17. Nina
CHAPTER 17
NINA
“ M ommy,” Miles said, his tone bordering on wheedling, “when are we gonna see Rashad again?”
“Yeah,” Kate asked, looking up from the puzzle she’d been working on with pictures of zoo animals on it, “when are we gonna see him?”
Nina took a deep breath, trying her best to maintain her composure. She was sitting with her kids at the dining table on a rainy Thursday evening, several days after leaving Rashad’s yacht. Her laptop was open in front of her so that she could do a little work, while Kate fitted chunky puzzle pieces together and Miles played with a miniature basketball hoop. The rare San Diego rain, which left streaks down the window and cast the scene outside in muted gray, matched Nina’s mood perfectly.
“Honey,” Nina said, addressing both her kids with the endearment, “we talked about this, remember? We had such a fun weekend with Rashad, but he doesn’t live near here, which means we can’t see him.”
“But he got our card, right?” Miles asked.
Nina hesitated. She didn’t like lying to her kids, but the truth was that she hadn’t even sent the card. It was sitting in its envelope in a shoebox in her closet. Even if Rashad wanted to hear from the twins, he didn’t deserve the sweet card they’d made — and Nina wasn’t going to reestablish contact. She had half a mind to call Rashad and yell at him for hurting the twins like this, but even that would be too much.
“I’m sure he did,” she said. If only the twins were a little older, she might be able to explain some of the intricacies of what had happened with Rashad, but they were very young, and even if she tried, they wouldn’t understand — even Nina herself still struggled to understand Rashad’s behavior. A white lie was better.
“Maybe we can visit him,” Kate suggested, her blue eyes lighting up at the thought. “Does he live near Grandma?”
“No, honey. It takes an hour to drive to Grandma’s house, but to visit Rashad, we’d have to fly on a plane for more than twelve hours.”
“Wow.” Miles’s eyes lit up now. “A plane?” He’d been obsessed with sports the last few months, but Nina could see his interest shifting towards vehicles. Driving Rashad’s yacht had apparently sparked his curiosity about things that go.
“How about we visit Grandma this weekend?” Nina said, hoping to change the subject.
This wasn’t the first time her kids had asked about Rashad in the last few days. In fact, the questions had been almost constant as Miles and Kate had inquired about where Rashad was, if he was coming over to play, and if he liked their card. Nina tried her best to be patient with all the questions. After all, it was clear that her children had really liked Rashad, which she could understand, and she didn’t want them to face the same hurt she was struggling with.
Still, it was difficult to talk about Rashad without feeling teary, which meant that Nina had been feeling very teary this week.
“Grandma!” Kate wiggled in her seat excitedly. “I pack my bag?”
“Not yet, honey. Today is Thursday, and we’ll go on Saturday.”
“Oh.” Kate stuck out her lip. “Okay.”
“Rashad can come to Grandma’s!” Miles suggested. Nina almost dropped her head onto the table. They’d been so close to moving on to a different topic.
“Remember, he lives far away,” she said gently. “Now, who’s interested in a special dinner? How about some make-your-own pizza?”
“Yay!” both kids cheered.
“Great. Clean up your toys from the table, and I’ll get everything ready.”
As the kids gathered their puzzle and basketball hoop into their arms and carried them off towards the playroom, probably to dump them in a heap despite Nina’s recurring request to put them back in the toy chest, Nina got to her feet and rested her hands on the kitchen counter, feeling a little lightheaded. If only she hadn’t brought her kids on the yacht, perhaps this would be easier.
Or perhaps not. Beyond the twins’ sadness at not seeing Rashad, Nina was hurt, too. She wasn’t sad, exactly — just angry. Rashad had promised her a partnership. He’d spent the night with her. He’d played with her kids. He’d shared deep conversations with her and danced with her under the starlight. And then, at the last minute, he’d yanked the rug out from under her.
He was almost as bad as the twins’ father, Nina’s ex.
Nina pushed that thought away. It was a completely different situation — she and Rashad had known each other only for a weekend, even if she’d let herself hope it might lead to something more. Though in some way, this felt worse — her ex had walked away from the idea of a family with Nina, but Rashad had walked away from her sweet children.
