The Silent Appeal #9
5:04 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Fizzy water in tiny plastic bottles. Have you even got the account yet?
5:05 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Not quite. The CEO sent a crate to inspire my pitch. Fairways can have them.
5:06 p.m. Kevin wrote:
The Fairway Players don’t need “calming botanical extracts.” They need ENERGY.
5:08 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
They need to stay hydrated and give me feedback on product performance so I can include positive qualitative data in my pitch.
5:08 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Don’t worry. I’ll get myself up off the floor.
5:10 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Are the Bliss Bubbles ok?
To: The Fairway Players mailing list
From: Kevin MacDonald
Date: January 13, 2025
Subject: Damn and damn and damn!
Dear Fairway Players,
Do not be alarmed. I’m not cursing the play (not yet, anyway). The subject line of this email is the first line of the first scene of the first act of The Hollow and tonight was the first rehearsal… and a “damn” fine rehearsal it was.
The subject of backstage roles raises its many heads. Yes, even this early in the schedule. So far, I can confirm the following:
Producer Sarah-Jane MacDonald
Set design Joel Halliday
Props and Wardrobe Denise Malcolm and Marianne Payne
Refreshments Joyce Walford
Program and Box Office Celia Halliday
Treasurer John O’Dea
Publicity Emma Crooks and Sarah-Jane MacDonald
But we still need volunteers for:
Prompt
A crucial job that kicks in as soon as books are down. The prompt sits at the side of the stage and follows the script. If an actor dries up, the prompt whispers their next line from the wings and therefore keeps the action moving. It’s a LOT of fun!
Lighting and Sound
My son Harley did this for our last few productions, but A levels are looming and he’ll be at home studying during play week. You get to sit in the lighting box and watch the play (from above) for free, every night. Trust me, it’s ILLUMINATING…
Front of House
Absolutely vital on the nights are people who will show our audience to their seats and assist with access, etc. If you’ve always fancied yourself in a hospitality role, now’s your chance to flex those meet-and-greet skills.
Set-building
EVERYONE! Joel has big plans to create the Angkatells’ drawing room, and although Nick and Barry are sterling assistants, there will be painting, wallpapering, and sanding to do every Sunday from March onward.
Believe me, set-building is much more enjoyable than stepping out onto a half-finished set.
Finally, a big thank-you from me to you all for sacrificing your free time and social life for the sake of theater. In the words of Bertolt Brecht: “theater needs no other passport than fun.” And I’m determined to have fun if it kills me, so feel free to follow suit, my trusty cast and crew.
Kevin MacDonald, Committee cochair and director
P.S. I hope everyone picked up their free bottle of Bliss Bubbles courtesy of Sarah-Jane’s potential new client, along with a questionnaire, which should be returned to her next week or dropped off at our door. Thank you.
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Celia Halliday
Date: January 13, 2025
Subject: Your email
I will not use the d-word in my subject line.
Kevin, you do realize the Fairway Players meet in a CHURCH HALL and are—perhaps not officially, but notionally—a CHURCH group? It may be the first line in the play, but please, we don’t have to repeat such blasphemy to our entire mailing list.
May I remind you, Joel is legally required to place “OBE” after his name, and so too are you (legally required that is, and his name, not yours). Please bear this in mind when referring to him in future correspondence.
Prompt is a boring and thankless job of pure drudgery usually given to a newbie. If only all our newbies weren’t onstage in leading roles… Celia
P.S. Bliss Bubbles tastes like tap water and the bottle is too small.
To: Celia Halliday
From: Kevin MacDonald
Date: January 13, 2025
Subject: Re: Your email
Dear Celia,
Last summer I helped the Reverend Josh clear out a vicious tower of wild brambles that had taken root behind the garden-of-rest. At a crucial point, he lost his footing and, groundward-bound, clutched at a clump of thorny branches.
Let me tell you, he is not above a spot of blasphemy himself, and if prolific swearing is good enough for a vicar, then it’s good enough for me.
Anyone offended by “damn and damn and damn” should count themselves lucky the next play isn’t Blasted by Sarah Kane. The first line of that is “I’ve shat in better places than this.”
Damn! I always forget the OBE after Joel’s name. Next time, next time.
If we can’t find anyone to prompt, then I’ll do it. The director should always be prepared to do any job required. There’s no room for snobbery when there’s a NADA-winning play to get off the ground. Kevin
P.S. Sarah-Jane says a big thank-you for your thoughtful feedback.
To: Fran Elroy-Jones
From: Kevin MacDonald
Date: January 13, 2025
Subject: Wow!
