Chapter 2
2
On the television, someone playing piano with only his elbows and toes was claiming he had got talent whilst a mean-spirited judging panel mocked and ridiculed him. Sarah put down her laptop and turned to Drew.
‘I am so glad George is at school now,’ Sarah said. ‘I went to give Eva and him lunch on Sunday and realised it was nine-thirty. Nine-thirty in the morning, and it felt like I’d already done a full day.’
‘Uh-huh.’ Drew didn’t look up from his phone as his fingers swiped at the screen.
‘It’s like they suck me into some kind of vortex. Like dog years, but in reverse.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Drew, are you even listening to me?’
‘What… what’s that?’ He lifted his eyes momentarily, away from the screen.
There was no point trying to explain it to him, Sarah decided as she turned back to the television. He’d never say it, but Drew still thought that looking after the children day in day out was just one cushy game of knights and princesses, all fun and games. Despite the fact that he would need a two-hour nap after one afternoon with them. Now twenty-two weeks pregnant, she had managed the entire summer holidays on her own, dragging them from one playdate and outdoor playground to the next.
‘Some days, I don’t know why I bother,’ she said, then with a heavy sigh, Sarah turned her thoughts back to the pages upon pages of unattainable dream houses. A moment later, she put her laptop down by her side and leaned back on the sofa.
‘You okay?’ Drew looked up from his phone for less than a second.
‘Fine,’ Sarah said, in a tone that clearly indicated otherwise. Drew carried on staring at his game. Sarah let the pause elongate between them. ‘I just don’t see how we’re going to make it work, that’s all.’ She rested her hand on her bump. It wasn’t really a bump, more an expansion of the belly she hadn’t lost since the first two. ‘I just don’t know how we’re going to make ends meet. We already have so much debt.’
‘Everybody has debts, Sah.’ Drew put his phone down and looked at her properly for the first time all night. ‘And they’re not real debts. Not like gambling debts or debts from crack-addiction, or bankruptcy. We have a mortgage and a car loan. That’s what normal people have.’
‘And two credit cards,’ she added.
‘That have hardly anything on them. Everyone has credit cards. Honestly, you are stressing about nothing.’
From upstairs came a familiar-sounding whimper. The pair stopped the conversation, waiting to see if it died down. It didn’t.
‘Did you put a nappy on Eva?’ Sarah shuffled herself onto her feet.
‘She said she didn’t need one. She just wanted to wear her knickers to bed.’
‘And you let her?’
‘She sounded pretty certain about it.’
‘Brilliant. Just brilliant.’
Upstairs, she lifted Eva out of bed.
‘You’re soaked through.’ She needlessly patted the pyjamas. ‘Let’s get you changed.’
Sarah pulled off her daughter’s sodden underwear and chucked it into the washing basket, then stripped the bed and put the sheets straight in the washing machine.
They didn’t have a clean set. George had managed to spill milk over his sheets two nights before, and he’d got the spare flowery set on his bed already. She had washed his cover, but the tumble dryer had packed up, and it had been pouring with rain for the last two days, and there was nowhere in the house to hang things. As such, his recently cleaned bedclothes spent two days festering and were now once again back in the washing machine.
She pulled a clean nappy up over her daughter’s now dry behind.
‘I guess this means you’re in our bed tonight.’
After tucking a grumbling Eva into the bed, and padding out the sides with cushions, Sarah trundled downstairs, unable to contain her yawns. The night was a bust. She knew it. There was no chance Eva would stay down in their bed unless she or Drew were there with her. Even if she did, there wasn’t much point in Sarah staying up. She had learned through the years that trying to translate a piece of High German when your brain was filled with thoughts of school holiday activities and credit cards was damn near impossible. Besides, Drew would probably end up putting on some unnecessarily gruesome film. What she needed was sleep. What she had needed for the last five years had been sleep.
‘Are you okay to do George’s school snacks for tomorrow?’ she asked Drew from the doorway. ‘I’m beat.’
‘Course I can.’ His eyes stayed down. ‘Have we got some biscuits or something?’
‘He’s not allowed sugar, remember? We got the email last week. Fruit or vegetables only.’
‘That sounds a bit militant.’
‘Well, that’s the rule. There are some grapes in the fridge, although they might have gone mouldy. If they’re no good, there are some carrot sticks. The pre-cut ones were too expensive, I’m afraid. So you’re going to have to peel them yourself.’
‘I think I can cope with that.’
‘Are you sure? I don’t mind doing it.’
Finally, his eyes came up and met hers. ‘Go to bed. I’ll do it.’
With a grateful smile, she leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead, yawning again before she even made contact.
‘Thank you. You’re a star.’
‘I won’t be long,’ Drew said as he put down his phone and picked up the television remote.
Almost every book Sarah had read about parenting made co-sleeping sound like the most comforting and rewarding thing a parent could do. Being snuggled up with your little one all night. Their gentle little breaths in your ear and the feel of their soft touch as they snuggled up against you. What bliss. What tenderness. What rubbish.
Every morning, Sarah expected to wake up to a black eye or a broken rib. Never, in the existence of mankind, could she have imagined this pint-sized child could need so much space to sleep. If it wasn’t Eva’s foot kicking her in the boobs, it was her tiny fist coming straight down on her jaw. And always her, never Drew. Never did Eva seem to heel him right in the groin. Sarah considered it a good job she didn’t have to go to work any more, as she had lost count of the number of split lips she had had. However, despite it all, she remained optimistic. Eva would grow out of it at some point. It wouldn’t go on like this forever. Maybe tonight would be the night they all got a good night’s sleep.
Upstairs in the bedroom, Sarah reached up and flicked the bedside light off, deciding she was too tired even to read. She pulled up the duvet, closed her eyes, and began to drift off. A fraction of a second later, one of Eva’s fingers somehow went straight up her nose. Tonight, apparently, was not the night.