Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
That night, in the early hours of the morning, Alderian returned to A’aru with his mind in total chaos.
Augustine was driving him insane. He had to use every ounce of his willpower not to enter her dreams in that small garden and make her his right then and there.
This desire he felt was like a fire already out of control, and the boundary he himself had drawn was now non-existent.
He reproached himself for his constant vacillation where she was concerned.
After all, what could he offer her? Only punishment and desolation.
He knew it, and yet he wanted to believe her, wanting to believe that Augustine was voluntarily embracing the consequences of what was brewing between them.
Before he realized it, he was standing in front of the bedroom Aldana occupied whenever he incarnated as a human.
Aldana and Augustine were the same person, the same essence, with the difference being that he existed only in Augustine’s world.
He touched the silver doorknob, wondering if Aldana would be upset if she knew he had entered, or if she would think he was a creep.
He turned the handle and crossed the threshold.
An ethereal, immaterial light shone in that empty space.
It felt strange to think that Aldana had slept in that bed and that she had seen her reflection in the mirror of that vanity, which now only reflected him.
He sat down and ran the tips of his fingers over the cold furniture.
Surely, when Aldana was there, this place felt warm and luminous; that was how she was, and that’s how she still is.
Human or A’aruin, to him, it was all the same.
A bundle of papers caught his eye… they appeared to be handwritten letters.
Many years had passed since the last time he had entered this room, leaving him to wonder how long they had been lying there.
He picked up the sheets carefully, feeling a pang of guilt for violating Aldana’s privacy, yet driven by a curiosity that made it impossible to simply walk away.
He read the first line, and his heart skipped a beat.
December 22, 2005
My beloved Alderian:
If you are reading this, perhaps you have felt curious about me. You found my letters because you entered my chamber, which hopefully means you are thinking of me at this very moment.
Thank you. Thank you for remembering me, even if you don’t understand why.
Could it be that you think of me because my desperate desire to reach you has transcended death and Oblivion?
I wish to talk at length with you about so many things, but my time is already ending, and I fear that Oblivion will be implacable this time.
All I can do is leave you these letters that, pointlessly, I wrote for you over these last years, hoping that you somehow understand the pieces of an incomplete puzzle.
If, on the contrary, you have entered my room by mere chance and these letters seem like a strange whim of your companion, I ask you to question yourself and understand why your soul has resonated with me; why your Silver Thread binds you to me.
And remember me from time to time… please, promise me you will try.
Yours forever,
Aldana
His hands were shaking. The unthinkable, the miracle, was right before his eyes.
Had Aldana truly harbored feelings for him?
Was what he had thought for centuries was a unilateral love actually reciprocated?
His heart pounded wildly at the unexpected revelation, wondering if Augustine’s current feelings were a vestige of what Aldana truly felt for him.
He greedily scanned the rest of the papers, which all looked like diary entries, dated between 2004 and 2005, just before Aldana incarnated as Augustine. That meant those letters had been penned during his previous life as a human. He closed his eyes, struggling to steady himself.
“Let’s burn together and leave nothing standing,” he whispered, a savage craving driving him back to Augustine’s side.
She was sleeping, and though his dwindling rational side insisted he should leave her in peace, Aldana’s letters had broken the last lock guarding his sanity. He knew he should not, yet he slipped into her dream.
He found her upon the same bench in the internal garden they had been in at the university, where an ethereal light filled the space with warmth.
Augustine was sitting next to a dream-version of himself, and he felt strangely moved to realize he inhabited even the corners of her unconscious mind without knowing it.
In a second, he was sitting where the imagined version of himself had been, and Augustine looked at him with a sweetness he had never seen before, her vulnerability completely disarming him.
“What would you do if you could touch me?” Augustine’s question was an echo of their earlier conversation.
Alderian felt his heart thumping in his chest, wild and unrestrained. “If I could touch you, perhaps I’d start by caressing your lips like this.”