“Mommy, dinnertime!” Kate ran back into the kitchen, her pigtails bouncing as she went.
“Great!” Nina scooped her daughter up and set her on the counter. “Do you want to help me make the dough?”
“Yay!”
Miles arrived a minute later and was put to work slicing mushrooms and olives with his safety knife. Nina put on some of her favorite oldies and danced with each of her children as they worked, trying to keep memories of cooking alongside Rashad at bay. They’d only cooked together a few times, yet Nina wouldn’t forget anytime soon how he’d admired her children’s palates and cooking skills — and teased Nina for always following a recipe.
That weekend, they went to visit Nina’s mother, Amy. It was a fun weekend with lots of Grandma time for the kids. Nina tried to enjoy herself, too, but she felt tired. She’d always worked a lot, and she’d always spent a lot of time playing with the kids, but the aftermath of her weekend with Rashad was draining in another way.
After putting the kids to bed on Saturday night, Nina’s mother came into the room Nina was using with two mugs of chamomile tea.
“Hey, Mom.” Nina tucked her legs beneath her and closed her laptop, instantly feeling like a teenager again in her mother’s presence. Being in her childhood bedroom, which was still decorated with posters of Nina’s favorite singers and a trophy she’d won in a tenth-grade Science Bowl, certainly didn’t help matters.
“Hi, honey.” Amy handed her a mug and sat at the end of the bed. “I just wanted you to know that I’m ready to listen.”
“Listen to what?” Nina asked, playing for time. Amy chuckled.
“Honey, I’m your mother. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but you can’t pretend that everything’s fine. I see you. Something’s up.”
Nina sighed. “It’s been a bit of a difficult time at work.” There was no need to get into her mess of a personal life right now. “There’s another company similar to mine planning to move into the US market. It seemed like we’d be able to work together, but now I think they’ll try to take over by force.”
“Hmm.” Amy sipped her tea. She still looked like the same woman who’d raised Nina, who had cut paper dolls with her and helped her put on nail polish and held her while they both cried about Aunt Katherine, Amy’s sister. “Well, if that’s really the problem, I’m sure you can handle it. You’re a great businesswoman — you’ve made me proud. Aunt Katherine would be proud, too.”
“What do you mean, if that really is the problem ?” Nina asked.
“Again, I’m your mother. I’ve seen you stressed about work, and it doesn’t look like this. You look as sad as when Ricky Jenson stood you up for prom, sophomore year. Sadder, maybe. This feels personal.”
Nina thought of Rashad’s inscrutable expression as he’d told her that they would never be partners, business or otherwise. That had certainly felt personal, but she wasn’t ready to share that particular heartbreak with her mother. After all, Nina had been silly. She’d known Rashad’s reputation for being ruthless and conniving, and she’d still let herself fall for him and his kind words.
“It’s just business,” Nina said instead. Perhaps, in a few months, when Rashad was no more than a memory and she’d dealt with whatever he was going to do to put Heartbeat out of business, she’d be ready to talk to her mother about what had happened. Or maybe she wouldn’t.
“All right, honey.” Amy squeezed Nina’s shoulder. “But if you need some extra help this week, I could come back to San Diego with you to watch the kids and spend a little time together.”
Nina nodded. “That would be great, thanks, Mom. My regular babysitter would be relieved to have a little time off with finals coming up.”
“It’s a plan, then.” Amy drained her tea and got to her feet. “Good night, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”
That week, Nina was beyond grateful to have her mother home with her. Even though Nina was a mother herself now, she still needed her own mom — and as it turned out, now more than ever, as she started to come down with the flu at the end of the week.
Work was normal, with no word from Rashad yet, though Nina still worried about what he had planned. Yet she felt increasingly tired as the week went on. Saturday morning, she burst into tears when she knocked over a glass. Then, Sunday afternoon, the smell of the kids’ peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches made her stomach turn. Nina saw her mother watching her, but neither of them said anything.
Monday, Amy should have gone home, but she didn’t. Nina should have gotten her period, but she didn’t.
Tuesday, Nina stopped at the drugstore on the way home from work and bought a pregnancy test.
She wanted to believe that it would be negative. It wasn’t that she didn’t want more kids — Nina loved the twins more than anything, and with a good partner by her side, she’d be happy to have several more. Yet the thought of being pregnant with Rashad’s baby, after what he’d done, was difficult to come to terms with. It was possible that Nina’s period was just late and that she had the flu, but Nina remembered how she’d felt when pregnant with the twins, and this was eerily similar.
Nina’s mother was playing with the twins in the living room when Nina got home. She smiled at her daughter as Miles and Kate ran to her and leaped into her arms. Nina twirled them around, then set them on the ground as dizziness overwhelmed her.
“Give me a few minutes to wash up, then we can play a game,” she told the twins. Amy watched her closely as Nina headed into the bathroom, though she didn’t say anything.
Alone in the bathroom, Nina unwrapped the test she’d bought, her hands shaking. She hadn’t taken a pregnancy test since the day she’d found out she was expecting the twins, but she remembered the drill. A few minutes later, the test was sitting on the bathroom counter as Nina set a timer on her phone and leaned against the bathtub.
What if she was pregnant? It would be hard to balance a baby with the twins and her work, even harder without a partner, and almost impossible with Rashad as the father when he was going to do all he could to put her out of business. Yet some part of Nina remembered the way it had felt to hold the twins as babies, with their little starfish hands and their chubby cheeks. She’d loved being a mother to babies — she’d just hoped that, if she had another one, she’d have a partner by her side.
Nina’s heart raced as the timer on her phone beeped. Her hands shaking slightly, she swiped the alarm off and reached for the pregnancy test on the counter. Even before she flipped it over, Nina knew what the answer would be — after all, she’d been tired, moody, and dizzy over the last few days, and her period was late.
What Nina didn’t expect was the sudden, irrepressible rush of joy she felt when she saw that the test was positive. While walking to the store, buying the test, and taking it, she’d thought only of the difficulties of being a single mother. Yet now, seeing this first small sign from her new baby, Nina could only remember the good parts of motherhood. She thought of the feeling of a toddler sleeping, heavy and warm, in her arms and the way a baby gazed up her at, blinking and smiling. Miles and Kate would be wonderful older siblings — they were always looking at babies at the park and asking about them.
Nina was going to be a mother for a third time, and although it wouldn’t be easy, she was already looking forward to meeting her little one. One of her hands drifted to her stomach, skating along the still-flat surface as though she were touching the baby inside. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby.
Rashad’s baby.
“Mommy?” There was a knock on the door. “I picked a game!”
“Good job, Miles,” Nina called back. Her voice was a little choked with emotion, which she remembered from her first pregnancy, too. Nina had cried at the drop of a hat all through her first trimester. “I’ll be out in a second.”
There was another flurry of footsteps, and Nina heard her mother’s voice. “Miles, come on, give your mother a little privacy.”
Nina almost laughed at the thought of privacy. With the twins and her business, she barely had a moment to herself unless her mother or Amanda was babysitting. Adding another baby to the mix would mean even less time.
Although, perhaps Rashad would put her out of business, and she would end up being at home more than she expected.
The thought of Rashad brought a new problem flooding back. This baby was Rashad’s child as much as it was hers. Yet Nina couldn’t imagine a scenario in which Rashad would be an enthusiastic co-parent, no matter how sweet he’d been with the twins on the yacht. No, Rashad probably wouldn’t want anything to do with this baby — and Nina wasn’t sure she’d want him in her life even if he did want a relationship with their child. It would be incredibly awkward to share custody with a business rival who had broken her heart, and her kids’.
For a moment, Nina considered not telling Rashad about the baby at all. It would be easier. Without Rashad in the picture, Nina could focus on impending motherhood, her twins, and her business without any further complications. Yet she dismissed the idea quickly. Rashad had betrayed her and broken her heart, but this was still his baby, and he deserved to know that he was going to be a father.
Nina would make it clear to him that she didn’t want him involved in the baby’s life or in hers, and Rashad would likely accept that without complaint. Then Nina could move on, assured that she’d done the right thing.
“Mommy!” This time, it was Kate’s young voice calling through the door. “Grandma made cookies!”
