Chapter 10
ten
INDIGO
It would be all too easy to let myself fall for Sebastian Navarro again.
He was always handsome, even as an awkward teenager. But now? Jesus Christ, the man is smoking hot. Tall, muscular, confident… No wonder when he’s pictured with a woman, she’s model-level beautiful. He makes sense with a woman like that. Not a woman like me.
Which is why I need to protect my heart and remember where I stand.
My heart beats erratically as I make my way up the beach toward the bonfire the townies throw every year. I asked around and found out Bash would be here. We got in a day early, and I can’t wait to surprise him.
I’m going to tell him how I feel. I’ve spent so many months thinking about it. What if he rejects me? But I don’t think he will. The way he looks at me when we video chat is too soft. He cares about me. I just hope he cares as much as I do for him.
The scent of smoke fills the air first, followed by the laughter and chatter of dozens of teenagers.
My hands shake, so I wrap them around my middle as I scan every face.
He shouldn’t be hard to find. He’s taller than most people our age, and by the looks of things when we chat, he’s gotten broader too.
I’m nearly ready to crawl out of my skin with anticipation when I see him. He stands on the other side of the bonfire, close to the water, surrounded by a group of people. They laugh at something he says, and he grins before taking a sip of beer from a bottle. I can’t read the label from here.
Sand grinds beneath my feet as I move closer. But then a pretty blonde in a bikini with long legs and a perfect smile places her hand on his arm and laughs at something he says. She leans in to say something back, and I strain to catch his expression, but his back is angled toward me and I can’t.
But what I do see is the girl wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. That, I see just fine. It sears itself into my retinas. Imprints itself into my mind.
My heart breaks, and panic fills me.
I can’t let him spot me here. He’ll know I’m upset. He’ll know I have feelings for him. And now that it’s clear he doesn’t have feelings for me, the idea of him seeing how devastated I am is the last thing in the world I want.
So I do what I always do when life hits me upside the head with a metaphorical baseball bat.
I run.
“You’ll love this place,” he says, pulling out my chair and dragging me out of my head.
My stomach does a pleasant little flip when he waits for me to sit before pushing it in. “I’m excited to try it.”
Within moments of being seated, a beautiful older woman with rich sienna skin, streaks of gray that look purposeful but must be natural in her short hair, and wrinkles adorning the corners of her eyes rushes out from the kitchen with a massive smile for the man now sitting across from me. “Sebastian, it’s so nice to see you.”
Bash stands, smiling brightly right back at her, and pulls her into a quick but familiar hug. She looks tiny compared to him, and it makes such an adorable picture that my chest aches.
“Good to see you too, Faduma. How’s the family?”
“Good, good. Thank you for asking. How are all those lovely boys on your team doing? We haven’t seen them in a while. You must come for dinner soon so we can celebrate when you win the first round of playoff games.” Her melodious voice dances along each heavily accented word.
Sebastian chuckles. “We will. They’ll be happy to see you and Abdi.”
The older woman, Faduma’s, gaze turns my way, and I didn’t think it possible, but her eyes light up even more. “And who is this beautiful woman?”
Bash’s cheeks pinken, and he pulls his lower lip between his teeth. “Faduma, meet Indie. My… She’s an old friend.”
“Old friend, eh?” Faduma’s lips twitch. “Well, I will bring the two of you some Shaah while you look at the menu. You like tea?”
I nod. “I do. I love tea.”
“I will return.”
Sebastian smiles as she hurries back toward the kitchen. It’s an affectionate, familiar smile, and I feel an irrational pang of jealousy. I’m not surprised he’s beloved around here. Bash has always been kind and good. But I used to be the recipient of those looks and smiles. Now?
Now we’re two strangers sitting at a table, and the only things I know about him are from articles anyone and everyone can read.
“You okay?”
“Hmm?” Forcing a smile onto my face, I meet his gaze. “Sorry, yeah. Just distracted by the menu. Everything looks good.”
