Chapter 35 Brooke #2
"Is it?" she presses quietly. Her tone is gentle, but the question cuts deep. I narrow my eyes, preparing to answer, but before I can, she strikes again. "Or is it just safer to let him go and pretend that it won't break you than to let him leave you first?"
Her words land with a force I wasn't expecting, and Alex's echo in my mind.
"You can cut people out easier than anyone I know."
I part my lips to respond, but nothing comes. No excuses. No defenses. She's right. It's my reflex to shut people out—at least emotionally. To guard my heart from those who threaten to hurt it. It doesn't make it right. But it's helped me survive.
"You don't have to be scared, Brooke," Mom reassures. "If you learn anything from me, please don't let it be timelines or correct paths. Let it be this—don't allow fear to make you walk away from the very thing you're the most afraid of losing."
My chest is somehow suddenly both too full and airless at the same time. "I'm not that scared of losing him," I whisper mostly to myself. But even I don't believe it.
Mom tilts her chin down and gives me that mothering look. "Right or wrong, many things have been said in my house that should have gotten a reaction out of you, Brooke. But only one landed so hard you had to run. And that is Andrew—"
"Just Drew."
"Right. That is Drew Alder—"
"Anderson."
Mom looks at me blankly. "Mhmm, Drew Ander—you know what? You get what I'm saying. You brush everything off, Brooke. And this—he—was the only thing that challenged that."
I swallow hard, scared to admit the truth. "Yeah… I guess you're right."
"Well, there's something I've never heard you say."
I peer up to see her smiling at me, and I smile back. "Here's something else you've probably never heard—I really am looking to settle down, Mom. With the job thing."
"I can see that. And I am so proud of you."
Her words hit with more edge than they should. He was right.
"It's hard, but I'm trying," I say, defeated.
"It'll come."
"And with relationships."
She nods. "I see that too."
I take a deep breath, choosing my words carefully. "I am scared," I finally admit.
Mom presses her lips together and brushes the pad of her thumb across my hand. "Yeah… I know a little something about that."
"Relationships are hard enough, but this is all just…
a lot. His image, the age difference, these rumors.
I've spent all this time holding on to who I am—guarding myself from everything.
I thought when I found someone, it'd be simple.
This isn't. And I'm afraid I'll get lost in the… in the muchness of it all."
"Oh, hunny," she coos. "That's where you're like me.
But that's the best part of finding someone—finally being able to be Ivy.
At least with him. Letting go just enough to not have to carry it all on your own.
Despite outward appearances, you've spent your whole life trapped in here.
" She drops my hand and reaches forward to tap my temple, then gently presses her finger against my chest. "Because you're afraid of what living in here might be like. "
The corners of my lips curl up slightly, and she nods as if she's been waiting for it. "I know I've had a lot to do with that."
I shrug my shoulders, then wave her away half-heartedly. "I think a lot of it is just who I am."
"It's not though," she says quickly. "Look at Selah and Alex and that friend from your work.
You met them after decades of 'guarding yourself,' and you still let them in.
That heart of yours that you think is so easily distracted by humor and sarcasm…
it's not. At least not as easily as your mind might be.
It knows what it wants to hold on to. And trust me.
.." her voice fades as she looks towards her sister's room.
"That's one thing you won't ever outrun. "
Sliding my zipper mindlessly up and down the front of my jacket, I soak up her thoughts.
The idea of letting Drew fully into my heart is scary as hell.
But I think if I'm honest with myself, he's already there.
Just like Say Say and Alex and Tessa. He somehow fought his way in, and now?
Now, I wouldn't just be keeping him out, I'd be throwing him out.
And something tells me that Mom's right again. That would be a lot harder to do.
Especially when it feels so right with him there.
"Do you know what I'm saying, Brooke?" Mom asks, searching my face for her answer.
I huff out a laugh, looking down at my zipper, then bring my eyes back to her. "All I got from that is that you think I'm funny..."
She slaps my arm before grabbing my hands again, and we both sink forward in our chairs. "No, I hear you," I say, then I bite my lip trying to decide how much to give.
She notices. "Tell me," she says.
I contemplate it for another few seconds before finally giving in. "I do really like him, Mom." She smiles softly and nods. "And this is what I wanted—to settle down. To build something. But what if he is leaving? What if I finally lay a foundation and he's gone before anything can grow?"
She doesn't answer right away. Instead, she traces soft circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. "Then you still built it," she argues gently. "You still proved that you're ready. That you’re capable.”
"Yeah,” I say, still not quite convinced.
Mom sits up straighter. "You’re not fragile, Brooke. You never have been. And I might have taken advantage of that, but it’s true.”
Her voice cracks so slightly that at any other moment I might have missed it. But I don't. "And you’re intuitive,” she adds, catching me by surprise. "You know yourself, and you read others better than most people I know. Something tells me you wouldn’t have gotten this far just chasing hope."
My brows crease together as a wave of something I can only explain as reassurance washes over me. "What do you mean?”
Mom shakes her head. "I think it’s more of what I'm asking. Do you think Drew would do this, Brooke? Just decide he’s leaving without any warning?”
She pauses, giving me time to think, but I don’t need it. The answer is already waiting. "No,” I say easily. "No, I really don’t think he would.”
Mom gives me her infamous I Told You So look, but for the first time, I’m grateful for it.
"Well, there ya go.” She drops my hands and holds hers open.
"You are whole all by yourself, hunny—always have been. And that’s one of your greatest qualities.
