19. Rashad
CHAPTER 19
RASHAD
R ashad had been working hard over the last few months.
After returning to Al Soub, he’d thrown himself into meetings with his business partners and strategic sessions. After a lot of consideration, the best way forward had become clear: he would expand into the US market, as planned, but he would emphasize the parts of Health Trackr that made the app unique from Heartbeat. He would likely steal some of Nina’s business, but she was resilient, and she’d bounce back. Hopefully, with a little work from both sides, they’d be able to coexist in the US market, with Health Trackr bringing in enough profits to keep Rashad’s investors and partners happy, and Heartbeat staying strong enough to provide a steady income for Nina and her twins.
It was a delicate tightrope to walk, but Rashad was doing his best. Just because he couldn’t partner with Nina or allow himself to develop a relationship with her didn’t mean that he wanted to throw her under the bus, either. Amira and Abdul were a little upset that Rashad wasn’t pursuing a more aggressive strategy, but he’d talked them around by pointing out that it wouldn’t be possible for Health Trackr to be the only healthcare app in the world and that eventually they’d need to coexist with others.
For now, it was enough.
After months of strategizing, Rashad was ready to return to the United States to lay the groundwork for Health Trackr’s rollout. San Diego was the place to be, of course, so after stops in New York, Chicago, and LA, Rashad intended to spend the majority of his time in the city.
Being in the United States brought back many memories of Nina. They’d only spent a few days together, but the conversations they’d had and the night they’d shared would stay with Rashad forever. So would the hurt on Nina’s face when he’d broken things off with her.
The more time went by, the more Rashad wondered if he’d done the right thing. Health Trackr wasn’t as all-consuming as it used to be — his achievements felt hollow without someone to share them. Without Nina to share them. He missed her smile and the twins’ laughter and the quiet evenings they’d shared over wine and games. Rashad’s spacious rooms felt cavernous and too silent, his work was often tedious, and his future had never seemed more opaque.
It was too late to change anything, though. Rashad had destroyed any chance of a future for the two of them — and neither had reached out in the months that followed. Perhaps he should have been the one to reach out, but he was certain that Nina wouldn’t want to hear from him. A part of him still hoped she might call, but she hadn’t.
Still, as he strode through Times Square for a meeting, ate an American breakfast in a Chicago diner, or stopped by his old college campus in LA to give a talk, he kept imagining that he saw Nina. Every woman with curly blond hair and blue eyes looked like her. Every young child running through Central Park looked like Miles or Kate. Once, in LA, a waitress made a joke about the chef’s special not following a recipe, and Rashad looked up, heart pounding, half certain that Nina was standing just behind her.
Perhaps Rashad would always see Nina now, wherever he went and whatever he did.
In San Diego, he was reminded of their time together more than ever. He arrived from LA in the early afternoon and was tempted to return to the yacht to reminisce about Nina. Instead, he sequestered himself in his hotel room and worked until it was time to attend the event he’d come to San Diego for — a networking event for leaders in the med-tech sector. As evening approached, he dressed in his best tux and headed over, ready to rub shoulders with his contemporaries. If part of him hoped he might spot Nina there, he kept that part quiet.
Now, Rashad walked through the doors of the hotel ballroom where the event was held and looked around. The room was already filled with people, some of whom he recognized from his last trip to San Diego. There was no sign of Nina, though.
With about half an hour before a speech by an industry leader, Rashad knew he had lots of networking to do. He needed a drink first, though. He strode across the room to the bar, where he ordered a whiskey, then leaned against the bar to scan the room again. His eyes widened as he caught sight of a familiar figure — could that be Nina? Her blond curls were burned into his memory, but he’d imagined seeing her so many times that he couldn’t be sure. This woman was edging towards the doorway, her back to Rashad, but as she neared the door, she turned, and Rashad saw those familiar blue eyes and freckles.
His first thought on seeing her was happiness. She looked well, and he was glad to be in the same room as her again, even if she hated him now. Then the crowd parted slightly, and Rashad saw that her dress was hugging a small but noticeable baby bump. His mouth fell slightly open as his gaze returned to Nina’s face — and he saw that she was looking at him, too, her eyes wide.
Whiskey forgotten, Rashad threaded his way towards Nina through the crowd. His heart was racing. Nina was here — and she was pregnant. Rashad was no better at guessing how far along pregnant women were than he was at guessing the age of children, but she seemed to be a few months in, which could mean… Was he the father? But if he was, why hadn’t Nina told him?
“Nina.” They met in the middle. Automatically, his hands lifted to take hers, but he cut the movement off.
“You can’t be surprised to see me.” Nina’s voice was harsh, and her blue eyes were averted from Rashad’s. “I live here.”
“Nina, you’re pregnant.” Rashad’s tone was half shock, half wonder.
