18. Kareem
CHAPTER 18
KAREEM
“ I must say, this is a splendid venue,” Hugo Devereux said, looking around at the arena. “I’m glad that I signed on for this. It’s going to be good to be part of the first annual Qalmar Cup — and even better when I take the win home for France!”
Kareem forced a laugh. Lately, it felt as though all his laughs were forced. He didn’t want to tell Devereux that this might be the last Qalmar Cup as well as the first — he didn’t want to admit that, or even speak it into being. But the odds were not good that his father would allow this event to take place again next year, and Kareem knew it. The stakes were incredibly high — he needed everything to go perfectly and for the event to be an unmitigated success if he was even to have a chance at making it happen again. He would have to offer a compelling argument that the Cup had been the right thing, not just for himself and the participants, but for all of Qalmar.
If only Keira were here .
It was a thought that came to him several times a day in the weeks since she had gone. He missed her terribly, and every time he ran into any sort of difficulty, he couldn’t help thinking that things would be easier if he had her by his side. She would come with ideas for things he could do to make sure the event was successful. She would know exactly how to explain things to Kareem’s father, so that he would see the benefit to an event like this.
But she’s gone. I have to stop wishing she was here, because she’s not and she never will be again. That part of my life is over.
“Come with me,” he told Devereux, anxious to put his worries out of mind. “I’ll show you to the ready room. I’m sure you’ll be spending plenty of time there in between races.”
“I’d like that,” Hugo said. “I’d also like to know which other drivers you’ve booked for the event, so I’ll know who I’m going to be racing against.”
“You’re the first to arrive in town,” Kareem said. “That’s really all I’m at liberty to say right now. We’re not releasing the list of names until the day before the race, in order to make sure no one has an advantage over anyone else.”
“How would that provide an advantage?”
“We haven’t finished recruiting, and don’t expect to finalize the list until the eleventh hour,” Kareem explained. “Anyone who’s added to the roster at the last minute will have less time to size up their competition if the list is released early. That’s why we made the decision not to do that.”
“I see,” Devereux said. “You say we — is that you and your wife? I must admit, I’ve been disappointed not to see her here today. She was such fun when we met in Monaco, and I had been looking forward to conversing with her at greater length.”
“Keira won’t be joining us, I’m afraid.” Kareem heard his voice tighten and knew that Devereux had likely heard it too and would suspect that something wasn’t right. But he didn’t want to discuss Keira with anyone else. He didn’t want to explain that they were no longer married and have to receive Devereux’s sympathies. Lately, it felt like the only thing that kept him feeling steady and able to function was focusing on work, so that was what he wanted to do.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Devereux said. “I liked her a lot. She did seem genuinely interested in racing, and as if she knew a lot about the sport.”
“She does. And yes, her interest is genuine,” Kareem said. “She’s loved racing all her life — as I’m sure you know. You recognized her family name, didn’t you?”
“I did. I just wasn’t sure how she fit into the picture. I know there are many drivers in her family, and she doesn’t seem to have followed that path.”
“It’s not for everyone.” Kareem felt oddly defensive of Keira, knowing that if she was here she wouldn’t appreciate being compared to people who had chosen to get behind the wheel. “She decided to get involved in another capacity — much like myself.”
“I can see why the two of you decided to get married,” Devereux said. “You make such a good match. I thought that when I first met you, and I still believe it today.”
He was only trying to be polite, Kareem thought. He could have no idea how painful those words were. “Thank you for saying so,” he said. “If you don’t mind, I need to go and check on something. Feel free to explore at your leisure.”
He hurried away before the conversation could go any further, unwilling to spend a moment longer discussing Keira. It was just too painful to talk about her.
Even thinking about her was hard. Kareem revisited the memory of the night she’d left Qalmar several times a day, wondering what, if anything, he could have done to get her to stay.
“Don’t do this,” he had said as they’d sat in the car outside the entrance to the private airfield. “Don’t leave like this.”
She had stared out the window, avoiding his gaze. “What’s the point in anything else?” she’d asked. “This is already over. You made that clear, so why would I stay? Why would I want to hang around in Qalmar when there’s nothing left for me here? I would just be running out the clock. Besides, you let me know that your father hates me, and that definitely doesn’t make me want to stay here. It will be better for everyone when I’m gone.”