Dear Fran,
Haven’t had a chance to thank you for bringing Amelia and Lucas to Fairways. Just the type of couple we’re after. Young, bright, and undeniably talented. She’s going to be a first-rate Henrietta.
The other girl, Georgia, read well enough in the auditions, but as soon as she got up onstage, her confidence ebbed away. We might need to do a bit more work there. I’m sure once she’s found her feet she’ll be as promising as the Stibsons.
As for you. What can I say? It must get boring to hear undiluted praise all the time, but if that first rehearsal is anything to go by, your Lady Angkatell will be talked about for years. Thank you. Kevin
To: Kevin MacDonald
From: Fran Elroy-Jones
Date: January 13, 2025
Subject: Re: Wow!
Dear Kevin,
Thank you. It’s funny how you feel responsible for the people you’ve introduced to the group.
If they let the production down, I’ll blame myself.
Yes, Lucas and Amelia are lovely. Lucas used to work for a bank, but now he manages a nightclub.
Amelia was in PR, but she was laid off and is job-hunting at the moment.
I know what you mean about Georgia, but with a little help, I’m sure she’ll come out of her shell.
As for my performance, well, I wanted the part of Henrietta, but you’re absolutely right—Lady A is a much meatier challenge. I’m very excited to see what costume Denise has in mind.
On another matter, do you have Reverend Josh’s contact details? I’ve used the email on the church website before, but can’t be sure the curate doesn’t access that account, and I need his personal number for something a little more delicate regarding the parish. Thanks, Fran
Message exchange between Kevin and Sarah-Jane MacDonald on January 13, 2025:
11:36 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Fran’s asked me for Reverend Josh’s contact details.
11:37 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
I’m taking time out from a bitter negotiation with Sammy over her cultural choices.
11:37 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Oh dear. Bluey?
11:37 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
She watched four episodes and wanted to start a fifth.
11:37 p.m. Kevin wrote:
And?
11:38 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
She’s now watching a sixth. I suspect Harley let her sleep all evening.
11:40 p.m. Kevin wrote:
What do you think?
11:41 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
I think she could be using her screen time to greater benefit her education, but who am I to say?
11:41 p.m. Kevin wrote:
I mean, should I give Fran his details?
11:42 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Why not?
11:42 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Data protection? Confidentiality?
11:44 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:
Fran is the most sensible, level-headed, and organized member of the group. She sings in the choir. Works in HR. Volunteers among society’s most needy and—as we’ve discovered on occasion—strange characters most unsuited to Fairways. I’m sure she wants the Rev’s number for a good reason.
11:44 p.m. Kevin wrote:
Fab. Will pass it on.
Messages posted to Fran’s Hollow Play WhatsApp group on January 14, 2025:
11:12 a.m. Fran wrote:
First rehearsal over! How’s everyone feeling?
11:15 a.m. Amelia wrote:
You’re so talented, Fran. Lucas said you could be on the West End.
11:16 a.m. Fran wrote:
I’m nowhere near as good as that, but thanks. Sorry you didn’t get to do any stage work last night, Lucas, but your character only appears in the second act.
11:20 a.m. Amelia wrote:
He was chatting with the guy playing Sergeant Penny.
11:26 a.m. Lucas wrote:
Yeah, Barry is gold. Expecting his third kid and still lives at home, so I said he could pick up some door work at Lunar.
11:30 a.m. Amelia wrote:
Thanks again, Fran. We all needed to get out and do something. You can spend a whole night scrolling through Insta and TikTok and you’ve only watched Americans make iced coffee and organize their fridges.
11:32 a.m. Fran wrote:
Really? Glad I don’t bother with social media.
Message exchange between Fran Elroy-Jones and Georgia Taccuso on January 14, 2025:
11:46 a.m. Fran wrote:
Everything ok? You haven’t posted on the group chat.
11:46 a.m. Georgia wrote:
11:46 a.m. Fran wrote:
It’s your first time onstage, you’re bound to be a bit nervous.
11:47 a.m. Georgia wrote:
You said I looked like a cow.
11:48 a.m. Fran wrote:
Not me! My character. Lady Angkatell is elderly and has no filter. People were ruder in the 1900s. The concept of body shaming is twenty-first-century.
11:48 a.m. Georgia wrote:
So you think I look like a cow.
11:49 a.m. Fran wrote:
No! That’s what it says in the script. I was acting!
11:52 a.m. Georgia wrote:
The man who’s my husband really nasty.
11:53 a.m. Fran wrote:
I’ve known Nick a couple of years and he’s fine. His character has a complicated relationship with your character.
11:53 a.m. Georgia wrote:
He’s cheating on me.
12:02 p.m. Fran wrote: