticed how good-looking Justin was had surprised me. I was still a little dazed at what had happened over the last two days or what any of it meant in the grand scheme of things. At this point, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know.