20. Keira
CHAPTER 20
KEIRA
“ S o you’re still married to him?” Allie asked, her eyes wide.
Keira laughed, not because she felt like laughing, but because the whole situation was so surreal that sometimes laughing seemed like the only adequate response. “I am,” she said. “I’m sure he’s going to send the divorce papers for me to sign any day now.”
“This is wild,” Allie said. “Technically that means you’re still a sheikha of Qalmar.”
“Technically, yes,” Keira agreed. “But it doesn’t really mean anything. It’s not as if I’m ever going to visit Qalmar again. I don’t think I’m even allowed to go there. It would probably cause some sort of international incident if I did, since I was thrown out by the king.”
“I can’t believe my best friend was banished by a king,” Allie said. She grabbed a bottle of champagne from a display as they walked past. “We need to get this.”
“Allie, I invited you over to eat ice cream.”
“I know that, but come on, this is about to be the most gossipy night the two of us have ever had. It needs champagne.”
This time, Keira’s laugh felt more genuine. “I missed you while I was in Qalmar,” she said. “All right. We’ll get champagne.”
“Good. I want to hear all about it. And I want to know if he’s a good kisser or not.”
“How did you know we kissed?” Keira hadn’t mentioned that detail.
Allie smirked. “You just told me.”
“You are an absolute menace.”
“A menace who wants to know what it’s like to kiss a sheikh, so you’re going to have to tell me all about it. I mean it, Keira. You can’t have an adventure on the level of something like this and then not spill absolutely every detail to your best friend. It’s my right to know what happened over there.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Keira assured her. “Honestly, it will probably feel good to talk about it, after everything that happened. I never felt like I could be completely open with Kareem about how I was feeling, and obviously I can’t discuss it with my family. They wouldn’t understand.”
“Imagine telling Kevin that you’d been to Qalmar, launched a new international cup, and married a sheikh,” Allie giggled. “He wouldn’t be able to stand it. His whole identity is centered on feeling like he’s the most important person in your family. He would hate to think that you had done something cool that had nothing to do with him.”
“He’ll never find out about it.” Keira’s heart sank a little at the thought. There was a part of her that would have thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to tell her family about everything she had achieved. But now that things had ended the way they had, she knew she would never be able to tell them. They would see the situation in Qalmar the same way Keira herself did — as a failure. She would be lucky not to be mocked for it, and it would probably become one of those family anecdotes that was retold for years to come at her expense. Either that, or else Kevin would decide she’d made the whole thing up. It wasn’t hard to imagine him drawing that conclusion, even though Keira had no history of doing anything like that. It was easy for Kevin to imagine that someone might tell an egregious lie for no reason other than to get attention. It was the kind of thing he himself would have done.
Keira and Allie went through the checkout line, and Keira paid for their purchases. “You’ve got to let me give you some money for all this,” Allie insisted.
“No, I don’t,” Keira said firmly. “I’ll be getting a lot of money from Kareem before all this is over.”
“You think he’s still going to pay you?”
“Yes. He turned out to be a jerk, but he’s an honest man,” Keira said. “He won’t hold back on the payment he promised me. He might even pay me extra out of guilt.”
“Well, that would be cool.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” Keira sighed. “I don’t want him to try to buy my forgiveness. It isn’t for sale. I blocked him for a reason. I’m not interested in anything he might do to try to weasel his way back into my good graces. I should never have trusted him in the first place, and I regret doing it.”
“If you say so,” Allie said dubiously. “I think you’ve got feelings for him, personally.”
“You had feelings for Steve Morris two years ago,” Keira reminded her friend. “That didn’t mean he was anything more than a toxic grease monkey.”
“Oh man,” Allie whistled. “You’ve got Steve-Morris-level feelings? This is serious, Keira. I thought you just had a minor crush on the guy. Do I need to do an intervention?”
“You absolutely don’t. I’m never going to see him again, remember?”
As they drove home, talk turned to an upcoming race, for which Keira was thankful. Talking about Kareem hadn’t gotten any easier. Almost every day, she experienced a moment of wanting to unblock his number, to see whether he was still trying to reach her. She always managed to resist the urge, but it was getting increasingly difficult to do that, and she was afraid that one of these days she would break.
Back at home, she ran down to the mailbox and picked up the day’s mail while Allie carried the groceries into the house. It wasn’t until she had gotten inside herself and begun to sort through the bills and ads that she realized what she was holding.
“What’s up?” Allie asked, noticing her standing still in the middle of the kitchen. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Keira shook her head. “Not a ghost.” She held out the envelope.
Allie frowned. “What is this?”
“That’s a Qalmese address.”