“It is. You can’t go wrong with any of it, but my favorites are the Beef Suqaar with rice and the Soor with goat meat.” He points to the photos on the menu. “We could get a few things to share so you can try them.”
“Sure. That sounds good.”
When Faduma comes back, Bash orders several items off the menu as I sip the spicy tea. She promises to have everything out quickly, then leaves us alone, silence falling again between us.
“So…” Bash clears his throat. “Tell me what you’ve been up to. Did you end up going to school for creative writing like you wanted to?”
This is the part of the conversation I’ve been dreading. Where we catch up, and I have to tell him what I do for work. Because the only person who knows the full extent of my writing career, outside of my agent and publisher, is Lola. But Bash knows it’s always been my dream.
Of course, he wouldn’t forget.
“I did, yeah.”
He waits for me to elaborate, but when I don’t, he clears his throat again, takes a sip of his tea, and tries again. “That’s great, Indie. Have you… Have you done anything with it?”
“I wrote some pieces for a few online magazines. Wrote some fanfics.” I fidget with my fingers underneath the table. “I’m, uh, trying to make it as an author.”
It’s not a lie. Success is never guaranteed as an author.
You can write one book that hits really well, then the next one may flop.
We’re all just trying to make it from one book to the next.
But I’d rather skirt around the fact that I’ve had more success than most, because I have no desire to tell Sebastian Navarro my pen name. That’s way too vulnerable.
I’d rather eat glass.
Or watch my parents’ sex tape.
Bash waits for me to say more, but when I don’t, he offers me one of those smiles I used to live for.
“I believe in you, Rosebud. Always have. Whatever it is you set your mind to, I know you’ll achieve it.
” He takes a sip of his tea as I try to will my heart rate to slow.
“And I’ll be the first one in line to buy a copy of your first book. ”
Oh, god. I’m an asshole.
“Thanks,” I squeak out.
“I’ll always be your biggest fan. No amount of time or distance can change that.”
He may as well have picked the fork up off the table and slammed it through my heart with that one. Because he looks so earnest when he says it. Like he completely means it. And he probably does. He always did.
But I wanted more than for Bash to be my biggest fan.
I wanted to be his everything. The way he was mine.
Faduma chooses that moment to arrive at our table and, with the help of another server, loads us up with aromatic dishes that make my mouth water. It’s the perfect interruption, and the only thing keeping me from spiraling.
We kill some time talking about the food and how he found the restaurant. For the moment, my writing is forgotten, and I’d like to keep it that way.
“Are you ready for the postseason?”
The question causes Sebastian to look up at me, the movement sharp and fast. “As ready as we can be.”
“Does your team feel good about it this year? I really thought you’d go all the way last year.”
His lips twitch at the corners. “Oh, yeah? Have you been following our seasons, Rosebud?”
Shit. Way to out yourself, Indie.
I shrug, going for a nonchalance I don’t feel. “Lola’s a hockey fan.”
It’s the truth, but it doesn’t tell the full story. Lola is a hockey fan. But only because I forced her to watch Sebastian’s games with me. Now she knows the rules and nuances as well as any die-hard fan, but that knowledge was initially forced upon her. By me.
Sebastian doesn’t need to know that, though.
“She is, huh?”
I nod. “Yep. She normally roots for the Stars, since they’re the local team, but she keeps up with everyone.”
“I see. And how does she feel about the Rogues?”
“She’ll root for you guys as long as it’s not against LA. She’s a big fan of Griffin’s. That’s why she talked me into going that night.”
He barks out a laugh at that. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yep. That game where he changed his last name to his wife’s and then did that press conference and told the whole world that he belonged to her?
Pretty sure she’s a fan for life, now.” What I won’t tell him is that we both fangirled hard that game.
I mean, come on. How often do you see a guy make a gesture like that?
That’s real-life romance novel stuff, and I don’t know many women who wouldn’t be a fan after that. Good for that woman. Seriously.
“Maybe that’s why she looked so startled when we ran into her at the grocery store.”