“My father doesn’t hate you,” Kareem had protested.
“Then why have the two of you aligned against me?”
“That isn’t what’s happening.”
“Spare me. You’re not on my side, Kareem. If you were, you would actually do something, and you haven’t. You’re just sitting there asking me not to go without giving me any kind of reason to stay.”
It was the last thing she had said to him. She’d gotten out of the car and grabbed her luggage from the trunk before Kareem could muster his thoughts to go and help her, and he had watched through the windshield as she’d crossed the tarmac and boarded the plane.
He hadn’t driven away at first. That had felt too final, and a part of him had held onto the hope that she might change her mind and come back. But eventually, one of the air traffic controllers had knocked on his window and told him that he was very sorry, but that the pilot was requesting that the tarmac be cleared so that the plane could safely take off.
He had heard from Keira one more time. She’d texted him to let him know that she had arrived safely at home. But when he had tried to text her back, he had received an error message, and he’d understood — she had blocked his number. She didn’t want to hear from him again.
Kareem had been torn between feelings of anger — how dare she shut him out that way? — and grief. It did hurt to lose her. He had always known that she would leave eventually, but even in his worst, most painful imaginings, it had never looked like this. He had never imagined that their parting would be filled with such anger, or that the door would close on the possibility of their ever speaking to one another again.
He missed her. Every moment of every day, he missed her. That wasn’t supposed to happen either, but it had.
With a sigh, he took his phone out of his pocket, pondering the possibilities.
He couldn’t text or call her — she had his number blocked. But there might be other ways of reaching out. Perhaps he could find her brother’s phone number somehow. Kevin Harding was a public figure, and there must be ways of contacting him, especially for someone in Kareem’s position. He was unused to feeling so powerless, unable to contact the people he wanted to reach. It wasn’t a problem he’d ever had before. And for the person he was attempting to contact to be someone so important to him — it was a problem he had been entirely unprepared to face.
He left the arena and drove back to his office. His thoughts were a thousand miles away, in the United States, with Keira, and his mind lingered on the kiss the two of them had shared.
Had it meant nothing to her? How could she have cut him out of her life so easily after something like that?
Did she simply kiss people all the time? Maybe that was the reason it hadn’t mattered very much to her. Maybe it was a regular occurrence.
Kareem sighed. It wasn’t as if he never kissed women. That was one of his father’s main criticisms about him — that rather than settling down, he had chosen to live a life of fun and freedom.
Could he fault Keira if she had done, and continued to do, the same thing?
Of course he couldn’t. She was free to live whatever life suited her, and it was Kareem’s own fault that he had different expectations. He had always known that their arrangement was a temporary one. He had gotten into this knowing that it would end.
The fact that he had realized now that he didn’t want it to end… that didn’t matter. The realization had come too late, and there was nothing he could do about it now. He had to let her go.
He pulled up in front of his house and went inside.
Because it was the middle of the day, the place was bustling. The staff members he kept were in the middle of their daily routines — cleaning, polishing, making sure everything was as it should be. Kareem walked right past them all. He didn’t want to speak to anyone. He had not explained to the household staff the reason for Keira’s sudden departure. He knew they were speculating about it behind his back — gossip was only to be expected — but they had been diplomatic enough not to let him hear a whisper, and he was grateful for that. He didn’t want to know what was being said, what they were guessing might be the reason for the sheikha’s choice to leave.
He went up to the room that had been hers while she had been here and paused outside the door.
He hadn’t been into this room since before Keira had arrived. While she had been here, he had stayed out to respect her privacy, and once she’d gone, he had struggled with the idea of going in, knowing that he would feel the lack of her more acutely.
He needed to start getting past this. The entire reason for her presence in his life had been to help get the race off the ground. The race was going to be a success now. He had nothing to complain about.
Opening the doors, he stepped into her room.
Immediately, he was hit with a familiar scent — a scent he wouldn’t have said he recognized until this moment. It was her. It was like hibiscus — it must have been some product she used. He couldn’t believe it had lingered. But then, the room had remained closed all this time. Perhaps that was the reason why.
He should make sure to leave the doors ajar when he left so that the aroma would fade.
But instead, he found himself hurrying to pull them closed. He was reluctant to lose this last little piece of her. He wanted to hold onto it, as if it would serve him as proof that she had been here at all.