“What are you saying? It’s a letter from Kareem?”
“I can’t think why he would write me a letter. I think it has to be the divorce papers.” Keira bit her lip. This would really be the end of everything. She had no good reason not to sign these papers and return them immediately, and she also knew that once she did it would officially be over.
Wasn’t that what I wanted? Isn’t that the reason I blocked his number?
She no longer knew the answer to that question. All she knew was that she was filled with grief at the thought that their story was coming to an end.
She sat down at the kitchen table, the envelope in front of her.
Allie cleared her throat. “Listen, never mind the champagne. Maybe we need some vodka.”
“I don’t want to drink,” Keira said. “Not until after I’ve had a look at this, anyway. I think I should be clear-headed.”
“At least you won’t have to think about it anymore after you sign the papers,” Allie said.
Keira knew her friend was trying to cheer her up, so she gave no response, although the truth was that the idea of not thinking about Kareem anymore felt awful. It wasn’t something she was ready to contemplate.
“Do you want me to open it?” Allie asked.
“No,” Keira sighed. “I need to be the one to do it.” She slit open the envelope and pulled out the papers inside.
And paused.
These weren’t divorce papers. This wasn’t a formal document of any kind.
She was looking at a handwritten letter.
Dear Keira,
I apologize for reaching out to you in this manner. I understand from your decision to block my phone number that you no longer wish to speak to me, and I want to respect that choice. However, there is something I think you should know before we go our separate ways.
I have spoken to my family, and they have agreed that you have the right to be present for the Qalmar Cup. You played an invaluable role in helping it come to fruition, and you should be here when it takes place.
I would like to formally invite you to return to Qalmar for the Cup. I will take care of your travel arrangements, of course.
If you wish to accept this invitation, please unblock my number and reply in the affirmative. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume that the answer is no, and I won’t trouble you any further. But I hope to see you again. This event won’t feel right if you’re not in attendance.
I’m sorry again for the way things ended between the two of us. Very truly, I hope that we might be able to set it right someday, though I hold no expectations.
Hoping you’re well,
Kareem
“Hoping you’re well? What does that mean?”
Keira looked up. “Did you read the whole thing over my shoulder?”
“Obviously,” Allie said. “Any best friend would have done the same thing. Wow. What are you going to do? Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” Keira sighed. “I feel like I should. I do care about the Qalmar Cup. But on the other hand, he’s right that I blocked his number for a reason. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to talk to him again.”
“Keira…”
“What?”
“Respectfully, you know that’s a lie, don’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Of course you want to see him. It’s so obvious you miss him. You’ve just been telling me about your feelings for him. Did you forget about that?”
“No, but that’s all the more reason to stay away. I don’t want to get sucked into a place of feeling things that can never amount to anything real. He’s not asking me back because he cares about me. He just thinks I have a right to see the race. It sounds like he’s feeling guilty, more than anything else.”
“Of course he feels guilty,” Allie pointed out. “He didn’t defend you against his father. He should feel guilty about that. But I don’t think he would go to all this effort if he didn’t care, Keira. Why would he? After all, you blocked him , not the other way around. If he didn’t care about you, he would let things lie. But that’s not what he’s decided to do. He cares about you, all right. And I think you need closure.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“It’s the only thing that’s going to bring you peace. Just think — all these conversations you’re having with me, you could be having with him. And wouldn’t that be so much better?”
“Or it could be so much worse .”
“I guess it could. I don’t think it would . I think that if you talk to him, you’re going to be glad you did. At least consider it. If nothing else, going back would mean that you’d be able to see the results of your hard work on the Qalmar Cup. Maybe you’ll feel like you can tell Kevin about it. That would be a good thing, wouldn’t it?”
Keira laughed. “I don’t know if bragging to my brother is enough of a reason to fly all the way back to Qalmar and face Kareem again.”
“It’s not the reason,” Allie said gently. “I’m trying to get you to do it for your own good, Keira. I think it’s the right choice for you, and I think you’ll be happier once you’ve done it. I’m your friend. I know you better than almost anyone.”
Keira nodded. That much was true. “But what if I go over there and find out that he wants nothing to do with me?”
“Then at least you’ll know,” Allie said. “And once you know, you can start to move on.”
She was right, and Keira knew it. “I don’t know how you keep talking me into these things.”
“It’s because I’m your smartest friend,” Allie said with a grin. “Now go on — text the man. And maybe see if he’s willing to offer an extra seat on the plane. I’d like to come with you this time.”
Keira nodded. “All right,” she said. “But I think I’m going to do things a little differently. I’m tired of letting Kareem have control of the situation.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that this time, I’m going to do things my own way.”