The Silent Appeal
To: The Fairway Players mailing list
From: Kevin MacDonald
Subject: Who done it?
Dear Fairway Players,
Happy New Year. May 2025 bring peace, joy, success, and most of all: drama.
On that note, I am overjoyed to spend the peaceful afternoon of my fiftieth birthday sending this email about auditions for the next play, thanks to Sarah-Jane taking Sammy to Carol’s, and sparing me the drama our delightful three-year-old creates wherever she is.
The ancient Greeks may have considered the masks of comedy and tragedy to represent all that is theater, but the ancient Greeks can hold my beer. Because for our next play we will don a mask of mystery thanks to the queen of murder herself.
The Hollow by Agatha Christie was first performed in London on June 7, 1951, a frustrating seventy-four years ago, which means we just miss the three-quarter–century anniversary next year.
The committee had a choice: perform on June 7 itself, a year short of seventy-five, or the anniversary year, but not June 7, which will fall on a Sunday when we can’t use the church hall.
After a nine-hour debate we finally decided on the former.
The Hollow is set in a country house where a posh family are hosting a weekend for friends and relations.
As a murder mystery, it “understands the assignment”—as Harley would say, if he was in, which he never is—because we see the victim shot dead onstage and still we don’t know which of the other guests “done it.” You know what they say about theater: make ’em laugh, make ’em cry, and make ’em mad they never saw the twist coming.
I will direct and Sarah-Jane will produce.
What’s more, the committee have agreed to enter this production into the NADAs—National Amateur Drama Awards—for accolades such as best actor, best director, and best scenery, etc.
A judge will attend one performance, so let’s hope that’s not the night the church hall ceiling decides to fall in (again) or the sewers overflow.
The cast comprises six female and four male characters, while two police officers may be played by either male, female, or gender-neutral actors.
As we are keen for new members to join and keep our ever-dwindling numbers up, if you know anyone who might like to audition, ask, beg, plead, blackmail, or mislead them, do whatever it takes, but drag them to the church hall this Monday and let’s snare them in our trap.
Myself, Sarah-Jane, Joel, Celia, Mick, Marianne, and Denise will meet informally at the hall this evening to make plans for set-building, props, costumes, and makeup. We intend to observe the integrity of the original script and set the action in 1951.
Character breakdown to follow this weekend for those of you who want to audition. Otherwise, see you at 7:30 p.m. Monday night.
Kevin MacDonald, Committee cochair and director
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Celia Halliday
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
You didn’t mention Natural Causes. The new director always introduces his or her next play with a nod of thanks to the last director and a short paragraph on how successful their play was. It’s tradition.
The two masks that represent the theatrical arts are symbols of far more than just comedy and tragedy, Kevin.
They are the muses Thalia and Melpomene, who are called upon by actors at the start of a performance to help them shed their own identities for the duration.
You can issue a correction in your next email.
How is it possible to “maintain the integrity of the script” yet also change the gender of two characters? Asking for a friend. Celia
Message exchange between Kevin and Sarah-Jane MacDonald on January 2, 2025:
4:19 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Natural Causes went down like an elephant holding a lead balloon on the Titanic. How can I write a glowing eulogy for that mess?
4:24 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Ignore her. She wanted to stage a comedy about suicide and can live with the consequences.
4:26 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Should’ve renamed it Trigger Warning.
4:30 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
We don’t dwell on the past, Kevin, we focus on the future and right now that’s hollow.
4:33 p.m. Kevin wrote:
THE Hollow. I’m sure the rest of the group will be positive, it’s just that bloody Celia is always the first to reply.
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Joyce Walford
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
Does anyone off themselves in the next play, Kevin?
Because if they do, I’ll warn my second cousin first. Myra’s pregnant again and sick as a dog so she won’t audition, but Nick and Barry will be there Monday because they’ve been banned from the Legion after the landlord took against them.
My ankle’s playing up again, which means the weather is turning bitter.
