Chapter Fifteen
Sadie could hear Ellen and Ruby in the sitting room, but she couldn’t face them right then. She couldn’t put on a happy face when that was not what she was feeling. Surprised by her own reaction, she ran straight upstairs to her bedroom, almost slamming her door shut behind her.
Rushing toward her window, she ripped open the sheer curtains and opened it. She took several deep gulps of fresh air, but that did nothing to cool her heated face.
What in the world had just happened there?
Most importantly, why was she feeling like this? Now that she was alone in her room, the tears were falling freely. But why?
It was as if he’d betrayed her somehow. Betrayal? Sadie didn’t understand it.
Sam had been right in that they had an agreement. They’d never strayed from that. But why had it hurt so much when he’d talked about his first wife—bless her heart—and his need for justice? The way he’d talked about it…
All I want is revenge for our family!
The way he’d said it implied that Sadie was not even part of this new family. He considered his first wife, Ruby, and himself family, but not Sadie. She was just a means to an end, a stepping stone. It stung.
She walked over to her bed and plopped down on the edge of it.
Her brain conjured up the image of Sam combing his strong hand through his long, dark hair, and then the way he’d put his Stetson back on, looking at her with his mesmerizing blue eyes from just below the rim.
Lately, more often than not, he’d smile at her, which always made her heart race.
Just thinking about it now made her heart drum against her ribcage as if she’d wrestled a bull.
And then Sadie finally realized why it was so hurtful.
This whole time, she’d been under the impression that there was a spark between them. That something very tender was slowly growing between her and Sam.
Sadie had liked Sam from the first day they’d met. She’d dismissed any bumps along the way as growing pains, while they were getting to know each other.
Whenever he’d shown her his protective side and even his tenderness toward Ruby had somehow awoken something deep inside Sadie.
Something she hadn’t been able to name or put her finger on.
She’d accepted the goosebumps and tingles as ‘liking him’.
Now, she realized that her infatuation had grown into something more substantial, though she didn’t think it was love. Not yet.
However, he clearly didn’t feel the same about her. While she was slowly and steadily falling for this man, Sam was only thinking about his first wife and about getting revenge for her and them. Sadie wasn’t even a consideration.
That was the part that hurt.
Sadie let herself fall backward and covered her eyes with her forearm. She didn’t want to cry anymore, but the tears kept falling.
“Dear God! Why did You send this man to me?” she asked into the empty room. “He doesn’t even believe in You! Or worse, he blames You for what happened to his wife! What am I supposed to do now?”
Sadie stayed on her bed for a long time, trying to come up with a solution.
At some point, the room had cooled down so much that she had to close the window. It was also much darker. Had she fallen asleep without noticing it?
Sitting up, Sadie wondered if she’d missed dinner.
Looking at the clock on the mantel, they had probably just finished.
She debated whether she should go downstairs to get something to eat, but she wasn’t hungry.
She still felt deflated and sad, so just for tonight, she decided to stay in her room and go through it.
Sadie got up, closed the curtains, put some more logs onto the small fire and lit an oil lamp.
Then, she started to take the pins out of her hair and untied the bun at her nape. Running through her long tresses with a soft brush grounded her and made her feel a little better. She brushed her hair until it fell all the way down to her waist in thick glossy waves.
Tomorrow would be another day and she would rise bright and early with renewed vigor and…
There was a knock on her door.
“Sadie? Are you in there?” Sam’s quiet voice sounded from the other side.
Sadie froze mid-brush. She hadn’t expected anybody to come to her.
“Sadie? Please open the door,” Sam pleaded gently. “Are you all right in there?”
No. She didn’t want to open the door, and she wasn’t all right.
Sam knocked again.
Sadie finally gave in, hastily wiping her face to remove any remnants of her tears. Then she rushed toward the door, though she wasn’t ready to open it yet.
“Tell me you are all right, or I’ll have to come in there to make sure…” Sam said a little more firmly, so Sadie sighed heavily and pulled the door open.
Sam was holding a tray with food. His jaw fell open when he saw her. The way he looked at her right in that moment made her heart race. It almost made Sadie mad.
They stood quietly for a brief moment. Sadie didn’t know what to say and Sam just stared at her, though his eyes seemed soft. He finally cleared his throat.
“You didn’t show up for dinner,” he said, holding up the tray. “So, I brought you some.”
