Chapter 48
forty-eight
SEBASTIAN
My stomach is in knots the entire plane ride home.
If something happens to Indie while she’s out at the coffee shop, there’s nothing I can do to help her.
I’m thousands of miles away and stuck in a metal tube in the sky.
But she doesn’t send an SOS, and the guys swear they haven’t heard anything concerning from their wives and girlfriends.
Still, the ever-growing weight on my shoulders increases.
So many people are counting on me. My teammates, the Rogues organization, my parents, Indie… There are a thousand pucks hurtling toward me at top speed, and if I let a single one through, someone will be disappointed. Someone will be let down.
We’re down three games to one, and if we lose a single one of these final three, we’re out.
No Cup. If Indie gets swarmed by reporters or angry fans while I’m not there to protect her, it’s my fault.
I should have worked harder to keep her from the public, but the last thing I wanted was for her to feel like I was hiding her.
If the press gets bad enough, there’s always the chance it could affect her relationship with her publisher. I’d never forgive myself for that.
“Dude, you good?” Griffin’s concerned voice drags me out of my spiraling. He leans into the aisle beside me, waving a hand in front of my face.
I hadn’t even noticed.
“Huh?”
His lips twist to the sides. “Guess that answers that question. You look like you’re freaking the fuck out.”
“I’m not.”
“Come on, man. You think you’re the only one who notices when their friends are struggling? Talk to me.”
Of course, Griffin noticed. He may act like a complete idiot sometimes, but spend long enough with him, and you realize that’s all a front.
He hides his depth the same way Maddox hides his softness, Ryder hid his loneliness, Logan hides his loyalty, and I hide the growing cracks in my ability to hold it all together.
“Just feeling the pressure,” I tell him. “We should have won yesterday, and we didn’t. That’s on me.”
Griffin shakes his head. “No, man, it’s not. It’s on all of us. The D-lines should have protected you better, the O-lines should have been more aggressive so we could score more and give you a buffer, and you should have had your head in the game, instead of worrying about Indie.”
Guilt floods my body like a rolling tide. “I know. I was worried about her, and it distracted me.”
“And that’s okay. That’s life. This is a game.
One we all love, and because of that, it’s important, but it’s still only a game.
A job. Sometimes, there will be things that are more important.
” Griffin reaches across the aisle and slaps my knee.
“So stop beating yourself up. None of this is all on you.”
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like it’s on me. Maybe not all of it, but a lot of it.
“You totally don’t believe me.” Griffin shakes his head, the corners of his lips curving in a small smile. “I get it. Don’t worry, bro. I’ll keep saying it until you do.”
“Thanks, Griff. I appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it. You going to do something fun with your lady love today to take your mind off everything?” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, and I can’t help laughing, breathing some of my tension out with it.
“Yeah, I have something special planned, actually.” And I’m certain it will help me get my head on straight. Hopefully, Indie loves it as much as I do.
“You gonna fill me in?”
“Nope.” I’m still not ready to tell the guys about my little hobby. Indie deserves to know first, then I’ll consider filling them in. Maybe.
“Okay.” Griffin chuckles, leaning back in his seat as the seat belt light illuminates and the flight crew lets us know they’re preparing to land. “Keep your secrets. Just make sure you get laid too. You need to release some tension.”
He’s not wrong.
“Hey, sweetheart.” A few heads turn our way when I pull Indie into my arms and kiss her slowly in the corner of the coffee shop where she’d been writing for hours.
If they recognize either of us, they don’t acknowledge it.
No one points phones our way, no one asks for an autograph or selfie, and most of them look away quickly.
Good.
Pulling back, I brush a strand of pink hair off Indie’s face and study her. I hate being away from her. “Did anyone bother you?”
Relief floods through me when she shakes her head, smiling. “Nope. All good. Lola and Megan have been checking in with me every hour. I think they’re disappointed not to have an excuse to start shit with someone.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s true.
” Especially Megan. Unfortunately, the Minnesota Lightning got knocked out of their Cup contention in the second round of the semi-finals, so she probably has some disappointment and aggression to work through.
At least she has Lola. If what Indie says is true, the two of them have been working out their aggression regularly and enthusiastically.