“That’s great.” Nina placed the pregnancy test in a drawer, wrapped in toilet paper so that her kids wouldn’t see it, and splashed a little water on her face. The woman looking back at her from the mirror seemed tired, so Nina took a deep breath and smiled at herself. This baby would complicate things, but a new baby was only good news.
“Are you coming out?” Kate called.
“I am.” Nina nodded at her reflection, then turned and opened the door. “Hi, honey.”
“Mommy!” Kate lifted her arms to be picked up and, despite her tiredness, Nina didn’t hesitate to scoop her child up.
“So, what game are we playing?” Nina asked as she carried her daughter into the living room, Kate’s small legs wrapped around her like a monkey’s arms.
“ Sorry! ” Kate said. “Like with Rashad.”
“I can’t wait,” Nina said. In the living room, Amy and Miles had set up the game on the coffee table. Fresh chocolate-chip cookies sat waiting beside the game, the smell reminiscent of Nina’s own childhood. As Nina set Kate down, her mother looked up at her.
“How’s everything?” she asked.
“Everything’s going to be all right.” Nina reached for a blue plastic game piece, avoiding her mother’s eyes. “Shall we play?”
Later, she’d tell her mom about the new baby and about Rashad, but for the moment, Nina was going to enjoy an evening of games with her family and try to forget about everything else.
That night, Amy offered to help the twins with their bath and bedtime routine. Nina gratefully accepted and slipped off to her room, where she took out her phone. Rashad had given her a number to contact him, back when it had seemed like they’d work together, so all she needed to do was press call. Yet Nina hesitated. It might still be a mistake to tell Rashad about the baby. If he wanted custody or took her pregnancy as a sign of weakness in business, she wasn’t sure what she’d do.
Even so, telling him was the right thing to do. Nina took a deep breath and tapped the call button. She lifted the phone to her ear as it rang. For the first few rings, there was no answer, and Nina glanced at the world clock on her phone to make sure she hadn’t gotten the time zones wrong and called in the middle of the night in Al Soub. But no, it was morning there.
Finally, just as Nina was about to give up hope, someone answered. It wasn’t Rashad’s familiar voice on the other end, though, but an unfamiliar male one.
“You’ve reached the office of Rashad Al-Zayed. This is his assistant, Hameed Al-Kitabi. How may I help you?”
“I’d like to speak to Rashad, please,” Nina said. She was a little thrown off — she’d expected Rashad to answer his personal line himself.
“Can I ask what this is concerning?” Hameed inquired.
“It’s, um, a personal matter,” Nina said. “You can tell him that this is Nina Kendrick — we met in San Diego a few weeks ago.”
“Mr. Al-Zayed has requested that he be contacted only in the most urgent of situations,” Hameed informed her.
“I understand that, but this is an urgent situation,” Nina told him. “Please, just connect me through to him. Rashad will want to hear this.”
Nina wasn’t sure that the last sentence was true — in fact, Rashad probably didn’t want to hear that he was about to become a father with a woman he was doing his best to put out of business. He needed to hear what Nina had to say, though.
“Just a moment.” The line clicked and Nina’s heart began to race. This was it. She was about to talk to Rashad again, to tell him that he was going to be a father. What was she even going to say? She had no idea. Perhaps she should have prepared more for this discussion.
When the line clicked back on, though, it was Rashad’s assistant again, and Nina’s heart sank.
“Mr. Al-Zayed is in a meeting now, but I can take a message. What would you like me to tell him?”
Nina hesitated. Part of her wanted to blurt out to this unfamiliar man that she was expecting Rashad’s baby — at least then it would all be over with. But that would be a mistake. Nina needed to tell Rashad about the pregnancy herself, not leave a message.
“Please tell him to call me back as soon as possible.”
“Of course. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Nina was tempted to shout that Hameed could fetch Rashad for her, but she didn’t. It wasn’t Hameed’s fault that Rashad was an uncaring jerk, and Nina would never even have considered yelling if she wasn’t swimming in pregnancy hormones.
“No, thank you.”
“All right. Goodbye.”
The line went dead, and Nina slumped back onto her bed. At least she’d tried — now it was up to Rashad to contact her.
It was only a matter of time before the phone rang and Nina had the most difficult conversation of her life.