Chapter Fourteen
Liam and I did not speak in the week that followed the charity fundraisers.
He did not come into The Prologue, and I avoided The Galaxy Gamer’s Cafe like the plague. We didn’t talk about the charity events or what our next competition would be. We didn’t talk about the three almost-kisses. We did not talk at all.
It could have been chalked up to it being the week before Christmas, but I knew it was something more. It was Liam telling me that the ball was in my court. If I wanted to talk with him, I needed to be the one to take the initiative.
That was why, when a week had passed without a single word being uttered between us, I decided that it was time.
The Saturday before Christmas, I made my way over to his shop.
The outside was decorated with dangly string lights that glowed with warm white light, and the front window was painted with little snowmen and Christmas trees.
Inside, he still had all the decorations that we put up together for the fundraiser, and the LED lights that lined the walls were set to red and green.
I approached him slowly, dragging my feet as I contemplated running right back to The Prologue. I wasn’t sure which was worse: us not speaking or the horrible pit in my stomach.
While I noticed him in an instant, Liam didn’t notice me right away. He was wearing a bright red Santa hat and a wide smile as he rambled on about an older video game to one of his customers.
When the customer finally walked away, Liam turned around, a look of shock painting his face as he took notice of me. “Jessa?”
It seemed that the week of distance between us had downgraded me from Jess back to Jessa. That stung more than I would have ever cared to admit.
“Hey,” I replied awkwardly. My gaze dropped to my boots, which had little chunks of snow clinging to them.
“My grandparents are hosting a Christmas party tonight at their house,” I said.
The more I spoke, the more I wished that I had stayed at The Prologue and allowed the silence between us to devour me.
It felt almost painful to say, “I wanted to see if you were interested in coming. With me.”
“Like a date?” Liam teased.
“No,” I spat out quickly, my face flushed bright red in an instant.
The longer this unnamable thing between us went on, and the more I saw that amused look in his eyes, the more I started to really believe that this was all a game to him. That my feelings were a game. Even so, I couldn’t seem to stop letting myself play into it.
“Not a date.”
Liam looked as though he was thinking about my offer for a moment. Then he replied with a half-hearted, “Nah,” and shrugged his shoulders.
“Nah?” I repeated incredulously. I was getting sick of him and his games. “Why not?”
Liam shrugged his shoulders again. He almost looked as if he was fighting back a smile. “Busy. I’ve already got plans.”
“Right. Okay.” Liam turned to walk away, and in a state of pure stupidity, I found myself asking, “What if I had said it was a date?”
He looked back at me, letting that smile finally stretch across his lips. “I still would have told you I have plans, Jess.”
As I hurried out of The Galaxy Gamer’s Cafe, I shoved down every ounce of frustration and humiliation that was bubbling up inside me. I had a party to attend. I would let myself feel later.
Admittedly, I hadn’t even wanted to attend the party in the first place.
It was an annual sort of thing—they hosted a party every year, the week before Christmas.
I never wanted to go, but my grandparents would never accept no for an answer, and I didn’t want Mom to have to face the judgment she would no doubt endure if I skipped it.
Liam always came. Aside from this year, it would seem. Perhaps, since he got his fill of annoying me all day, every day, he didn’t find it worthwhile to make the effort anymore.
Whatever. I told myself that it didn’t matter. That I didn’t care.
In spite of my lack of festive spirit, I threw on the most Christmas-y outfit I owned. It was simple. A red dress that was conservative enough to escape the scrutiny of Grandma and a pair of short red heels. I also wore a sheer, glittery pair of tights and threw on my thickest black cardigan.
I timed my arrival to the party the same as I did every year. Twenty minutes late. Perfectly late enough that Grandma would already be preoccupied in the kitchen, but not late enough to where my lack of punctuality would draw attention.
To Grandma and Grandpa, the family Christmas party was the event of the year.
While Mom was their only child, they each had several siblings who had families of their own.
Nearly all of them would fly in to attend the party each year.
Grandma would create the most incredible spread of appetizers, an intricate dinner menu, and far too many desserts.
Children would play in the family room while the adults would occupy nearly every other inch of the home.
