Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Augustine sat at her desk, focused on her computer.
A Billie Eilish song played in the background, which Augustine hummed in a nearly inaudible voice.
A notification lit up her phone screen; it was Bruno, with a warm, casual message.
It was obvious he expected her to consider his proposal, and he had no intention of letting his declaration grow cold.
She picked up her phone to respond. “Can you see me today? I’m not on campus, but we could meet at the same place last time,” she wrote. A few more exchanges and they had already agreed on the details.
She pulled her Silver Thread three times, and there was Alderian in front of her, his hair combed back neatly, leaving his forehead clear.
“You look very handsome like that,” she complimented him casually.
Alderian smiled at her in gratitude, approaching the desk. “Are you studying?”
“Just organizing my references.” She closed the laptop and turned her chair to look at him head-on.
Alderian took a couple of steps back, and Augustine knew that with that gesture he was putting distance between them.
“I called you last night, but you didn’t come,” she noted.
“I’m sorry, I was fulfilling my duties,” Alderian responded, appearing to have practiced that institutional answer. “I must immerse myself in the waters of Lethe with a certain regularity, and I cannot interrupt that sacred moment.”
“I see… I didn’t intend to interrupt.”
“Is there something you need?” Alderian asked, seeming gently interested.
“I wanted to ask you a favor,” Augustine said, as Alderian listened with interest. “In a little while I’m meeting Bruno… I’d like to go alone, if it’s not a problem.”
Alderian maintained his gentle expression, smiling slightly without blinking. “Sure, it’s no problem. You can call me if anything comes up. Will you go soon?”
“I’m going to get ready and head out. Thanks for understanding.”
Augustine put on a spring dress that emphasized the curves of her body. With a ponytail and just a bit of makeup, she left the house and Alderian behind.
The cafe was almost empty when she entered, and Bruno was already waiting for her.
“I ordered a cappuccino for you… I remember you drank that last time,” he said, smiling nervously. He had taken care with his appearance, and Augustine had to admit he looked very attractive.
“Thank you.”
The conversation at first flowed comfortably and informally, as they knew each other well enough to have common ground. When she was halfway through her coffee, Augustine took a deep breath.
“I wanted to see you to give you my answer,” she began, while Bruno leaned forward, waiting in silence.
“You know? Honestly, it took me by surprise, knowing that you see me differently than you would see a friend. We’ve known each other for many years now, and I could’ve sworn you’d never see me as a woman. ”
“Why would you think that?” Bruno countered.
“It’s true that at first I only saw you as a friend, but feelings don’t have to remain static over time.
We’ve both grown and matured in these years.
I’ve seen the woman you are and I can imagine the woman you will become.
I want to be there to see you and accompany you while that happens. ”
Augustine smiled. “I truly appreciate your feelings for me. I, on the contrary, cannot say that I haven’t seen you as a man. If I’m honest, I had a crush on you when we first met,” she confessed.
Bruno was perplexed by the news. “I didn’t realize—”
“I’m glad. I worked very hard to make it that way,” Augustine softy interrupted. “I've actually thought that you might be a man I could love.”
Bruno tried to reach for her hand, but Augustine withdrew it.
“However, I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now,” Augustine concluded. “I don’t want to hurt you and, above all, I don’t want to lie to you. I’m a mess right now.”
“Let me help you out of that mess,” he pleaded.
“That’s the biggest problem. I don’t want to leave this mess; I want to see how far it can take me,” she explained. “I know what I’m saying makes no sense to you—it doesn’t even make sense to me—but right now, I have no room in my heart for you.”
Bruno weighed her words before responding. “So you say you once had feelings for me… and that I’m a man you could love. Don’t you even want to try? I will make you forget whatever currently prevents you from having a future with me. I know I can make you forget everything.”
Augustine didn’t respond immediately. “Maybe you’re right, Bruno… but I don’t want that to happen. Above all, what I least want is to forget.”
When she got home, she was surprised to see that Alderian was still there.
She turned on the lights and set about making a light dinner, putting the news on the T.V.
while she chopped the vegetables to go in the oven.
Alderian remained silent, and she thought he would continue with that strange attitude he had taken lately, but finally she heard him speak behind her.
“Are you and Bruno a couple now?” he asked in a tone that struggled to sound casual, but that Augustine perceived as forced.
“I thought it was a subject that didn’t interest you,” she said without turning around, concentrating on the scallions.
“It does,” he clarified.
Augustine left the knife on the board and turned around to look at him head-on.
“We aren’t a couple. I rejected him,” she responded bluntly, having no intention of playing tug-of-war with Alderian.
He looked at her for a long time, saying nothing.
“Even now, it seems you have nothing to say. Perhaps my decision has disappointed you? After all, Bruno is a good—”
“Why?” Alderian interrupted her without looking away or responding to her sharp comments. “You liked him before, you could feel something for him again without effort… why did you reject him?”
“You know me well enough to know the answer. Do you really need to ask?”
The tense silence between the two seemed to burn the air.
“Don’t play with me, Augustine,” Alderian warned in a low voice.
“I don’t feel especially playful at the moment,” she said.
The sound of Augustine’s phone interrupted them. It was Ana calling, an old friend she hadn’t seen for some time. She hesitated for a moment before answering, but Alderian turned his back on her before she could say anything else to him.
“Hello!” she said with apparent enthusiasm.
“Hi, Augustine! Are you busy?”
“No, not at all. I was about to eat something. How’s everything going?”
“Great, everything’s phenomenal. By the way, I saw the last video you uploaded; it has so many views! Congratulations.”
“Thanks, every day it’s harder to stay consistent with my posts and I don’t know how to create more ideas. I’m dry.”
She heard Ana laugh on the other end of the line, and they agreed to meet for coffee that same long weekend. Ana wanted Kathy to join them too, just like they’d done when they’d gone to school together. It would be good to have a change of scenery.
She put the phone aside and approached Alderian, who was still turned away from her.
“If you need me to say it, I rejected him because I’m a mess right now…
and, in part, it’s because of you,” she stated.
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m aware you think about my anomaly and our bond in another way, but I am a simple human who wants to stay by your side, even if that means violating the laws of A’aru.
There is no room for anyone else between you and me… not for me, at least.”
Seeing that Alderian kept quiet, she stepped in front of him. His eyes were closed, as if deep in thought, and he no longer wore that mask of indifference that irritated her so much.
“So be it, then,” Alderian declared, opening his eyes and leaning toward Augustine until he was only inches away from her. “It will be just you and me from now on. If you’re a mess, we’ll be a mess together.”