Chapter 36
Lily
Brady reached for me the second I climbed into his bed and pulled me toward him, immediately snuggling me against his chest. My head nestled in the spot just below his neck, my arm wrapped around his stomach, and our breathing matched as the quietness of the room took hold.
It was just us and the fireplace across from us, the gas spitting off a dull white noise.
But it felt like there was so much more happening inside this room. It felt like there were a thousand people in here, all screaming, David, at the same time.
We’d gotten home from Bangkok yesterday and not left his house since. We could probably use the excuse that we were getting reacclimated to the time zone, battling jet lag, and resting up before we had to leave for Edinburgh in a few days.
But I was positive that wasn’t the case for either of us.
Especially because Brady had made it clear that he wasn’t comfortable with me going to his Beverly Hills hotel to grab what I would need for our next trip. He said his assistant would go for me and bring anything I requested.
I’d become a prisoner again because of David.
But this time, Brady was too.
Not just in the physical sense, but mentally as well.
From the moment I’d stepped on the plane in Bangkok, David was all I’d thought about. My brain an endless maze of questions and worry.
Why was this man trying to destroy everything I cared about?
What would it take for him to stop?
Leaving Brady?
Having to make that impossibly painful decision just to save whoever he planned to victimize next?
Maybe that was what I needed to do.
Maybe this had to be on me, not Brady, even though he’d insisted he was taking care of things.
“How far are you inside your head right now?” he asked.
His voice was like a blade, cutting through the semi-silence, the point startling me enough that I jumped.
I was so far into my head that I hadn’t realized I’d been rubbing his chest or that my breath was coming out in pants or that my entire body had tightened into a ball.
I tilted my neck back to glance up at his face. “Clearly, you’re seeing straight through me.”
“I’ve been doing just as much thinking.” He brushed some hair off my forehead. “On the flight, since we’ve been home—he’s the only thing I can focus on.”
“Same.” Lying down no longer felt like the right position, so I sat next to him, crossing my legs in front of me. “Everything aches, Brady. Everything is so …” My voice trailed off as I thought of a more accurate description. What I was experiencing was deeper than an ache. It was a heaviness that lived directly above my heart, a weight that wouldn’t lift. That made it hard to breathe. That sent tears shooting into my eyes. “So fucked up,” I finished. I wiggled my fingers, trying to move the numbness out of them. “Something has to give. Something has to be sacrificed. It’s the only way he’ll stop. And it has to be me?—”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about,” he said, cutting me off, his hand going to my leg at the same time. “Normally, I’d just make the decision and do whatever the fuck I wanted. But having you in my life, I can’t do that. Your opinion matters, certainly when it comes to this.” He sat up a bit higher, reclining against the headboard behind him.
“What are you saying?”
He reached toward his nightstand and grabbed his phone, tapping the screen multiple times before he faced it toward me. “I haven’t told you everything.”
I took the cell from his hands, the screen showing a text box with David’s name at the top. “You’ve been texting him?”
“For a while.” He nodded toward the phone. “He reached out to me first, and it’s been ongoing. Read what he’s sent.”
For … a while?
And he hadn’t told me?
There was an instant narrowness in my chest as I scrolled to the very top, when the first message from David had been sent, and I read their exchanges. Words full of hate. Anger. Accusations. And there were multiple messages a day.
I reached the section where David spoke about hurting Diesel, and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
How did I ever live with that man? How did I give my body and heart to him?
How did I trust him?
He had been a monster when I was with him, but this person—this level that he’d reached—was worse than when he’d beaten up Preston. This was a revengeful, immoral, despicable human.
It was like every day that had passed fueled him a bit more.
Until he became this. Someone willing to do anything and everything to get what he wanted regardless of what that meant and who and what he destroyed in the process.
His texts, the ones he’d sent over the last couple of days, made it clear that Brady had a choice.
He could either give me up and the pain and ruin would be over or David would continue this path of wreckage.
I knew how Brady felt about me. I knew how much he loved me.
I felt the same.
But I couldn’t put this choice on him. It wasn’t fair that he had to make this type of decision, putting his home and business and family at risk.
David was my problem, not his.
Therefore, I had to make the decision for him.
“Brady …” The phone dropped from my hands, as I no longer had the strength to hold it. “I?—”
“There’s only one way to end this,” he said, once again trumping my thoughts with his. “Since I can’t predict how he’s going to strike, I need to prevent him from even trying.”
I nodded. “I know.” I unraveled my legs, bent my knees, and pulled them against my chest, holding them as I rocked. “Damn it, I know.”
“I have a solution. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
I couldn’t believe we’d reached this place.
I’d thought Brady would be the man I would marry.
I’d thought he’d be the father of my children.
My happily ever after.
But David had ruined that.
He was taking that happiness away from me.
Because he couldn’t have me.
And he was forcing me to make this decision.
“Before you say anything, I need to get this out.” I kept the emotion in my chest, not letting it travel to my throat or as high as my eyes. I needed to stay as strong as possible or I’d never get through this.
“When I left David, when I realized what that meant and what that was going to look like, I knew my life would never be the same. Just like when I lost my parents, things would always be different for me, and it’s something I’ve accepted.” The rocking made my stomach feel worse, so I let each knee fall to the side, pressing my feet together and wrapping my fingers around them.
“I’ve learned to find happiness in the little moments. Things that most people wouldn’t even recognize, and that’s why I know we’ll be okay—why both of us will be … okay.”
My memory took me back to all the sunsets I’d watched from the windows of my hotel rooms, walking through lobbies to hear the laughter and chatter from other guests so I wouldn’t feel so alone.
“I don’t want to do this—oh God, I don’t, Brady. I can’t even imagine my life without you, but there’s no other choice?—”
“Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. It’s not happening.” He pushed himself forward, holding my face. “Do you hear me? It’s not happening.”
“Brady—”
“David isn’t going to come between us. It’s not what you want, and it’s sure as fuck not what I want.”
I could no longer stop the tears. My strength to keep them in my eyes was gone.
This was just too much.
Because this wasn’t the first time we’d had a conversation like this, when he’d told me that David wasn’t going to get in the middle of us.
Yet here we were.
Again.
And now, it was even worse.
“H-his texts,” I cried, knowing what I was going to have to tell Brady and knowing how much it was going to hurt. And knowing this would be one of the last conversations we’d ever have. “He wants y-you to make a choice.”
“And I have.”
I searched his eyes for what he wasn’t telling me.
But before I could really look deep, he was reaching into his nightstand again, this time returning with a black business card. On it, written in white ink, was what looked like a phone number.
“This is the man who’s going to make David stop.”
I glanced from the number to Brady and back, several times, waiting for the meaning behind those words to hit me. “What are you saying?”
He took the card from me and held my palms together, surrounding the backs of my hands while our gazes were fixed. “David gave me an ultimatum. But I’m not giving you up, and I’m not letting him hurt anyone or anything I care about. I’m taking back the control. I’m putting a fucking end to this.”
What?
How?
And then it hit me.
Not like a slap. Not even like a punch to the nose.
This was ammunition that shot straight between my eyes.
“You’re telling me that man, the one whose number is on the card, is going to …” I couldn’t even say the words. They wouldn’t come out of my mouth.
“Yes, Lily. That man is going to kill David.”
I couldn’t move.
My head wouldn’t even nod or shake.
That was how frozen I was.
And when I blinked, nothing came out of my eyes. Not a single drip. Even those had halted.
The only thing that was happening within me was his statement repeating over and over in my head.
Like the record was skipping.
Like my finger was slamming on the rewind button.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight,” he said. “That’s why I told you I would normally just make the decision, but I can’t do that to you. I need you to be a part of it.”
I tried to pull in enough air to say, “Do you understand what just came out of your mouth? What you’re saying?” I tried to swallow. I tried to stop the screaming inside my body. “You want me to just be able to say yes? We’re talking about a person’s life!”
“A person who’s trying to destroy us, Lily. The person who’s not going to give up until he gets what he wants. I’ll say it a hundred more times if I have to—I’m not going to let that happen.”
“So, you’re just going to kill—” I put my hand on my throat. “I can’t even voice it out loud. I think I’m going to be sick …”
“Listen to me.” His hands moved to my knees as he knelt in front of me. “You don’t have to make the decision. That’s on me. I just need you to be aware of it. I need you to know why I’m doing it. I need you to be able to look me in the eyes and know I’m doing this for us. Because, so help me God, if that motherfucker ever lays a finger on you, I will never forgive myself.” His voice was beginning to get deeper, rougher, louder.
How could he say this to me?
How could I even give him an answer?
How could I make a decision this large?
A decision that would affect someone’s life.
Even if he’d hurt me. Even if he’d made things hell for me. Even if he was the worst person in the world.
I swallowed, the lump so large that my throat was on fire. “I can’t …”
“You can’t what?”
“I can’t tell you to do it.”
His light-blue eyes were pleading with mine.
“I can’t have that on me.”
“Baby …” He pulled me into his arms and held me, using an unforgiving strength. One that I needed. “This isn’t on you. You don’t have to say anything.”
I was trying to piece this all together. What it would feel like to live without the constant fear of David. Where I wouldn’t have to worry about him hurting Brady or anyone else. Where we wouldn’t need security. Where I could live a life without having to be shadowed. Where I could walk into Brady’s plane and not wonder if David was hiding somewhere inside. Where I wouldn’t have to wonder what he was going to do next.
That was what I wanted and why I was going to end things with Brady.
But this … this wasn’t my plan.
This was unfathomable.
“Listen to me.” He pulled back so I could look into his eyes. “What I need to know is, if I call the person whose number is on that card, will you still love me?” His hands moved to the back of my neck, his thumbs pressed against the sides of my mouth, his eyes locked with mine.
He would do that for us.
For my protection.
For our safety.
So the two of us could start living in a way we deserved.
But, oh God, I knew what that meant.
I knew what that decision would ultimately do.
Could I live with that?
Could I stop it from eating at me?
Could I sleep at night, knowing I was a part of this?
But didn’t I deserve peace?
Love?
Freedom?
“Brady …” My head would have dropped if he wasn’t holding it. My stomach was rattling, churning, the emotion moving through me in steady bolts rather than sporadic waves.
“Will you be able to look at me as the man who protected you and not the man who had your ex-boyfriend killed?”
Brady was the first boyfriend I’d ever had who considered my feelings.
He was the first boyfriend who valued me, who cared what I thought of him, who showed that my feelings mattered.
I wasn’t just a piece of arm candy to him. I wasn’t someone he wanted to possess.
He was giving me a voice, and he was telling me to use it.
My eyes closed, and the wetness on my lids ran down my cheeks.
My heart throbbed.
My hands shook as they clung together, fingers knotted.
I knew … I knew David wouldn’t stop. I knew his fearlessness would take things to a point where someone would eventually die. An innocent bystander David murdered just to get back at Brady.
I couldn’t let that happen.
I wouldn’t let that guilt be on me.
My eyes opened, my lips purging, “I love you.”
“Lily, I need you to answer me.”
I couldn’t tell him to do it. I couldn’t give that order and live with myself. So, I nodded and whispered, “Yes,” before I collapsed in his arms.