She lifted her eyes to his, defiant. “Yes. I am.”
“What does this mean? Am I the father?” His tone was low, but he saw that they were attracting a few curious glances from other attendees. It didn’t matter — only Nina and the baby mattered right now. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“It doesn’t mean anything for you.” Nina crossed her arms across her stomach. “I tried to contact you, to tell you, but you never called me back.”
“That’s my fault.” Rashad’s heart sank. “I told my assistant to be sure that only work-related calls made it through to me. I should have made an exception for you.” His mouth felt suddenly dry. “But… does this mean that the baby is mine?”
“You’re the father,” Nina said, her blue eyes still gleaming defiance. “But the baby is mine. Look, Rashad, maybe there was a chance for things to be different, but that isn’t the case now.”
Rashad reeled at Nina’s words. He was going to be a father. He and Nina were going to have a baby together. As surprised as he was, as much as this wasn’t part of the plan, Rashad was overjoyed — yet Nina was staring daggers at him. Even if seeing her again, pregnant, had changed everything for him, it was clear she didn’t feel the same way.
“Please, give me a chance to explain. If I’d known?—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Nina took a step back. “I can’t talk to you. Not now. I have to go.”
“Are you leaving?” Rashad asked, panic spreading. He didn’t know what he would do if Nina walked out now without him being able to explain himself.
“No.” Nina lifted her gaze to Rashad’s again, and he saw hurt there now. Anger. “I have to network, to try to protect my company. From you. ”
“Nina, let’s talk about this.” Desperation was creeping into Rashad’s voice.
“I’m sorry.” Nina turned and disappeared into the crowd. Rashad watched her go, still reeling. He couldn’t believe that he was going to be a father. He wanted, desperately, for this baby to be a second chance with Nina, but from the way she had walked away, it was clear that she wasn’t interested in second chances. Rashad had no right to ask for or expect one, not after what he’d done.
Rashad knew he’d made mistakes with her — more than one. He’d known that ever since Nina had walked away from him at sunrise on the yacht. Yet in that moment, as she threaded her way through the crowd towards the far side of the room, the enormity of his mistakes struck him like a splash of icy water early in the morning.
When Rashad had told Nina he wouldn’t work with her or date her, he’d not only closed the door on a relationship between the two of them, but on a future with their child. He hadn’t been selfless or driven when he’d ended things with Nina — he’d been a coward. He had been more concerned about his work, and his past hurts, than about the wonderful woman who’d been standing before him in the present.
Just because Rashad had never felt comfortable with his parents didn’t mean that he couldn’t have been comfortable with Nina. If he’d managed to overcome his insecurities and bet on love instead of fear, he could have been at Nina’s side at this event, escorting her to the refreshments table and offering her a glass of soda or a miniature cake. He could have driven home with her at the end of the night, kissed the sleeping twins on their foreheads, and climbed into bed with Nina. He could have woken the next morning with her head on his shoulder, her hand unfurled on his chest, and her golden curls splayed across the pillow.
The ghost of what could have been lit so briefly in Rashad’s mind for a fraction of a second that he felt he could almost reach out and step into that alternate world. But he couldn’t.
For the rest of the evening, Rashad considered trying to talk to Nina again, but she was busily networking and clearly avoiding him. From across the room, Rashad noticed that most of her conversations were short, and that many of the people she was talking with gestured to her stomach at one point or another. It must be common knowledge now that she was expecting, and Rashad wondered what she’d told people about the father of her baby.
Nina left before the event had finished, her eyes skating away from Rashad’s as she said a few goodbyes before leaving. Once more, Rashad fought the urge to run after her, catch her hand, and beg for another chance, but his words would have sounded hollow after what he’d done.
Yet he couldn’t just let her go, either. As he rode back to his hotel that evening in a taxi, watching the sleeping city of San Diego roll by outside, all palm trees and bright windows and wide boulevards, another realization crashed into him.
Nina wasn’t just his rival in business, a woman he’d enjoyed a wonderful weekend with, or even the mother of his child. She was the woman he loved. It was as though he’d always known that, but the part of him that had been hurt and scared before had shut down any trace of love. Rashad could admit it now, though. He loved Nina. That was the reason he’d thought of her each day during the months of their separation, the reason his heart had lifted when he’d seen her in the ballroom, and the reason he’d been so quick to push her away back on the yacht — if he loved her, she could hurt him, and he’d wanted to avoid that. Instead, though, he’d hurt them both.
Rashad paid the cab driver and rode the elevator up to his silent, empty hotel room. He sat on the edge of the bed, fully clothed, and felt regret fill him. He’d lost the woman he loved because he’d been too scared to fight for her. Well, he wasn’t scared now, and if there was still even the slimmest chance to play some part in Nina’s future, he had to try.
He could only hope it wasn’t too late.