Mom and the other women of the family would always either find some sort of chore to do in the kitchen or tend to the children. Dad, Grandpa, and the rest of the men in the family would often linger around the dining or living room, drinks in their hands, as they debated sports or politics.
By December, it was always too cold out for anyone to bother going outside, but Grandma and Grandpa had a backyard that would put most landscapers to shame.
I didn’t exactly fit seamlessly into the family in the way that everyone else seemed to. So I would always wander the back gardens until Mom would step out on the back porch and call me back in for dinner.
The home sat on an acre of land, and the entirety of it was lined with trees. A winding cobbled path crept through the back gardens, which Grandma had spent copious amounts of both time and money perfecting. In the center sat a beautiful fountain, which was currently turned off for the winter.
The flower beds, which were a sight to behold come springtime, were mostly dead by December, but if I closed my eyes, I could still imagine the smell that would come in a few months’ time.
Toward the back of the garden sat an oversized koi pond.
Most of the fish inside it were older than I was.
Grandma liked to joke that when she died, the fish would inherit the home.
They were her pride and joy, nearly as much as the rest of the garden was.
The pond had always been my favorite spot, too. Beside it sat a wide bench with plush cushions designed to withstand any and all kinds of weather. Stepping out into the gardens, I made my way toward the bench, as I did every year, only this time, someone was sitting in my spot.
Every hair of my body stood on end, and I felt a prickling rush of an emotion I couldn’t quite pinpoint race through me. “What are you doing here?”
Liam smiled from his spot on the bench. He was bundled up as if he were ready to brave the strongest of blizzards.
He looked extraordinarily puffy beneath his coat—if I had to guess, I would say he likely had on more than two jackets beneath it.
He wore a hat with a large puffball on the top, something that had no right to look as cute as it did.
His winter gloves looked as if they were designed for someone who would spend all day working in the winter cold, not a man who had probably been outside all of ten minutes.
Even with the excessive clothing, his cheeks and nose were already turning red, and his teeth were chattering.
I couldn’t help but feel at least a little fond as I looked at him.
He was the only man on the planet to act this dramatic over a little cold.
“Told you I had plans,” he replied, his breath fogging up into a cloud and floating upwards. I scrunched my face up in confusion, eliciting further explanation from him. “Your grandma came by the store a few weeks ago and invited me.”
My jaw dropped. “You’re kidding. When? She hasn’t been to The Prologue since the grand opening.”
A frown tugged at Liam’s lips. “I don’t know, a few days after Thanksgiving, I think.”
All the insecurity and inadequacy I had always felt when it came to Liam came flooding back into me in an instant.
Of course, Grandma would come visit him and personally invite him to the Christmas Party, when all I got was slapped into a group text thread. My shop sat directly beside his, and she still couldn’t put in the effort. Not for me.
“Jess, are you okay?” Liam asked, standing up from his spot on the bench.
“I—” I opened my mouth to spill out a lie, but for once it seemed that all I was capable of telling was the truth. “I don’t know why she loves you more.”
It was such a silly thing to say. I felt like a petulant child, whining about not getting enough attention. I half expected Liam to laugh right in my face over such a childish comment.
But he didn’t.
“Why would you say that?”
I didn’t want to open up that door. I didn’t want to confront all those nasty feelings. I certainly did not want to do it in front of Liam of all people. But he was already there, and before I realized it, I was already crying.
“How could I ever believe anything else?” I asked.
And then, it was all pouring out of me, “My family has always favored you, Liam. Everyone always has. I’ve spent my whole life competing with you.
All because I wanted to prove that I was worth something too.
That I could be just as good. Just as worthy.
I could—” Whatever words I planned on saying next were squeezed right out of me as Liam pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.
I cried into his arms, grasping onto his obnoxiously thick puffer coat like a lifeline. I had no idea how long we stood like that, with me sobbing like a baby as he held me close.
My head was resting on his chest when he quietly said, “Jess.” Then a gloved hand reached up and wiped away my tears.
The gesture resulted in a prickly sensation of embarrassment that crept all the way up the back of my neck.