” She peers down at me as she has so often.
"But talk to him. Let him explain for himself. "
I nod, already knowing I will.
"And for the love of God," she adds, her tone lifting. "Go get your damn man."
My mouth falls to the floor, and Mom simply raises one eyebrow in my direction. "I love this version of you," I finally quip.
She reaches for my shoulders and pulls me into a tight hug. "And I love every version of you."
I squeeze her back, reveling in quite possibly the most genuine embrace we've ever had. This is one of those moments, I think, where there will be befores and afters. I smile, holding her just a little longer, then let go.
I can't wait for the afters.
"Now, leave!" she says, her volume at an absolutely inappropriate waiting room level. An older man behind us, who I just now am realizing is asleep in a chair, snores loudly and clicks his lips, his eyes still heavy.
Adrenaline courses through me as I prepare to obey, but then my whole body melts. "There's really no rush. He has a game. And I have no car—we drove here together."
"So, take mine. And go wait for him."
I shake my head. "It's just starting. Those things take hours. What if you or Dad or Ivy needs something?"
"Then call one of those car services—Lift or Huber."
I snort. "I'm sorry, do you mean an Uber?"
She rolls her eyes playfully. "Will you just call already?"
"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath. "Okay, fine. Yeah, I'll call."
"Good." She stands, presumably to go check on Aunt Ivy. I join her on my feet, suddenly full of energy. "Hear him out. I'll be rooting for you."
My vision blurs as I hug her again. "Thanks, Mom," I whisper.
"No, hunny," she says, holding tight. "Thank you."
"Yeah, I saw it. The one with Liam Montgomery's perfect. I'd say go with that for now, and we can tweak the others to post throughout the rest of the week. Yeah… uh huh, right. Okay, perfect, talk then."
My eyes shoot back down to my phone as I pretend my ears didn't perk right up at the sound of Liam's name. The man standing in front of me outside the hospital doors turns around, and we nearly collide.
"I'm so sorry," he says as I fumble my phone in my hands.
"No, don't be. I wasn't paying attention." To anything but your phone call.
"I get so lost in work calls, sometimes I forget I don't actually live in a baseball bubble."
I offer him a forced laugh, glancing back down at my screen. I tried Drew twice since I got out here despite knowing he's already on the ice. Both calls went straight to voicemail, which is not unexpected, but doesn't help to fill the pit in my stomach.
So now, I wait.
Seven more minutes until Robert arrives in his black sedan.
"I get that," I say, though my mind is still looping through every possible scenario with Drew.
"Do you follow the Gators?" he asks, sucking from the vape in his hand.
"I'm, uh, more of a hockey girl," I answer, distracted.
My words tumble out before I can filter them. And my stomach flips at how easily they do.
Drew.
"But I know Liam," I add quickly. "He's great."
"Highest baseball IQ on the field."
"Yeah." I smile, pretending that's exactly what I meant. That I'm impressed by his stats and not that he's an incredible father, loyal brother, and one of the kindest souls I know.
"I've actually been working with his brother for the Flames recently."
The second I say it, my chest tightens. I've been so caught with what's next with Drew that I forgot to worry about what's next for me.
"Oh, what is it you do?"
"I've been filling in as their social media manager until their new hire could start permanently."
"No way! Wait, so you're the one who made the post of the guys reenacting pictures from their childhood?"
I smile thinking of Ward sucking his thumb at the ripe age of twenty-seven and Petrov wearing an ushanka as Burns played his babushka, spoon-feeding him mashed potatoes. "Yeah, I did a question box asking the fans what they wanted from the boys, and couldn't unsee that idea."
He hits his vape again and blows the sweet smoke behind him.
"It was hilarious," he says, turning back to me.
"Seriously, gold. If you're ever looking for something else outside of their organization, give me a call.
" He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet, sliding a business card from the clip.
"Oh, uh..." I read the name and title written across the middle: Miles Whitaker - Director of Digital Content. "Honestly, that's all the experience I have. It was just temporary—a favor, really."
"Well, it's sort of my job to keep tabs on all the media for the Golden City teams. You know, make sure we match up.
And your stuff has been good. Funny. People probably eat that shit up.
We're currently looking for a fan engagement specialist. It may not pay as much as a social media manager position, but there's room to grow.
And honestly, just going off of what I remember seeing, that's your specialty. "
I'm left speechless, his offer taking me aback and a low rumble in the distance distracting my thoughts.
Miles takes another puff, raising his brows and hollowing his cheeks. "Think about it and give me a call. This might sound bad, but we haven't had much interest. Between that and references from Jack and Levi, I could all but guarantee you the job."
Flicking the card rhythmically in my hand, I nod. "I will, thank you."
And I mean it. Maybe this is what I need.
Maybe this is all I'll have.
"You got it," he says before heading back toward the entrance.
I shove the card into my jacket pocket and click my phone screen on, bouncing on my toes with more nervous energy than ever. "Four minutes," I whisper aloud, but I can barely hear my own voice as the same thunderous sound from before grows louder.
Suddenly, there's an all too recognizable popping sound that sends shivers down my spine. My head jerks up just in time to see a familiar bike rolling to a stop in front of me, and my heart stops as the rider pulls his helmet off, revealing himself.
"Hey you," he says, killing the motor.
I step forward, not quite convinced it's really him parked in front of me. "Twelve?" I question under my breath.
Drew's shoulders fall as he heaves a huge sigh, the corner of his lips turning up. "Mystery girl."