He brushed the tip of his fingers against Augustine’s parted mouth, feeling the warmth of her breath as he traced her lips.
“If I could touch you,” he continued, whispering against her ear, “I’d surely want to know the taste of your skin.” With his tongue, he grazed her earlobe before pressing a kiss to her neck. “I’d want to savor your scent.”
Moving down to the base of her breasts and burying his face against her skin, he deeply inhaled the intoxicating fragrance of her body. “And above all, I would want to kiss you.”
He gently kissed Augustine’s mole, his lips barely brushing against her skin, before throwing himself onto her lips with urgency, craving to taste her and devour her completely.
He introduced his tongue with a ferocity that Augustine met with equal intensity.
He pulled away briefly, his gaze searching hers, wondering if she was enjoying it as much as he was.
Augustine yanked on his Silver Thread, forcing him into a new kiss that was more savage than the last. He pulled her toward him, seating her astride his groin; Augustine felt the hardness of his desire and pressed against him with a moan of pleasure.
Though he knew she was influenced by her dream state and lacked her usual restraint, he no longer cared.
He wanted to possess her, to drown her in a pleasure that would erase every memory she had ever known.
Without breaking the kiss, he unbuttoned her blouse, revealing the generous breasts he had so longed to caress.
“How exquisite you are, Augustine,” he murmured as his hands greedily traveled over her.
She gasped in ecstasy, arching at his touch, and Alderian took advantage of that shift in position to take her breasts into his mouth, sucking them forcefully.
The sensation was better than he had ever imagined.
In that instant, Augustine’s body began to unravel like a dandelion in the wind until it vanished completely, leaving his arms and his burning body empty.
Augustine had awakened.
* * *
The sound of the alarm insistently claimed her attention.
No! She didn’t want to wake up. If she closed her eyes, could she go back to sleep?
Her racing heart and the heat between her legs betrayed her internal agitation.
God, what an erotic dream. Never in her life had she felt such passion…
and Alderian… How could she look at him now without remembering her burning fantasies?
“Are you awake?”
She startled, hearing him enter her room from the living area. When had he arrived? She covered her face with the sheet, unable to see him without thinking she wanted to feel his lips on her skin again.
“Are you okay, Augustine?” His voice sounded very close. She slowly uncovered herself to find his face only inches from hers.
“You should have left that alarm off. We were interrupted at the best moment,” Alderian said, smiling sensually.
Augustine sat up with a start, staring at him, stunned. “It was you? Was it really you?”
Alderian sat beside her. He was no longer smiling.
“If that alarm hadn’t gone off, I wouldn’t have stopped.
I had every intention of going all the way.
You ask what I would do if I could touch you?
Augustine, if I could touch you, I wouldn’t leave an inch of your body unexplored.
I would make you mine in every way possible so that my scent would be so ingrained in your skin that everyone would know you are mine, now and for all eternity. ”
Augustine held her breath, feeling as though her chest might burst as she finally heard the words she realized she had yearned for from the very beginning.
“But, Augustine, my love,” Alderian continued, and she shivered to hear him use such an affectionate term.
“If you want us to stop here, we still have time. We can always say I entered your dreams without your permission… it was my decision, not yours. However, if you decide to continue, if you feel as I do… then we are at a point of no return. There is no going back. I will go until the end, even if it means turning this world to ash, because I am not surrendering to a tragic fate, nor will I let anyone hurt you.”
Alderian held her gaze without a hint of doubt. He was serious, and Augustine smiled, satisfied.
“There is something you do not understand, Alderian,” she whispered.
“I want you to become so obsessed with me that there is room for nothing in your thoughts but my name… I want to see you lose your mind, to look only at me. There is only one choice you must make today: to want me so intensely that you are no longer able to master yourself. I do not want your self-control… I want your fire.”
Alderian’s eyes flared with a golden glow, and he leaned in slowly, like a hunting animal. “What are you saying?” he asked, his voice sounding like a sweet, dangerous purr. “Can’t you see you already have me like that?”