It was pathetic, always breaking down our interactions into little competitions.
But, then again, I was pathetic. All I could seem to think about at that moment was the fact that if this interaction had been a competition, then I was losing miserably.
I had let Liam see the weakest part of me.
If he couldn’t see it already, he would surely see it now. How worthless I was compared to him.
When I didn’t respond, he said my name again, “Jess.” His gloved fingers drifted down to my chin and lifted it up, forcing me to look at him.
“I—” Liam sucked in a breath. “I have always looked up to you.”
Those were not the words I expected him to say. I don’t think that in a million years I would have ever expected those words to leave his mouth.
“It’s always been like, without you, I’m just existing in the world, going through the motions and doing what has to be done for the sake of doing it. Then there was you. You would show up with your attitude, and that smile, and suddenly my world would be full of color.”
My heart raced as he carried on. “I wouldn’t have done half the things I’ve done in my life, and I wouldn’t be half the man that I am if it weren’t for you.
I don’t know who it is or why it is that you think anyone in the world would view you as less than me, but it’s not true.
Even if they did, even if anyone really and truly believed that, it’d be because they’re blind and living in a world without color. ”
Never once had I ever dreamed of someone as perfect as Liam saying something so kind to me, the one person who couldn’t ever dream of deserving such words.
Liam’s hand rose until it was resting gently on my cheek. “And I know that I told you I would wait for you, and I will—I’ve already waited this long, and I would keep waiting the rest of my life for you.” My eyes widened as he spoke. My mind was trying desperately to make sense of his words.
“But I—you. You look so beautiful, and the moonlight is doing this thing where your eyes look like the ocean and—” I could feel the quick rise and fall of his chest as it was pressed against mine. “Jess… Can I kiss you? Just this once, and then I swear I’ll—”
I lunged forward. Standing on my tiptoes, I pressed my lips to his.
It was everything that I had imagined it would be—kissing him felt like finally getting something that I had waited my entire life for. I realized at that moment that perhaps I had. Maybe I had waited all my life for that one moment.
Kissing Liam Ashford was exactly how they describe it in the books. Fireworks and magic. His hand stayed on my cheek, the other rising up to mirror in on the other side. My heart felt like it could explode.
In all the times I had ever imagined what my first kiss would be like, I always assumed that my inexperience would lead to it being awkward and uncoordinated. But with Liam, it was nothing like that.
His tongue brushed against my lower lip, a soft, breathy sound filling the air between us as my lips parted.
He tasted like the homemade hot cocoa Grandma made for the party.
Sweet and addictive. I found myself chasing that sweetness, licking into his mouth.
As I brushed my tongue against his, he groaned into the kiss, sending a swooping wave of heat pooling in my gut.
My fingers twisted into the fabric of his coat, pulling him impossibly closer. Liam’s body came crashing into mine, his hips flush against me, sending an entirely new feeling coursing through me as I felt the hard outline of his cock press against me.
I wanted him. I wanted Liam more than I would ever be able to put into words. Had it not been for the lack of oxygen, I probably could have stayed in that moment, kissing Liam Ashford for the rest of my life.
When we pulled away, he and I were both gasping for breath. My mind felt hazy as I looked into his eyes, brown with little flecks of gold as the light shone on them.
“Liam—” I began to say.
Only at that exact moment, my mother’s voice called out from the front porch. “Jess, dinner’s done!”
“Coming,” I called back to her.
I moved to separate myself from Liam, but he grabbed my wrists. “Wait,” he said breathlessly.
“What?” I asked, my mind still in a haze.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he opted to pull me back into another kiss.
This one was slower. Liam’s hands cradled my face so gently as his tongue slowly explored every inch of my mouth. When our lips finally parted, he was smiling. That same goofy grin that I had grown to cherish.
He held that smile as we ran through the garden back toward the house.
Then all throughout dinner, it still didn’t leave his face.
Even when my family made little comments, asking what we were doing outside together and why, when we finally came in, we were blushing and smiling the way that we were.
And even still, when he walked me back toward my car at the end of the evening and wished me a good night.
I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face either.