Good for them.
“I missed you,” she whispers, the words only for me.
They sink into my body, radiating heat, and my chest expands. “I missed you too. So much.” She sighs contentedly when I press a kiss to her forehead. “You ready to go?”
“Of course. Are you really not going to tell me the plan?”
“Nope. It’s a surprise.”
“I’m not great with surprises,” she says wryly.
“I know.” I lace our fingers together and shoulder her backpack. “But it’s character-building.”
“Sure, it is.” Her chuckle rolls through me as I lead us through the coffee shop and out to the parking lot, but she doesn’t push.
Not when I help her into the car, not when we maneuver through the city, and not when I ask her questions about the last two days while I was away.
I want to know everything about her ex showing up.
It’s not until I pull into the hospital parking lot that Indie looks at me with confusion furrowing her brow that she asks me what we’re doing.
“Why are we at the children’s hospital? Is Reed sick or something?”
“No, baby.” I take her hand and press a kiss to her palm. “Reed is fine. Don’t worry. Come on.”
“Babe.” She tugs on my hand when I help her out of the SUV, those pretty hazel eyes of hers narrowed in confusion and concern. “What’s going on?”
“We’re here to visit some friends of mine,” I tell her, grabbing a bag full of gifts and my D&D gear out of my back seat.
“Unfortunately, they are sick. I haven’t been able to come by as often as I usually would because of the postseason, but I thought you might like to meet them. Spend some time with them together.”
“You visit these kids regularly?” she asks softly, looking up at me with so much tenderness I want to drop to my knees and tell her I love her. That I’ve always loved her. But a busy hospital parking garage isn’t the time or place. She deserves something romantic and intentional.
“I do.” Leading her through the parking garage and into the elevators, I press the button for the oncology floor.
“I’ve been coming for the last two years.
Ever since the Rogues did some outreach here.
I met some pretty special kids, and we discovered a mutual interest. Something I never felt comfortable sharing with anyone else. ”
She studies me for a moment before her eyes light up with understanding. “Wait, are these kids who you play Dungeons and Dragons with?”
Of course, she’d figure it out. “Yep. They sure are.”
“Oh my god. That’s the sweetest, nerdiest thing I’ve ever heard, and if we weren’t in an elevator at a children’s hospital, I’d get on my knees and show you how happy that makes me.”
When the elevator door opens a moment later, letting a mom with a stroller on, I’m choking on my own saliva. The woman looks at me curiously, and I do my best to smile at her and keep my watering eyes from turning into full-blown tears.
Fucking embarrassing.
“Come on, Rosebud,” I choke out when the elevator doors open on our floor. My absolute menace of a girlfriend laughs at the strain in my voice and the tears in my eyes.
By the time we’ve navigated the maze of hallways and are standing outside of Savvy’s door, I’ve gotten myself under control. Three familiar young voices filter through the cracked door, and I smile as some of the pressure that’s been squeezing the hell out of me eases.
I needed this. Time with these kids. Time with my girl. Introducing them to each other.
“You ready?” I ask Indie softly. Her eyes are already trained on the door, listening to the laughter spilling out with a complicated expression.
It’s one I understand well. Curiosity, warmth, fear, pity…
Hanging out with sick kids makes you run an emotional gamut every single time. But it’s worth it. They’re worth it.
“I… Is there anything I should or shouldn’t say or do?”
Giving her hand a squeeze, I shake my head. “Just treat them like they’re normal kids. Because they are. They’re normal kids who happen to be sick. But my goal while I’m here is always to help them forget that part. At least for an hour or two.”
“Okay.” Her expression is resolute, and while I didn’t think it possible, my feelings for her grow. “Introduce me.”
“Come on, then.”
Savannah, Declan, and Tristan fall silent as we walk into the room. But only for a moment.
“Bash!” Declan squeals happily, jumping off Savvy’s bed and running over to wrap his little arms around my waist in a hug. “You’re here!”
“I am. Sorry it’s been a bit, bud.” Setting my bags down, I return his hug before ruffling his short auburn hair.
“That’s okay,” he chirps. “We watched all of your games.”
