Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Winter
I feel the wheels make contact with the runway, that slight jolt that signals we're back. Back in New York. Back to reality.
I glance out the window as we taxi toward the private terminal. The city lights are visible in the distance, a stark contrast to the warm glow of Naples we left behind this morning.
That extra day we stayed was mostly spent in bed at the Four Seasons, wrapped up in each other, ordering room service we barely touched, losing track of time in a way I've never allowed myself to do.
We took one last trip on the yacht in the afternoon, just the two of us and the crew, watching the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico while drinking champagne and pretending the real world didn't exist.
But now it does.
As the plane comes to a stop as the captain's voice comes through the speaker.
"Welcome back to New York, Mr. Sterling, Ms. Hayes. Thank you for flying with us."
Knox is already standing, grabbing his bag from the overhead compartment. He pulls mine down as well and hands it to me.
"Ready?" he asks.
I nod, but I'm not sure I am.
We walk down the stairs together and there are two cars waiting on the tarmac. His driver Victor stands by one, another driver I don't recognize stands by the second.
Knox turns to me and we stop between the two vehicles. The air between us feels different than it did in Naples. Heavier. More uncertain.
"So," Knox says, his hands in his pockets.
"So," I echo.
There's so much I want to say. So much we haven't talked about.
What are we doing? What happens next? Are we together? Are we keeping this a secret?
But I don't ask any of it. Knox steps closer.
"I have to head over to Westchester to meet with a contractor on a development out there. But…I'll see you at the office, " he says.
"Okay."
He leans in and kisses me. It's brief, almost chaste compared to the past three days, but it still makes my pulse quicken.
"Get some rest," he says.
"You too."
I get into my car and watch through the window as Knox gets into his. Both vehicles pull away at the same time, heading in different directions. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.
What the hell am I doing?
***
I spent the night unpacking, doing laundry, trying to settle back into my apartment after being gone for days. I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Knox. I felt his hands on me. I heard his voice.
I shake the thoughts away as I arrive at my design studio just after nine the next morning. I walk through the studio entrance and see Maya is at her desk. She looks up the moment I walk in. Her expression is tight, worried.
"Winter, thank god you're here."
I stop. "What's wrong?"
She stands, lowering her voice.
"Rowan has been calling. Multiple times. He's upset."
My stomach drops. "About what?"
"He wouldn't say. Just kept asking when you'd be back." Maya pauses.
"He sounded really angry."
I set my bag down on her desk.
"How many times did he call?"
"Seven. Yesterday alone."
Seven.
"Okay. Thank you for letting me know."
I start walking toward my office and Maya calls after me.
"Winter? Are you okay?"
I don't answer because I don't know. I push open my office door and freeze. Rowan is sitting in one of the chairs across from my desk. He stands the moment he sees me.
"Winter."
My heart is pounding.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
" I walked through the front door. Your assistant stepped away, so I just made my way back. Figured I’d wait for you in here."
"I don’t want to see you or talk to you, Rowan."
Rowan stands up and steps closer.
"But we absolutely need to talk. I had to show up here since you have refused to return any of my calls. I know you were out of town, Winter. " His voice is triggered.
I stay near the door, keeping distance between us.
"And how did you even know I was gone?"
"I called your studio last Thursday, pretending I was calling from the office of an Interior Design publication. Maya said you were traveling for a project." He pauses.
"With Knox Sterling."
There it is.
"Rowan—"
"You're working for Knox?" His voice quivering as it rises.
"My brOTHER?!"
I close the door behind me so this conversation doesn't spill into the hallway.
"It's a business arrangement. He hired my firm to design his residential development."
"Bullshit." Rowan's face is red.
"This is him getting revenge. Hiring you to get back at me."
"That's not what this is."
"Then what is it?" Rowan demands.
"You break up with me and immediately start working for him? Do you know how that looks?"
I cross my arms. "I don't care how it looks. This is business. We are not together anymore. What I do professionally isn't your concern."
Rowan laughs bitterly.
"Of course it's my concern. You're my—" He stops himself.
"I'm your what?" I challenge.
"Your ex-girlfriend? That's all I am, Rowan. That's all I've been for three months."
"Stop saying that!” he exclaims.
He pauses and takes a breath. “Winter, I made a mistake." His voice cracks.
"I know I did. But I love you, and I want us to work through this. I want you back, Winter. I'm not giving up."
I shake my head. "You need to leave."
"No." Rowan steps closer and I back up against the door.
"I'm not leaving until you hear me out."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Madeleine meant nothing," Rowan says desperately.
"It was a mistake. A stupid, meaningless mistake. I was stressed with work and you were always busy and I—"
"Don't you dare blame this on me."
"I'm not!" Rowan runs his hands through his hair.
"I'm just trying to explain. I fucked up. I know that. But we can fix this. We can go to therapy, we can talk, we can—"
"We can't do anything," I interrupt.
"Because I don't want to fix this. I don't want you back."
Rowan stares at me like I slapped him.
"You don't mean that."
"I do."
"Winter, please." He reaches for my hand and I pull away.
"I love you. I know you still love me. You wouldn't have stayed with me for two years if you didn't."
The words hit harder than I expect because there's truth in them. I did love him. For a long time, I thought he was everything I wanted. But that was before I knew what it felt like to be with someone who actually saw me.
"I did love you," I say quietly.
"But I don't anymore."
Rowan's jaw tightens. "Is this about Knox?"
I scoff and then laugh.
"God, do you actually hear yourself? This is not about anyone else but YOU. This is about you cheating on me for over a year."
"I ended it with Madeleine. It's over."
"Good for you. But we're still over."
Rowan steps back, his expression shifting from desperate to angry.
"How did Knox find out you were available? Did you go to him?"
"What?"
"Knox. How did he know we broke up? Or that you were even available?"
I don't answer because the truth is complicated and none of his business. Rowan's eyes narrow.
"You went to him? You're the one who approached him about the project?"
He sounds absolutely obsessed at this moment. I can see the rage behind his eyes.
"It doesn't matter how it happened. The point is—"
“—It matters to me!" Rowan shouts.
"He's doing this to hurt me. He hires my ex-girlfriend to work on his biggest project because he knows it'll piss me off."
"You're being paranoid."
"Am I?" Rowan demands.
"Knox has spent his entire life competing with me. Taking things from me. This is just another game to him."
"I'm not a thing to be taken," I snap back.
"That's not what I—" Rowan stops, takes a breath.
"I don’t owe you an explanation for anything that I do, Rowan," I say.
"This is bullshit!” He fires off in one of his extended tantrums.
“You just disappeared. Stopped answering my calls. Blocked my numbers. And then accept a job working for..my brother?" Rowan's voice rises again.
"You betrayed me. You broke my heart. We broke up. End of story."
"It's not the end," Rowan says, his voice dropping to something quieter, more desperate, as he reaches out to me, grabbing my hands and placing them to his chest. He meets my eyes directly, with intent.
"I know you're angry. I know I hurt you. But I can make this right. Just give me a chance."
"No." I say, as I yank my hands away from his grasp.
"Winter—"
"You need to leave," I say firmly. "Now."
Rowan doesn't move. "I'm not giving up on us."
I walk around him and over to my desk, picking up my phone.
"If you don't leave, I'm calling security."
Rowan stares at me for a long moment. Then he shakes his head.
"This isn't over. You can run to my brother, you can take his money, you can pretend you've moved on. But I know you, Winter. I know you still love me."
"You don't know anything about me."
Rowan walks to the door but stops with his hand on the handle.
"He's going to hurt you. Knox doesn't care about anyone but himself. And when he's done using you to get back at me, he'll throw you away."
"Get out," I say, trying to disguise the aching in my voice.
Rowan opens the door and walks out without another word. I stand there shaking, my phone still in my hand, my heart pounding so hard I can hear it. The door closes and I sink into my desk chair.
My hands are trembling. I feel sick to my stomach. I get up and run to the bathroom, kneeling down in front of the toilet as I vomit. I think nothing of it, as the stress plagues me.
***
By 6pm, I'm sitting in a wine bar in the West Village with Kate and Amy. I texted them both the moment Rowan left my office. Emergency meeting. They both showed up within the hour, rearranging their schedules without question.
Kate slides a glass of red wine toward me.
"Start from the beginning."
I take a long drink first. "Rowan showed up at my studio this morning."
Amy's eyes widen. "What?"
"He was waiting in my office. Maya let him up because he told the front desk he was my boyfriend."
"That's insane," Kate says. "What did he want?"
"He found out I'm working on Knox's project. He thinks Knox hired me to get revenge on him."