“I wasn’t hungry,” Sadie replied, trying to sound nonchalantly, but her stomach betrayed her the second a delicious scent wafted into her nose—releasing a loud bubbling growl. Sam’s mouth twitched.
“I guess you are now,” he said. “May I come in?”
Sadie hesitated. This was her personal space and she’d never had a man come into her bedroom before. The fact that Sam wasn’t just any man but her husband wasn’t lost on her. She slowly stepped aside to let him in.
He slowly walked inside and started to look for a place to put the tray down. Sadie hastily closed the door and rushed to the small table near the fireplace to remove a couple of books to make space. He put the tray down and paused.
“I need to apologize again, don’t I?” he said quietly. When Sadie didn’t answer, he slowly turned around to her. “I’m truly sorry if I spoke harshly. I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings about why I’m here.” Sadie looked up at him, then turned and walked back to the vanity.
“There are no misunderstandings, Sam,” Sadie replied as she sat back down, picking up her brush again. She needed to keep her hands busy, so he wouldn’t see them trembling. “You explained everything perfectly.” She hoped he wouldn’t hear the bitterness in her voice.
His reflection appeared right behind Sadie and it almost startled her. His eyes were very intense when he looked at hers in the mirror.
“No, I didn’t,” he said quietly. Sadie grew still.
“Before I met you, all I could think about was to get my revenge. My guilt drove me to do right by Elizabeth. For our daughter. Because it was my duty to try and find those men… It became an obsession.” He released a shuddering breath.
“I’m not proud of it. It clouded my judgement many times and changed me as a man.
I used to be someone who looked after an entire community and I want to be that man again.
” He averted his gaze. He clearly needed to collect his thoughts.
“But there is another reason why I want that,” he continued, his eyes once again firmly locked on hers. “I need to protect you. Our arrangement… It doesn’t…”
Sadie watched him struggle to find the right words, but she gave him the time to do so. She felt that this was important, and if she wanted to truly understand him, she needed to listen to what he was trying to say.
“Even though we agreed to marry only on paper,” he finally said, “it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” He stepped closer behind her and gently put his hands on both of her shoulders. “Because I do.”
He gently touched her soft tresses and for a moment time stood still as he slowly let the waves glide through his fingers. Sadie held her breath. Her entire body was covered in goosebumps, and her stomach fluttered at his tender touch.
“I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you,” Sam said with slightly more strength in his voice. “I need to protect you and your ranch. Not because of our contract,” he added. “Because of you. I want to make sure you are all right.”
“God protects me,” she replied softly, before she could stop herself.
His fingers froze. Sam released a deep sigh and slowly pulled away.
The sudden loss of their connection was palpable and Sadie nearly panicked.
She spun around to him, got up and rushed toward him, grabbing his hand with both of hers.
She didn’t really know what to do next, but when she saw the warm glow in Sam’s eyes, she calmed down a little. In fact, it emboldened her.
“He does,” Sadie said tentatively. “He’s always been there for me.
He’s the one that gave me strength when my parents died.
I would have been so lost without God. I know you don’t…
believe in Him,” Sadie could barely say it out loud, “but I can assure you that He still loves and watches over you and Ruby.”
Sam’s jaw muscles visibly tensed. He put his free large hand over both of hers and held her there as he studied her face.
“I prefer taking matters into my own hands to make sure that you are safe,” Sam whispered. “If you want, you can call it double the protection. Either way, I’ll make sure my wife and my daughter are safe.” A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth and Sadie couldn’t help but reciprocate it.
He’d included her again. Even though she didn’t want to read too much into it, warmth spread inside her chest.
“It’s getting late,” he said. “I should go.”
“Thank you for coming here and talking to me about it so openly,” Sadie replied. “I appreciate all your efforts.”
Sadie expected Sam to turn around and leave, but that’s not what he did.
They were still holding hands when he raised the one on the top and gently pushed her hair behind her ear, letting the tip of his fingers sit just below her earlobe for a second.
Sadie forgot to breathe when his fingertip slid down her jawline to right below her chin, lifting it slightly.
Sam looked deep into her eyes, then leaned closer and brushed his lips over hers in a whisper-soft kiss.
“I appreciate you, too,” Sam told her with a raspy voice. “Good night, Sadie.”
The door closed behind him before Sadie knew what was happening.