Hope no one has an accident on the way to the hall on Monday. The roads will be treacherous. Joyce
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Fran Elroy-Jones
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
Dear Kevin,
Thanks for your email and for directing the next play, which I’m sure is an onerous task to have ahead of you. I’ll ask around and see if any friends fancy reading for a part—I know a few who are at a loose end right now—new year, new hobby.
I’ve got a copy of The Hollow so will read it before the auditions.
I see there’s a character called Henrietta who’s a sculptor and mistress of another character.
She sounds like a role I could really get my teeth into.
Of course, there’s Midge and Lady Angkatell, but I’m a little young to play the latter and Midge is a tragic character, isn’t she?
I’m not right for Gerda at all. Thank you, Fran
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Emma Crooks
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
LOVE that we’re doing an Agatha Christie.
I’m the biggest fan and have read ALL her books: Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile.
Of course, casting is up to you, but I’ve studied sculpture and have had affairs with married men, so would bring authentic experience to the role of Henrietta.
Midge is fine, but her energy is drab and prosaic.
Veronica Craye is glamorous but superficial.
I definitely, definitely don’t want to play Gerda. Namaste, Emma x
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Jackie Marsh
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
hello am in big trouble abroad and need you to wire me $1000 to get me out of big trouble abroad contact me soon urgent with money I promise this is big trouble abroad not scam
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Marianne Payne
Date: January 2, 2025
Subject: Re: Who done it?
Dear Kevin,
The next play has four male characters. Where will you get them from?
Mick can ask Jock at Fowey Light Operatic if any of their men want to audition.
I know Karen will read for a part on Monday.
She’d love to be in it. Denise and I will brainstorm about costumes and makeup.
1951 is a strange year because the forties were over, but the fifties hadn’t bedded in.
There was still rationing and it would be another six years before Harold Macmillan would say “you’ve never had it so good.
” Then again, as these are aristocratic people, I suppose things like that didn’t affect them.
Can you tell I’ve got my eye on the NADA for Best Costume?
We’ll meet you at the hall this evening and will dig out all the old tweeds and twin sets. See you soon, Marianne
Message exchange between Kevin and Sarah-Jane MacDonald on January 2, 2025:
5:20 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Well, that’s just perfect.
5:29 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
I’m trying to get Sammy settled with Mum, what is it? Be quick.
5:37 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Sent out the email inviting one and all to audition for the next play.
Putting my arse on the line with a tricky murder mystery and devoting six months of my precious, depleting life to direct—with no hope of personal glory even if it’s a massive hit (thanks to NADA always awarding “best director” to a Shakespeare)—and not one of the Fairway Players so much as says “happy fucking birthday” to me!
5:38 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Fifty years on earth for this.
5:48 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Happy fucking birthday, Kevin. Meet me at the hall and bring the folders—we’ll need to list everything Mick needs from Wickes and whatever Denise and Marianne should look for in the charity shops. If we don’t do it now, we’ll soon be wrapped up in rehearsals and it’ll be too late.
5:50 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Yes, yes. Got the folders, got the script, got the lists. See you there.
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Joyce Walford
Date: January 3, 2025
Subject: Your face was a picture
Your face was a picture, Kevin. Did you not know Sarah-Jane had organized a surprise party?
She’d done the hall up a treat and even after Woof chewed the “Happy 50th Kevin” sign you could still tell what it said.
Nice of her to get Nicky-Rose back from abroad too.
That was a surprise for everyone. They say shock can cause cancer now. Joyce
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Celia Halliday
Date: January 3, 2025
Subject: Nicky-Rose
It’s funny, but I’d forgotten Carol had another daughter. I’d not long had Beth when Nicky-Rose took off, so she must’ve been gone TWENTY years at least. She couldn’t wait to leave Lockwood, could she? Makes you wonder why she’s back.
It seems she didn’t send so much as a text to warn you she was arriving. We couldn’t help laughing at the shock on Carol’s and Sarah-Jane’s faces. I bet you didn’t even know who she was, did you, Kevin?
Someone will have to fill her in on all that’s happened in Lockwood since she left, like Joel’s OBE. Celia
To: Sarah-Jane MacDonald
From: Carol Dearing
Date: January 3, 2025
Subject: Nicky-Rose