Kate and Amy exchange a look.
"Is that why Knox hired you?" Amy asks carefully.
"No." I shake my head.
"At least, I don't think so. He hired me because I'm good at what I do."
"And because you used to date his brother," Kate points out.
I don't have a good answer for that.
"What did Rowan say?" Amy asks.
"That he wants me back. That Madeleine meant nothing. That if I just give him another chance, we can fix everything."
Kate's expression hardens.
"Please tell me you told him to fuck off."
"I told him to leave."
"And did he?"
"Eventually." I take another drink.
"But he said it's not over. That he's not giving up."
Amy reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.
"Are you okay?"
I look down at my wine glass.
"I don't know."
"Do you still have feelings for him?" Kate asks.
"No." The answer comes quickly, firmly.
"I don't love him anymore. I haven't for a while."
"Then why do you look so shaken?"
I set down my glass.
"Because seeing him today made me realize how much I've been avoiding dealing with any of this. I left him, blocked his numbers, threw myself into work. But I never actually processed the breakup."
"You don't owe him closure," Amy says.
"I know. But maybe I owe it to myself."
Kate leans forward. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know yet."
We sit in silence for a moment, the ambient noise of the wine bar filling the space between us.
Then Amy asks, "How are things going with the project? With Knox?"
I freeze.
Kate notices immediately. "What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That look. You just got weird when Amy mentioned Knox."
"I didn't get weird."
"You absolutely did," Amy says, eyes narrowing.
"What happened in Naples?"
My face flushes. "Nothing happened."
"Oh my god, something happened," Kate says, sitting up straighter.
"Winter, did you sleep with Knox Sterling?"
I don't answer, which is answer enough.
Both of them gasp.
"Holy shit," Amy breathes.
"It's not—" I start.
"You slept with your ex-boyfriend's brother?" Kate interrupts, eyes wide.
"It's complicated."
"It's very simple, actually," Amy says.
"You slept with Knox Sterling. Rowan's brother. Your current boss."
I drain the rest of my wine.
"Can we not talk about this right now?"
"Absolutely not," Kate says.
"Ohhhh we're definitely talking about this. When did it happen?"
"Naples."
"This past week?"
"Yes."
"Was it just once?" Amy asks.
I hesitate. "No."
Kate laughs in disbelief. "Oh my god. How many times?"
"I'm not answering that."
"More than three?" Amy presses.
I don't respond.
"More than five?" Kate guesses.
Still nothing.
"Winter Hayes, did you spend three days in Naples having sex with Knox Sterling?"
I cover my face with my hands.
"Maybe."
Both of them are grinning now.
"This is insane," Kate says.
"In the best possible way."
"It's not insane. It's a disaster," I correct.
"Rowan doesn't know. No one knows. And if it gets out—"
"Who cares?" Amy interrupts.
"You're not with Rowan anymore. You can sleep with whoever you want."
"It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
Because I don't know what Knox and I are doing. Because we haven't talked about it. Because I'm terrified that Rowan might be right and Knox is just using me..
...But I don't say any of that.
"Are you seeing him again?" Kate asks.
"Knox, I mean."
"I don't know."
"Did he say anything about seeing you again?"
"Well, yes...back at his office."
They both pause and glance at each other.
"Have you?..seen him at his office?"
"No..not yet."
Kate and Amy exchange another look.
"Don't do that," I say.
"Do what?"
"Look at each other like you're worried about me."
"We are worried about you," Amy says gently.
"Rowan showed up at your office. You're sleeping with his brother. This is a lot."
"I know it's a lot."
"Are you okay?" Kate asks again.
I look at both of them sitting across from me—my best friends, the people who've been there through everything.
"No," I admit. "I'm not okay. But I will be."
Kate nods with concern, but then changes her expression to an encouraging smile. Then she raises her glass.
"To new beginnings. And hopefully better judgment."
Amy raises hers. "And to Knox Sterling being as good in bed as he looks."
I laugh despite everything and raise my glass.
"He is."
We drink and the tension eases slightly. But when I return home that night, I'm alone again with my thoughts. I pull out my phone and stare at Knox's name in my contacts.
I should text him. Tell him what happened with Rowan. Warn him that his brother knows about the project.
But I don't. Instead, I set my phone on the nightstand and turn off the light.
Tomorrow, I tell myself. I'll deal with all of this tomorrow.