“Probably,” I say.
Or it’s because she knows I’m still hopelessly and pathetically in love with you, even ten years after you picked another girl over me, and she’d been trying to convince me to talk to you.
But yeah, she also squealed a bit about meeting Griffin.
Lola may not be sexually or romantically attracted to men, but she can appreciate a grand romantic gesture.
She’d just rather it be a woman on skates doing the gesturing.
We need to get tickets for the Professional Women’s Hockey League while we’re here. Those women kick ass.
“And are you a Stars fan?”
The way Sebastian studies me makes me squirm. Somehow, I don’t think there’s a right answer. “I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Are you trying to ask if I root for you?” I bring my tea to my lips and take a sip to calm my nerves. “Because, of course, I do.”
The tea doesn’t do enough to calm me down when he studies me like he’s trying to see through my skin and down to the heart of me.
“You and Lola should come to our last home game, then. On Saturday. You can use my tickets. They’re good ones.”
Oh.
Clearing my throat, I hope I’m playing it cooler than I feel, because this is dangerous territory. “Yeah, maybe.”
He smirks. “They’ll be in your name. My parents won’t be able to make it, so they’re just going to be sitting there.”
“I’ll see what Lola says.”
“Right.” He grins, rubbing the slight scruff on his jaw with his fingertips. “You do that.”
“How are your parents?” I always loved Sebastian’s mom and dad.
Luz and Victor are two of the warmest, kindest souls you could ever hope to meet.
It’s no wonder Bash turned out to be so steady and kind.
They treat everyone as though they’re important.
Hugs were a frequent occurrence, and they had dinner together as often as Victor’s job would allow.
They genuinely love each other, and those summers in Maine, they welcomed me into the family and made me feel loved and accepted too. Not because of who my parents are, but because that’s simply who they are.
There were so many nights I didn’t want to go home.
Not because I don’t love my parents. I do.
And my parents love me. But they are always busy.
Even during summer “breaks,” they’d be working.
Reading scripts, giving interviews, doing photo shoots for magazines…
I saw them more than the rest of the year in Hollywood, but the difference between my parents and Bash’s was a bit jarring.
Sebastian’s smile softens, and my heart throbs with a dull little ache.
“They’re good. My mom’s retired. Dad still puts in some hours at the restaurant, but he’s pulled back to a few days a week.
I tried to get him to retire too—it’s not like they can’t afford to, now that I’ve paid off their house—but he gets antsy if he doesn’t have something to do. It’s his passion.”
“I get that.” I wouldn’t give writing up for anything, either. Some things settle into your marrow. Become such a vital part of you that nothing could make you stop.
“Yeah, I’m sure you do.” And then he turns that soft smile on me.
I wish it meant he feels the same things I feel for him, but it’s probably pure nostalgia. Or maybe he always saw me as a best friend. Or sister. Maybe that smile is simply familial.
It will have to be enough if I want to let Sebastian back into my life.
And, god help me, but I do.
I’ve missed the man across from me more than I realized. Missed the way his deep brown eyes sparkle like he’s lit from within. I missed the way he’d run his hand through his raven hair when he was nervous or overwhelmed. Hell, there’s not much I haven’t missed about him.
I was an idiot for thinking being in the same city would be enough. Proximity won’t cut it.
Sebastian Navarro may never feel the same way I do, but being heartbroken with him in my life is so much better than being heartbroken without him.
“They’re planning on coming out for at least one postseason game,” he says carefully. “They’d love to see you. If you’re still in town.”
“Yeah. I’d love to see them too.”
He tugs his lower lip between his teeth. “Good. Okay, yeah.”
“This goat is amazing,” I say, changing the subject back to something safer.
“I knew you’d like it. Now, tell me more about Lola. She seems cool.”
Maybe I can do this. Spend time with him again. All I need to do is change the subject when things get too real. It’s not what I want, but maybe it’s good enough.
It’ll have to be because I can’t seem to tear myself away.