Chapter Forty-Eight Samira #2
It was such a small, soft kiss. Sweet. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to feel, maybe something akin to the buzzing adrenaline that had surged through me when Keir had touched me during the Lunar Feast. But as Rade swept his lips over mine a second time, all I could think was that it was pleasant enough.
Rade’s arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer, reeling me into his warmth, pressing me tightly against him.
He held me like he needed me, and that, more than the kiss itself, made me relax into him.
Rade smelled like cedarwood. It reminded me of my cabin. Cozy and safe. And his body was sturdy against mine. None of Keir’s knee-quaking bulk, but lovely.
It occurred to me that I probably shouldn’t be thinking of Keir so much when I was kissing Rade.
Trying to lock down that part of my brain, I let Rade’s tongue coax open the seam of my lips.
His tongue swept in, and Rade moaned softly into my mouth.
The kiss shifted into something less sweet and more hungry.
His hand left my cheek, sliding down my shoulder and side. He draped my leg over his waist, fitting my hips to his, his hardness digging into my thigh. I made a small sound of surprise, which only seemed to encourage him further.
Rade rolled me onto my back and made quick work of the clasps down the front of my tunic. I detached my lips from his, breathing hard. “Rade—”
“Amunet,” he groaned as he trailed kisses down my jaw, my throat, following the path of my neckline as he peeled it away.
Too fast. This was too fast. I wasn’t ready—I didn’t even know—it was only supposed to be a kiss—
“Gods, you’re so beautiful,” he muttered against the X on my chest before he pressed a tender kiss to it, working his way down my chest.
My heart thundered beneath his lips as nerves fizzled through my veins. “Rade.”
“Hm?” He opened my tunic, revealing my breasts. His lips were hot as he kissed down the slope of one. When his tongue brushed over my nipple, I gasped, “Wait, stop.”
He froze instantly, and his head popped up. Hair curtained half his face, billowing slightly with his uneven breaths, but the dazed look of desire quickly cooled. “What’s wrong?”
“Sorry, I… I didn’t mean…” Fire branded my cheeks. All at once, I realized how foolish and na?ve I was. I never should have kissed him, not while in his bed. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“Oh.” His eyes widened. “Oh my gods.” He rolled off me onto his back, chest heaving as he looked at nothing but the ceiling. “I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It was my fault—”
“No.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes, pushing hard. “No, it was mine. Kaldfold isn’t strict about virtue, and I just assumed Ashorah was the same. I said I wouldn’t force myself on you and I just did and I’m— Fuck, I’m so sorry.” When he opened his eyes again to look at me, I saw sincere regret.
Mortification branded itself into my soul as I held my tunic closed. “No, please, I didn’t— It was a good kiss. I just wasn’t expecting…” I trailed off, feeling pathetic and stupid, stomach curdling like months-old kefir.
It was true that Ashorah encouraged virtue among its women, but Amunet had never listened to those rules. She would have handled that so much better. She certainly wouldn’t have shrieked in Rade’s ear right after he’d called her beautiful.
This would be the memory I’d carry to the Underworld with me. Seemed about right.
I wouldn’t need a betrayal to ruin our friendship; I had a sinking suspicion I’d accomplished that all on my own.
Rade looked like he was going to say more, but the door clicked open, followed by a startled, “Oh!”
I turned to see Velka standing there, gaze averted awkwardly. “Sorry, I didn’t— I was told to come get you. Final preparations, my king.”
I saw the scene through her eyes. The two of us breathless, Rade on his back, my unbuttoned tunic held together by my fist. The heat in my cheeks went up by several degrees.
“Amunet?” Rade ventured cautiously, his gaze burning into the side of my head.
I smiled flimsily through swollen lips without looking at him. “Go. I’ll be all right.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
He hesitated a moment longer. But a glance at the semi-open door, and Velka waiting behind it, made him think twice. He grazed his fingers over my hand. “We’ll talk later?”
There would not be a later. But I said, “Of course.”
He gave me one of his crooked smiles and headed to the door. He paused. I busied myself with doing up the clasps of my tunic to avoid his gaze. He sighed before his footsteps thumped down the hall.
“Okay if I come in?” asked Velka.
“Of course.” I flopped back on the pillows, wanting nothing more than to bury myself under a pile of them and never see the surface again.
Velka shut the door and approached. “You all right?”
“We were just…” I gestured vaguely with my hand before I let it drop to the mattress. “I reacted badly.”
Velka nodded sympathetically and perched on the edge of the bed. “When Bain and I were first mated, I’d yelp every time he touched my butt.”
I shot straight up, pity party momentarily stalled. “Bain is your mate?”
“Yeah.” She cringed. “Long story.”
“I thought you hated him.”
“I do sometimes. Most of the time.” She laughed, a tired sound. “Thin line between love and hate.”
I gaped. There had been a strange dynamic between them, which I’d noticed my very first night here. They were always watching each other, but I’d thought their glances seemed veiled with hostility. I wondered what had caused that rift between them. I opened my mouth to ask one of a dozen questions.
But Velka said, “Forget about Bain. I wanted to apologize, Your Majesty. Again.”
I blinked. “For what?”
Her tattooed fists were clenched on her thighs. “I tried to stop him. Really, I did. And believe me, Keir will be punished accordingly. I’ll see to it myself, if I have to. Sitting in a cell in the mountain is just the start.”
“That’s where he is?” I confirmed. “In the mountain?”
“Much deeper in the mountain than we are now,” she assured me. “Rade’s given strict instructions that no one is to see him until after today.”
I stilled. “He hasn’t said anything?”
“No. Didn’t say a word the entire night I was on guard. Oddly quiet by Keir’s standards. But he knows he overstepped. He’s probably coming up with a scheme to get out of whatever punishment the king has in mind for him.”
He hadn’t told anyone what he’d tasted in my blood.
Amunet would get her powers by sundown. And I would live just that long.
My doubts, my worries, what just happened with Rade, none of it mattered. When I perished during this last ceremony, Rade would realize Keir was right, and he wouldn’t be exiled to the Shroud. Everything was going to be all right.
All I had to do was die.