“You did, huh?”
“Yep.” Tristan slaps my hand in greeting. “The last two were hard to watch, though.” His eyes jump between me and Indie, and he smiles when he recognizes her from her photo.
“Don’t remind me,” I groan. I turn my attention to Savvy, who has her head wrapped in a pretty silk scarf. It’s difficult to hide my sadness when I smile at her, because I know what that means. The bubbly thirteen-year-old has lost her hair. “Hey, Savvy. You’re looking stylish today.”
“You think so?” she asks bravely, striking a pose. “My class got me a bunch of different scarves so I can match them to my mood.”
Her body feels fragile as I hug her carefully, and I swallow back the lump in my throat. “I can’t wait to have more time to see them all once we win the Cup.”
“Me too.” She beams up at me when I release her from the hug.
It’s difficult to do. I want to protect them all, but how can you protect someone from their own body?
Clearing my throat again, I look back at Indie, who watches the whole scene with a tenderness that tells me I made the right choice bringing her here today, and extend my hand to her.
When she places her palm on mine, I tug her to my side.
“Guys, Savvy, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Three sets of eyes bounce eagerly between Indie and me. “This is my girlfriend, Indie.”
Savannah squeals, clapping her hands and bouncing in her bed. Tristan grins, looking older than his fourteen years, and Declan stares at Indie with open curiosity.
“Hi.” Indie waves at them, her cheeks turning pink under the weight of the kids’ inspection. “Nice to meet you all.”
“She’s so pretty,” Savvy whispers to Tristan.
The older boy chuckles and says, “Just like you, Savvy.”
Savannah’s face turns bright red. Tristan has the grace to pretend not to notice. I’ve missed the hell out of these kids.
“Indie, this is Tristan, Savannah—or Savvy—and Declan. Say hi, guys.”
“Hi,” they all say in unison.
Declan looks between Indie and the bags I left on the floor. “Are you going to play with us?”
“I’ve never played,” Indie responds. “But I’d love to learn, if that’s okay with all of you.”
“Yeah!” Savvy cheers. “I won’t be the only girl anymore.”
“Bash is a good teacher. He and Tristan taught me, and now I’m a pro,” Declan says with the kind of confidence only a ten-year-old could pull off.
“I have presents for you all,” I say, trying not to chuckle at Dec. I won’t be the reason any of these kids question themselves. “Who wants them?”
Chaos erupts as I hand out souvenirs from my time in Florida.
A dolphin stuffed animal for Savvy, a cool custom mini figurine for Tristan, and a shark stuffed animal for Declan, along with some other random little odds and ends.
The kids treat each present like it’s the best thing they’ve ever received, and my chest aches.
One day, all three of them will have beaten their cancer, and I’m going to throw them the biggest party ever.
I’ll hire carnival rides and games and make sure every kid walks away with a prize that’s as big as they are.
There will be face painting and dunk tanks where the kids can dunk members of the Rogues…
I’ll make sure they can celebrate and simply be a kid for a night. Carefree. Healthy. Hopeful.
“You okay?” Indie whispers as she rubs circles on my back.
“Yeah,” I whisper back. “I’m okay.”
“They’re amazing. I can see why you love hanging out with them so much.” She watches as Savvy and Dec compare their stuffed marine mammals with a genuine smile stretched across her pretty face. “Do the other guys ever come with you?”
“No. I’m sure they would, but they don’t know I come. I’ve been selfish. Keeping this just for me.”
Her features soften when she looks up at me. “But you shared them with me?”
“I want to share everything with you,” I tell her seriously.
Indie’s eyes go wide. She blinks up at me, her mouth opening to say something, when Savvy’s excited voice breaks through the moment.
“Let’s play! What character do you want to be, Indie?”
My girl blinks at me again, her tongue flicking out and running over her parted lips before she shakes her head, smiles, and turns to Savvy. “I don’t even know what the options are. How about you help me decide?”
Who would have thought these two worlds of mine colliding would make me forget all about the stress I’ve been laboring under since the postseason started? The weight bowing my shoulders lifts, and I take a full, unencumbered breath for the first time in days.
Griffin was right. Some things are more important than winning.